A/N: I've had this for a long while, so I decided to post it. This is just a side thing - no biggie - and will most likely be treated as such until I gain interest in it. As of right now, I'm tossing chapter two and redoing the plot. Still, enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Stand Or Fall
Chapter One: Return
Defeat never comes to any man until he admits it. - Joseph Daniels
Mishap. A horrible mishap. That's what this was. His fingers gripped the rough edge of rock tightly. His back was inches away from the wall of stone. Perhaps this hadn't been his best idea after all. Some genius. It was all a little ridiculous when he looked back on it. His mouth twisted into a smirk as he thought of the sheer brilliance of trying to climb his way out of that hell hole. But his gut turned as he considered going back. He couldn't handle himself in there. And worse, he knew that he couldn't.
But there was a light overhead. It was distant and grey, but he had never felt a yearning for anything like he did for it. That sight was like air. He couldn't say no to it. He couldn't whisper a goodbye and abandon it. That simply wasn't an option. How long had it taken him to dig this, even using jutsu? How long had he waited? A little uncomfortable tingle, a little sense of danger; was that all it was going to take to make him turn tail and run? No.
He clawed his way up, pushing chakra into his hands and feet in an attempt to better balance himself in his rush. Once he had covered about half the distance to the surface, exhaustion hit. He leaned his upper body back against the underground ledge behind him as he fought for breath. He felt dizzy. He felt joy. Freedom was a mere 250 yards from him. Even on his worst days that distance was nothing.
They had been foolish to think that they could ever keep him. Hinder him, yes. Torture him, yes. But there was only so much you could do to a man who had let you capture him. They had never stood a chance. As soon as there had been less than a dozen guards, there was no stopping him.
He was going home.
He trudged his way through mud and rubble, cinder and brink, forest and grass. He was so weak and so relieved when he finally saw those familiar gates that he almost fell to his knees. He had made it.
Getting in was a bit more difficult. Security had definitely tightened, and there was really no way that they would believe him. His most precious possession was lost. Unfortunately, it had also served as a sure fire way to identify him. Without it, how could he possibly claim the name that he bore? His face was sunken and dirty - not that they would be able to recognize him by that anyway - and even his hair was slack and covered with black soot.
His fingers held his brown trench coat closed, gripping it close to his body. "You have to believe me," he said softly, not bothered at all at the fact that he sounded like a rogue, a fake.
"How dare you take the name of a dead hero!" cried a young guard. He was young. His eyes still sparkled with youthful innocence.
"Forgive me, I meant no offense." He didn't really know what he was apologizing for. Perhaps it was for the pure happiness burning in his chest. Perhaps it was for falling short of expectations, for failing his reputation and name.
But then the youth struck out at him, and he couldn't help his immediate defense. Without even realizing what he was doing, he struck back. The boy lay on his knees gasping for air. He choked and spluttered blood. The platoon rose up, their faces marked by outrage, and he felt a stab of pain. It was time to run.
Of course they didn't catch him. Even after five years of absence he knew this land better than they ever could. Eventually they were forced to return back to the village. He was a little proud. He really hadn't lost his touch. But they couldn't have been above Chunin. Times were rough after all.
He was forced to resort to sneaking his way in. It wasn't easy, but using an abandoned prison he was able to get a start. After finding guards even there, he went lower. Using the sewer, it was only a matter of time before he reached the inner circle of Konoha. He was enraged that someone could so easily break in. Who was in charge? Whoever they were, they were going to get an earful. He could still give one hell of a lecture.
He came up in the plumbing system and worked his way into the streets. He was lucky that it was a time of war, otherwise he may not have been able to pass as a homeless civilian. But many people were filthy here, so it worked to his great advantage.
His body started to tremble with pent up emotion and he leaned against a building for support. He had fought and studied and manipulated for five years. Perhaps he was more dangerous now than he had been when he left. It was very likely. But first he had to recover before he could claim anything. He watched the people bustling about the streets. Most wore neutral or dusty clothes. They held bandages or comrades or little broken possessions. There were flashes of color. Purple here, blue there. Yellow here, pink there. Wait, pink. Pink. "Sakura!"
The head whipped around, emerald eyes searching. He rushed forward, moving as swiftly as a ghost among the crowd. He popped up in front of her, his head bent down as he peered into her eyes, studying her face. He couldn't hide the goofy grin toying with his lips. He laughed softly.
"Can I help you?" she asked, looking over him. She didn't seem to find anything strange about his appearance; his dirty rags, his obvious partial insanity, his looming figure, the blood soaked cloth bound to his head covering one of his eyes.
He shook his head no but said, "Yes." He sighed through his smile. "You grew up so beautifully."
"Should I know you?"
He chuckled.
"Do I know you?"
He nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, very well."
"What's your name?"
"I'm -" His throat constricted. "I...I'm..."
She smiled at him skeptically and touched his shoulder. "It's okay."
If she had been anyone else he would have shrugged her off in frustration. He frowned. "Can you take me to the Hokage?"
She looked at him strangely. "He's very busy."
So Naruto had made it. "I think he'll make an exception." He noticed how raspy and high his voice was, not at all like his own. "Please," he said gently. "It's important."
"Are you a shinobi?"
He paused. "I was."
"So you're retired?"
"Sort of. Sakura, I really don't have time to be -"
"Well the Hokage doesn't have for you, and neither do I."
She turned to walk away from him, but he dragged her back by her shoulder. It was desperation. "No, Sakura, please!"
"Who are you?"
"Someone who loves you and Naruto and this village more than anything else in the world. If you could just tell me where Naruto is -"
"Hokage-sama."
"What?"
"Only close friends can call him Naruto."
He released her. "Fine. I'll find him on my own. Don't be surprised if you get summoned."
She snorted. "You think I'll get punishment for this?"
He felt his expression soften. "No."
She stared at him for a few seconds and then took hold of his sleeve. She tugged him through the streets. He stiffened. "Where are we going?"
"If you're going to see Naruto then you're at least taking a bath first. You stink."
He grinned. "Thanks."
Sakura glanced back at him once before her eyes turned back to the path in front of her. "You remind me of someone," she whispered. Her spare arm wrapped around her stomach. "He died a long time ago though."
"Sakura, I -"
"That's the only reason I'm doing this!" she said sharply.
"I understand," he mumbled, his chest searing with a dull ache. Had he caused them to suffer so much? Did his very presence cause her pain now? He swore that it was nonsense, but then he remembered how he had felt when the Yondaime had fallen. It was such a dramatic, dark time of his life. Thinking on it, he couldn't blame her. He hadn't been able to so much as look at Naruto for the first month of his life. It had hurt too much.
She left him in the bath house, going over to the women's bath. He watched her leave. After a few minutes of standing there dumbfounded and mindless, he followed her. He had to let her know. She would hate him if he didn't.
He dropped his coat in the dressing room, tossing it on the floor carelessly. He sincerely didn't care. The only thing he honestly cared about in that moment was telling Sakura who he was. He had waited too long for their reunion to be so cold, so tainted. He wouldn't allow it.
Steam rose up around him, but he found her almost instantly. There was no one else there. She was kneeling down, her knees together and her hands clamped down on the towel wrapped around her body. Her hair was a bit longer than he remembered, the pink tresses brushing against her shoulders, and she was paler. She looked almost delicate, and he couldn't help feeling a longing for her. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to comfort her. He wanted to be the one to take that horrible expression off of her face.
He approached her slowly, quietly. He watched her eyes, her lifeless, distant eyes. His muscles quivered with the desire to run. This was taking too long. His feet stumbled under him. His body wasn't used to this emotion. It made him feel helpless, unstable. She turned towards him, startled by the noise. Her eyes came back to life, rage simmering along the surface. It was almost malicious.
He lowered himself to her side, never breaking eye contact lest she decide to take his head off. He knew this was bold - so bold - but he also knew that she would forgive him. She had to.
"What do you want?" she growled.
His lips pressed together. He still couldn't say it. His very being wouldn't allow it. His gaze turned to the water, his mind reeling. Would it hurt her? Would she hate him? Perhaps, but he owed it to her. She had gained his respect and that alone was reason enough.
"I want...to tell you something...but I can't and it's killing me."
"What do you mean?" She was clutching her small towel to her form tightly in an attempt to preserve some form of her modesty.
He glanced at her and sighed. Then, turning back to the water, dipped his head in its murky warmth. He felt the stinging on his eye, but he ignored it and scrubbed his face and hair clean. He did so thoroughly, to the point that when he came back up he was breathless.
Sakura waited for him with measured patience. She noticed that he was a good-looking man, enough to catch your attention. She seemed morbidly curious.
He decided to take advantage of that. "I understand why you don't think that you know me." His voice was beginning to sound smoother, deeper, more normal. "I wouldn't expect you to. It's my fault that you don't."
"What are you going on about?"
He stared intensely into her eyes. "Try to understand."
"Why can't you just tell me?"
"Because it's not that simple! I wish it was, but it just isn't. I can't tell you." He ran both hands over his face. "But maybe I can help you."
"Hm?"
He pulled the collar of his black shirt up over his face, covering his nose down. "Familiar? Please tell me you haven't forgotten."
Sakura's lips parted slightly and her precautious balance slipped. She fell into the water. His hands flashed out to catch her, but he only managed to keep her chest and higher out of the water. Her eyes never left him and her hands were fists against her breast. Her lips shaped his name, but she seemed to be as incapable of speaking it as he was.
He nodded and pulled her closer to him. He sat on the edge of rock lining the spring. His caves and feet were drowned in the water, but the rest of him was dry - apart from his collar which was noticeably damp. "Sakura, breathe," he ordered gently, said collar falling back into place.
"I thought you were dead," she choked.
"Apparently everyone does." He took a strand of her hair and twirled it around his finger. "So beautiful," he whispered.
Sakura's hand touched her lips. When her mouth twisted in a cry, she pressed her palm to it. Her eyes glistened. She gasped. "Don't be lying. Oh, God, don't be lying."
"When have I ever lied to you?" He touched her cheek. "Sakura, I swear that this is the truth."
She touched the edge of his hair with one hand and used the other to trace the lines of his jaw, his eye, his lips. He closed his eye and let her, relishing in the feeling of her gentle touch. It was so easy, so safe, so pleasing. He said her name softly. Again. Caressed it. She was so close to him, the tip of her nose touching his chin. It was heaven. He had never felt such a pure joy, such unbound, silly happiness. But what did she feel?
"I'm so sorry," he said softly, his voice agonized.
"What for?" she asked brokenly.
"For being so stupid," he answered, his lips brushing her cheek. "For hurting you so much. If I could take it back you know I would."
"I know, I know. You don't have to say it."
"I want to," he insisted. "It's the least I can do to repent. I know you'll never forgive me, but -"
"Shh," she hushed. "Kakashi, don't. Please don't."
"Don't what?" He wanted to see her face, but his body wouldn't pull away enough for him to catch a so much as a glimpse.
"Take all the blame. You've always done that, and it always hurts you. Not this time."
"But Sakura, I am to blame."
"Shut up."
He kissed her forehead. "You're too kind to me."
She clung to his shoulders as the sobs began to rack her body, to tear her chest and make her heart bleed. Kakashi held her in a tender embrace, careful to tame the laughter of delight that bubbled in his throat. It was senseless and inappropriate, but he couldn't help it. To hold her in his arms, to feel her breath upon his skin, and hear her voice in her cries left him dizzy. It was so impossible. No one should ever be allowed to be this happy. It was like his heart's mischief. It was wild. It was madness.
Her head pulled away from him and her hands gripped his face. "How dare you? You idiot."
"What?"
Her eyes glazed over with tears. There were so many feelings buried in her. Distress, anger, joy. It left her weak. He was here, alive and real, and she could touch him and speak to him. He wasn't a ghost in the back of her mind, a pain she avoided. Did he know that? Did he realize the desperate happiness burning in her soul? She crushed her mouth to his, and he let her, his touch still gentle and unrestraining. It was short, and soon she had her head again tucked under his chin. She didn't want him to see her. Not this way. Not broken. "I've missed you so much," she rasped, her voice hollow and shaking.
He kissed the top of her head. "I know," he said deeply. "I've missed you too - more than you'll ever know." He sighed. "I should go bathe. I really do need to speak to Naruto."
She nodded. "Yes, I know. Of course."
They met back up outside of the bath house, and Sakura couldn't help herself. It was silly perhaps, but she studied his face and his eye and his expressions like she was waiting for him to dissolve before her eyes, to prove that he was nothing but a dream, a hallucination, an imagining send torture her. He was patient with her, petting her when it seemed she needed it and reassuring her when he thought it appropriate. She looked so fragile.
The air was warm and the breeze felt nice in his wet hair. It felt so peaceful here in this chaos. But the guilt was ripping at him. Kakashi had purposely made himself prisoner before, multiple times in fact, but it had never lasted longer than four months. Minato had been furious, but it had stopped the war. This time he had went in knowing fully well that he wouldn't be stopping this war, but he had never considered the length of time that he would be held captive, or the fact that they would consider him dead, or that his small plan would cause so much unintended pain. It was unfair to all the people he had unknowingly involved, and he could feel their despair and their anger as keenly as if it were his own.
He held Sakura to his side as they made their way to Konoha's newest Hokage. He had to be touching her constantly. If he didn't, he wasn't sure what the madness would bring.
He had so many questions, and so many more answers it seemed. He wondered how Naruto would take it, his return. And more so he wondered if the shock of seeing him would effect him as strongly as Sakura had. Probably not. His emotions were already calming and his exhaustion was draining what little energy he had left. It took effort to simply smile now.
Sakura was leading him towards the safety vaults in the Hokage mountain. He was stunned that they had been forced to take things so far. Had the enemies invaded the village during the course of the war? Who had died forcing them out? Who was left? It wasn't a mystery, it was an anxiety.
Sakura's presence helped, of course, in getting through security. As they passed, Kakashi wondered how long it would be before those very same guards would know who he was, his name, his history. Would the knowledge bring a boost of morale, or would it bring hate, a sense of betrayal among comrades? He had always been one to handle pressure well. He never wavered. But he had also never been one to doubt himself. Confidence had been born in him. Pride, honor - things he had ruled inside of himself effortlessly.
His thoughts were broken by Sakura. She shook him, and when he looked down at her face he saw traces of fear. He wondered what expression was he must have been wearing to bring about such feelings. He took a deep breath and smiled tenderly. "Are you ready?"
She nodded and pointed down a long hallway. More guards stood outside of the doors, only these weren't guards. They were Anbu. Kakashi saw the scars over their skin. They each wore masks and their left arms were marked by ink-black tattoos. All apart from one, one who bore a crimson stain. He was a captain. Kakashi had once worn that same mark.
"That's where he is?"
"Yes," she answered softly, "but it looks like he's in the middle of a briefing. We should wait."
Kakashi looked at her strangely. She shot him a questioning look back, but he ignored it. He rolled his shoulders back and smirked at her. "Bet I could make it in there without you."
Her fingers clenched around his arm painfully. "Don't you dare."
He laughed. "And why not?"
"You'll get hurt! Naruto's been stressed lately. He's tense. If you bust your way in there he'd probably end up attacking you."
Kakashi touched his lips to her cheek. "How strong as he gotten?"
She closed her eyes and leaned closer to him. "Very."
He smiled. "Good, good." He kissed her temple. "But I've lost a lot of my old patience, Sakura. I want to see him. And I need to know what's happened since I've been gone. I know that you would be a fine source of information, but it seems like you try to take yourself out of important knowledge and that's of now use to me."
They had been being observed for a while now but none of the Anbu seemed concerned. It was Sakura after all, and Kakashi doubted that she would ever let Naruto go through this completely alone. She must have been down here often. He turned towards the assembled squad, pulling Sakura with him as he walked towards the door. "Gentlemen," he greeted with a nod when they got close enough. But as he reached for the door one of them blocked his way. He sighed. "Move."
"The Hokage is currently busy. You'll have to wait."
Kakashi smiled slyly in annoyance. "No."
"Sir, only specific people are allowed to interrupt -"
"I'm sure I'm on that list."
The Anbu didn't seem to like him much. "And who are -"
The door flew open. The entirety of the entrance was blocked by yet another Anbu, but this one was different and familiar with tanned skin and dark hair. The Anbu removed his mask - which was strictly against the rules in the presence of unknown persons - and took a deep breath. Kakashi knew who it was immediately, and he couldn't help but smile at his good fortune. The man had certainly grown, however, with defined, masculine features and sharp eyes. His brows pulled together in confusion and disbelief. "No way..."
Kakashi grinned. "Hello, Kiba. How have you been? Is Kurenai doing well?"
Kiba stumbled back and Kakashi noticed a white hand gripping the young man's rounded shoulder. Pale eyes appeared, dark brown hair framing a normally stoic face. Neji. "So it's true," he said softly to himself in his deep, unique voice. "Unbelievable."
Kakashi glanced at the guards around him with a sort of smug satisfaction. He couldn't help himself. It was human nature. He bowed to them in mock fashion, and then he entered the room, dragging Sakura with him and shutting the door tightly behind him. The air was still. Silence, deafening silence in that stunned corridor. Shock. Confusion. But all things would soon be clear.
The room was well lit, but the figure standing on the opposite side of the large desk that took up most of the room was dark. Golden bangs fell over soft eyelids, lips that were so easy to express emotion remained firm. Whiskers still marked the curves of tan cheeks, and a welcoming power still poured from this being. Easy acceptance. Mastery of reaction. And then his eyes opened and Kakashi was startled by the intelligent dark blue eyes that stared at him, that peered into the depths of his being. His hand tightened around Sakura's, and she moved closer into his side. A soft smile graced those lips, and then a sigh slid through them. Naruto turned to fully face them. "You should have sent word...sensei. I would have had a team escort you here."
"It would have made no difference."
"Perhaps," Naruto allowed, "but it would have at least prepared me. You must have shocked poor Sakura-chan."
Glancing at her cowered into his side, he still saw the effects of that. "You're right, but there wasn't time and, to be honest, I'm still not thinking very clearly."
Naruto's face seemed to soften. "Neji, you know the mission well enough. I'm naming you squad captain. Now, if you'll excuse me." He moved from behind the desk, gesturing quickly for Kiba to obtain the maps and scrolls and notes scattered across its surface. Both Kiba and another masked member moved to follow those orders, and Naruto put his hand on Kakashi's shoulder. He hesitated though, seemingly in awe, before regaining his composure. "Please, follow me."
Kakashi threw a look around him, taking in the surroundings and measuring the other shinobis' reactions. He breathed a soft breath through his mouth as he turned to watch Naruto open the door, a loud booming noise in the nearly unbroken quiet. And then he took his first steps to follow, holding Sakura securely to his side, her arms wrapped around his waist.