Just some thoughts while watching the end of the movie. Enjoy =]

I thought I left my old life behind when my blood fell on the rocks on choosing day, but that was only the beginning.

Now I'm on the train heading to the end of the tracks.

I should be dead. Divergents corrupt the system. I'm at fault for the dismemberment of the faction system as a whole. My parents are dead, I should be too, and I'd take down the entire system again to ensure they survived. But I can't and neither can they.

The if's bounce around in my mind, but they all settle on my divergence. My brother is an orphan; I am an orphan, because my mind cannot be defined.

I lean closer to Tobias. His mind is also spinning. Twelve hours ago we were celebrating my initiation, kissing among the people we hold dear, now we're exiles. Marcus is talking to Peter and Caleb. Tobias' own hand is clenched so tightly into my jacket it's as if he is afraid of slipping into oblivion. His eyes remain straight and unwavering, but his hands betray him. They pull me closer, if that's possible, but I think we both need comforting. We are equals and opposites, push and pull, and there's nothing I would change. The if's must be plaguing his mind as well, he could've been at fault for the slaughter of our old faction.

Faction before blood they would say. I'm not sure what they'll say now.

Abnegation is in shambles. Amity is still singing their silly songs blissfully unaware. Candor remains brutally honest and distant. Dauntless is now a murderer. Erudite is the schemer. All extreme versions of what we were taught. It's a shame no one notice until now all the hostility and anger could come out of our peace.

I don't know where I belong anymore. Nothing of the past makes sense anymore. Will we still have factions? Who will lead us? Will I even be alive to witness this?

I should be dead at the bottom of the chasm, killed like the Divergents before me. Why am I so special?

Tobias says that fear wakes me up. I don't know what that means, but it's something to him. He spends hours inside his own head, thinking, mulling things over so that when he speaks the sheer power of his words make you feel something.

I don't know what waits for us beyond the tracks. I don't know what is going to happen next, I don't know a lot of things, but I do know that Tobias' hand is in mine and both our hearts are still beating, I can feel it, and that's enough for now. He whispers in my hair a soft command to sleep and for once I don't have to fight the darkness that engulfs me.