Lucidity
Disclaimer: The song lyrics in this story belong to Utada Hikaru.
The world moves on, keeps moving. Time never stops, time never waits.
It was the same ten years ago.
She barely remembers anything of that accident, of that moment, of that day. A bright moon hung high in the sky, shining down and watching all. Their car—their car had come to a stop.
She had been alone in the car, surrounded by dark shades of ominous greens and a bright red that drew her in as she stopped to stare.
Had she got out of the car? For some reason, she recalls doing that.
And all she remembers next is waking up to a normal night and the bodies of her mama, her papa and her brother lying before her, cold and dead.
Around her, people were screaming, people were crying.
She tried to speak, but no voice would come out.
The woman behind her was hysterical, screeching as she held a limp body, "Wake up, wake up!"
If this was a nightmare, she wanted to wake up.
.
It's only later during the funeral, when she's crying, that she decides this isn't a dream.
Dreams have never lasted this long. Nightmares have never lasted this long. If she had been asleep for days, her parents—or her brother—would have roused her from sleep, right?
He would ruffle her hair, offer her a rare smile and then reassure her that all was well. Mama would hold her close and papa would kiss her on the forehead, grinning.
But right now she was the one awake and—and nobody was smiling.
She heard the whispers.
An accident, the only one alive, poor child, that girl, who's going to take her in?
Their words became a continuous stream that she could not differentiate through her tears. Half of the people present she never knew—they claimed they were friends of the family or distance relatives. Not paying attention, she never saw the man in black until he was in front of her.
"Short end of the straw, huh?" Her uncle. A gruff man, his tall, skinny wife and their two kids.
She glanced up at him wordlessly.
"Come on, let's go home."
.
She could not call that place home.
The feel of the house was unfamiliar, different; it was a place where she could not see mama's smiling face. Her brother was not there to sit beside her as they listened to papa's new music CD and when she sang, it was with a single voice.
Her cousins, for the most part, left her alone.
She was not stupid. She heard the rumours going around her new school—about her, about her parents, about everything.
Seated at the back of the class, she looked out the window every so often, into the bright blue sky and thought of a sky that was eerily green.
A nightmare.
She closed her eyes early to sleep every night, hoping to forget.
.
Her uncle's family could not keep her for long; he became sick and stressed from work.
Another relative took her in next but she did not get along with his wife. "Too sullen, too quiet," she heard her aunt complain one night, "I don't know how anyone can stand her."
That night, she dreamt her brother was sitting next to her on her bed. He said nothing, but the pressure of his back against hers and his presence communicated everything she wanted to hear, everything she knew he wanted to say.
Years ago, she had tripped on the pavement and scratched her knee. The pain was foreign and—it hurt so much, so badly that she started to tear.
"It's okay," her brother had whispered, "if you smile, the pain will go away."
She had forgotten that, her brother's loving advice.
If she smiles, the pain will go away.
And so she looked in the mirror—and smiled.
.
"Iwatodai Station."
Reaching into her bag to retrieve the brochure as she left the train, she stopped momentarily to glance up at the station clock. Was it so late already?
She covered her mouth as she yawned, and then glanced down to the printed map. The dormitory, her destination, was just a few blocks away.
No matter what the time
We'll always be together
Humming under her breath, she started to walk.
No matter what the time
Because you're-
The music stopped when the world changed. A green sky, a foreboding yellow moon, and red—so much red on the road and around her. Coffins hovered menacingly, on the spots where people had been standing moments ago.
The scene before her eyes—it was so familiar, but why? —was frightening but she felt a sense of peace inside her. Something was wrong, yet all of this felt ... right.
With one last glance to her surroundings, she began to walk again, humming just a little louder until it was the lyrics she sang softly instead.
No matter what the time
Because you're by my side
The light known as you finds me,
In the middle of the night.
.
"...what kind of song is that?"
When he spoke, he sounded amused.
"A beautiful song," she answered, cheerful. "I sing it often at the karaoke. Want to hear it?"
And so she started to sing.
Enter a noisy street
And put on the mask of destiny
I'll stop doing things that have no meaning, like thinking about the future.
Today I'll eat delicious things.
The future is always before us,
Even I don't know it.
It's not necessary to go right to the end,
Just keep going.
It's okay if the scenes
Go on one by one.
The light known as you
Reflects my scenario
Let's talk more,
And about the tomorrow that's before your very eyes.
Turn off the television,
And look only—
She noted the look in his eyes as he glanced over after her abrupt pause. With just his gaze, he was asking her if she was fine.
—at me.
He was impressed as she finished the song. It was clear from his eyes.
Seizing her courage, she asked, "Next time, won't you sing with me, senpai?"
His answer to her was a light-hearted laugh.
She took it as a yes and felt her heart was bursting with delight as they made their way back to the dorms, back to home.
.
No one can escape time. It delivers us all to the same end.
Pharos' whispered words rang in her ears as she bent over, tears—tears she was not supposed to cry—falling from her eyes.
She wanted to speak, to say something, to reassure him—but this moment was far too sensitive, far too close to heart. In this world that was only green and red, she was losing yet another person she cared for.
"Don't cry..."
He whispered her name, his voice ever so gentle.
The tears would not stop, even as she recalled the promises she had made to both him and him to smile, always. She tried to smile, but the pain would not stop no matter how she tried and, as he closed his eyes, something clutched and squeezed her heart, shattering into tiny glass pieces that pierced her chest and only made it worse.
But he was not dead.
He did not die.
He was still alive.
Even if the chances of him waking were slim...
He was still alive.
Just asleep.
She had not lost another precious person—not yet.
And even though time had stopped for him, the world moved on. She went to school, heard the rumours—those painful rumours. Even if she had felt nothing for the rumours of her, hearing of them speak of him in such a way was—
It was wrong.
Junpei punched them first. When she caught his eye as he was led away, he was smiling at her. It was a tight one but it was a genuine and concerned smile filled with such gentle thoughtfulness that she had to return it.
And, silently, she murmured a thank you.
.
She faced Nyx.
But Nyx was not the malevolent one.
Ryoji-kun was not the one at fault.
Humans despaired; some of them gave in and chose never to fight.
But they were fighting. Every single member of SEES. They were all there.
Mitsuru-senpai and Akihiko-senpai had always been fighting; Yukari, Fuuka, Junpei, Amada-kun and Aigis had found their reason to live; Koromaru wanted to protect what was important to him.
And senpai—Shinjiro-senpai—was fighting in the hospital to survive, so that he could open his eyes to see the bright blue sky of a brand new day.
These were the people she loved.
These were the people she wanted to protect.
For them, she would—
She could do anything.
She was not alone.
Never again.
.
Time never stops, time never waits.
Already, the seasons have changed and it is March now. Spring is bright, cheerful and hopeful—the memories of January 31st forgotten and left behind. The times they spent together, the ordeals and the anger and the sorrows they had faced as one—having her friends forget them was sad but watching them live their new found lives gave her happiness.
All the links and the bonds they had formed in the past year remains even with the loss of memories.
The world moves on regardless.
"Hey, did you hear? The guy who was shot last year and landed in the hospital? I hear he's woken up..."
And life is filled with cheer and hope, if only you choose to look in the right places.
The news brings tears of joy to her eyes. Even if he doesn't remember her, doesn't remember how she feels, it's all okay now.
Everything's okay now.
.
Aigis brings her to the rooftop. She takes slow steps as she walks, tired. Aigis' hand is gentle and strong, firmly grasping hers.
She lies on the bench with her head in Aigis' lap, looking up past Aigis' smiling face into the wide sky above them. The air is serene - and as she listens to Aigis speak, she hears, below them, the cheer of the graduating students.
Mitsuru-senpai must be starting her speech now, she wonders as she counts the clouds quietly drifting by.
The weariness grows but she cannot let herself fall asleep now. The promise—they had made a promise—to remember, to meet again.
The noise grows; she hears people running—like a stampede. It's noisy but the noise is somehow familiar. She hears the roof door fling open and, with the barest of efforts, tilts her head to see—
Oh.
She wants to cry, but she's far too tired to as he rushes forward to hold her. His voice, his familiar voice—he's whispering in her ear as he embraces her.
She wants to say something, but her throat feels weak. Instead, she leans into his touch and listens, his voice a sweet lullaby that sends her slowly into sleep.
Somehow, she knows for sure she won't have nightmares any more.
fin.