A/N: I've been toying with this idea for a bit and finally got the words out right. This takes place in mid season 17. It mostly follows the canon of the show except Alex and Olivia have been close friends over the years. No Alex disappearing without contact as happened from season 13-19. I own nothing. No infringement intended. Let me know what you think. I hope you enjoy!

The night air was cold. The sounds of the city present as always; horns honking, people shouting, conversations blending together. Olivia was so lost in her own thoughts she was immune to it all. She could've taken a cab to her destination but she'd hoped the cold air would help clear her head, so far it hadn't. She stopped at the Upper West Side building, having a short conversation with the night doorman before making her way inside and onto the elevator. She knocked on the apartment door and rubbed her arms through her coat, the cold having finally caught up with her.

"Liv?" Alex asked, slightly confused as she opened the door.

"Hey."

Alex stepped aside and motioned the brunette in.

"I hope I'm not bothering you." Olivia said as she took her coat and laid it over and arm chair. She took a seat as Alex motioned to the end of the couch. She'd been in this apartment, and others Alex had lived, so many times she always felt right at home.

"Not at all. Just settling in with a glass of wine and The Bachelor."

Olivia began laughing "I still can't believe you watch that!"

"And you're the only one who knows that little secret. So if it ever gets out I know exactly who to come after." She replied with a look used for those on the stand.

Olivia held her hands up in surrender then motioned she was zipping her lips.

"Glass of wine?" Alex asked, although she was pretty sure she already knew the answer. "Or something harder?"

"Wine would be perfect, thanks."

Glasses poured and both ladies were settled in on opposite ends of the couch. Alex knew something led the brunette to her home that night but she knew she'd have to wait for Olivia to open up. They'd been friends for so long in ways she knew the brunette better than Olivia knew herself.

"This show is so bad!" Olivia laughed. "How do you watch it?"

"It's just a way to space out and relax, I don't have to think much while watching. Plus, something about it speaks to my competitive side." She grinned.

Alex sat her glass of wine down "When I saw you at the courthouse today you said you couldn't wait to get home and cuddle with Noah the rest of the evening, so what brought you to sitting on my couch tonight?"

Olivia sighed then took a gulp of wine. "It's just been a rough couple weeks." she then looked the blonde in the eye "And for the record I did spend the evening with Noah, we had dinner and I put him to bed before leaving. I asked Lucy to come back. I just needed to try and clear my head for a bit."

Alex knew what Olivia was referring to, they'd discussed it a little but she wanted to know more. She sensed this was her chance to ask and get Olivia to completely open up.

"Breakups are always a little rough." She watched as Olivia barely nodded her head "Sorry Olivia, but I have to ask. What brought it on? I know you told me back in the summer that you were happy and things were pretty good. Now, I've never liked the man but if you were happy that's all that mattered to me. Then suddenly in the fall when I'd ask how you two were you became evasive or would simply say it was complicated."

Olivia was so tired of keeping it all bottled up, maybe the old saying 'the truth will set you free' could be right. Now was as good a time as any. She leaned back and looked at the ceiling while running her hands through her hair before returning her focus to her friend sitting opposite her. "Last summer things were pretty good. The trip to Paris was nice, I'd always wanted to go so it was nice to finally go. Plus seeing Noah's excitement at getting to fly was more than worth it."

Alex nodded, allowing Olivia time.

"Did I tell you I thought he was gonna propose while we were there?"

"No! What made you think that?"

"Just the way he was acting one evening. He, Noah and I went to the top of the Eiffel Tower and he just seemed a little fidgety. Like, he never reached for anything in his pockets but I just kinda had that feeling. Luckily Noah kept me distracted. He never acted like anything was up the rest of the time we were there. By the time we came home I just brushed it off as me being paranoid, maybe unprepared for the relationship to go that far."

"Proposing at the top of the Eiffel Tower is a little cliché. Not to mention, cheesy. At least in my opinion." She had to smile when Olivia chuckled and nodded. "Not to be nosy, but had you even said 'I love you'?"

"No."

"Huh." Alex took another sip of wine and pulled the blanket off the back of the couch, draping it over their legs in the middle of the couch. "Okay, so what led from happy to complicated?"

"After we came back he casually began mentioning retirement."

"Your retirement or his?"

"At first it was his. Just throwing it out here and there. Talking about how he was starting to think about retiring, how it would be nice to have more time to go fishing, etc."

"Retirement always does sound nice."

Olivia nodded as she sank further into the couch, feeling Alex's feet tangle with her own.

Alex smiled to herself watching Olivia become more comfortable and relaxed. How many times, she wondered to herself, had she and Olivia shared a glass of wine while decompressing over the years. And in recent years she thought of how often they'd hung out together while Noah played in the floor.

"So then he started bringing up me retiring."

Alex noticed a hint of annoyance in the brunette's voice.

"We could spend more time together, take trips, and take Noah places. You know, it would've been one thing if he just mentioned it to see how I felt about it. But then it started to turn into maybe it was time for me to retire."

"Time to retire?" Alex rolled her eyes. "You are at the top of your game, I mean you can run circles around unis half your age."

At that Olivia laughed loudly. "Well I don't know about that. But thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Always." Alex held up her glass and nodded to Olivia's "More?" she poured more in each glass from the bottle when Olivia nodded.

"You know, it amazes me how you always seem to have a bottle of one of my favorite wines on hand."

"It's one of your favorites so I want to be sure I always have a bottle on hand for when you're here."

"You're the best."

"I know." Alex smirked. "Now, back to this retirement nonsense."

Olivia nodded "So, he kept bringing it up and I kept blowing it off or deflecting. Finally I told him I didn't really feel it was time for me to retire. He seemed to accept that and stopped mentioning it." Olivia felt a slight flutter in her stomach and her heart. "Then I got that feeling again that he was gonna propose. He wanted to plan a night out for the two of us, not just a dinner date or drinks. Then he mentioned maybe a weekend away just the two of us. And it started to scare me. Maybe it was just me getting in the way of myself, maybe it was just self-sabotage."

"Maybe he wasn't meant for you, and subconsciously you knew that?"

Olivia almost laughed, a slight smile gracing her features. "Do you remember that day last month that Lucy had a family emergency? And I had to ask you to take over for her and stay with Noah till I could get home?"

Alex nodded. While she had helped out with Noah several times since Olivia adopted him, she had to admit she was a little surprised the brunette called her and not Tucker. Not that she minded spending the evening with the little boy. She always had a blast spending time with him.

"Well, it was also that night I realized I needed to end it with Tucker." She sat her glass on the coffee tablet and took a deep breath "When I walked into my apartment that evening and saw you and Noah cuddled on the couch, him asleep on you." she trailed off "I realized something I've known deep down for a long time. That if I ever got married I'd want it to be you."

Alex was glad she'd already sat her glass down, she certainly would've dropped it in that moment. Of all the things Olivia could've said that was the last thing she expected.

The silence in the room was almost deafening. Olivia wasn't sure if she should wait and see if Alex said anything or just bolt and never contact the blonde again. She hadn't planned on saying everything she had when she left her apartment but regardless the outcome she was glad to have it all out. A few more moments of agonizing silence "You know, I should probably go." Olivia pushed the blanket back to stand.

"Don't." Alex placed her hand on Olivia's arm to prevent her from standing. She could see the look of panic and fear of what she would say on Olivia's face. "Please don't leave."

Olivia sat back on the couch but kept her feet on the floor, trying to put some distance between her and the blonde. The coziness from earlier now gone.

"Look at me." Alex said gently.

Olivia felt Alex slide closer to her. She kept her head down, unsure she could face the younger woman.

"Olivia," she watched as the brunette squeezed her eyes closed, obviously an attempt to not cry, and bowed her head. Alex reached out and lightly placed her hand on Olivia's cheek and gently turned her head "Please look at me."

Olivia opened her eyes expecting to see anger or disgust in Alex's. She felt a sliver of relief when she didn't see either. "Alex, I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She took a deep breath as she took Olivia's hand in her own and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I just need to ask, did you mean it?" she could feel Olivia's hand begin to tremble.

"I…" Olivia wiped a stray tear with her free hand as she tried to steady herself "I did. I do." it took everything she had to maintain eye contact with Alex in that moment.

"I'm glad." Alex's voice cracking as she spoke.

"What?!" Olivia's eyes widened, her heart began to race.

"I'm glad you meant it."

"Why?"

"Because deep down I've been in love with you for years."

And for the second time that evening the silence in the room was deafening. Now it was Alex's turn to be worried she'd gone too far, and Olivia's turn to be shocked.

"You love me?" Olivia asked tearfully.

"Very much. And not just because you're my best friend. I love you much more deeply than that."

Olivia laughed. "Wow. This was not at all what I was expecting when I left my apartment tonight." She covered their joined hands with her free one "I love you too. It's taken me a long time to realize that but I'm glad I have."

"I'm glad too."

They sat quietly for a few moments. Both trying to absorb the words that had been spoken. They still sat side by side, hands joined together.

"So when did you know?" Olivia asked out of the blue.

"Know what?" Alex turned slightly, Olivia turning to mirror her position, so they could face one another.

"When did you know you loved me?" her voice barely a whisper.

At that Alex smiled "Remember that night, after I was shot? Hammond asked you and Stabler to meet him?"

Olivia nodded "I almost fainted when you stepped out of that SUV."

"When I looked at you, knowing I may never see you again, I knew then that I loved you. After we left I wished so badly I would've told you."

"Oh my God, that long!"

"Yes."

"All that time once you were back, why didn't you tell me?"

"I was afraid of losing my best friend. And on the few occasions I thought I'd finally worked up the nerve, you were seeing someone. First David, then Brian, then the old guy." She smirked now.

Olivia couldn't help but laugh "He's not that old, few years older than me."

"Whatever you say." A moment of laughter "When did you know? You said you realized that deep down you've always known. When did you know you loved me?"

Olivia stared off in the distance for a moment then returned her eyes to Alex's "I can't say a definitive moment looking back. I mean I know moments where, now, I know I had feelings. When you told me you were going to the Congo was one. I mean, I was so proud of you and what you were doing. But it also hurt that you were leaving again. I couldn't quite understand the feeling at the time. Many times just watching you interact with Noah. For someone with hardly any experience with kids outside the job you are amazing with him. I guess like I said though, that night I saw him cuddled up with you. I just knew. I lay awake half the night that night trying to figure out what I was feeling. As I looked back over our past together I just realized that I'd loved you all along."

It was all out in the open now. Feelings, thoughts, words unsaid, over many years had been laid out before them. They sat in silence now, just looking at one another as each tried to gather their thoughts on the evening. At one point in the evening the apartment had felt tense when Olivia made her first confession. Now it felt comfortable just as it did on any other evening they'd spend together.

"So what does this mean for us now?" Alex finally asked.

"Well, just a little while ago I admitted that if I ever got married I'd want it to be you. I'm not exactly sure where to go from here." Olivia chuckled, Alex laughing along with her. "How about this? Would you go out on a date with me?"

"I would love to."

Olivia took a deep breath and smiled. "Okay then, how about next Friday night? I mean I know that's six whole days away but it's just so hard for me to get out on weeknights between work and Noah."

"It's fine. My schedule is a little more flexible than yours, do what works best for you. I just hate I'm gonna have to wait almost an entire week for this date."

"We've waited this long, a few more days can't hurt."

"I guess so." Alex rolled her eyes but smiled to show she was joking.

Olivia glanced at her phone on the coffee table, just past midnight. "Oh my God! I had no idea it was this late. I should go." She stood and began slipping her shoes and coat on. Alex helping with her coat and walking her to the door.

"I don't care how late it is, I am so happy you came over tonight."

"Me too."

Both now stared at one another, the evening's events replaying in their minds. "Call me when you get home?" Alex asked.

"I always do." Olivia replied with a smile. She was debating internally now 'should I? Should I wait?' Finally she threw caution to the wind. She slowly leaned forward, her heart racing. She smiled though as she saw Alex leaning in at the same time, the blonde having the exact same thought. They always could read one another. Their lips met briefly in their first kiss. Olivia was the first to pull back. She smiled as she saw Alex take a steadying breath.

Alex watched as Olivia's eyes fluttered for a moment as their kiss ended. Seeing the smile on the brunette's face brought one to her own 'she felt it too.' Alex thought to herself.

"I really should get going."

Alex nodded. She then reached out and pulled Olivia in for a hug. It was not the first time they'd hugged over the years but this time was different and both felt the change. "I love you." Alex whispered.

"I love you too."

Summer, 2019

"Now this, this is more my speed." Alex said as she slid further down into her chair and buried her toes in the sand. The umbrella above them giving the perfect amount of shade.

"Oh come on," Olivia laughed from her spot in a lounge chair next to the blonde "You know you loved visiting Disney."

Alex rolled her eyes as she glanced over "I enjoyed testing some of the drinks at Epcot."

"I have to admit, I did love The Magic Kingdom and Cinderella's Castle." Olivia grinned.

"Of course you did. You're such a princess." Both laughed at one another's ribbing.

They were on an extended vacation in Florida. Having spent the first four days visiting Disney parks they were now spending a week at the beach.

Alex looked out at the ocean in front of her, Noah going to the water's edge then running back trying to outrun the waves following him. If nothing else they would have no trouble getting him to sleep that night. As much as theme parks weren't her thing she had to admit watching Noah's excitement had brought her so much joy.

"Noah, honey, that's too close." Alex called out seeing he was getting too close to the waves.

Noah ran up to where the couple were sitting and wiggled his way into the chair with Alex. "Are you tired buddy?" Alex asked as she combed her fingers through his hair.

"Mmhmm." He looked up at the blonde "Will you help me build a sandcastle, Mommy?"

"It's been a while since I built one but I'll give it a try."

Noah was so tired from running he didn't even budge. Alex just grinned over his head at Olivia.

Olivia smiled as she watched her wife and their son. A little over two years ago she never would've imagined this life would be possible. Watching Alex and Noah cuddled together it reminded her of the night she realized this was the life she wanted. After going to Alex's that night and finally confessing how she felt life changed in ways she couldn't imagine. They took it slow for a while, wanting to make sure it would work. They were also careful of any public displays of affection for a while as well. Considering they'd had their first date just a few weeks after Olivia broke up with Tucker neither were eager for it to appear something had been going on while he and Olivia were still dating. A couple months later they told friends and family, everyone was beyond happy for them. After almost a year of dating Olivia proposed. It was nothing fancy, she popped the question after dinner one evening, Noah by her side as she did so. Soon after they started the process for Alex to officially adopt Noah although he'd been calling her Mommy for a while. They married in a simple ceremony six months after the engagement, now just a few months away from their first wedding anniversary.

"Crazy life, huh?" Alex grinned, seeming to know what the brunette was thinking about.

"Craazzyy!" Olivia laughed. "But I wouldn't trade any second of it."

"Me either." Alex held her free hand out "I love you."

Olivia reached out between them and squeezed the blonde's hand "I love you more."