A/N: This was originally a lot shorter, but it decided to grow, and...well, I was really just along for the ride, at that point xD
I had a hard time deciding whether to separate this into short little chapters, or leaving them all together so that it'd be easier to see the flow between them - ultimately, I chose the latter. I think that it works better that way, but that's my opinion. Take from it what you will.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, but I do have a lovely Xion cosplay that I made. Does that count?
1.
It's only natural.
Axel was the one to bring him in, after all – not the one to find him, no, that had been Xemnas, but Roxas hadn't gone with Xemnas, had he? No, he'd gone with Axel, the teasing scheming smirking redhead with the promises of ice cream and adventure. Roxas doesn't remember a lot from his first seven days, but he remembers a flash of red hair and a lilting laugh, and really, that should have been a warning sign from the very beginning.
It all comes back to Axel, doesn't it? The one to bring him in. His first partner.
His first friend.
Xion is nice – she's funny and sweet and reminds him of a half-faded memory, but she's different. She's a girl (not that Roxas really cares about that, but the only other girl he knows is Larxene, and she's scary), and she's like him but not. She has a Keyblade but it doesn't always come. She sits by his bed and leaves him a seashell every day that he's sick, but disappears for days on end when he isn't. She says that she only wants to stay with her friends, but then she runs away again and again, leaving Axel and Roxas behind as if she doesn't know that they can't leave the Organization, they can't, not without Xemnas utterly obliterating them.
Thinking back, back to when Saïx had listed the outcome of the Oblivion project and Axel still wasn't back, still wasn't home, Roxas should have realized it. Because he'd felt something in his chest, like a burning tearing break
(but not emotion, Nobodies don't have emotion, that's for real people, right?)
rushing through him. Like fire, or splinters maybe, jabbing him again and again.
Axel couldn't be gone. Not Axel. Scary girl Larxene, scientist Vexen, quiet Zexion and Lexaeus, they could be gone. Marluxia could be gone.
But not. Axel.
Roxas told himself that, but he was listless, doing his job with a detached efficiency that would've impressed Saïx had he taken more of an interest in anything besides quotas and Kingdom Hearts (which, really, were kind of the same thing in the long run). Heartless weren't a problem for Roxas anymore, except for the bigger ones, and the adrenaline rush he got while fighting was nice. He didn't want to go back to his empty white room in their empty white castle with the empty white Nobodies slinking around.
And then Axel came back. Came back with a grin and a laugh and an armful of Roxas, because he was so
(happy)
relieved to see him alive that he just couldn't help it.
So it was only natural that when the two of them ate their ice creams atop the clock tower, Roxas smiled for the first time in days.
2.
Roxas knows what it is to like something. He likes sea-salt ice cream. He likes sitting on the clock tower with his friends, watching the sun set over the quiet town. He likes the rush of swinging his Keyblade, back to back with Axel and not being able to distinguish the lightbursts from the flame.
So it was only natural that it was Axel who explained to him what love was. The difference between like and love, and how you can love a friend but it's not the same as being in love.
Roxas wonders what being in love feels like, but he's too
(scared)
apprehensive, and doesn't ask. Because it's strange, this warmth he feels around the flame-user, and he doesn't know how to explain it.
(And it's strange, the dropping plunging sensation that fills his stomach with shivery shards of ice when he sees the Beast and the Belle girl smiling at each other.)
3.
The three of them, they're best friends, right? Inseparable. The three of them, they aren't like the other members, who keep to themselves unless there's something that they can spin to their advantage. They talk, they laugh, and they share ice cream together after a day's work of collecting hearts, and if there's more to friendship then that then Roxas doesn't need it.
So it's only natural that when Xion goes missing, for longer than usual this time, that they search the worlds to find her.
Axel finds her. Well, it's more like they both find her at about the same time, but while Roxas tries to negotiate, to convince Xion to please come back, please, we need you and miss you and it's just too quiet around the castle without you, Axel chooses another option.
He fights.
He twirls his fiery chackram and Roxas winces at the sharp clash of metal on metal, but no matter how Roxas yells and pleads for them to just stop already, to not fight, because they're friends, can't they see that? No matter what he says, there's nothing he can do, until Xion is slumped, unconscious, over Axel's shoulder, Keyblade dissipating into a shimmer of light.
And if looks could kill Roxas expects that Axel would drop dead right there, Xion gaining a conveniently bony cushion to land upon, because he's so
(angry)
irritated with Axel's behavior that he can hardly look at his friend. So he turns away as Axel disappears, and he tries to think that it's only natural that it's Axel who brings her back. Like how he'd brought Roxas into the Organization, 298 days ago.
4.
Axel…Axel is a liar. Roxas always sort of knows this – Axel never answers a question with a straight answer, and the looks he gave sometimes, like he knew more than he's letting on and wants to tell but can't, Roxas, just can't…well, it's only natural to notice that the redhead has to be hiding something.
Roxas doesn't mind, at first. At first he's new to the Organization, so obviously he's not going to be privy to a lot of their secrets right away. He gets that. Really.
But as time goes on it becomes more noticeable.
Like how Axel is dispatched to Castle Oblivion, and instead of letting Roxas know he's fine right away (because they're friends, aren't they? And friends let each other know that they're all right) he stays away. Roxas is too
(happy)
relieved to see him to question why he hasn't spoken to him before. But when Roxas decides to go to Castle Oblivion, to see for himself what happened, because he keeps seeing a boy in his dreams and there's a name niggling at his subconscious and he needs to know, needs to understand, he collapses.
Before he faints, though, and before Axel catches him, he sees the Look, burning away in eyes as green as the very heart of a fire.
Axel knows.
Axel understands.
And Axel isn't telling.
Like when it's Xion who's asleep this time, and Saïx goes around dropping words like 'broken' and 'it' and 'only a shell'. Roxas leaves seashells and sits by her bed, holds her hand and wonders and wonders but comes up blank every time.
And Axel says that he doesn't know, he doesn't know but he'll ask Saïx if it'll make Roxas feel better, because something is wrong with their friend and that's what friends do, right? They help each other.
Axel comes back, eyes downcast, and says that he found nothing. That Saïx kept his mouth shut, wouldn't tell him anything, but the Look is flickering and there's something different about the way he's holding himself, and Roxas thinks that there's more to it than that.
Axel knows.
Axel understands.
And Axel isn't telling.
Like when Xion runs off again, while Axel is with her, and he makes no move to stop her this time. He lets her run, as if he doesn't care; doesn't care enough to go after her and doesn't care enough about Roxas to do it for his sake.
And Roxas just doesn't know what to think, doesn't understand, because Axel is saying that Xion is a puppet, a mirror, just a reflection, but puppets don't smile and mirrors don't laugh and you can never touch a reflection.
And Roxas turns away, Axel's eyes burning the Look into his back, except this look is different; his eyes are saying not I want to tell you but why can't you understand?
Because Axel knows.
Because Axel understands.
And because Axel wants to tell, but Roxas isn't listening.
5.
And so it's only natural that when Roxas discovers the lies, the cover-ups and everything that Axel has done, that his best friend has done, he leaves. Walks away, and doesn't look back.
Because it all comes back to Axel, and without Axel, what reason is there to stay?