Sam/Phil
One-shot.
OK, so listen very carefully…
This is a ONESHOT, it's like a missing scene but not actually from an episode. It's totally AU because the missing scene popped into my head from nowhere. I'm NOT writing a fully blown fic on this - not because I can't be bothered, but just because I REALLY think this will work much better as a stand alone fic.
PLEASE don't ask me to add to it, I appreciate you're enthusiasm but I really am not going to carry on.
If you like this missing scene style then I'll write more of them, tell me in your review.
Don't flame be because it's different either, naturally con-crit is welcome though.
If you're having any trouble understanding then don't hesitate to ask, I'll explain everything in a rather long PM. Oh, and you may not realise but A LOT of thought has gone into this, probably the most amount of thought I've ever put into a fic. Damn GCSE English but it's made me think about stuff like positioning of characters, what the characters are doing, and, the title and some other stuff that really can't be explained in one sentence. Doesn't make an exceptionally big deal to the story but I wanted to add it in for extra flavour anyway. Lol.
One more thing, the 'her' mentioned isn't anyone in particular. If you make up your own mind whilst reading as to who she is then tell me in a review, I'd love to know how you interpreted it :)
Phew,
Well after all that … I hope you enjoy.
Title: If These Walls Could Talk
Characters: SamPhilOFC
Summary: AU: He's leaving and she needs to know why? A lot of Dialogue. 1168 words. Full summary inside. ONESHOT.
DI. Samantha Hunter
If These Walls Could Talk
'The difference between friendship and love
is how much you can hurt each other.'
- Ashleigh Brilliant -
"Did you ever really love me?"
Phil Hunter shut his eyes as emotional pain coursed through his body. He could feel her eyes on him, waiting for an answer. One that could either make her feel better or worse. She grew frustrated as the seconds dragged on without an answer.
"Answer me!" She pleaded, causing him to open his eyes abruptly. He took her in, her shoulder length blonde hair was scraped back into a high ponytail and her eyes that usually shone emeralds were dull and red rimmed. She looked even smaller that usual and seemed bizarrely out of place in the flat they shared. The whole surroundings seemed to swamp her as though she were but a child as she stood in the middle of their bedroom. She, the injured party, was on show whilst he, the seemingly pitiless fool, cowered in the corner by the door, arms folded across his chest.
"Of course I did."
"Do you love … her?" Samantha Nixon asked, unable to actually say her name. It was like the word would burn if it passed her lips.
"I don't know."
"How can you not know?" She asked, incredulous. "You're willing you throw all we have away for her."
Phil bowed his head, ashamedly. "This hasn't been easy, the sneaking around, the guilt I've carried."
"I can imagine, three months after all. It must have been quite a hefty secret to keep!" She cried, hysterically.
"I never thought it would end like this." He said pathetically, wishing he had something better to say. He looked up as she wiped a hand down her face, dragging at her features slightly.
"Do you still love me?" She eventually asked quietly.
"Yes."
"Then why are you doing this to me?" Her voice cracked with emotion and he had to stop himself from reaching out for her before she realised how much this was killing him too.
"Because I'm a selfish, worthless, spineless lowlife who doesn't deserve you." He settled for, hating himself even more with each word.
"You are, and you don't. But I love you too, you know that don't you? You're not leaving me because you think I don't love you anymore."
"Sam - " He interjected.
"Because if that is the case, then you know now and you can stay with me." She said, ignoring his attempt to cut over her.
"No, I know you still love me but it's gone past that now. I can't stay."
Tears slipped from her eyes and she pressed her hand against them, pushing hard. She felt like an idiotic fool for crying and for begging him to stay but she couldn't stop herself. She was well and truly in love with him and didn't understand how a woman he possibly didn't love could take him away from her. How was it so easy for him to walk away from her and not look back?
He took a shuffle forwards and stopped, not quite away from the door. "I don't want to hurt you."
"But you're going to anyway?" She asked, letting her arm drop to her side so he could see her teary eyes.
"I'm sorry." He said, he was apologising for so many things at once but it sounded hollow and unemotional. "I'm sorry." He repeated.
She hiccoughed and her voice broke once more; "You're breaking my heart."
"I'm breaking my own heart." He stated, tears involuntarily pricking at his eyes.
"Then stay, don't leave and we'll sort this out. Start again, or paper over it, or learn from this. Whatever you want. We can do it."
"I can't, it's not as simple as that." He turned to leave. "I've got to go…"
"To her?" She asked and he stopped, speaking over his shoulder;
"Yes … to her."
He heard a sob escape her and it seemed to ricochet around the room. "Can you hold me? Just one last time? Or is that breaking the rules?"
He turned back to her. "No, of course I can hold you."
He took quick strides towards her and wrapped his arms tightly around her tight frame as she shook in his arms with heartbreaking sobs. She clung to him and took deep breaths before speaking with as much defiance and determination as she could muster;
"No one - not even her - will ever love you more than I do."
"And no one will ever love you in the way I do." He whispered into her hair, it smelt, as always, like the lavender shampoo she used and he knew that he would, forever more, remember that.
"I know, and I hate you for it." She replied, the sobs subsiding. She stood in his arms, neither wanting nor willing to let go of the other. "Am I allowed to move on, find someone new?"
There was a pause, it stretched on and the atmosphere seemed even more tense than it had been already before Phil swallowed the lump in his throat and replied with;
"Of course, I can't stop you."
"Will you care?" Sam asked, pulling out from his grip. "Will you be even a little bit jealous?"
"I will go crazy with jealousy." He admitted, humourlessly, his throat constricting.
"But you'll have no reason to, no right to be jealous even because … I won't be yours." She said, her eyes probing his, he broke the intense eye contact first.
"I know," he bowed his head low. Ashamed of himself and of all his mistakes. "But I won't be able to stop myself."
Sam looked at the floor too before finally asking one question that had been pressing her for an answer. "Why … I mean, forget about me for a moment … but why put yourself through so much pain?"
"I don't know," he answered, his voice barely louder than a whisper. "It's complicated."
She nodded. "I can see that, but there's so many things that are clouded. It doesn't seem right, you just giving up on us all of a sudden for that woman, who you may or may not love."
"It's too hard to explain." He replied, unable to make eye contact and give himself away. They stood for a moment in silence, neither knowing where to take the conversation next. Phil decided that it must be the end, Sam had asked all she wanted to ask, even if the answers hadn't been that satisfying. He looked up, she seemed to be in deep contemplation.
"I've got to go…" He said, for the second time that night and turned once more. He took the first step, and when she didn't stop him it became easier to walk the length of the room. He reached the doorframe when she finally broke the silence and the conclusion seemed to ricochet through the room once more until it echoed within his own head.
"She's pregnant isn't she?"
End.
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