The Transformables! Strong Bad would rather die!
On-Point-Bots wage their battle to destroy the evil forces of the DeTHepticons!
The Transformables! No-bots in disguise!
The Transformables! Strong Bad would rather die!
The Transformables!
Episode 1: On-Point-Bots Wage Their Battle
In an unknown place in the universe, there exists a desolate, lifeless planet called Videlectron. Its inhabitants are a race of (mostly FREAKIN' HUGE!) sentient robots with the uncanny ability to scan any kind of technology and use it to transform into it as a method of disguise. Right now, the Videlectronians are split into two factions: the Oughta'bots and the DeTHepticons. These two factions have been at war for who-the-crap-knows-how-long, and some people have forgotten how the war even started. Our story, however, dwells on a small group of missionaries… I mean mercenaries.
It was midday as the large plump robot Ultra Sadness walked into the Courtroom of the Nine Motherboards as requested by war hero and leader of the Oughta'bots, Senortinel Prime. When Sadness reached the podium, Senortinel Prime began to speak, although he was mumbling.
"Gradday, people of Videlectron. As you allzready know, we are at war with the DeTHepticons. But at this point, I am befrayed, we have gotten to a point where we could actingly lose." The spectators tried with great effort do decipher what he was trying to say.
"The DeTHepticons grapely outnutter us," Senortinel Prime continued. "Their moon-ments are unprelickable. I'm not sure if I'm leaving out anything else, but we need a strike fork to spy on eminny forkses. Ultra Sadness, I need you to help on this mission."
The only thing about that last sentence that surprised Sadness was the fact that Senortinel actually managed to get his name right. "Wait," said Sadness. "Who else is on this strike force?"
The Council's response was opening a large door to the right of the room. Through the door came the well-known mercenary group, the On-Point-Bots. Their leader, Badimus Prime, started playing hip-hop music as he came in walking in slow motion, his lackeys, the large, apelike Ironmad and the small round Bumblecheat following close behind. "Hey there y'all, how ya doin'? Nice to be here." said Badimus.
The On-Point-Bots, being mercenaries, were only useful when there was money involved. Sadness couldn't believe that the Council of the Nine Motherboards would be desperate enough to hire them. "Is this seriously the best you can do?!" he blurted out angrily.
"Show some respect to the commander, you servo head!" shouted currently unimportant character Jazzy J.
"Skettle down, please," said Senortinel, "Sadness, the only treason we had to hire them was be'scause all our udder troops are busy with battles in sev'ral udder parts of the gazzlaxy. That and the civilians are too scared to join. Your mission be's-gins first thing tomorrow. Court…" The rest was some unintelligible mumbling. When everyone else left, another currently unimportant character, Armchair, breathed a sigh of relief that sounded like a chair sliding across a kitchen floor, then converted into massage chair mode and started watching cartoons on the television next to him.
***
The next day, the On-Point-Bots and Ultra Sadness went aboard the On-Point-Bot ship, the Stop Sign and Cinder Block, and took off. After everyone took their positions, Badimus Prime in the commander's chair, Bumblecheat driving, and Ironmad looking over the ship's status, Badimus decided to lay down some ground rules. "Alright Sadness, let me give this to you straight. First, don't expect any of us to like you. Second, don't EVER go into my sleeping quarters. What I do in there is my business! Third, only help us when we ask for help. Like right now. What do you think is a good starting point for searching for DeTHepticon activity?"
"Why don't we try Earth?" suggested Sadness. "For some reason, everything that enters outer space ends up there eventually."
"Well, that is a pretty good suggestion. Bumblecheat, plot a course for Earth!"
Bumblecheat replied with a salute and a squeak, and then turned the ship to the direction of Earth. Bumblecheat then pulled a lever next to him, which made the ship jump into hyperspace. When the On-Point-Bots expected to see Earth after leaving hyperspace, they instead saw nothing except chunks of rock and debris. "What the crap?" was Badimus Prime's response.
"Earth is gone," said Ultra Sadness, "The DeTHepticons must have obliterated it already."
"Either that, or the Earthicans were having one freakin' heck of a party." replied Badimus.
Just then, an alien fighter jet flew past the Stop Sign and Cinder Block, apparently not noticing them. "Quickly, follow that thing! It's headed for that moon over there!" ordered Badimus.
"That's no moon…" said Sadness. "That's an asteroid, moron."
"Well, excuse me for flunking science class back in the 4th grade!" replied Badimus.
***
Meanwhile the alien fighter jet landed on the asteroid, and then converted into the less-than-smart, possibly traitorous Homestarscream. Homestarscream contacted his leader with his comlink. "Lord Thnikkatron, I have scanned the area. There are no survivors. Well, actually, some of the smarter humans managed to escape but other than that, no survivors. So how was your day?"
"I thought I asked you to destroy any survivors." replied Thnikkatron.
"Ohhh…I thought I was missing something. Uh-oh. I see a ship. It looks like an Oughta'bot ship. What should I do?"
"Oh crap. They might be on to us. Return to base immediately and we'll make the jump to hyperspace."
***
Back on the Stop Sign and Cinder Block, the On-Point-Bots were waiting for Homestarscream's next move. After seeing Homestarscream convert to jet form then fly away, Badimus shouted, "There he goes again! He's headed for that moon over there! That is a moon, right?"
"That's no moon…" replied Sadness after seeing the not-at-all-moon-shaped object that Badimus was referring to, "That's a DeTHepticon warship!"
"Dang, I'll never be able to get this crap straight!" said Badimus.
Before the Stop Sign and Cinder Block could pursue it, the DeTHepticon warship launched itself into hyperspace. "Okay, any ideas on where to go, Sadness?" asked Badimus.
"I don't know. They could be anywhere in the universe by now!"
"I guess we'll just have to pick a sector at random. Bumblecheat, plot a course for 'Random Place'."
When they came out of hyperspace, they found that they were flying over the surface of Planet K, the 11th planet from the sun of the Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz (pronounced like that one Sesame Street song) System. I'm not sure if it was Primus' doing to send them there, or if it was just pure blind luck, but that was also where the DeTHepticons were planning to attack next. The warship was looming in front of the Stop Sign and Cinder Block, and was way bigger than it. On board the warship's bridge stood the tall, menacing leader of the DeTHepticons, Thnikkatron. Standing behind him were the slim, sexy Marzirachnia and the slim, not sexy Coach Zarak. "Our drones have spotted what looks like an Oughta'bot ship. Get in the turrets and destroy it immediately." ordered Thnikkatron. Both of his loyal servants saluted and shouted, "Yes, sir," but Coach Zarak sounded more like he was saying "Yers sore!"
Back on the On-Point-Bots' ship, everyone stared at the ship in dull surprise as the DeTHepticons prepared to fire a deadly laser at them. Thanks to Bumblecheat's maneuvers, the ship dodged it, but one wing was damaged. "WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!!!" shouted Ironmad.
In retaliation to the attack, Bumblecheat rolled down a side window, aimed his machine gun, and fired at the warship. The shots for some reason took out one of the warship's engines. This caused Thnikkatron to order his air force, which by the way is Homestarscream, Sci Fi 'Wave, and D N'D 'Wave, to go on board and terminate their enemies.
The On-Point-Bots saw in their front window what looked like two fighter jets and a griffin from ancient mythology flying towards them. The griffin converted into D N'D 'Wave and landed on top of the front window. D N'D 'Wave used his electricity powers to shut down all the systems on the ship. Then Sci Fi 'Wave used his sonic attacks to break the glass in the windows. Homestarscream then just lunged at the On-Point-Bots in jet mode, firing wildly. Homestarscream's questionable plan would have worked, but Ironmad shot him with his rocket launcher, causing Homestarscream to ricochet all the way back to the warship.
Just then, the 'Waves came in through the front window. Ironmad fired his rocket again, but Sci Fi 'Wave blocked it with his sonic shield. Ultra Sadness ducked behind a counter. "Coward," said Badimus as he fired his shotgun away at the 'Waves. D N'D 'Wave used his electric attacks to temporarily paralyze Bumblecheat and Badimus. Badimus was more resistant to the attack, so he slowly got up, transformed his shotgun into an axe, and lunged at the 'Waves. All of a sudden, D N'D 'Wave got blasted from the side and fell out of the ship. Badimus looked behind him and saw that Ultra Sadness had shot D N'D 'Wave with his sniper rifle. Sci Fi 'Wave used his sonic attacks on Badimus while he was still distracted. Badimus retaliated by using his axe to slice him in half by the waist, which he would have blocked if Ironmad didn't keep pelting him with rockets. "Go back to wherever you came from, scrap heap!" shouted Badimus as he kicked Sci Fi 'Wave's remains off the ship.
"Woo hoo! We did it!" shouted Sadness. Everyone high-fived each other, except for Bumblecheat, who was still paralyzed. But they celebrated too soon, for the DeTHepticons fired another laser at the Stop Sign and Cinder Block. This time it hit, causing serious damage and for the ship to plummet down onto Planet K below.
***
Meanwhile on Planet K, a lone fighter, Stinkoman, was training with his imaginary friend Bob in the field, while his roommate, 1-Up was watching. 1-Up noticed a large object crashing several hundred feet away. "Um, shouldn't we go check that out?" he asked Stinkoman.
"You go do it," said Stinkoman, "You remember the last time I investigated a crash expecting a challenge. No challenge!"
1-Up did so. He eventually came across the remains of a ship. Then, rising from the rubble was the On-Point-Bots. Badimus Prime noticed the smaller being and asked him, "Are you Samuel James Witwicky, descendant of Archibald Witwicky?"
"Now where'd that come from?" asked Sadness.
"I dunno. I just felt like asking it."
"My name's not Samuel James Witlicky or whatever" said 1-Up, "My name's 1-Up."
"Okay, well, I'm Badimus Prime, leader of the On-Point-Bots. This is Ironmad, that guy over there who's paralyzed is Bumblecheat, but he should be okay in about two minutes. The other guy is Ultra Sadness."
"Okay, nice to meet you all," said 1-Up, "I guess I can show you guys around. You seem new to Planet K."
***
Meanwhile elsewhere in the field, Stinkoman was still training. Just then, a pod fell from the sky and landed a few feet away. Out of the pod came the large, menacing figure that was obviously Thnikkatron, but Stinkoman did not know that yet. Immediately upon seeing him, Stinkoman yelled, "Are you asking for a CHALLENGE!?"
"I, uh, I don't know what that is," said Thnikkatron.
"It means we fight!" shouted Stinkoman.
"Oh, well, I'm not asking for that. I just want to ask if my colleagues and I can 'borrow' some of your planet's resources to aid us in the war we are currently in."
"I don't like you. You're boring," said Stinkoman. Then he shouted out the name of his signature attack, "DOUBLE DEUUUUUUUCE!!!"
The blast that came out of his spheres-for-fists caused an explosion that spanned a radius of about 30 feet. Since Stinkoman was immune to his own attack, he was still standing. But when the dust settled, Stinkoman was surprised to see Thnikkatron still standing as well, looking more powerful than before. Thnikkatron himself was also surprised. He felt he should demonstrate his new power. So he flicked Stinkoman away.
***
Back at the wrecked ship, the On-Point-Bots were ordering new alternate modes from an online store on the ship's computer, Teletraany-186. Ironmad wanted something that looked tough, so he got a monster truck mode. Bumblecheat, who was finally un-paralyzed, preferred something fast, so he got a race car mode. Ultra Sadness' mode, an RV, was picked for him by Badimus. "It reminds me of how fat you look." Badimus wanted a tank mode, but they didn't have any in his size, so he got a tractor trailer mode because it was on sale. "These alternate modes should hide us from the DeTHepticons!" said Badimus.
Just then, Stinkoman landed right in front of the wrecked ship. "Stinkoman! Are you okay?" asked 1-Up.
"Yes, I'm fine! I'm always fine!" said Stinkoman. "But I'm not sure for how long! Some kinda giant robot--just like the ones standing behind you, but more evil looking--came here to take Planet K's resources! He even defeated me in a CHALLENGE!!!"
"What? How can anyone beat you in a challenge? You're 'The Guy'!" said 1-Up.
"Well, I double deuce'd him, but it just made him stronger…"
"Made him stronger..."pondered Ultra Sadness, "Wait, uh, Stinkoman? I need to see your hands."
"No way! I'm never giving you my hands!" said Stinkoman.
"I'm not gonna take them, just look at them," said Sadness.
Stinkoman reluctantly held out his hands. Sadness scanned them using the built-in microscope in his optic sensors. "Hmmm… This is very strange," said Sadness, "The energy radiating from your sphere-hands is similar to some of the medical tools we use back home to fix ourselves."
"Yeah. We had some of those things on the ship before it crashed here, but now they're all destroyed," said Badimus.
"Wait," said Stinkoman, "If it heals you then how come any other robot I used it on blew up?"
"I think it's because robots like us are designed to absorb that kind of radiation to heal, but other robots don't have the right kind of programming, so they overload," explained Sadness, "And if the robot you used it on was at full health, it probably affected him in the same way as an organic with steroids. But it should be temporary so—AAGH!"
Just then, Sadness was paralyzed by a bite in the neck from a giant mechanical spider. Badimus prepared to swat at it with his axe, but then the spider transformed into the DeTHepticon Marzirachnia and dodged it. "IT'S A DETHEPTICON!!!" shouted Ironmad.
Stinkoman and 1-UP prepared to fight, but then got run over by a green SUV. Bumblecheat then converted to race car mode and chased after the SUV. Meanwhile, Marzirachnia spat a web that entangled Badimus. "Gross! Even for you!" shouted Badimus. Marzirachnia then used her web loogies on Ironmad, but he was strong enough to break free. Marzi then jumped over him, entangled his hands with web, and then kicked him in the face. This somehow managed to knock Ironmad onto his back and knocked him unconscious.
Stinkoman and 1-Up slowly got up after being run over by the mysterious green SUV. Stinkoman immediately thought of helping Badimus, who was still struggling to break free of the web. Before either of them could do anything, a giant mechanical scorpion burst out from the ground, lunging at Stinkoman and 1-Up. The scorpion stung at them, but they kept dodging. The scorpion then grabbed Stinkoman by the back of the neck with his claw and then said, "DaAaAaAaA! I'm a director obsessed with explosions!" He then charged a beam coming from his other claw. Before he could unleash it, 1-Up spin-kicked him in the face. The scorpion flinched and dropped Stinkoman. 1-Up prepared to kick him again, but then the scorpion transformed, revealing himself as Homonok, one of the most powerful and devastating of the DeTHepticons. "DaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaA! Galactus is coming to destroy Alderaan!" Homonok's wailing literally tore the grass off the ground and blew Stinkoman and 1-Up away.
Meanwhile Bumblecheat was still chasing the SUV. The SUV made a U-turn and rammed itself into Bumblecheat, who then transformed to soften the impact. Bumblecheat fired his machine gun at the van, which kept dodging the bullets. The van then transformed into (who else?) Coach Zarak. Bumblecheat fired again, but Zarak dodged again and punched him in the face repeatedly.
At this point, all of the On-Point-Bots had been captured. Thnikkatron and his air force (all three of them have been retrieved from space and repaired good as new) came to congratulate Marzirachnia, Coach Zarak, and Homonok on their victory. "All three of you have done awesome. Especially you, Marzirachnia, for taking out three of them. Way to impress the female half of the audience and the perverted 93% of the male half of the audience!" said Thnikkatron.
Badimus, who was still wrapped in web, couldn't help but notice that Sci Fi 'Wave was still alive. "Hang on a minute. I thought I killed that guy!" he said.
"No, you didn't," replied Sci Fi 'Wave, "If you had hit me in my spark chamber, which is in the torso, I would have died. But you just sliced me in half by the waist, so I survived because my spark was still active."
"Everyone knows that, dude," said D N'D 'Wave.
"Well, excuse me for flunking Oughta'bot anatomy class back in the 6th grade!" said Badimus.
Soon after, Ironmad came to. He noticed immediately that he was surrounded by DeTHepticons. "DeTHepticons…? DESTROY THE DETHEPTICONS!!!" He fired a rocket straight at the DeTHepticons, causing the lighter ones, Marzirachnia, Coach Zarak, and the 'Waves, to fly away while Thnikkatron, Homonok, and for some reason Homestarscream, to be temporarily blinded by the dust. Ironmad quickly freed Badimus from the web. "Good job, Ironmad. Rescue the others. And Ultra Sadness. I'll deal with the DeTHepticons" said Badimus.
Badimus lunged at Thnikkatron. Thnikkatron, who recovered from the blindness quickly, swatted Badimus' axe away, then punched him in the stomach area. Badimus retaliated by kicking him in the crotch area, which didn't seem to hurt. "Oh right, we're robots. That doesn't hurt. Crap!" mumbled Badimus.
Thnikkatron kicked Badimus hard enough for him to fall on his back. Still, Badimus continued to get up and try to hit him back. "Why do you continue the fight when you know you're going to lose?" asked Thnikkatron.
"Because freedom is the right of all sentient beings," said Badimus, "And by 'sentient beings' I mean 'have sex with me'. Wait! No! No-no! Wait, WAIT! That is not what I meant to say!"
Thnikkatron, who was kinda disturbed by that comment, replied, "Yeah. Shut up, Prime!" and then shot him in the face with his arm-mounted fusion cannon.
***
Some time later, Badimus awoke to see Ultra Sadness at his side. "Badimus! You died for, like, two seconds!" said Sadness.
"Say what?!" yelped Badimus.
"Alright, let me explain. When Thnikkatron shot you in the face, it knocked you unconscious for a few minutes, giving the DeTHepticons a chance to escape to their ship. When your spark started failing, Stinkoman used his 'double deuce' on you which raised you. The blast rendered him weak so he's relaxing on Bumblecheat's seats."
"Okay, so what do we do now?"
"I don't know. Thnikkatron said something about getting rid of us for good. That could mean he's planning to destroy the planet."
"We can't let them do that!" shouted 1-Up.
"I guess we'll just have to find whoever runs this planet and warn him about the danger. 1-Up, where does your ruler live?" asked Badimus.
"You mean the Prime Minister of Town? He normally gives long, boring speeches at the town square not far from here."
"Alright, that's where we'll go. On-Point-Bots, transform and let's just get the heck out of here!"
As he commanded, the On-Point-Bots converted into their vehicle modes. 1-Up climbed into Badimus' driver seat. Badimus led everyone else into the big city surrounding the field, with 1-Up giving him directions on where to go. Eventually, they ended up at the town square, where there was a huge crowd of people and robots. The really, really fat Prime Minister of Town was giving a long, boring speech to the public. Standing next to him was Thnikkatron. "My peoples, this, er, giant robot here has offered us a lifetime supply of Energon, whatever the crap that is, in return for resources, whatever the crap they are," rambled the Prime Minister.
"Yes and the Energon that I will give you will come in a way that looks like a giant death ray from space. It is not really a giant death ray from space. It is just a ray that will explode in mid-air and make it rain tiny Energon crystals. Please keep that in mind when we fire it on your planet," added Thnikkatron.
"Wait! He's lying!" shouted Badimus.
The On-Point-Bots transformed back into their robot forms. Upon seeing them, Thnikkatron was upset. "You again! Jeez, you're more annoying than the villains on Saturday morning cartoons! DeTHepticons…ATTACK!"
At Thnikkatron's command, the other six DeTHepticons that we were already introduced to appeared from seemingly nowhere and attacked the On-Point-Bots. Soon it all ended up in carnage. Many innocent bystanders were killed in the crossfire. Much of the city was destroyed. Despite all the violence, both sides held out valiantly.
Coach Zarak and Marzirachnia were easily defeated by Ironmad's rockets. Sci Fi 'Wave held out for a very long time until Badimus sliced his shield-producing arm off. It took the combined effort of Ultra Sadness, Stinkoman, and 1-Up to defeat Homonok. Bumblecheat was seriously injured by D N'D 'Wave. Thnikkatron realized he was on the losing side, but wasn't sure why, so he converted into what looked like a smaller-but-still-pretty-big version of the warship and attempted to fly back into space. Just in the nick of time Badimus grabbed him from below to slow him down. This gave Sadness a chance to shoot down Thnikkatron. His shot would have worked, but Homestarscream kicked him from behind, disturbing his focus. "If anyone is going to kill Thnikkatron while he's focusing on something else, it's gonna be me!" shouted Homestarscream.
Sadness hit Homestarscream in the face with the butt of his rifle. He quickly moved to a different position to try and shoot down Thnikkatron, but Homestarscream converted to jet mode and scooped him up into the sky.
Thnikkatron, who was still carrying Badimus, managed to reach the warship, which was still floating above Planet K. Thnikkatron converted back into robot mode and kicked Badimus off of him. Badimus hung on to the side of the ship with his axe.
Meanwhile, Sadness blinded Homestarscream with the gunpowder from his rifle, making him control Homestarscream's flight patterns. Sadness made Homestarscream fire at the engines of the warship. All of them quickly blew up. Too little, too late, Sadness just saw Badimus clinging for his life on the side of the ship as it plummeted down to the planet. Just then, Stinkoman, who was flying the Stinkowing that he designed himself, flew upwards toward Badimus. "Need a lift?" asked Stinkoman.
"Ya think!?" replied Badimus.
Badimus held onto the Stinkowing as it carried him back down to K. Sadness, however, just jumped off of Homestarscream and activated his parachute. "Aw, man! Where'd you get that?" asked Badimus.
"You get this for free for joining the Oughta'bot task force!" replied Sadness.
***
Back on Planet K, the On-Point-Bots and Stinkoman were awarded medals for their bravery against the DeTHepticons. 1-Up did not get a medal because Stinkoman took all the credit for what he did. Later on, they met at the wrecked Stop Sign and Cinder Block. "Sadness, you were surprisingly a big help in today's battle. I'm naming you my second-in-command," said Badimus.
"Seriously? You've actually grown to respect me?"
"Well, Ironmad and Bumblecheat like you. I'm still a little iffy on the subject though. But there a bunch of dangers on this planet, and I won't always be around to save your scrawny butts."
Despite that comment, everyone got free drinks that night at the local pizza place courtesy of Badimus.
***
Meanwhile, the DeTHepticon warship crash-landed somewhere in the Ice Zone. The only survivors of the crash were Thnikkatron, Homestarscream, the 'Waves, Marzirachnia, Coach Zarak, and Homonok. "Well, this sucks," Marzirachnia complained.
"Oh cam on! At least we can still comyornicate with our troops," said Coach Zarak.
"Actually, all of our systems are down. There is no way to make contact with anyone," said Sci Fi 'Wave.
"Okay, then, you're right, Mairzy, this does sork."
"DaAaAaA! The traitor among us is the evil SpongeBob!" wailed Homonok. Nobody knew what he was talking about.
Thnikkatron just stood on the nearby cliff, thinking about getting his revenge on the On-Point-Bots. He will claim it someday, even if it takes up until the next season…