"I can't do this!"
"It's just the nerves. It'll be alright." Alice said sitting down next to Bella, who was sitting on the couch. She was dressed in her wedding dress and the wedding was going to begin in less than an hour.
"I don't think I can. I can't do this."
I sat there staring ahead at the table in front of me. I couldn't believe that this was my wedding day. I couldn't move even if there was a fire coming at me… or a vampire.
I had already gotten dressed in my dress and my hair was done, all that was left was my make up.
"I think I should just call this whole thing off, it would be better."
"No. I won't let you do that. Edward is waiting to marry you because he loves you. You can't get cold feet."
"I can, and I am."
She was gone and back before I realized what was going on. She brought Jasper to the room so put a wave of calm over me.
She started putting on make up and fixing stuff as I sat there. I was hoping that the roof would fall down so we could call the whole thing off.
Then I felt bad about thinking that. I knew that I loved him but I didn't want to get married. I would drag my feet on that forever.
On the Brightside, after this was over I would be one of them. I would have to worry anymore because it would be done. I could live with him until the end of time.
It didn't help that he was so nice about everything. I hurt him and he forgives me every time. I'm just waiting for the right amount of pain that will make him leave me forever.
After I'm changed I won't have to worry about Jacob Black anymore. I wouldn't ever have to worry.
I felt bad about making him suffer along with Edward but it's the was things were. I just wish he would imprint so I would have to worry about him anymore.
I never had two boys fight over me and it was hard work. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make to leave Jacob and stay with Edward. I don't know how I did it. I hope I never have to do anything like that ever again.
I looked over at Alice, who had her back to me. I knew that if I stayed with Jacob, it wouldn't only hurt Edward but her also, and the rest of their family.
I couldn't do that to them. Or myself.
I never felt so selfish in my life. I'm not even doing this for him anymore, its about me. I want him more than life itself.
I stood up, about to go out the door and head to my car and drive home. I don't know why I thought I could get away with it.
Alice stood in front of the door with her arms crossed.
"I don't think so."
They just didn't get how hard this was for me. I couldn't do this even if I tried. It was so hard.
It doesn't help that, for my entire life I was told that marriage at this age was bad.
Its not my fault. But I don't blame Renée or Charlie. I was just glad that Charlie took me in. Otherwise I would even be thinking about this.
It was hard enough thinking that Edward loved me, let alone wanted to marry me. I couldn't believe it.
I know all of the girls either envy me for marrying him or are ashamed because I'm going to spend the rest of my life with one man.
If they only knew…
"Can't you just let this go. It will be alright in the end. You'll be happy you did this. It will make everyone happy. Think about Charlie and Mike, it will be closure for him."
"You're right, I know that. But I still don't know if I can do this!"
"I don't know why you're worried. It will turn out fine. You'll be happy forever with him and he'll be happy you did this. It's a win-win situation."
There was a knock and I sat back down as Alice answered it.
"I just want to talk to her. Let me in!"
"You know the rules, you can't see her yet. Just leave. Everything will be alright. I can fix this. Its just her nerves."
"Just let me in. I need to talk to her. If she doesn't want to do this it will be alright."
"Just get back. I need you to leave this door right now."
"Alice!"
"Leave now!" she said as she shut the door.
I couldn't do that to him. I knew how much it meant to him. I couldn't, I wouldn't. I wouldn't hurt him like that anymore.
He thought he didn't deserve me, he had it backwards. He's too understanding. I guess that's what you get after being around for over a hundred years.
"Okay, I'll do it."
That sent a smile across her face. She beamed and turned to Jasper.
"You can go get ready now. I don't need you anymore."
He ran off and finished.
"How much longer until it starts?"
"Less than fifteen minutes."
"Great." I said quietly. Her smile wavered but she didn't seem deterred. She knew I was planning on it going still.
"So, I guess he's not coming at all…" she said.
"What are you talking about?"
"Jacob. He would make it all gone. But I can still see everything. And he doesn't seem like he would come last minute. Or alone for that matter."
My heart stopped momentarily. Once it began beating again, I asked, "What are you talking about. I said no to Jacob coming. I told you that!"
"I didn't invite him. It was Edward."
If I could have, there would have been steam coming out of my ears and nose. To say that I was pissed would be an understatement.
The knock was quick and rapid.
Alice ran to open the door. She was frantic.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know. You didn't tell me. It's not my fault. I'm sorry."
"Let me see her!"
"No. You can't."
"Alice."
"No." she said as she slammed the door.
As she shut it I saw a glimpse of his face. He looked mad, but not at Alice or me, but at himself. More than that, he looked nervous and scared that I was mad. I hold on to my anger anymore. It vanished as quickly as it came.
"Alice. It's all right. I'm okay, I guess he couldn't make it. It's not a big deal. I'm not going to make something out of nothing. I'll be alright. His loss I guess."
I threw in a shrug to assure her.
She sighed. "See Edward!"
There was no response but I heard a sigh outside the door as well.
"Let's get this thing on the road!"
Alice was my maid of honor and Esme was one of my bridesmaids. I included Rosalie even though she probably didn't want to be a part of it. I didn't want to give her another reason to hate me.
First Esme went down, then Rosalie. Alice was in front of me. Before she walked down, she turned and said, "You'll do fine, just repeat after him. You look great, by the way."
With that she turned and headed down the aisle. Charlie stood next to the open door waiting for me. I was walking down with him.
"She's right. You look beautiful."
"Thanks."
The wedding march started and we walked down I watched Edwards face from the moment I saw it to when I got up in front of him.
As soon as he saw me his eyes lit up and a smile came across his face. I didn't need to be a mind reader to know what he was thinking.
As we got closer to the altar, Charlie's grip got tighter, like he didn't want to let me go. In he case, he probably didn't.
We got to where he had to let go, but he didn't. he kept his grip until he was done giving me a kiss on the cheek.
The look in his eyes were enough to make me call off the wedding if it were to anyone else. They were pleading for me to leave right away. He didn't want this for me, but I wasn't giving in.
I turned and saw Edward standing, waiting to take my hand. And that was exactly what I gave him. He led me to the where the minister was standing.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holey matrimony..."