Disclaimer: Ohhh, how different things would be if I owned them... ;D
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As I finally reach my car door, after slipping in my gaudy high heels and almost breaking my knees on more than on occasion, I suddenly realize that I left the keys in my desk, all the way back on the 12th floor of the looming DA's office. Unsure if my cheeks are wet from my frustrated tears or from the rain beginning to fall, I hail a taxi and quickly get in, instructing the young cabby to drive. Just drive. When I start to feel my damp and freezing fingers and toes again (about 20 minutes later... and more fare than I care to admit running on the meter), I know I can't go home. I can't face another night alone, in my dark apartment, crying and drinking... and drinking... and drinking. I decide it's about time I pick a place to go. I have no "friends" in this city, no family within an hour in direction. Pulling out my cell phone (and shaking the water off of it), I open my contacts. Scrolling, I look for some familiar names.
Cragen? He isn't my biggest fan in general, especially after the case I pretty much just drowned in.
Donnelly is my boss and there is absolutely no way in hell I'm going near her until I have to.
Elliot has kids, a family.
Fin is... Fin.
Huang lives way outside the city.
Munch is... well Munch is along the same lines as Fin.
That just leaves... shit. My breath hitches as I give the cabby the address.
So here I am, standing outside your apartment staring down your door. My hair and clothes are soaked from the rain outside and I can feel the heat radiating from inside your apartment; it feels nice. As I take a deep breath, I raise my hand to knock- once, twice, three times; quick and lightly... god, I hope you heard them.
And now I'm waiting... waiting...
Maybe I should just go-
"Hello?" - your voice sounds husky, exhausted.
My heart jumps at the sound through the door, throwing me from my thoughts. I struggle to find my words.
"Uh, h-hi, Olivia. It's Casey."
Locks unlatching, the handle turning, my heart jumps all the way up into my throat. The door slowly creeps open, and is replaced by the taut, athletic form of Olivia Benson, clad in shorts and a tank top, her hair tossed and her chocolate-brown eyes tired and worried.
"Casey? What's going on?"
You can tell by the look on her face she is reaching back into her memory for something she may have forgotten to do- a paper she forgotten to fill out, a right she may have forgotten to say.
Glancing up from my feet, I look at her with sad eyes.
"Do you mind if I come in? I... I could use a talk."
She smiles shyly and rustles her hair, then reaches out to touch my shoulder, which she obviously couldn't tell was soaked due to the almost nonexistent lighting in this hallway.
"Shit, Casey, you're freezing. Hurry, get in here."
She grabs my hand, causing my breath to hitch and my heart to skip a beat; I don't even have time to say thank you before she's pushing me into her bathroom and setting me down on the toilet.
"Olivia, I'm fi-"
"Shh, just let me," she chuckles, "It's been a while since I've had any type of visitor." She lingers on the thought a moment, "Uh, but we can talk after you get warmed up."
I smile to myself, silently thanking her for just letting me in the door. Olivia and I are hardly friends, we are barely friendly workmates, and for her to just let me in during this... this breakdown. Just another in a line of many; but during this breakdown I have finally made a breakthrough- I finally reached out for help. Thank god, because I need it.
But why Olivia? All I can say is that she is the most caring, self-given woman I have ever met, not to mention the most desirable, driven-
As I look up, my thoughts cease- I find the detective half-bent over the side of the bathtub, adjusting the temperature of the water, her tank top revealing more than I'm sure she as noticed... The steam floods the room and I can finally feel it warming up the very tips of my fingers and toes, but the view I'm getting is warming me up from the inside out.
Smiling to myself, I lean my head back against the cool wall. How in the world did these... these feelings for Olivia come up? Not so much emotional at this point as... physical. Longings, thoughts I never thought I'd have for another woman. But now I'm having them, and I'm not sure what to do with them... But I am glad I am here right now. Even if this is the last place on Earth I thought I'd end up tonight. The past few weeks, my routine has been pretty... pathetic... after work, going home to drink or to the bar to drink, and maybe take home some unsuspecting young guy a little too eager and trying a little too hard. This is a nice change from the usual.
Again smiling, I speak out to the steam without opening my eyes.
"Thank you, Olivia."
When there is no response, I tilt my head up and open one eye to look around the small room- Olivia is gone, but in her place there is a towel, some sweatpants and a clean shirt sitting on the tile to the left of my feet. I stand up and peel my sticky,. wet clothes from my skin, letting them fall into a puddling pile on the ground, and slowly settle myself into the water...
"Fuck," I whisper, standing in my kitchen, drumming my fingertips on the countertop.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"
Casey Novak. Casey fucking Novak. A naked Casey fucking Novak is in my bathroom. Right now. Her expensive clothes slumped on my floor, her naked body sprawled out in my bathtub.
I have been trying so hard to avoid her lately. I just... the way that I have been feeling... I just can not be around her. I don't have any reason, I don't have any excuse, but I have been feeling... so... strange around her lately. And I refuse to even think about falling for another coworker... So I've been trying to avoid her... but obviously it isn't working, considering she's here, right now, in my apartment; her milky, Irish skin, uncovered, in my apartment.
And here I am, in my kitchen, boiling water and breathing way too heavily, my heart beating way too fast. Turning from the counter to the cabinets behind me, I rummage around for tea leaves and hot chocolate mix. I find them both, conveniently placed in front of a bottle of Jack Daniel's. I grab all three- just in case. She said she needs to talk, and I know that, for me at least, a little whiskey only makes opening up a little easier sometimes. I put the 'refreshments' on the coffee table then plop down on the couch it sits right in front of. I pour myself a shot of the amber liquid, taking a deep breath before tipping the glass back and letting it take me over.
3 shots later, just as I am calming my heartbeat and mind, I hear the bathroom door open. I can not look away- Casey Novak walks out of my bathroom, the steam appropriately following her; the sweats I lent her are a little baggy and she's wearing them low, this shirt is just a tad too small... this leaves a perfect, milky section of her firm stomach revealed in the gap. She looks up from her feet, her green eyes piercing, her hair, finally beginning to return to it's strawberry blonde, framing her face perfectly.
"Thanks for the clothes, Olivia," she tugs at the waistband of my sweats, "but the sweats are a little big." She smiles, enticing a small smile out of me as well.
"Yeah, no problem."
We hold our positions awkwardly, mine above the coffee table and her's in the door way of the bathroom.
I look at the couch, barren and ready for us, then at her. She again smiles, she again pierces me with her eyes... She begins walking over, and I take a little step to the side. As she scoots past me to get to the couch, her arm brushes mine- the contact feels like a brushfire, but I'm not sure if it's just from the hot bath or if it's all in my head. Probably the latter. Casey Novak, her midsection revealed and her beautiful lips turned upwards, pats the cushion besides her as she plops down.
I dutifully sit.
She reaches out for the Jack Daniel's, immediately bypassing the tea and hot chocolate, and takes a huge swig.
I gulp at how sexy she looks, her hand on the neck of the bottle and her lips pressed oh-so-carefully to the opening... This is going to be an interesting night.