------
I stared at the window,
as if asking it for help. Outside, a breeze blew, freely; so unlike myself!
I looked back at Professor Binns, who continued droaning on with his ever-so-boring
lesson, oblivious to the snores from the back of the room. I tried hard
to concentrate, but alas, the pull of my eyelids were too strong. My eyelids
once, twice, then shut closed completely. My mind though, did not; instead,
drifted into a vast ocean of thoughts.
Inside my tormented soul, I had only one objective - perfection. Looks I don't worry about. In fact, some people think I'm part veela... maybe it's the aura surrounding me that is so mysteriously satisfactory? My grades, as far as I'm concerned, are pretty good. Not that I'm another Hermione Granger, mind you. I just try harder than most people in my year. Now that I'm a Head Girl, I have more responsibilities, and it is getting harder to keep up. But another day of this, and it will be all over.
"...and five detentions will be given out to each person who fell asleep in class. Good day." Unlike the Potions Master, Binns' monotonous voice did not have that famous Snape I-love-giving-people-detention sneer.
I stretched and rubbed my
aching back, relieved that this was the last class for today. Grabbing
my books and shoving them into my book bag, I stood up and walked out the
door. The halls were unusually stuffy and hot for a June day, so I decided
to step outside.
------
A thud woke me up. "Huh?" I glanced around me, my ponytail whipping the nape of my neck. I remembered going outside, but I was on a rock near the lake now. Suddenly, my memory came back...how I wanted to sit on the warm rock and lie on it forever, looking up at the sky. Sighing, I realized that I must have fallen asleep. I stood up, and was about to head back into the school when I heard somebody clearing his throat. I whirled around.
"Can I talk to you Cho? Just once? It won't take long, I promise."
Oh god, the Potter boy. "Sure", I replied, trying to sound casual. "Um, you want to talk here?" I gestured to the rock, which was big enough for the two of us to sit on.
He nodded, his wild black hair flying every which way. "Look, Cho, you're graduating Hogwarts tomorrow. Your last day of school. Ever."
I wondered what he was up to. Harry looked deadly serious, yet I detected a glint of sadness embedded in his eyes.
"Cho...everybody in this damn school knows that you're popular...yeah, good grades, looks, and an endless supply of friends and boys all belong to you too. But yet, when you have a boy in your palm, you mercilessly toss him away as if he is worth nothing. Why Cho? Why?" Large, pearly, teardrops started to waver, threatening to slide down his cheek. "Rejection isn't that easy to take, you know. But them, you've never felt it. You're perfect."
Ok, now I was officially freaked out, although...hmm...that "oh, no, nevermind, you're perfect" wasn't so bad...
"Cho..." Harry managed to choke out, "you know I liked you. Ever since...oh, I don't know when, years ago."
Trembling slightly, I closed my eyes, trying my hardest to block out the view of the boy in front of me. However, instead, memories stored in the corners of my mind bagan to play...Harry's innocent voice echoed in my head..."D'you- d'you want to go to the ball with me?"..."Hey Cho, you're an awesome seeker, you know that?" Clutching my head, I him crash into a suit of armor when I waved...Harry reddening when I shook his hand...Harry's nervous glances toward my direction (or was it Pansy Parkinson?)...
Reopening my eyes, I looked down, unable to achieve eye contact. I stared at my hands, which were shaking. Harry leaned forward and waved his hands in my face, seeming a little nervous.
"Er...hello? Please don't ignore me again, after all the other times. Come on, is it that hard? Is my face that hideous to look at?" he asked, his tone an annoyed one. Raising his voice, Harry questioned once more. "Cho?"
I had been oblivious to this all until now. My mind was swirling with memories of the past...twisting and turning...my heart was screaming for me to tell him the truth while my brained was yelling for me to push him- a mere sixth year- away. What was I supposed to do? The truth will hurt, I knew.
"Harry," I said, looking into his eyes. It was then...I saw. The raw emotions of the boy were clearly displayed in the beautiful emerald pupils of his. He was scared, I saw, embarrassed, determined...but most of all, overwhelming anger reflected back. I took a step further and gently opened windows to his soul. Peering in, I suddenly knew exactly what he wanted.
"Cho, this isn't working. Maybe I should leave." Harry rose from his sitting position.
"No." I reached out and grabbing his arm, pulled him back down. "Harry, do you want the truth? Do you think you can handle it?"
"What do you mean?" No, he was silent, but his eyes were pleading for an answer.
"I...I...I really don't know what to say to you. How to explain why I did what I did for three years. Actually, I do not understand all of this myself." I sighed deeply, wishing for a time turner. "Years and years, ever since I set my foot in Hogwarts- now, I'm not trying to brag, mind you- I had been popular. Yeah, everyone wished they were the 'perfect Cho Chang'. And I really didn't take this all in until fifth year. I mean, before that, I really didn't have anything to worry about.
Two years ago, I began to lose self-confidence. Why? I guess it was an appearance change, or that my grades dropped a few points. Whatever it was, it made me 'less perfect'. Well, at least in the eyes of others. I have always been conscious to other peoples' view of me, and when it dropped...ugh, I knew I had to change. Whatever it took, I'd do.
I needed a way to bring myself self-esteem. I looked toward another person for help. Boys, to be specific. Maybe I did this for my friends. I wanted them to like me, to keep liking me...I thought by pleasing them this would help. Even the boys who I did not like before were marked "cute" when entering through my eyes...the more deserving ones on which I had my eyes on were marked "don't go for it". It was a very confusing time for me, but at the end, I decided to go with the flow. So when Cedric Diggory asked me out to the Yule Ball that year, I agreed. He actually turned out to be pretty nice though...this one I didn't regret. The rest? Ugh. And so...for two years, relationships never worked. Why? Because I never cared about personality at first glance, just the body. Most of the cute ones' personality either was horribly wrong, or did not match mine at all. I try to work it out, but at the end, I would be abandoned at the end of the road. Covered in dust. Alone.
Even the year of the male mattered. How much more pathetic was I? The ones below sixth year were definitely a no-no, but sometimes I even rejected the ones in my year. Status became important in my mind. 'Are you a Prefect?' 'Are you on the Quidditch team?' 'How many points have you gotten for your House?'
These seven years, I have been so scared of embarrassment that I have hide inside my shell of a girl. What others thought of me became extremely important as I became older. As a matter of fact, I did gain popularity, and now, as a seventh year, am the most popular girl at Hogwarts. Not like it mattered anymore."
I started sobbing hysterically as the words I said sank in. What have I done? I wiped my eyes on my robes, sniffling.
Harry folded his arms across his chest. "So let me get this straight. You paid no attention to me because I was a year younger than you? Because if you had a relationship with me, it'd make you look bad?" I looked up at him, terrified, as I took in the stony expression laid out on his face. "I...I...yeah." Before he had a chance to leave, I called out, "But wait! I, I want to change! Please...I am sorry."
Harry glared at me and pushed himself off the rock. Landing on the grass below, he looked back. "Cho! How could you have done this to me? All this, just for you image? You crushed mine, and not to mention, a few hundred other boys' dreams-" at this I shuddered "- because...UGH! I can't believe that I ever even liked you...but then...I thought you'd care..."'
I was crying so hard by this time that I didn't even notice that I had fallen off the rock. Raising my head, I saw him leaving for the school...I hurridely push myself up and sped after him. "Wait, please! Give me another chance...I realize my mistakes, I honestly do...please...I really like you, Harry..."
Harry stopped at these words. I sighed in relief as he strode back, though still fuming. "I..." Lost for words, I draped my arms around his thin body for a hug. He made no move to resist me. Hoping desperately that my next move wasn't too sudden, I leaned in and kissed him. This was the first time in which I actually added passion into it. All of the feelings I had felt for Harry...I felt him softening, cracking...
"What the-" I felt dirt hit my face as I fell to the ground. "Harry?" I muttered softly.
Harry's eyes gleamed fiercely. "Damn it Cho, do you think on hug and a kiss can fix everything you've done? You are truly pathetic," he spat bitterly, and spitting into the grass, Harry stalked away. My eyes followed his rigid figure as he disappeared into the castle.
I leaned back until I was
flat on the ground. Rejection wasn't what I was used to. Staring up at
the sky, I noticed that rain clouds have moved to cover the usually blue
sky. The moment the first raindrop in weeks touched my cheek, my heart
cracked. The jagged pieces jabbed into my ribs, but I felt no pain. I was
too late.
------
Um, weird little piece, eh?
Please review....no flames from angry Cho supporters please. I think Cho's
cool, but I wanted to write about rejection, and she was perfect for the
role... Anyway, I invited Michelle (Nemesis) to be co-webmistress for my
site! I have moved everything in, and now....check it out at http://riddle.nu/mind
;)