A/N: Inktober Prompt #8: Star.
My first multi chapter fic. But for the record? I'm not sure why I'm writing this.
Chapter 1: Teardrops Everywhere
The alley is dirty and dingy and smells like smoke and sweat and something else, something that Dick can't quite place but he knows he's smelled it before, behind circus trailers and in the bushes around wherever the circus had set up camp, places where people went to be alone. Places where you're not supposed to be, Dickie, but Dickie is nothing is not curious and being small and an acrobat is wonderful for spy work and maybe one day, when Dickie grows up and if he doesn't want to be in the circus anymore (because Dickie's mind has always jumped from one thing to another and there's so much in the world to see, so much to do, and yes the circus is a good way to see things in the world but it's still just one thing and Dickie wants to see more and more and more-) he'd go on and become a spy (even if Tati laughed and ruffled his hair in the way he did when he wasn't taking him seriously and Mami just smiled and shook her head.)
But Dickie is not in the circus anymore. Dickie doesn't even know where the circus is, anymore. Tati's not here, and he won't laugh and ruffle his hair, and Mami isn't here, and she won't smile and listen to Dickie's story, because they're not alive anymore.
And Dickie doesn't know that he will grow up, anymore.
The memory of two bodies falling (fallingfallingfallingMamiTatinonononoNO) is still fresh in his mind and even with just a week or two on the streets after running from the JDC he's seen enough to know that being eight and small and sneaky and an acrobat and growing up in a circus where he's already learned to be wary of "shady characters", as his Tati had called them, was not necessarily enough to keep a person alive.
Being small and sneaky can help. But being a child and alone makes things harder.
Alone.
Mami. Tati.
He pulls his knees in tighter where he is huddled against the wall next to a dumpster, buries his face in them and tries to cry quietly.
When two people skid into the alleyway Dickie feels something inside of him tighten painfully. His face is numb and buzzy and his clothes are covered in snot and tears and his breath is all hitchy but he closes his mouth and curls even smaller and holds his breath and pleasepleaseplease don't let them hear me, please.
"The HELL was that?" one voice growls, and Dickie, for all his curiosity, doesn't dare raise his head to see if it was the big person or the little person.
"Relax," the other voice drawls. "We clear away now, ain't we?" This one sounds like—like a teenager.
"An' we very nearly didn't!" The growly one roars, and Dickie flinches and curls tighter and prays, prays they weren't looking and hadn't seen the dark huddle next to the dumpster move.
The teenager tries to hush the guy but he isn't having it. "And what we got to show for it now, hunh? After we run off like little chickens?"
"Our lives," the teen says drily. "And hey—take a look at this." Something rustles and clinks, then there is silence. "Happy Father's Day, Pops."
A glance at the date from a TV playing basketball in a bar confirms that it is June 16th. He gets the flowers from Robinson Park and he feels just a little bad, but it's a public park and the bush had lots of flowers, so it should be okay right?
The graveyard fence will one day be spiked and electrified and booby trapped in days when no one can any longer trust death nor the dead. But the year that Dickie Grayson is eight years old the only nighttime security is a chain and padlock on the gate.
Being small and sneaky and an acrobat, it's no trouble for the little boy to climb and flip over the fence.
He has to wander around a little, stepping between flat stones like tiles and tall stones and statues like Tati's mismatched chess pieces and even ducking around mini houses before he finds them. Two small, simple slabs of gray rock.
John Grayson, Beloved Father, Husband, and Friend. Mary Frederick Grayson, Beloved Mother, Wife, and Friend.
"Hello Mami, Tati," he whispers, placing the flowers carefully before the stones. He sits back on his heels, biting his lip and rocking a little.
"I ran away," he admits quietly. "I'm supposed to be at the JDC, but that place is scary and the people are mean and—and they hurt people there, Mami, Tati, so I ran away. You ran away too, right Mami? I know I'm not supposed to know that but people like to tell stories. I know I'm not supposed to be listening because it's ea—ees—easedropping and that's bad, I'm sorry Mami. But I heard them say that you ran away and you found Tati and then you got married and you stayed with the circus."
He sniffs loudly and lets himself fall backwards so he is sitting instead of crouching. "I'm glad you found Tati and the circus when you ran away, Mami. I didn't find anyone and the circus is already gone and Tati is already gone and you're gone, too, Mami." His face is wet, again, and he wipes his nose on his sleeve. "Oh yeah, and I just found out it was Father's Day. So—so happy Father's Day, Tati." His lip wobbles, and finally he gives in. "I miss you," he says, and for the second time that night he lets the tears come.
He doesn't have to be quiet this time, though. No one else is here. So he sobs. He sobs loud and hard and gasps and whines and even when the tears stop he sits there for a long time gasping and not even trying to breathe normally, until finally he swallows and finds he doesn't have to suck in air anymore so he doesn't try to take a deep breath, just lets the air come in and go out without thinking about it, like it normally does.
He wiggles into the space between the two stones and lies down. They used to this before, at night outside the trailer. Dickie would lay down between his Mami and Tati, and Mami would slip an arm under him and pull him close and Tati would have an arm around both of them, and they'd watch the stars.
There are no stars in Gotham, not tonight. The sky is gray and dark and swirly. But a tiny pinprick of light catches Dickie's eye. He's not sure it's a star—it could be a plane or an alien ship or anything but he doesn't care. He lies between his Mami and Tati and watches the star.