First of all, do not burn this letter. I care little for redemption, but I want you to know of things that led to all of this. Treat it as a warning, if you will. This is how it was. Rest assured I do not lie, for these are my parting words.
It all started with good intentions. To overthrow tyranny. To bring liberty and justice, protect the weak, punish the guilty (does it ring a bell just yet?). The death of my fiance had certainly had something to do with it, but at the time I was a shining example of chivalry. I could not let the innocents suffer for what I was at fault, as I had thought at the time. No. Perhaps I should have. It is hard to tell now.
I have seen the world and its injustices for the first time then. When I left the castle that is. Or should I say fled? Yes, certainly a better word. I have done so much back then, to bring some light, a shimmer of hope to the weary people of my kingdom. Although I mourned the loss of a loved one, I said to myself. "I shan't let her sacrifice be in vain." I did not. Perhaps I should not have thought about it in that precise way. It was always about her, at the time the word I used was retribution. Now I say revenge.
I traveled, fought, helped people in any way I could. It was her wish, to aid the people. I fought. Fought. And Fought. At some point I found myself doing very little else, always traveling from one place to another but to kill. It ultimately came to it in each one of these... adventures. I had grown to despise it. Yet what was there to be done? I was leading the rebellion. I had outdone myself to do them justice, and so left little life for myself.
I gave promises, the thing that still hurts me the most. For they were honest ones. I truly did intend to keep them, I had thought my word meaningful. They did not seem that hard to keep. In all my ignorance (our ignorance) I had never suspected my brother to be anything but the monster that committed his crimes out of lust for power, or spite even.
Idiot, this I call myself.
Despite it all, when I recall that time of hardship, I can not help but think it the most wondrous of my life. I thought I was doing something great that would help the people. That I would carry out justice for countless dead, her being on my thoughts when thinking of it. Always. I think half the actual reason for how relentless I had been was to ease my consciousness after letting Elise die. Yet, I knew I had to move on.
In retrospect. It might have been better had I not. It seems that most of what I have done had been for her memory. That of my new love.
I had my little rebellion. All things come to an end though, and a part of myself died within the caverns which name I will not speak of. When I encountered the Darkness, that while still terrifying, is now but a memory. I had a feeling I knew why my brother came back different from that expedition of his. But the plan was already set in motion and I would not turn back, as I maybe should have. Prophecy be damned. I hope you remember it, all I had taught you about the past.
The rebellion succeeded (I know the feeling. I will tell you now, getting the throne is not all it is cracked out to be, so don't get excited lad!). It was the point at which I think it happened. When I truly changed. When my brother told me of the Darkness, I understood, I saw it myself. You never had to, and while I shan't say "do not judge me", I assume "I did what I had to" will do. All the monstrosities my brother committed suddenly felt justified to me. Just like that. For I knew his fear, and shared in it. Yet I still did one more thing my allies requested of me. And thus my brother died. It gave me pleasure, killing one responsible for my first love's death. Yet it also left a void within me.
One by one, I broke my promises, made living in this kingdom a nightmare. Made all my allies turn away. I had but two people to assist me. Walter and your mother. Walter understood, he faced the Darkness alongside me, or I alongside his. I may not say for sure. As for my love... she trusted me. I married her after I became a king, silencing all who would dare say "but", at times permanently. I had little patience for them. Rich fools who had done nothing in their whole lives and yet would judge others.
I had sought any means available to save our people from the Darkness, and destroyed their world in process. Maybe it could have been done differently, I will never know. I hope you will. You do not face the impending doom of the humankind after all.
At least I will be remembered for that, saving Albion, no matter the horrors I put it through.
Since I don't have much time, I will say but little more.
I had tried to dismiss these rumours before and failed, but know this to be true. Your mother was not poisoned by me. To this day I do not know which of those two hundred so called nobles I had executed was guilty. Yes, it was the real cause, I wanted that person dead. I tell you this so that you know over whom did you begin your own rebellion.
My last lesson to you. Nothing is simple.
As to why I choose to commit suicide - I remember the moment I sentenced my brother to death. I will not have you make such a decision, too.
I wish you good luck lad. I just wish I could stick around to see whose happiness will you choose. Yours, or that of people you will grow to despise.
Your mother has surely gone to heaven, you know why. If you ever meet her, do tell her that I love her still. I will not have the opportunity to do so myself.
For all it is worth, I will at least meet my brother again.