Final Fantasy X: Final Fantasy Farplane

by Ger

On the night of the Lady Yuna's wedding all of Spira rejoices...that is, until Seymour returns with the aim of exacting revenge. Joined by numerous Final Fantasy villains from VII and XII and one called 'The Master' he goes for his goal. To Be Recorded...

Note: This was not written by me, but my friends Paul and Jessica.

FINAL FANTASY X

Final Fantasy Farplane

Note: This story is not recommended for children under 15. Note also that lines in italics are the narrators speaking to each other.

The Unsent Laugh

Rikku was comfortable in bed; for more than one reason. First off, after nineteen years of living under Cid's door, she finally had her own house. It was a house by Djose Temple. This led to the other reason that she was comfortable in bed. Djose was the home of the Machine Faction and the leader of the Machine Faction was Gippal. Are you getting the picture?

Jessica, that's not appropriate.

That's why we read it with a disclaimer. Now then, we can throw insults at each other starting next chapter.

So anyway, obviously Rikku had dated Gippal before but she never told anyone. Of course I don't have that problem but…Since Rikku was allowed legally by Spira (or maybe just America) to leave, she moved in with Gippal. You guessed it, they were sleeping together. I wouldn't know if they went so far as doing it but there's a pretty good inkling. On this particular night it was the very night before a grand wedding in Bevelle, but we'll get to that next chapter.

The night was calm, peaceful, silent save for the grunting (m-seh, m-seh) coming from under the sheets. You'd never expect a gay guy to come into the-

Jessica, rule number one, no plot throwaways!!!

Sorry, so the window was open and they could hear the crackling of Djose Temple outside, mechanical joints from the machina, and of course the squeaking of their bed. But then a much different noise entered the room.

Let me take over…for now.

Fine!

If you've ever been to the Farplane you'd know this sound well. If you've lived at the Farplane you're pretty much accustomed to the sound. If you're dead…you make this sound. It was the sound of pyreflies. Rikku and Gippal didn't notice; they thought it was their bed. But then there was another sound: a laugh. Not just any laugh mind you, but a high pitched laugh coming from a gay guy who molests children who tried to show he wasn't gay by marrying a girl which backfired and made people think he was bi and-

Okay Paul, my turn.

The point is, the laugh was creepy and it made Rikku freeze. Then she told Gippal to get out. And they jumped out of the window, basically naked. Then a guy named Wantz came by and took a picture of Rikku.

I always knew he was a pervert.

Calm down Paul. Anyway, Rikku said "We gotta tell Yunie!" And that's how their adventure began.

Lame…

Chapter 1

Oh How Wonderful

The balls rang in the sacred city of Bevelle. The people were gathered around, dressed in their fanciest clothing. However, unlike the event of five years ago, there were no soldiers or forbidden machina lining the street ready to strike down any approaching airships. In fact, the Palace of St. Bevelle was so packed that airships had to come and watch the whole thing. Up front and center was a podium where a former summoner known as Father Zuke was standing.

Paul, this is so boring. Move on…

I need to describe it. You and I both know that in this case, the setting is very important.

Whatever…

So anyway, also up front and center, standing near the podium was a huge consortium of people. First up were Wakka and Lulu with three year old Vidina standing by their side. Wakka and Lulu were both smiling: they knew this day would come. Also standing nearby was the former praetor of the former New Yevon, Baralai, along with his new…uh…girlfriend? Paine. Nooj and Leblanc were next to them with Ormi and Logos in the background playing some kind of card game. Brother and Buddy were nearby, Brother trying to blow his nose on Buddy's shirt.

"Fro tet drec rybbah du sa?" Brother blubbered.

"Palyica oui yna y mucan, ylluntehk du Shinra." Buddy answered when all of a sudden Gippal and Rikku came flying past in their best clothing.

"Fryd tit fa secc?" Gippal asked.

"Rikku, vydran femm rayn ypuid drec!"

"Crid ib, oui pek mucan!" Rikku yelled.

"The ceremony is about to start." Nooj said.

"Yeah, I know, had some trouble…" Gippal said. Nooj snorted and the bells stopped ringing. The crowd fell silent and it seemed as though they all had caught their breath. Everybody stared at the podium and those up front stared at a door next to the podium. Soon after a guy with blonde hair stepped out of it and stood in front of Father Zuke. He nodded and Father Zuke signaled to the long line of trumpeters.

I didn't know they had trumpets in Spira!

Jessica, don't be thick!

So the trumpets played a herald that reached all the way to the back of the line. The guy with blonde hair, who was dressed fancier than the rest of them, turned to the back of that line and smiled. You see, walking down the line was a girl…well really a woman about the age of twenty two, dressed in what Lulu described about five years ago as a wedding dress. The woman walked down the line and as she walked down the line, the people bowed to her.

That's pretty cool, I wish that people would do that when I have a wedding…

The woman walking down the line had blue eyes and brown hair that was tied back in a ponytail. As she walked up the line she had a smile on her face as well. When she finally reached the top, Rikku, Paine, Wakka, and Buddy followed her up. She took the hands of the blonde guy and they looked at each other. The four of them stood behind the two of them.

You know those two seem pretty familiar…Who are they?

Are you stupid? You're the one telling the story!

So? What's your point?

Right, well, the two looked at each other and then stepped up to Father Zuke. I'm not going to describe the intricacies of what he said except for the last part.

"High Summoner Yuna, do you take this man to be your husband?" Yuna smiled and nodded. "And Guardian Tidus, do you take the High Summoner Yuna to be your wife?"

"I do." Tidus answered.

"Then may you pass the rest of your days in happiness. Kiss the bride." And Tidus did in a passionate kiss. The whole entire city erupted in cheers. The High Summoner was finally wed.

X X X

The reception was everything that it was meant to be. People kept coming up to Yuna and congratulating her. Of course, some thought that it was odd she had married some guy who appeared in Spira five years ago, vanished for two years, and was with Yuna for only three years. Some thought…she deserved better. But Yuna loved Tidus and Tidus loved her…I guess that's all that mattered. The reception isn't so important that I need to describe it all save for how everybody felt about it. Around…I don't know…late in the night, Tidus and Yuna had disappeared to a place called Zanarkand. There they sat watching the sun set reliving their past experiences. When Wakka called them in the morning they were back in Bevelle…in a…well…you know what they were in. I don't think that they ever believed that anything could come and break up their perfect little world. Too bad something was coming…fast.

Chapter 2

Maechen's Memoirs

"Oh, these old bones can't take many more visitors…" a man in a really goofy green hat and cape said. "I suppose you all want to hear tales of the High Summoner Yuna. Well, I suppose I can tell that story."

Maechen.

Yeah, Paul he still wears a goofy green hat.

Crid ib!

Anyway…here we will recount the memoirs of Maechen the Old Guy. Get ready to get some serious sleep in.

Mi'ihen Highroad

I first met this mysterious guardian upon this road. I talked to him of the statue of Lord Mi'ihen as well as the ancient ruins that rested there. I do not know if he seemed intrigued by it but regardless, his presence was very odd but he was journeying with the summoner Yuna. I was glad to meet a summoner so young. Perhaps she would be the one to defeat Sin. Nevertheless, I will continue upon my journey. Maybe I shall meet them again.

Everyone was still listening intently.

Guadosalam

The Guado's history is truly fascinating, do you not think so? Anyway, the Lady Yuna and her guardians came to the city today. I was thrilled to speak with this mysterious guardian today…and Sir Auron. Being that the Farplane was here I had to observe it all. But I digress, my apologies. I spoke with him of the history of Guadosalam and then he went off with the other guardians. We are heading to the same place: Macalania. Maybe I can learn more of him there.

Some people were beginning to nod off.

Before the fall of Sin

I have spoken with the Lady Yuna and her mysterious guardian only slightly since Guadosalam. As far as I can find, this man seemed to be of extraordinary difference to the other people of Spira. Hmm, I wonder what it means. Nevertheless, the lady Yuna and her guardians have defeated Sin, but this mysterious guardian has disappeared. I fear I shall never find the secrets about him and it pains me so…

I think I'm starting to fall asleep.

Present Day

After Lady Yuna's mysterious guardian reappeared I was ecstatic. It appeared he was a dream of the Fayth. But Lady Yuna's courageous endeavors enabled him to be returned to the real world of Spira. Very soon the word got around that they were to be married! Oh what a joyous day indeed that will be. Spira has prospered. There are no private wars only peace. And all are working towards one goal: the wedding of Lady Yuna. I only hope that nothing ill befalls us.

Everyone had fallen asleep.

What was the point of this past, short chapter?

I think it was to give some history of Spira.

Okay…so then…next chapter?

Yeah, let's go.

Chapter 3

Lord Seymour!

Lord Tromell returned home from the Lady Yuna's wedding in very good spirits. Lady Yuna was naturally a good friend of Tromell; after all, she helped to restore the Guado back to their home of Guadosalam. He did feel bad sometimes for what he had done to her under the orders of Seymour but nevertheless, he led the Guado with justice and strength.

More than Seymour could ever do!

Hear hear, so anyway when they returned home it was to find everything as they had left it. Tromell went into the mansion and set his stuff down. He also put a lot of gel into his hair so that it could stand up in that funky style. Then he moved onto his mirror area cabinet. His wife's makeup was out on the table. That was odd…his wife never left her Guadolicious Make-up out.

Wait, Tromell has a wife?!

It surprised me too.

I can imagine…Hee hee hee.

Right, so he went over to the make-up drawer and looked at the make-up and then he heard a laugh. You know; that creepy laugh I talked about earlier.

"Who's there?!" Tromell yelled out, brandishing the make-up as a weapon.

"Hello Tromell." said a very girly voice.

"Lord Seymour!" Indeed, the girly man was standing in the room facing Tromell. He had earlier been rifling through Tromell's make-up area because he wanted to put on some cherry flavored lip gloss.

Want a taste?

"That is enough Tromell. I need your assistance."

"You should no longer be here. You were sent to the Farplane five years ago."

"It's a terrible place…do not die."

"But-"

"Please Tromell, I do not wish to waste time on banter. We must go with all haste to Besaid and-"

And molest all the little children, Seymolester.

Jessica!

We said no kids under 15.

"-and take my revenge on Lady Yuna." Seymour really said.

"But Lord Seymour…"

"There are no buts!"

"I have something to tell you."

I am your father. It was hot; I thought it was your mother's mouth.

"Lady Yuna is wed." Tromell really said.

"Even better."

"What are you doing here?"

"I have taken control of the Farplane and found a way to get out. It took me years but I'm finally back."

"Lord Seymour, the dead cannot remain among the living."

"Are you going to oppose me Tromell?"

"I cannot allow you to do this! Not after what you did to the Lady Yuna in the Chamber of the Fayth last time."

"Tromell."

"Yes?" I'm not going to describe what happened next. Let's say that it was so terrible that Tromell agreed to everything Lord Seymour said.

"Now, I want to introduce you to my boyfriends." Some pyreflies entered the room as well as about…three bad boys. One of them looked like he used way too much conditioner whose name was Vayne. The guy next to him had short hair but he was talking to himself: Dr. Cidolfus Demen Bunansa. The last guy had silver hair: Sephiroth.

"We are not your boyfriends!" Sephiroth said.

"Hmm, what's that Venat? Oh yes, you were really hitting it off in the Farplane!"

"Stop talking to your fake little 'Venat' thing. It doesn't exist."

"Nonsense." Vayne was looking at this with mild interest and started grooming his hair while Cid and Sephiroth got into an argument.

"They are rather strange but I could find no better to suit my purposes." Seymour said.

You know Paul, I just realized something.

What?

It was easy to tell Vayne as the bad guy. Anyone who took that long to rule a country and do his hair has to be bad.

"I just want to get this world and then sail the cosmos on Jenova to find my old planet." Sephiroth said.

"We'll use deifacted nethicite instead!"

"What about my bottle of special hair conditioner?" They all looked at Vayne. "Well, it could burn a few eyes."

"My friends, there is none of that on this world. We will have to do it differently. We shall take over the sphere in Luca and from there head for Besaid to destroy the Lady Yuna. Then nothing will stop us!"

"As long as I get to stab a few people." Sephiroth said.

"Venat, what do you say?" Sephiroth rolled his eyes. "Very well, we shall help."

"Yes, Archadia shall be mine. Not my brother Larsa's."

"Very well then. Tromell, prepare Luca for our arrival."

"Yes, Lord Seymour." They all laughed their different kind of laughs.

Yeah, Dr. Cid: crazy; Vayne: quiet; Sephiroth!!! Sorry: deep; Seymour: girly.

That sums it up…so Tromell was now pushed into a situation he could no longer avoid. He had to warn Lady Yuna or somebody…anybody. Spira was about to become a spiral…of what, we don't know yet.

Chapter 4

Fryd ec Drec?

"Hey Wakka, pass it here!" Tidus yelled. Tidus jumped up to grab the blitzball but Botta jumped in front of him and got smacked in the face.

"Ohh, that really hurt brudda." Botta said and all of them laughed.

"So what's your goal this year?!"

"Victory!" the Aurochs cheered. They all put their hands in. "Besaid Aurochs brudda!" They released their hands.

"We'll see you at the Crystal Cup right boys!" Wakka said.

"Yeah, Cap'n Wakka!" Letty yelled. Then the Aurochs got on the ship headed for Luca with all of Besaid cheering behind them. Jessica, what are you doing?

I wanna play blitzball.

See, this is why I don't let you narrate the majority of the chapters.

You know what Paul, you wanna go?

No…oh it's on!

Bring it!

So anyway, after the S.S. Liki sailed and the Aurochs waved goodbye, the huge group of people started heading back to the island. Then Tidus and Wakka felt some kind of coconuts hit their head.

"Ow! Hey!" Wakka yelled.

"What was that?" Tidus said. They heard a girly laugh and some rustling up above.

"Yrrylm!" Rikku yelled. Instantly a huge barrage of coconuts came at them.

"Oh that's it. Brudda?" Tidus nodded. They ran for the sand bank walls and climbed up as quickly as they could. When they reached the top they looked around before some coconuts conked them in the head. They picked them up and threw them in the direction of the sound. They missed. Then Yuna jumped on top of Tidus.

"Hey! Get off me Yuna!" Yuna just laughed. "I was wondering why you weren't wishing the Aurochs luck…"

"It's more fun to hit you guys with coconuts!"

"Ya, ya, point taken." Wakka said. "Now can you stop trying to hit us with coconuts? I need to get home to Lu."

"Awww, Wakka ec y vydran! Ruf lida!" Rikku said.

"Yeah, yeah, let's go back to Besaid Village."

"Sorry folks, I gotta get back home." She whistled and the Celsius came descending on the island of Besaid.

"Yeah, I'm staying in Bevelle tonight." Paine said. They both jumped onto the ship and it flew off.

"C'mon." Tidus said. "I want to show you something!" Tidus dragged Yuna away. She was used to this kind of thing, and every time it excited her.

What is he showing her?

"You know, I heard Brother likes Paine now!"

"Really, he has to attach his affections to more obtainable women."

"Yeah!"

"Turn here." Tidus led her to the edge of a lagoon. She looked around.

"What do you want to show me?" Tidus took a sphere out of his pocket and put it in her hands.

"Fryd ec drec?" Yuna asked.

"Go on, take a look. I meant to give it to you our wedding night but I didn't have time to."

My question is how a married woman can go around looking like that and not get-

Yuna looked into the sphere and turned it on. Instantly they saw a picture of Lord Braska and his wife. Otherwise known as, in this case…Yuna's parents.

"Where did you find this?"

"Rin gave it to me, that day we went to visit him."

"Really?"

"Listen to it." So Yuna did.

"Yuna, by now you are probably married. I hope you have a good husband. You deserve no less than someone extraordinary. If you can, say hi to Auron and Jecht for me. I know they would be very interested in your choice of groom. Your mother and I, all we have to say is this: we hope that you live a happy life Yuna. I love you and I hope that you and your husband love each other too."

Aw, how sweet!

Yuna wrapped her arms around Tidus.

"Thank you."

"No problem, let's just get back to the village. I heard Wakka's cooking something special."

"Knowing Wakka it will end up like those coconuts there. They both laughed and then Tidus gave Yuna a kiss-

Too much kissing.

Yeah…

-and walked off.

X X X

Wakka made dinner that night and he actually didn't mess it up. To the people on Besaid it was their chance to get ready to celebrate the Auroch's sixth year of victories. The funny part was, there wasn't even going to be any blitzball matches.

Chapter 5

The Stadium at Luca

Paul, can I narrate the story?

No.

Too bad, I'm going to do it anyway!

Fine. But if you say anything bad I will cut you off straight away.

Right, so Yuna finally ran into the Bevelle chamber of fayth.

"Finally, I've escaped that crazy Hypello Paparazzi!" Yuna said and wiped her head. Then she tripped and all of a sudden fell into the hole in the ground. Then some Hypello came in the room with large bulldozers and such.

"We shall sheal up the hole for you Mish Yoona!" one of them called down.

"No!" Yuna screamed.

Jessica!

It has a point, I promise.

You'd better be right.

The Hypello were laughing as they plugged up the hole but then a voice filled the room even though that person wasn't there.

"What are you doing?" a deep voice said. "We have a job to do, don't we?" Seymour snapped out of his daydream.

"What do you want?"

"Is it not time to do this thing?"

"Indeed."

As you say Jessica, sexual connotations!

Seymour and company started walking down the street. Many people gave them some odd looks for two reasons. You should be able to guess what they are. First, it was a really odd group of people. Second, Seymour had been dead and now he was back. Weird no?

"What are you looking at?" He said to a little kid who was just looking at him.

"He's looking at my fabulous hair what else?" Vayne said to him. Sephiroth had his senses on high alert and when he saw the balloon that the kid was holding he leapt into action and popped it. The kid ran off crying and they all laughed. Jerks. So they continued along until they reached the sphere. They entered in to see everybody preparing for the opening blitzing with balls-

Jessica!!!

Right, sorry, they were ready to play Blitzball. Seymour looked up to the presenter's podium and saw Baralai and Nooj up there ready to give directions and announcements.

"And to believe I taught him the secrets of Yevon!" Seymour said. "Well…maybe not all of the secrets."

"What do you plan to do?" Sephiroth said.

"Isn't it obvious; he's going to create a trial for the people of Luca!" Dr. Cid yelled and everyone just looked at him like a crazy guy…which he was, but that's not important.

"It is time for me to summon. Come Anima!" Seymour did the old stupid Yevon prayer but nothing happened and he felt absolutely stupid just standing there with his big blue robe and a goofy expression.

"I don't think that it's working." Vayne said passively.

"Neither do I." Seymour said. "Alright then, Plan B. Dr. Cid, get the Aurochs, Vayne use that selling hair conditioner ploy. Come to think, I could use some myself. Anyway, I will take the top box, Sephiroth, you know what to do." Sephiroth smiled and leapt into the crowd drawing his sword.

"Hey, you're blocking the sphere!" A guy yelled. Sephiroth answered by drawing his sword and he advanced on the crowd. They all screamed and ran like pansies so Sephiroth was just standing there looking at his sword a moment-

Jessica, get back to the stuff about Seymour and the rest of them.

Anyway, Vayne was already selling hair conditioner to lull people into a false sense of security until Sephiroth was going to come and scare them off with his big, long, and scary sword. Meanwhile, Dr. Cid was waiting for the S.S. Winno to arrive at the dock. When it finally arrived the Aurochs were the first off.

"Who's this guy?" Datto said.

"Are you a fan of the Aurochs?" Letty asked.

"I guess you could say I am." Dr. Cid said. And before the Aurochs could say anything they were whisked away by…something, to the Lucan Stadium. Meanwhile, Seymour had taken some hair spray and was primping his hair before he decided to take action. Sephiroth had cleared the stadium and now Seymour brought himself up to the top box. The Aurochs were all there.

"Dude, it's Maester Seymour!" Botta yelled.

"No, Maester Seymour's dead ya? Ya?" Letty said to the team. Seymour laughed his girly little laugh. In the meantime Keepa managed to sneak out the door without being seen. It's funny because he was the fattest guy there and he's the only one who gets to escape. Am I reading this right?

Yeah you are…

All right! So Seymour turned into the stadium where his three conspires were standing around, sealing it all off. Then Seymour looked down and was confused by the complex switches that regulated the feed to the sphere network. It took him a few minutes but he eventually got it right.

"People of Spira, indeed it is I, Maester Seymour. Long ago I was brutally murdered by the Lady Yuna. I wish to speak with her. I am holding the Aurochs hostage. If Lady Yuna fails to come to Luca in the next five minutes-"

Are you reading that right?

I think…no wait, man they were using that typewriter again!

"-in the next five days or I will destroy every one of the Aurochs. I will be waiting here in the sphere of Luca. Good day." Unfortunately the people still at Luca heard some very…disturbing sounds as Seymour then tried to figure out how to turn it off. Every one thought he was crazy; Seymour thought he was brilliant. Spira was in for a rough ride.

Get ready.

Yep!

Chapter 6

The Reunion

"The Reunion is coming!" a guy with short silver hair said. His voice was semi-girly but in a crazed way. "We must be prepared. We will there be reunited with mother and all of our planets."

"Spit on your mother!" a guy in a red outfit said. He took a swig from a silver container and stared at the guy. The man looked at him with very loathing looks.

"Don't talk about mother like that!" said a voice behind the red robed guy. The man scoffed.

"And what're you gonna do about it?" The man tried to hit him but he just put his sword up and blocked it. He scoffed again. Then he brought his sword down again and walked away.

"Loz, you should learn to control your temper." said another guy with long silver hair.

"He was making fun of mother!" Loz yelled.

"Yes, but Sephiroth and Seymour put us in charge of the Farplane until they return and we will not fail them!" Kadaj said to his cronies. Loz just cried a little bit and then walked away with Yazoo. A man in armor walked up to Kadaj and put his hand on Kadaj's shoulder.

"The future of Spira is Lord Seymour. We will not fail them here."

"Good words Judge Bergan. Have you learned anything of FREE?"

"Nothing much but that the stray hound is among them."

"Oh really? Well let's find them before they get out of hand." The two walked off their different ways.

Paul, I don't understand what's going on.

Okay, Bergan, Kadaj, Ghis, Loz, and Yazoo rule the Farplane and obviously there's a resistance group called FREE.

Alright…

X X X

Auron walked in through the mysterious door at the back of the Farplane Tavern ("We got 'em in your favorite: Pyreflies!"). As soon as he entered many of the members stood up and saluted him.

"They're ranting on about that whole mother thing again." Auron said.

"Really, that's a problem." Zack said. Two Ronso in the back nodded: Biran and Yenke. Around the room was the whole entire organization of FREE (Farplane Resistance Event Effect).

Ooh, can I do this part?

Yes…though it's against my better judgment.

So sitting around the round table like the Knights of the Round Table were (from left to right) Auron the Pimp, Vossler the Warrior, Aeris the Girl Whose Voice Was Screwed Up for Kingdom Hearts II, Jecht the Drunkard, Braska the High Summoner, Reddas the Sky Pirate, Zack the Guy Who Was Cloud's Friend, Drace the Only Girl Judge, and Noah fon Ronsenberg the "stray" referred to earlier. This huge consortium of people was the group known as FREE.

My turn again.

FREE was the group of all these dead heroes who opposed the rule of Seymour in the Farplane. Seymour had taken over the Farplane after meeting all of his other friends. They convinced him it would be easier to rule Spira with pain and suffering from the Farplane. Seymour quite agreed.

That's why he jumped in with Sephiroth that one night…

So Seymour took over and began to rule the Farplane with an iron fist. He changed the motif of the place and added some definite disgusting décor to it. Then, after he took it over and choked the life out of it, he set his sights toward Spira.

That's why in X-2 they said the Farplane was unstable and only the Guado could fix it…it was because Seymour was causing the trouble!

Yeah…

He put Kadaj and his crew of villains to work here on keeping his Farplane in order while he and the others went off to try and control Spira. It was a big endeavor. One I would've never thought they could have handled. So Auron helped to form FREE. Right now their main goal was to basically keep the Farplane in order. They couldn't do that good of a job without guidance of the living.

"So Auron, things are still pretty bad out there?" Jecht asked drinking on some booze even though he promised only to drink shoopuf milk.

"Yes, what about the surface?"

"Seymour has gained control of the stadium." Vossler said.

"I think they plan on using it as a sort of base." Aeris said to him.

"No wonder. They can't do it in Bevelle, the only place they have is Luca then." Auron said.

"Still, I worry for my daughter's safety. Seymour will stop at nothing." Braska said.

"You want to know what the problem is, will or nil I'll tell you: Seymour had too much influence on the Farplanian Senate. That allowed him to gain control of the Farplane and us as well." Reddas said.

"Seymour was a traitor to us all." Drace yelled.

"Hmph. He was a traitor in life and I guess he never learned his lesson in death." Auron said.

"But how-how can he still be among the living when we are not?!" Noah yelled.

"It doesn't matter, only a sending on the Farplane could destroy him now."

"Yes, well ere they bring him to the Farplane I believe the woe will be Spira's" Reddas said.

"Yeah…we got a guest here Auron." Jecht said. Instantly a familiar Guado showed up.

"Lord Jyscal." Auron said.

"You know why I have come." Jyscal said.

Who is he? And why can't they go to Spira like the others.

Because they're not the bad guys!!!

Yeah…but who's he?

Seymour's father…

Wait, so Seymour's father wasn't gay but Seymour turned out to be. How?

Jessica.

What?

Stop asking so many dang questions!

But-

No buts, I need to finish this chapter.

Fine.

"Yes." Auron answered.

"I will help you stop my son. I believe it is good for Spira."

"Right. We lie low. Hopefully our friends on the surface will come and see us soon." They all agreed to this but they knew it was gonna be a long haul for FREE.

Fun…

Chapter 7

The Maester's Back, Brudda!

"Captain, I swear, we have a stowaway on board." said the first mate of the S.S. Liki. He was wearing a tanky topy like shirt that was white with these really tight red shorts. I laughed when I saw it.

Jessica, get your mind out of its permanent residence in the gutter.

You know what Paul; I like to have fun narrating so shut up.

Grr…

"A stowaway eh? What stowaway would we have from Kilika; they're all boarding the dang S.S. Winno…losers. Who would want to go to Besaid what with the tournament going on in Luca?"

"But-but-captain! I'm not lying."

"I didn't say that you were lying. I said that you were hallucinating now get back to work, the lot of you!" the captain yelled and they all grumbled and moved off. He saw a big yellow chicken, I mean chocobo, walking around. "Get the chocobo off the deck and back into the engine room!" He kicked a nearby crate and heard a great "oof!" but didn't really recognize it. He flicked his cigarette.

Do they really have cigarettes in Spira?

I don't know…it just seemed like something he should do.

For once I actually agree with you.

There were no more intrusions about a stowaway on board, like that could happen, but the guy could have sworn he had seen a guy with yellow pajamas sneak onto the boat. A whole night passed and by sunrise the next morning the majestic ship landed at Besaid Island. No one was on the shore to greet any of the celebrities (which there were none). All of the passengers got off and headed for their welcoming homes (except for the guy second from the right, his wife was cheating on him). The shipmates also cleaned everything up and locked down the ship in order to go and spend the night in Besaid.

But there was one crate on board that was not locked away because it was too heavy to move. Once everyone was off the ship the box started shaking violently as it was latched down and whatever vile monster was inside couldn't get out of it. Then the box tumbled over and Keepa stumbled out of it. He was a little seasick and a little dazed from riding the boat. If you looked inside you could see the stuff left over from the journey.

Gross…

He stumbled around on the deck for a while before he finally got his wits together. He walked off the ship onto the beach of Besaid Island. It was still slightly dark out so Keepa didn't know where he was going. He headed in what he thought was the general direction of Besaid Village. By the time he even found his way out of the beach the sun was already shining high over the island. Then some wolf looking thingy-

It's called a fiend.

Well I'm going to call it a wolf looking thingy.

Anyway, then some wolf looking thingy jumped out at him. Keepa had nothing to defend himself so he did the next best thing: run. He didn't have to run very far for a blitzball came flying out of nowhere and hit the wolf looking thingy and it disappeared in a pretty shower of pyreflies.

"Dude, that's another fiend for me brudda!" Wakka yelled. Keepa just cowered a moment longer then got up. "Hey you all right brudda?"

"Cap'n Wakka!" Keepa saluted.

"What are you doing here ya? The tournament's taking place." Wakka said.

"No it's not. It got besieged and the rest of the Aurochs were captured. The maester's back brudda!" Keepa said.

"Which one?"

"Who do you think? It's Maester Seymour!"

"Maester Seymour!!! No brudda!"
"Ya brudda!"

"No brudda!"

"Ya brudda!"

"No brudda!"

Jessica, they did not do one of these.

"Ya brudda! We saw him with our own eyes! He wanted the Lady Yuna to go there and hand herself over or he's gonna kill all of the others. I don't know what he wants with Lady Yuna but I wouldn't trust that guy with a stick, he'd probably start-"

Jessica!

"He'd probably hit her with it ya."

"All right, thanks brudda. I gotta go warn her." Leaving Keepa alone on the shore Wakka ran back to Besaid village, grabbing Tidus along the way. When they finally reached the place where Yuna was he finally let Tidus go.

"What is it?" Yuna asked.

"It's Maester Seymour, he's back! Keepa just told me ya."

"That creep. He's still trying to do us in?" Tidus said. Wakka then told them everything Keepa had told him which was observed first hand in the Luca Stadium with everything that Seymour had done there, was doing there, and was planning to do there. I made that sound so wrong.

"Then we must go back and stop him!" Yuna said. "I will not let the Aurochs die on my account."

"All right, let's get this guy!" So Wakka grabbed his blitzball, Tidus grabbed his sword, Yuna grabbed her guns and skimpy outfits I mean, holsters…and they were finally on their way to Luca to stop the evil (cough cough) Maester Seymour.

Chapter 8

The Convention of Mad Men

"Let us go!"

"Ya brudda!"

"You can't hold us against our will!"

"I have the right to remain silent!"
"No you don't brudda!"

"Ya, I do!"

"Nu-uh"

"Ya-huh!"

"Nu-uh!" And it proceeded into a clamor of that sort until Sephiroth finally got tired of it.

"Shut up already!" They shut up. After all, who would mess with a guy who had a big, long, and scary sword?

You said it!

Stop being infatuated with Sephiroth, Jessica!

"You better be right about this Lady Yuna coming here…I will not tolerate making my hair specialist wait."

"Hmm Venat? Oh yes, they've left Besaid." Dr. Cid said.

"Good, they know not of the plan that awaits them here in the Lucan stadium. Gentlemen, let's prepare ourselves." Seymour said.

"Lord Seymour, I must get home to Guadosalam." Tromell said in very audible complaint. Sephiroth held his sword at neck level. "Then again, maybe not."

"I certainly hope this doesn't take very long. What do you plan to do?" Seymour thought on this a moment. The image of the Hypello and Yuna was shoved into his mind but he decided it wasn't very plausible so he pushed it away.

"Well, I was thinking that we blow the place up with ancient machina!"

"With us inside?!"
"Exactly, they won't suspect."

"I don't think that's the wisest option." Vayne said. "We must show them death but not so much that my hair shrivels up and disappears." He started sniffing his hair. "Mmm, apple fields."

What is this guy's problem?

Who knows?

"Fine does anyone else have a better option?" Seymour said.

"Deifacted nethicite. A new trial for the Lady Yuna!!!" Dr. Cid yelled.

"We're not using your stupid nethicite!" Sephiroth yelled.

"But we must, we can put history back in the reins of man!"

"Do I look like a man to you?"

Whoa, totally taken the wrong way!

Let me rephrase it.

"Do I look like an average man to you?"

"Well of course you do? Don't you want to see us in control? Don't you want to harness all that power? I can make it happen!" He chuckled at his so called brilliance. Seymour flicked his fingers and Cid's pants lit on fire. He then proceeded to scream and run away.

"As can I." Seymour said.

"I still think we should use nethicite. Venat agrees."

"Venat doesn't exist!" And their argument began.

X X X

Meanwhile, Tidus and his group arrived in Luca and looked around. The place had turned into a ghost town, only there were no old western saloons or music playing. But I do think that tumbleweed drifted across the scene.

"They're in the sphere." Wakka said and they started that way.

Paul, why can't they just like go and appear there. Do we really need to describe how they got there?

You really astound me Jessica!
What did I say?

Descriptions are important to the story.

Yeah…so?

That means…I give up! I'm through with this!

Paul, where are you going? I can't really narrate this thing on my own. Come back! Hmph…Whatever, time for me to take over.

So basically the three of them snuck over to Luca Stadium and saw that the whole group of villains was arguing.

"Who are they?" Tidus asked. Nobody knew. No surprise there. They were planning on saving the Aurochs and making a clean getaway but one of the Aurochs saw them.

"Lady Yuna!" Datto yelled.

"Damn!" Tidus yelled as Seymour looked up and saw them.

"There she is! Get her!" Seymour yelled. Yuna took out her guns and immediately proceeded to firing them at the villains. Vayne was watching this and it seemed like…scarily enough, he was falling in love with Yuna. Tidus saw this and ran at the guy.

"Get your eyes off my woman!" Tidus said bringing his sword down on one of Dr. Cid's Sephira.

"Hello boy." Dr. Cid said and he threw Tidus across the room. Seymour was firing blasts of magical energy across the room at Yuna while she fired her guns at Vayne and Dr. Cid. Meanwhile, two people were unnoticed. Wakka walked over and freed the Aurochs who ran right away. Sephiroth was inching towards Yuna as he went. Tidus saw what was happening and ran straight for him. But Seymour started making him dance with magic. Sephiroth was about to stab Yuna when Vayne decided he wanted to see this girl up close and personal.

So he did.

But his hair flopped right in Sephiroth's face and he lost his balance, tripping down the stairs, right on top of Seymour and Dr. Cid. Yuna then pushed Vayne over and he fell on top of them.

"Let's go brudda!" Wakka yelled and they ran. It took ten full minutes for the villains to get off of each other.

"They escaped you fools!!!" Seymour yelled.

"If it wasn't for him!" Sephiroth said, pointing at Vayne.

"She was beautiful." Vayne said.

"She's taken dear boy." Dr. Cid said.

"Worry not Seymour, we'll find them again." Sephiroth told him.

"Yes, but now we must formulate a new plan. To the Farplane!" And so they took off for Guadosalam. There are really no questions about what's going to happen next, save for one: where the heck is Paul?

Chapter 9

FREE vs. UNFREE

Where is he? I've waited to start this chapter for an hour and he's still not back! Oh well, I'll just start it anyway.

Upon their grand escape from Seymour and his gang, Tidus, Yuna, and Wakka decided to go to the famed Farplane. This place was located in the equally fabulous Guadosalam, thereby giving you an idea of just how un-fabulous it really is. Anyway, they made their way to Guadosalam with no trouble at all. Unfortunately, they were stopped at the gate to the Farplane.

"I'm afraid I cannot allow you to pass!" said a Guado guard.

"What?! Why?" Tidus yelled.

"The Farplane has grown unstable again."

"I wonder why, ya?" Wakka said, laughing.

"Please let us pass." Yuna said in a sweet little voice jutting her…good, he's not back yet. She jut her boobs in his face.

Jessica…Jessica…

Stop tormenting me! No! The spirit of Paul has come back to haunt me! I never meant to be so stupid, it just flows naturally. I'm sorry!

Get a life…

Let me finish this chapter first! Then I'll sacrifice a cow and…no sorry! Not a cow! I'll sacrifice a pig! Chris, get over here!

Right, sorry for that diversion. Note to self: never make those bad references. Anyway, the guard wasn't fazed by it.

"Sorry high summoner, I cannot let you pass."

"Why not?" Yuna asked.

"I am under direct orders from Lord Seymour." Then the guard fell down, dead. Sephiroth was right behind him.

"We told you not to talk!" Sephiroth said.

"Run!" Tidus said. Wakka threw a blitzball at Sephiroth's head and it gave him a bloody nose. Then they ran up the path to the Farplane. Dr. Cid got in their way, shooting guns at them. Then, at the entrance to the Farplane, Seymour appeared but as he moved toward them he tripped over his big long robe and tumbled down the stairs.

"Will someone help me?" Seymour said, but no one would, they all had their own problems. The three of the heroes ran into the room and tripped over the edge of the Farplane falling into the dark abyss down below.

X X X

"Come on! Know your fate!" Auron yelled. He slammed down upon a dusty creature from Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children. The creature disappeared and Loz sent another at him. Reddas was going around smashing enemies all over the place. All of the members of FREE were doing some major damage to the denizens of evil. Kadaj was at the head yelling some psycho commands. Judge Bergan was running around with his swords, trying to hit the members of FREE.

"The future of the Farplane is UNFREE, and the future of Spira is Vayne Solidor!" Unfortunately, Yazoo heard this as well as Ghis. All of them disagreed and that's how a major civil war broke out among the members of UNFREE (Ultimate Negation Farplane Resistance Event Effect).

Now that's some good food!
Paul! Where have you been?

Where do you think?

I thought you were dead! Your spirit was talking to me!

No…you just left your phone on speaker.

Oh…well where did you go?

I got some food.

Did you bring cake?

I went to McDonald's Jessica.

Ewww.

So where are we?

The war between UNFREE and UNFREE.

Ahhh…continue on.

"No, mother will rule this world and all other worlds!" Yazoo yelled.

"Your mother is gay!"
"I will not tolerate you talking about mother like that!"

"Besides, Seymour's the one that will rule." Ghis said.

"You are a Judge Magister!" Bergan yelled.

"And I'm also insanely in love with magic and Seymour wins that category."

"Rarr! You straying hound!" Then something hit Bergan from behind and he saw Noah standing there.

"Even strays have pride!" And he threw Bergan across the Farplane. Over some many meters away, Tidus and his group were waking up. Wakka had gotten hit with his blitzball and Tidus was on top of Yuna.

"Ohh…that really hurt ya?" Wakka said, getting up.

"What do we need to do here?" Yuna asked.

"We gotta find Auron!" Tidus said. Finding Auron wasn't going to be that difficult…he was only a few feet away.

"Your pain shall be twofold!" Auron yelled and he completely demolished some nearby enemies.

"Auron!" Tidus yelled. Auron turned to face them and he wiped sweat from his brow.

"About time! Tidus use your special move!" Tidus jumped up in the air and gathered a lot of energy in his blade and then sent it all cascading down on his enemies. Every single member of UNFREE went scrambling.

"Hey boy! It looks like you finally got married!" Jecht said walking over.

"Hiya!"

"We thought you'd never come!"

"Well, we're here brudda, ya?"

"What's been going on?" Yuna asked. So they all went back to that tavern place to talk about the events that have been occurring.

X X X

"It seems we must completely alter our plans." Seymour said in the Guado Manor.

"Nethicite?" Dr. Cid said enthusiastically.

"No." Sephiroth replied.

"Hair spray and love?" Vayne said.

"No!"

"I have a slightly better plan." Seymour held up a sphere of something. He then put it on the sphere projector. Instantly a scene of Yuna's wedding day came up. "All these people are people that the Lady Yuna holds dear to herself."

"But what is the plan?" Dr. Cid asked.

"Hostages."

"I like it!"

"Lord Seymour…you have a hostage already!" Tromell said.

What is he still doing here?

I don't…know…

"Yes, but as Lady Yuna didn't care about you we have to steal someone else important. I shall take care of Baralai. Sephiroth, go for the feisty ones…Rikku and Gippal. Dr. Cid, go for Nooj and Vayne you can get rid of Brother and Buddy as well as that Brain head Shinra."

"Very well, we can each use our own methods?" Dr. Cid asked.

"Yes, all of Spira knows of our return now."

"Then we go." A wing popped out of Sephiroth and he flew off. Then all of the rest of them disappeared.

Chapter 10

The Situation with Bevelle

"Paine, will you marry me?" Baralai asked in the Bevelle café. It was surely a shock but hey, what isn't a shock in this story.

True to that.

Thank you Jessica, now let me narrate.

Paine shifted around kind of uncomfortably. You could tell she really didn't have to think about it but hey, why not make Baralai slightly squeamish? She "thought" on it a moment more before answering.

"Yes." She leapt onto Baralai and landed a huge make out on him. I don't think Baralai was ready for something like that but he loved every minute of it. So were many of the people in the café. From the moment Paine and Baralai had entered that night, they were…I don't need to say. Wantz came in and took a few pictures of it before running off. Then Baralai dragged Paine off to you-know-where. After that, many people left the room.

Bevelle was silent after that, as silent as Chicago…no wait…as silent as the middle of Kansas.

What if there's a city in the middle of Kansas?

Who really cares?

I do!

Unfortunately that sound broke up the night. Not the sound of a bed. I meant that creepy sound that fills you with utmost dread and what started this whole entire thing. It was the sound of pyreflies. Seymour Guado formed himself on the Bevelle High bridge. He looked around to find that no one was there.

"Well…this is going smoother than I thought possible. Now where are those two?" Seymour said. "You really have to stop talking to yourself Seymour…that's a bad habit you picked up from Dr. Cid." Then he tripped and fell straight into the rushing water. And he started floating along. "This sucks." He finally got smart enough to use magic to pull himself out.

"Intruder!" said a nearby Bevelle monk. "Intruder with a big blue and green dress!"

"It's called a robe!"
"Tell it to the judge!"

"What judge?" Seymour said.

"There he is!" All of these monks came over and started poking him with their sticks. They prodded him along but Seymour didn't care, so long as he got into the city. Soon before he was in the room where he had tried the Lady Yuna nine years ago…or however many it was. He got into the cart and soon he saw this "judge". He wore a weird helmet with two spikes pointing down.

"So, uh, who are you?" Seymour asked.

"I am Judge Zargabbath. Captain of the Alexander, the flagship of the 12th fleet of the Archadian Army of Rabanastre." Seymour thought on this a moment and then he realized what this guy was saying.

"Wait! You're from Ivalice?"

"Indeed."

"But how did you get here? You're not dead are you?"

"No. I just happened to find my way here. I offered to clean up some mess and so they elected me as a main judge."

Paul, I don't understand what's going on…again.

It's a hard line but somehow Judge Zargabbath got to Spira. Don't ask how. We're not at that chapter yet.

Okay…

"But why are you here?"

"I don't know. Let this man go. He'll drive the men crazy with his incessant questioning." So the knights took Seymour away. Well, that was easy. So Seymour took off down the street until he reached the Bevelle directory. He looked and found out where Baralai lived. He eventually got to the house and knocked on the door.

"Who's there?" Baralai called out.

"Umm…pizza guy!" Seymour said. He had picked this up from a place called Earth. Baralai fell for it. He opened the door and instantly Seymour struck. He cast a spell on Baralai to immobilize him. Paine came at him with a sword but he disarmed her and captured her too.

"First two hostages, status: captured." Seymour said.

"Good job." said Zargabbath.

"What are you doing here?"

"The 'master' sent me. I'm here to help." Seymour smiled. The game was on. He had a living man on his side.

Chapter 11

The Situation with Djose

"Ohh Gippal. Higher! Vycdav!"

"I'm trying Rikku; it just won't go as fast as I want it to." Gippal said to Rikku.

What are they doing Jessica?

"But it feels so good. Not only the fact but, uhhh, the fact that we're going to finally have some."

"Believe me, mmmm, I want it too."

"Got it! Now that feels good!" The light flickered on in their house and Rikku got off the ladder that Gippal was holding. Obviously the "some" they were referring to was light.

Ohhhh…

Yeah, Paul, get your mind out of the gutter.

You know what Jessica; I don't have to put up with this stuff!

Fine, walk up those stairs!

I will!

No don't! I can't narrate five chapters again!

It was only two last time.

Fine…

So anyway the two of them walked into the kitchen and made some sizzling monkey treats from the annoying monkeys that had besieged the temple like evil demons. They were pretty tasty too. Rikku had reason to believe that they had followed her there from Zanarkand. The only method they found of taking care of them was frying them on the electricity of Djose Temple. So they sat there and ate fried monkey but that's beside the point. What's more important was the man with silver hair and a long sword that appeared on top of the temple of Djose. The Machine Faction was working down below, oblivious of this man that was standing there.

Sephiroth smiled and then leapt down and stabbed a few people. They all started to shoot their guns off everywhere but all of them missed Sephiroth as he went sailing through the group. He was about to stab the sentry at the door when he turned around. Now Sephiroth was never one to really show fear.

Except for that one scene before he gets Omni-slashed by Cloud in Advent Children.

Yeah that…

But when he saw who this man was, he froze. I mean he really froze. It looked like his limbs were frozen. How could Sephiroth was frozen was beyond me? He was just so amazing; it was probably the death-

Jessica…the story!

Sorry! Geez!

The man had black hair and creepy glasses. His name was Professor Hojo.

And the story gets more complex.

Isn't it complex enough?

Meh…

"My son!" Hojo yelled.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Sephiroth yelled.

"I plan to help you in your goal."

"You were not on the Farplane. I understand that you are dead but you cannot be…here!"

"Surprise!" Hojo walked a little bit. "I was dead but then a very sinister voice offered me a proposal. He said that he would give me consciousness in death so long as I hoped him to fulfill his ambition and so here I am."

"I don't understand…"

"Part of my mission is to help you in your endeavor."

"Then you will stand aside."

"Quite the contrary. I will stand behind you wholeheartedly." Sephiroth regained his swagger and strode right in on Gippal and Rikku. I'm not gonna say what they were doing. It's pretty obvious.

"Rikku, nih!" Gippal yelled.

"Over my dead body!" Sephiroth yelled calling forth some pyreflies to possess Rikku and Gippal's body. "A trick I learned from Seymour." Sephiroth walked over to them. "Whom shall you serve?"

"Lord Seymour."

"Good."

"Very nice job son."

"Now then, Hojo. Who is this 'master' I've been hearing so much about?"

"All in good time my son. All will be explained in time. For now, let us bring them to the 'Gathering'."

"And that would be?"

"You know, when all of us meet back with the hostages."

"Oh."

"Let us go." And they transported themselves out of the area to this 'Gathering'.

Chapter 12

The Situation with Mushroom Rock Road

"Ohh Noojie Woojie!" Leblanc yelled. Obviously she had gotten some kind of present. I'm not going to reveal what it is in this story because it's such a common tale of late.

Do it anyway Paul!

Go do your hair Jessica!

You know I don't!

Yeah, that's because you're ugly!

Well, my face is a mirror of yours.

I take that as a compliment.

Just go on.

Yeah, you know you lost.

"I've been thinking about it a long time and I decided the time was right." Nooj said.

"Hey boss!"

"What?!" Leblanc snapped.

"Ormi has to go to the bathroom." Logos said. What's really funny is that his name means logic, when he has none.

"Fine but be back in time for the wedding." Leblanc said. Now you know, they know and I know that the marriage was not going to be in ten minutes. Nevertheless Leblanc was obsessed with love. I mean her freaking symbol was a heart. So she and Nooj hopped off into the headquarters and Nooj told Captain, well, now Commander Lucil to take charge.

How can she wear an outfit like that?

This is the second time you've mentioned this!

Yeah, but last time it was in reference to Yuna.

Ugh, whatever.

So anyway, Lucil was taking charge and she instantly set the place at total ease. Lucil might have looked like a crab butt but she was the loosest person there was. Part of this came from Elma.

"Awright, it's Elma time! Young and old alike. It's time for the Youth League Dance Party." Instantly they cranked up the music from Yuna's Pop Sphere: Hot Summons. It was already number one on the Spira Music charts, right in front of Ormi and Logos: When the Boss Says Yes. So anyway they began playing that music and the party went into full swing. Leblanc and Nooj didn't even notice. They didn't even notice the new member of the Youth League who wasn't even a youth at all.

Dr. Cid stood at the corner surveying the party with mild interest. Unlike the others he was much more intellectual. He would think about his strategies rather than just enacting them. It worked well for him and the only time he had failed was when his blasted son Balthier went and offed him. But no matter, his son was going to get it…if they even ever got to Ivalice. But no matter, it was the party here and now that was of importance.

"Come on Yaibal, dance it. Break it down!" Yaibal had gotten on the dance floor and was doing some pretty sweet moves. Then a big chocobo came and hit him.

"No, it's time for the Chocobo Step!" Clasko yelled. He went dancing around and everybody was pretty impressed by his moves.

"So who will come and challenge Clasko and Yaibal's awesome moves?" Lucil said, convinced that none would dare challenge them in their moves. But someone did.

"I will!" A voice with an authoritative tone to it rang out. Everybody looked astonished. The man walked forward like he owned the competition. His armor clanked on him as he walked by. Many people sniggered. How could a guy in all this armor hope to beat them? Then the man walked past Dr. Cid. His mouth fell. The guy reached the center of the stage and started dancing.

Who is this guy?

I'm getting to that.

He had blonde hair and actually, some pretty lightweight armor. Regardless, he owned the competition. Yaibal and Clasko were left in shame. Then Elma declared the competition null and void and started a new one. The newcomer was not allowed. So instead he walked to the back of the crowd and faced Dr. Cid.

"Lord Rasler Heios Nabradia?!" Dr. Cid yelled.

"Dr. Cidolfus Demen Bunansa, what a surprise to see you here." Rasler replied.

What?!!! May I repeat that again? What?!!! I thought he was a good guy.

So did I…oh boy, this things getting worse than I thought.

You said it. Let's go on.

"What are you doing here?"

"The 'master' sent me."

"But-but- you can't have joined the-the-the master! They do not take rabble like you."

"I chose it. It is my choice that set me along this path."

"Why are they sending all of you?"

"They feel that you four are not up to the task without some assistance."

"I'm trying to capture a whole group of people here. So whatever the 'master' has in store, they can buzz off for now okay?" Rasler just raised a hand and flicked it. Instantly the whole entire area froze. In Rasler's hand was a blue stone. "Deifacted Nethicite…"

"No. Deadifacted Nethicite." Dr. Cid looked around.

"That's everybody?"

"Everybody. Now come, we must go to the manor." And then he used the deadifacted Nethicite to transport him and Dr. Cid out of there.

Paul…I don't understand what's going on.

Neither do I. This plot is getting thicker by the second.

So what do we do?

Ride the wave out I suppose. Nothing much else we can do.

I'm freaked out about what we'll learn. When will they save Spira? When will Seymour come out of the closet? When will Sephiroth have more screen time?

One: Soon. Two: Soon. Three: Stop caring so much about Sephiroth. On to the next chapter.

Chapter 13

The Situation with the Celsius

"Shinra, did you fall and get a boo boo?" Brother asked to no one in particular. You see, Brother for some odd reason had these nostalgia thoughts that the Gullwings were still together. Buddy, though a good friend of his, tried to commit him to an insane asylum. Unfortunately, they just thought the heartbreak of Yuna marrying had set him over the edge. So now Buddy was cooped up with Brother on the Celsius.

You feel almost bad for him…

Yeah…I do feel bad for Buddy

Jessica, I meant Brother

Oh, you know what make me!

Make you what?

Nothing.

"Crid ib, bmayca." Buddy said. He was sick of listening to the constant complaints of Brother. They were the only two left on the ship now that everybody had left. Well…everybody but Calli who though many years younger, was dating Buddy.

I'm sensing that there are so many couples and it's ticking me off.

Why? Cause you can't get a girlfriend Paul?

No. It's just getting old.

So anyway, this is the situation aboard the Celsius, onto the next chapter with Sephiroth in it.

Whoa, hold it. There's something very important in this chapter. Don't you see the attached pages there?

Why me?

X X X

"Hey Shinra, let's go, we gotta look for spheres." Pacce said to Shinra.

"Just don't stray too far and don't go into Via Infinito!" Isaaru said.

"What's 'stray'?" Pacce asked and Isaaru put his hand over his eyes while the Kinderguardians ran off. In a small corner of the room Vayne was standing there watching them run off. He smiled. Everything was falling into place. All he had to do was nab the brat and the Celsius would be sure to come running.

Yeah right…

So he took off after all of them. He found them in none other than the entrance chamber to Via Infinito.

"So do you know why it appeared here?" Pacce asked Shinra.

"I'm just a kid." Shinra said.

"You are indeed my small little brain." Vayne said.

"Who are you?" Pacce said.

"You're the disturber at the Luca Stadium." Shinra said. Vayne seemed kind of put down. But then he thought up a witty comment.

"Well, I ask you: are you here as a boy of brains or a man of stupidity?" Vayne asked.

"Uhh…what kind of question is that?" Shinra asked.

"Shut up." Vayne picked up his manufacted Nethicite and hair spray. "Prepare yourselves." Then he pressed the canister on the hair spray but nothing came out. "What? Am I out?" He put the opening by his eye and pressed the button. The hair spray shot out full throttle and hit his eyes. He screamed as loud as he could. The Kinderguardians were laughing when a cold and cruel voice entered the room.

"Will you get up you fool!" said the voice. Vayne wiped his eyes and looked up. The others instantly stopped laughing. A person in a black robe came into the room. Their whole entire body was covered. "You are a disgrace to the League of Villains."

"I'm sorry master." Vayne said.

"No matter." They snapped their fingers and instantly Shinra and the others were bound in a kind of rope.

What kind of rope?

That's my kind of question!

Ah, but you're narrating the story so I have to ask it.

Well, I don't know what kind. Look it up on Wikipedia.

Later.

"It is time we finish this hostage gathering."

"Contacting Celsius."

X X X

On board the Celsius, Buddy and Brother were lounging around again. Then all of a sudden, all the lights blared on the bridge.

"Fryd ec ed?" Brother asked.

"A distress call coming from Bevelle. It's from Shinra."

"Then we must go."

"Why should we? He's the one who left us."

"Maybe if we save him, he'll come back."

"Doubtful"

"Just set a course for Bevelle already."

"Fine, oui pek mucan…" Buddy said.

"E raynt dryd!" Nevertheless, Buddy set off for Bevelle. They landed right over Bevelle and were preparing to land, when there was a flash and the group from the chamber down below appeared on the ship. "Shinra, who are they?"

"Don't you know? We're gull-nappers." said the master. They snapped their fingers and Buddy and Brother were captured with the same kind of rope as before. Brother had an extra precaution around his mouth. "Well, that went well."

"Master, why are you here?" Vayne asked.

"The time for the Awakening has come. I must help you to gain Spira before it happens."

Okay, so Paul I have a question.

What?

Why doesn't Seph-

Don't ask. It always comes later.

Then what's the Awakening?

Just finish the chapter.

"Very well master."

"To Guadosalam with all haste." And Vayne manipulated the Celsius to Guadosalam.

Chapter 14

The Situation with the Farplane

Jessica, could I ask you a big favor?

What?

Shut your mouth for the whole entire chapter.

Why?

Because this is the explanatory chapter that's short and clears up a few things.

But why do I need to be quiet?

Because it would be irritating to understand this lump of information with your mouth babbling non-stop.

What's in it for me?

I'll let you narrate the next two chapters.

Deal.

"So what's been going on?" Tidus asked. "What is this group? Why's Seymour back? Dad, why are you drinking booze?" Auron laughed.

"I suppose I'll tell the story from the beginning." First Auron introduced the group. They all had these really boring conversations about how they got here to serve and blah blah blah. Not important. The only people who are going to speak in this chapter are Wakka, Tidus, Yuna, and Auron. On we go.

"It all started two years ago. You sent us all to the Farplane. For a few months, a few years even, we lived in peace. Then the tragedy with Vegnagun happened. The Farplanian Senate was in a struggle and they weren't sure what to do. Seymour promised the denizens of the Farplane relief were he elected to a chair on the senate. Well…unfortunately he won it. We were then sent away to give you advice in your battle. Obviously we returned back victorious."

"Yeah, I was there when that happened. Then I went back to Spira."

"Yes, unfortunately, Seymour had a lot of influence in the Farplanian Senate after you left and the problem became apparent. We tried to stop it but Seymour took over with his loyal friends and soon the Farplane was destroyed. Seymour stole the senatorial records and studied them, eventually learning how to call forth pyreflies to possess live beings as well as get into the real world. An art that greatly deteriorates the boundary between the Farplane and Spira. The more they come here the more that the boundary is hurt and soon the Farplane and Spira will be one."

"But Seymour's obsessed with death ya? So wouldn't he be happy here?" Wakka asked.

"That's what we thought. There must be something more, some other motive. Seymour truly plans to take over Spira. We must stop him at all costs."

"But isn't he here in Guadosalam?"

"Yes, but his strength is greater near the Farplane. We need to take him far away…or at least draw him away. It will take him time to regain his strength even when nearing the Farplane."

"But how do we beat him?" Yuna asked.

"You have to send him on the Farplane Yuna." Auron put it blunt and simple. Then a sphere noise rang through the room.

"Oh, Lu must be calling." Wakka said. He held out the sphere.

"Where are you Wakka?" Lulu asked.

"I'm trying to stop Maester Seymour brudda, I mean sista, I mean…you know Lu."

"Haven't you heard? The whole entire Youth League was captured, as was the Celsius. The Machine Faction has been attacked and it seems Praetor Baralai's missing."

"That must be Seymour's doing." Tidus said.

"Indeed." Auron said. "We will go with you."

"How?"
"As long as we are close to a living body we may pass beyond the boundary without damaging it."

"Then let's go save those hostages!" Tidus yelled. So they now had two plans. To free the hostages and to take Seymour far away from Guadosalam. Now over to Jessica for the weather report…I mean the Seymour Report, I mean the dealing of things in Guadosalam.

Chapter 15

A Foolproof Plan

Paul?

Yeah?

I know I'm going to narrate the next two chapters but I have a real problem with the title of this one.

Why?

Hello! Anything with Seymour cannot be foolproof! The only portion that we have is fool!

You have a point…

Thank you.

Now narrate!

"I must say Rasler, you had me fooled for a while…but I guess you set the stage of Lady Ashe's near suicidal attempt." Dr. Cid said.

"Unfortunately she did not seek vengeance." Rasler said.

"No…she is instead unfit to rule." Vayne said. "Mark those who must carry the burden of rule and yet are weak to do it!" The whole table erupted in cheers. Around it were all the members of UNFREE who had come from the Farplane as well as the two who were living.

"Yes. Well, in today's weather we can expect to see storms-"

Jessica!

Hold on Paul. Don't get your undies in a bunch.

"-storms of death with a nice sun shining on the blood of Lady Yuna's head." Seymour said gleefully.

"You seem confident when they have not yet been drawn to the bait." Sephiroth said.

"What's your point?"

"He means to say that you are counting your chickens before they hatch. Good one my son!" Hojo said. Sephiroth took out his sword and stabbed Hojo.

"Shut up."

"Is this really the best?" Zargabbath asked the master.

"They seem useless…but do not judge on looks alone." the master said, their face still concealed under a dark hood.

Paul, are they from Organization XIII?

What? No! They don't come till the next book…I mean…hello Professor Mocktart!

But I mean they-

Narrate!

"We must devise a way to rule Spira my friends!" the master told them all.

"What do you propose master?" Seymour asked. Nobody could see the master's face but they could all tell that they were smiling under it.

"Seymour, you yourself have suggested it! Destroy the Lady Yuna."

"But we have already tried that!" Vayne whined. "The whole affair messed up my beautiful locks."

"Ha! He is disappointed because she did not fall for him." Dr. Cid said chuckling.

"That boy will rue the day he stole her from me!" Vayne yelled. The room looked at him, crickets chirped. Dr. Cid leaned in towards Vayne.

"He had her long before you showed up." Dr. Cid said. He then poked back up. "Master, might I suggest using gayifacted, deadifacted, and Deifacted Nethicite!!!!"

"We are not going to use Nethicite!" Sephiroth yelled.

"But Venat-"

"I am sick of hearing of your Venat! It doesn't exist!" He took his sword out of Hojo and turned it on Dr. Cid. The whole room went into an uproar.

"Use the Sephira, stab him, do anything!" Bergan yelled from the sidelines.

"This guy's a piece of cake for you son." Hojo said.

"Ladies!" the master yelled and they all stopped. "Bickering is not going to stop anything. We need a plan."

"Here we go!" Seymour yelled. He pulled down a big projection screen. "I present to you the Seymour Report Revised Edition for the Annual year of Spiran and Farplanian Legacy three thousand something or other." All of the members nodded, impressed. He pressed a button and they all gasped.

"Marvelous magic!" Dr. Cid yelled.

"No! It is technology!" Seymour said.

"Is this your plan?" Sephiroth asked. On the screen was a picture of Seymour as a baby.

"Uhh…you weren't supposed to see that." He clicked it again showing himself as a teenager on top of a girl.

Whoa!

Yeah…I thought…

He clicked it again and it showed him getting beaten over the head. Then he finally got to his information slide. On it was a huge machina called Vegnagun.

"We rebuild Vegnagun and with it vaporize the Lady Yuna!"

"Don't you think that will kill us who are still living?" Zargabbath asked.

"Well…yes but there are more advantages to being dead."

"Except that we cannot go where we want without the presence of a living person." the master said. "Might I remind you that it was I who allowed you to get out of the Farplane." Everyone around the table mumbled.

"Well…okay so that's true but my thoughts here are that we can have our good Dr. Cid rebuild it so that we can control it."

"Sorry to disappoint Seymour…but I don't think I could put together a machina with such power." Dr. Cid said. The whole table gaped at him.

"No!" Vayne yelled. "My hair spray is missing!"

"My dear boy, did you leave your hair spray somewhere?"

"I must've left it in Bevelle."

"This is serious." said the master. "I will go to Bevelle and get it. If it falls into the wrong hands, our plan is doomed. You keep planning, I will aid you in due time." And they disappeared.

"So we scratch the whole Vegnagun plan." Sephiroth said.

"You must admit…it's pretty good mass destruction." Seymour said.

"That it is!"

"Lord Seymour, the Lady Yuna is not coming, please let me go!" Tromell yelled.

"Shut up Tromell." Seymour said.

What is he still doing here?

I don't know! Don't ask me!

Then the doors flew open and Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz came running in.

"We have some bad news!" Kadaj said, pausing for dramatic effect.

"Well, what is it?" Seymour asked.

"Lady Yuna and her entourage knew of the hostage plan but they are instead going for Zanarkand."

"That's not good! We cannot allow them to live! Very well, UNFREE…to Zanarkand!" So all of the members left their chairs and decided to head for the world of Zanarkand.

Chapter 16

To Zanarkand!

"Heh heh, come to buy a clue from Uncle Cid?" Cid (Rikku's father) asked Yuna and the huge group of people.

"Heh, heh , no!" Tidus said.

"We need to borrow your airship Uncle Cid." Yuna said. "We're going to go and save Rikku and Brother."

"What?! My good for nothing kids! Ha! I don't care about them. They deserve whatever they've got it in with!"

"Ya but you don't want them to die. Do you brudda?" Wakka said.

"Can we get on with this? We have no time to waste; otherwise Seymour will catch up with us." Auron said.

"And then we'll all be pan fried" Jecht said, laughing.

"Will you be quiet buffoon? We have a job to do." Reddas said.

"Hey! I'm just having a little fun."

"Go drink Shoopuf milk." Jecht shrank away and started crying.

"Who's the one crying now dad?!" Tidus yelled.

"Shut up!"

"Hold on a minute!" Cid said. "Seymour? Wasn't that the Maester who was gay?"

Jessica! They do not know that Seymour is gay.

But I want Seymour to come out of the closet!

I know, but that comes in a later chapter okay. Revise what Cid is saying.

But you didn't give me any pages on the topic.

Umm…just improvise then…and I did too, you just lost them.

Whatever.

"Isn't he that dead Maester?"

"Weren't they all?" Tidus said.

"Heh, you got a point son." Cid said. "All right, we'll take the Fahrenheit and go for a little spin." He pressed a button and the Fahrenheit descended, lowering its ramp for them. They all got on and Cid got in the pilot seat. "Yee haw, the final hoedown with Seymour! Here we go!" He put the ship into high gear and they blasted off towards Zanarkand. The flight didn't last very long.

Yeah because if we're going by game time then it would take ohh…about a minute.

Thank you Paul, shut up.

How dare you!

Anyway, after I was rudely interrupted, we will continue on. The ship finally landed in Zanarkand.

"Where should we go?" Tidus asked.

"Where else? The very point of Zanarkand: Yunalesca's chamber." Auron said.

"Why'd we want to go back there brudda?" Wakka asked as they all went walking off. He just stood there. "I'll just wait here ya." He waited for a little bit longer. "Hurry back ya." He waited until they were out of sight. "Hey wait for me!" He went running off after them. So they walked through the now monkey infested halls of Zanarkand. It was a pretty creepy place to begin with, the monkeys made it even more so.

"Sheesh, what's with all the monkeys?" Tidus asked.

"We bred them to keep Zanarkand a holy place."

Won't be holy once Seymour's there.

Amen to that!

Eventually they made it to the Chamber of the Fayth and walked up to the place where they fought Yunalesca.

"It was here we cast off our beliefs." Yuna said.

"Yeah, it was pretty…important." Tidus said. Auron scoffed. "I forgot…you died here, didn't you."

"Then it would be fitting that he died here again and all of your beliefs along with him." said a girly voice with a girly laugh. Yeah, you all know who it was.

"I know that voice brudda." Seymour and his entourage materialized in front of them.

"Lady Yuna, such a pleasure to meet again." Seymour said.

"This is the chick we've been-Ow!" Kadaj was hit in the face by Sephiroth.

"Remnants don't speak unless spoken to." Sephiroth said.

"What do you want Seymour?" Yuna asked…though it was pretty obvious.

"I wish to destroy you." He snapped his fingers. "Boys!" All the members of UNFREE drew their weapons and chuckled.

"Here he goes on the whole only death will rule Spira again." Tidus said and Seymour stopped in giving the order.

"All right then, Plan B." He snapped his fingers again and Rikku and Gippal came with guns raised, aimed towards the group.

"Rikku!" Yuna yelled.

"Whom do you obey?" Seymour asked.

"Lord Seymour." Rikku and Gippal droned.

"Get them!" They fired. Tidus, Yuna and Wakka dodged out of the way.

"What's wrong with them?" Yuna asked.

"They've been possessed with pyreflies. Hurt Seymour enough and he'll probably relinquish his hold on them."

"Roger! I'll give the commands." Tidus yelled. And he did just that. Soon everybody in the small cramped space was running around doing something. Seymour was working on his evil laugh.

I'd say he's a soprano still…

So Yuna just went up to him and grabbed his spiky hair and his robe. She pulled.

"Hey, watch the hair!" Seymour yelled as he fell backward and hit his head. "I don't want an aeon mommy, I want to stay home and eat Geosgaeno with you." Rikku and Gippal dropped to the floor.

"Fryd rybbahat?" Rikku asked.

"Let's go guys." Tidus yelled and they all began to run off.

"You pain shall be twofold!" Auron yelled and he stuck his sword into the ground. He smiled and ran off while the bad guys were screaming, except for Sephiroth. He unleashed his wing and went flying after them. The group reached the Fahrenheit and jumped on board.

"Lmuca ed vydran!" Rikku yelled.

"Huh? Rikku?" Cid said.

"Close the damn door!" Tidus yelled and Cid closed the door right when Sephiroth tried to enter. He was hit on the head and fell down.

"To Beasid, for the Farplane! Quickly!" Auron yelled and they were off. Sephiroth smiled. Destination: Besaid.

Chapter 17

Flight to the Farplane

Finally! A chance for me to narrate the chapter again!

Yeah, yeah! Shut up!

Oh, Jessica, you're just jealous.

Am not!

So are!

So not! No! I'm sounding like a valley girl!

You are…and you're jealous.

AM NOT!

The Fahrenheit flew across the skies of Spira towards the mystical island of Besaid. Why they would go there is completely beyond me. Still, it was remote, no one would dare guess that they would even think of going to Besaid. Whatever. It doesn't matter. They reached there going 100 spmi/sphr or 100 Spiran Miles per Spiran hour. That's actually not that fast considering how fast the Celsius could go.

Look who's babbling now.

Shut it Jessica!

Shut what?

Never mind…

Cid pulled the brake and shot some landing lines into the sand. They slid down the ropes and touched on the beach.

"Yunie! Yunie! Where do we go from here?" Rikku asked, a little too overenthusiastic.

"I don't know…" Yuna answered.

"We go for the Farplane." Auron stated.

"How is it that you know everything?" Tidus asked.

"Being dead has its uses."

"Yeah…well…I don't want to be trying it anytime soon." Auron laughed.

"Laugh while you can mutton man!" said Seymour.

"Quite good rhyming there Seymour." Dr. Cid answered.

"Really?"

"Oh yes, you'd be the gentlest evil poet in Spira."

"Why thank you my dear doctor."

"Can we focus here?" Sephiroth said. The group of heroes was looking around for the source of the voices but they had not yet materialized. However, soon they did. Seymour dusted some sand off his robes and Sephiroth whipped out his sword. Dr. Cid took out a blue stone. Vayne felt flat in the sand.

"My hair!" Vayne yelled.

"Dear boy, you are hopeless." Dr. Cid said.

"I told you that we should have left him with the others but nooo nobody ever listens to me. Instead we've been sticking with Seymour's stupid and idiotic plans this whole entire time."

"My plans are not idiotic!" Seymour yelled, his voice straining even higher.

"I'm sorry; I have to agree with the non-human with the long sword on this one. All of your plans have led us from bad to worse!" Dr. Cid said.

"Guys…?" Vayne said.

"What's more is that now we're losing control of the Farplane thanks to you!" Sephiroth yelled.

"Thanks to me! And what have you been doing! Beating up people in the Lucan stadium." Seymour yelled.

"Uh…yeah!"

"Guys?"

"Well, you didn't have the plan to take hostages!"

"It didn't even work anyway!" Dr. Cid yelled. "The hostages escaped. That Paine girl was quite a handful."

"The guidance of the living among the dead is most helpful to them." Sephiroth said.

"I should have left you all in the Farplane." Seymour said.

"Guys!" Vayne yelled.

"What?!" They yelled.

"Two things. First, I missed my hair appointment and second, where did they go?" All of them looked around and noticed the group running to the Besaid falls.

"After them!" Dr. Cid yelled. "Vayne gather our posse!"
"I give the orders!" Seymour yelled.

"Just shut up and get them!" Sephiroth yelled and he flew at the group. Auron turned around at the last minute and blocked Sephiroth's blow as he came down upon them.

"Yuna, run!" Auron yelled. "FREE will hold off these dogs. You must get to the Farplane." Then the rest of UNFREE appeared.

Oh boy…they're screwed Paul.

Why thank you for your enlightening piece of information Jessica. Now would you just be ever so kind and please SHUT UP!!!

Fine!

This is the most exciting part of the story and you're butting in now! Be quiet, any questions?

Not if you're all "rarrr!"

Ugh. Whatever.

Yuna, Tidus, and Wakka ran while the two sides entered into a fierce battle. They ran along the falls path. Fiends appeared as they ran and Wakka shot them down with his blitzball as he ran.

"Yeah! Go Wakka!" Tidus yelled. Eventually they slid straight into the village.

"Wakka!" Datto yelled.

"Beat out those fiends!" Wakka yelled as he came running past.

"What fiends brudda?" Keepa asked. They looked to the entrance of the village. "Oh. Those fiends." They ran and screamed like babies.

Hold the phone Paul. How are the Aurochs back on Besaid?

Before they went to Guadosalam they brought them back here, capiche?

The group of three ran through the village until they heard yet another voice.

"Wakka, stop right there!" Lulu yelled. Wakka froze.

"Lu!" Wakka said.

"Where have you been?"

"I been out stopping Maester Seymour ya?" Wakka said.

"Kimahri called."

"Why?" Tidus asked.

"He was told by Biran and Yenke of the struggle but apparently at this time there is a ceremony going on at Mt. Gagazet and no Ronso can leave the mountain."

"Aww…and I was getting used to the blue cat." Then Yuna looked around.

"Wait a minute, where're Rikku and Gippal?" Yuna asked. They all looked around. Then Jecht came flying through to the village.

"Those two took the Fahrenheit to Kilika to jump into the hole there." Jecht said.

"Good idea. We should jump in that hole now!" Tidus yelled and they set off for the temple. Judge Bergan then came crashing through the trees.

"Hail Spira's new dynast king-"

"Drink shoopuf milk!" Jecht yelled and he leapt at Bergan. Meanwhile Tidus and the gang were weaving their way through the Cloister of Trials until they reached the Chamber of the Fayth.

"Well there's a sight you don't see every day!" Tidus yelled.

"Indeed it is not!" Seymour said and the pyreflies formed in the room to create Seymour. "Your journey is at an end Lady Yuna." It was at this point (basing on Jessica's chapters) that the thoughts of the Hypello paparazzi filled Seymour's head again.

"Move Seymour!" Yuna yelled.

"Why?"

"Because I said so!"

"Oh! You think you're all that just because you're the high summoner. Look at me I'm Lady Yuna and I'm going to order you around because I can. What makes you so important? I was once the Maester and people never did things like that for me?"

"Except your Guado henchmen, brudda." Wakka said.

"You think I wanted to be dead? No, I just wanted to give Spira the gift of death! Is that such a bad thing?"

"You really have to move away from this whole death thing." Tidus said.

"Silence, son of Jecht! You are cornered and there is nothing you can do about it!"

"Yes there is!" Yuna yelled and all three of them jumped into the hole.

"Well played Lady Yuna, next field: the Farplane…the last field." And Seymour let off an evil laugh.

Chapter 18

The Spiran Struggle

Oh dear Lord, are you absotively, positutely sure that you want to narrate this chapter?

Yes I am Paul!
But it's the battle chapter! It would be so much more exciting if-

Paul, I think you've narrated enough.

You've narrated more than I have!
It's only fair game.

And I was really looking forward to this chapter too! Now it's gonna suck.

Just like you?

Love you too Jessica.

Ewww…gross!

Yuna and the group fell down the hole at Besaid. It was a long tumble and they soon landed on that brown path like thingy. They ran along it as fast as they could, making panting noises as they went (if you know what I mean). Soon they reached the Farplane glen and hopped off to the world below.

"What now?" Tidus asked.

"We wait for Seymour." Yuna said.

"Why does it always have to be that we gotta wait for the bad guys, brudda? Can't we just like not wait for them and stay home eating Besaid Island cookies ya?"

"Wakka! Seymour's gonna destroy Spira and all you can think about at a time like this is your stomach."

"No, I just have a dentist appointment so we need to wrap this up."

"They're coming." Yuna said.

"How do you know?" Tidus asked. There were pyreflies floating around that eventually formed into the members of FREE and UNFREE on respective sides no less. And so the two sides stood facing each other-

Against life and death. Prepared to fight to the bitter end in a titanic clash of good against evil, hope against despair, and light against darkness in order to-

Paul…you've read way too many stories.

Maybe so…

Can I use that by the way?

Sure.

And so the two sides stood facing each other against life and death. Prepared to fight to the bitter end in a titanic clash of good against evil, hope against despair, and light against darkness in order to end this climactic struggle once and for all.

Now you've got it!

"Lady Yuna! This is your last chance. Surrender now and we will spare everyone else's lives!" Seymour yelled.

"Get real!" Tidus yelled.

"Is that your final answer?" Seymour asked. There was a pause. Yuna stepped forward.

"I'm only going to say one thing." Yuna took a deep breath. "Look above you." The villains looked up but a little too late. Rikku and Gippal fell on them.

"I take it they want a fight." Dr. Cid said.

"So it would seem…" Seymour answered back.

"Well, it is time for me to give my final answer." Sephiroth said. He got up and drew his sword. "Members of UNFREE…eliminate them!" They all charged forward and so the climactic battle began. Rikku was looking around and Ghis almost brought his blade down upon Rikku but another blade stopped him.

"Paine!" Rikku yelled.

"Rikku. It's time we teach this guy the meaning of pain!" Paine said.

"Would this be your name or the noun?" Rikku asked.

"What do you think?" They leapt on Ghis. Then the rest of the hostages…or former hostages came onto the field.

"For Lady Yuna!" Lucil yelled and the Chocobo Knights advanced.

What?! There are no Chocobos on the Farplane!

There is now!

You annoy me to no end…

Tromell came wobbling out along with them.

"Finally, Lady Yuna! I am free at last from this treachery." But all of a sudden his arms and legs snapped together and he fell rigid on the floor of the Farplane. Then a black portal opened up beside his body. The master stepped through it.

"You would be best not to count your chickens before they hatch." The master said.

"Master!" All the members of UNFREE yelled and saluted. The rest of the people were looking at the master.

"Who are you?" Tidus asked. Though the master's face was covered you could see that underneath the hood they were smiling.

"I am…the master!" And they snapped their fingers and a ring of fire spread out. Aeris summoned a barrier and the forces of good were protected. "You continually fail me time and time again! What do I have to do? Put a leash on you?"

"Our apologies master." Sephiroth said.

"Spare me your ramblings. I want success!" they yelled.

"Oh…believe me master. This battle is far from over." Seymour said.

"Hardly." Zargabbath said. "You are outnumbered in large amount."

"Ha! That may be true. But we have the power of death on our side." And Seymour used his magic to darken the Farplane and taint its land. "We are entering a new era! That of the four rulers and their master." And as the shadow spread across the Farplane Seymour smiled. His dream was to be realized.

That was quite good Jessica.

Why thank you Paul.

Don't think I'm going to keep complimenting you from now on though.

I never dreamt it.

Good.

Chapter 19

Seymour's Ambition

Well Jessica, we're at the chapter you've been waiting for.

What chapter is that?

When Seymour come out of the closet.

Yay.

On we go then.

"What's going on?" Yuna asked.

"Seymour is draining energy from the Farplane. He's using it to taint all of Spira."

"But it's coming at a cost." Jecht said.

"What would that be brudda?" Wakka asked them before laughing sheepishly.

"If they continue to drain the Farplane then everything will be destroyed. Living or dead. And that includes Seymour himself." Reddas said.

"Then we have to stop him!" Tidus yelled.

"But how?" Yuna asked as a fierce howling began as more of the Farplane's energy was sucked away.

"Yuna, you must send him. That is the only way to release the energy he's amassing." Auron told her.

"But how?"

"Stop asking how and just find a way to do it!" Jecht yelled. Yuna nodded.

"We'll do it together!" Tidus yelled. And he took her hand and ran at them. Meanwhile, on the other side of the field, Seymour was laughing maniacally.

"Seymour, what are you doing?" Sephiroth yelled. "This was not according to plan!"
"I no longer care for that plan!" Seymour said. "I care only to rule Spira and ease its suffering."

"You fool!" the master yelled. "You are upsetting the very balance of nature in Spira! If you continue all of Spira will be destroyed. All things living and dead will be destroyed."

That's uh…pretty powerful.

Yeah.

Now when does he come out of the closet?

Just hold on!

"Silence knave! I give the orders now." And Seymour through a blast of dark magic at the master. The master waved their hand and batted it away.

"If you continue this, we will have to hurt you."

"Hurt me? You cannot lay a finger on me!"

"Seymour!" Dr. Cid yelled.

"What is happening to him?" Vayne asked above the howling. Dr. Cid looked at his Nethicite.

"No…!" Dr. Cid breathed. "The power is corrupting him much like the power of the Nethicite. He will be destroyed if he keeps this up!"

"Seymour! End this!" Sephiroth yelled.

"No! We rule!" And Seymour rose up into the air cackling. "A new future for Spira is at hand! No man can touch it! The Guado shall rise again and the world will know the meaning of torture!"

"Seymour!" The three of them yelled from down below.

"Try and stop me! No man can!" Seymour yelled.

"Maybe no man can stop you brudda! But a blitzball sure can!" Wakka yelled and he threw his blitzball at Seymour. Seymour looked, but a second to late. The blitzball hit him square on and he was knocked out of the air.

"It's over Seymour!" Tidus yelled.

"No it is not son of Jecht!"

"Learn…my…name!" And Tidus jumped in the air. Wakka threw his blitzball and Tidus kicked it straight at Seymour, hitting him square on the face. Then Tidus leapt down and slammed Seymour before jumping off. "How's that?"

"You just don't know when to quit do you?" Seymour asked.

"What about you? You don't know when to either!" Tidus said.

"Neither do you!" Sephiroth said holding the sword at Tidus neck. Then the ground rumbled. The Farplane was beginning to fall apart.

When's it gonna happen?

Soon!

"Yuna! Send him now!" Auron yelled.

"Seymour! You do not belong in Spira, alive or dead. It is time you leave." Yuna said.

"No! I will not admit defeat!" And Seymour used his dark magic to blast Yuna into the air and across the Farplane where she crumpled unconscious.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Tidus yelled. He took out his sword and knocked Sephiroth's sword away before knocking him to the ground. He ran over to Yuna. "Oh…Yuna…" Tidus started crying.

"You!" Seymour yelled. "You hurt my boyfriend. We were going to be the perfect couple!"

"Wait, Seymour's gay?" Wakka said.

"Don't you know?" Auron said. "When he was elected to the Farplanian Senate his slogan was 'I'm gay, dead and proud of it!'"

Finally! You know I waited the whole story for this. But it's not nearly as satisfying as I thought it would be.

Eh…live with it.

"Yes, I am gay! But that does not mean I will allow you who are straight to take Spira from me." And he prepared to cast his dark magic at Tidus. But Tidus wasn't going to let it end that way.

"Yuna…wake up! You need to send Seymour!" Tidus cried even more. "Please…I love you."

Didn't she say that when he vanished?

Yeah…weird no?

"There he goes crying again…" Jecht said as he was crying himself. Tidus lay over the body of his slumped wife. Then she moved a muscle.

"For…for…Spira…" Yuna slowly but surely got up and picked up her staff. Then Seymour sent his dark magic at her. Yuna held her staff and the magic glanced off.

"What?!" Seymour said in shock. "Not possible!"

"My turn." Yuna said and she preformed the sending ritual. Immediately Seymour started to fade. He began summoning his energy for one last spell.

"No…this…is not…over!" Seymour was nearly gone. "Noooo!" And Seymour vanished from the face of Spira forever. Yuna collapsed, breathing heavily. Then there was a rumble and all the energy that had been sucked away began to flow back into Spira and the Farplane. Soon everything was back to normal and the members of UNFREE were looking around in shock.

"I say we go to Plan B…" Dr. Cid said.

"Now that Seymour's gone, I agree. Master!" Sephiroth said. The master looked around and locked eyes with the heroes.

"This is not done yet!" And they opened up a portal, leaving Spira behind and all in it. Sephiroth and the others followed.

"A la Midgar!" Sephiroth said. "We'll be back in time."

"Get them!" Auron yelled and jumped after them but the portal disappeared before he could reach it, along with all of the members of UNFREE. Auron turned to the group. "Where's Tromell?"

Where is Tromell?

With the bad guys…wait! That wasn't till the epilogue.

Go on.

Tidus didn't care. He was still healing Yuna. Soon she was good enough to walk. Auron walked up and held out his hand.

"Your services have been a great help. Spira is now safe. You may return home." Auron said. Tidus nodded and they did just that. The members of the Farplane went back to living better lives (now that Seymour was gone) and the others went to the surface. When they got there they…well…I'm only doing this because Jessica started it. They went to their respective rooms to celebrate if you know what I mean. And so Spira was saved blah blah blah. Seymour had come out of the closet, he had been vanquished and Spira would live better lives for years to come.

All right!

The Enacted Plan

The master stood on a rock cliff overlooking the city of Midgar. The wind whistled around the group as they stood there. If one had looked up on the rock they would have thought this group was very odd.

"Midgar." Sephiroth said.

"Please…let me go." Tromell said.

"Not a chance old man." Dr. Cid said. "You are key to our little affair."

"But of what value am-"

"Silence." the master said, using a spell to silence Tromell. "All will be told in time." They turned back to looking at Midgar.

"Cloud's down there." Sephiroth said.

"A cloud?" Vayne asked. "But they're usually in the sky."

"A different one you imbecile."

"Let us not fight. We have already suffered one loss today. Let us not suffer another." the master said.

"What should we do master?" Zargabbath asked.

"Hmm…it's such a silent city."

"Then let's shake things up." Sephiroth said.

"Agreed. Let us take our battle to a new level." Dr. Cid said.

"Shall we?" the master asked and they began their descent towards the city. Sephiroth stood there, his hair waving in the wind. He turned around and his wing flapped out. Then he flashed it across the screen and all went dark.

Sephiroth!!!!!

To Be Continued…

in

FINAL FANTASY VII

Final Fantasy Fiasco

or

Final Fantasy Farplane II