A/n:
We are siblings (4gVn SoUl and Artemis Fowl II) and as such we have decided to write a crackfic. As this is a crackfic this will be the only serious note in the story. As this is the case we thought we would inform you that this is a crackfic with a difference. On both our accounts the same story will be posted under the same name however, both parts won't be the same…
On AF2's account the story will be in Arty's POV and on 4gVn SoUl's account it will be in Holly's POV. This may sound stupid but reading both points will help you to understand it better.
As we have had our final sensible comment for the story, we shall commence with the crackyfickyness (see, it's started already :D)
Disclaimer: Artemis Fowl and any of the associated characters are sole property of Eoin Colfer. Oh well.
AF2 and 4s commence with consuming vast quantities of sugars and E numbers XD
Snap in your Tea?
By 4gVn SoUl
And
Artemis Fowl II
- This story is set after the Time Paradox but Julius isn't dead. 'Why?' You ask.
'WHY NOT!' We answer.
This means that ever good guy met so far is alive and possibly included.
Obtw Arty's Mum doesn't know anything yet. -
Chapter 1: Hold on to your Y-Fronts!!
Artemis was bored. He was planning to break into Fort Knox but a large gang of green sponges ate it first. It was 8:00 am, so Artemis decided it was time to go and have some food. Holly had been staying over for a while as her flat had been eaten by the giant sponges.
As he entered the kitchen holly ran past, screaming something indistinct about spatulas.
He sat down to his morning cup of tea and took a large gulp. Immediately he realised it had been spiked. He never got a chance to tell anyone. His pupils dilated, his mouth hung open and limp and then the scream started. It began as a low burbling, quickly growing in volume and pitch until he was yelling his lungs out at a girlish level. Then he jumped up, gave butler a wedge and ran after holly, trying to swat away the spatulas that were now plaguing him as well. Artemis met up with holly, and she yelled something about THEM to him. He replied with the every witty, "SO'S YOUR MUM!!"
Then Artemis Fowl Senior turned up.
"Hey kids, I have a rope, a pitchfork and five rolls of duck tape. WHO WANT'S BREAKFAST?!"
"I do, I do!" Angelina fowl shouted, and then said "What's breakfast?"
Mean whilst holly was standing, hunched over, wringing her hands and muttering 'Who wants to be a millionaire' over and over again.
Then butler walked in. He was walking rather strangely, as if someone had put his man-bit through a blender. He walked up to Artemis, shakily, and said in a voice that hinted of helium:
"Artemis, I think we need to have a talk, but first I need to de-wedgieficate myself."
Artemis said, with all the sarcasm he could muster:
"Woof…"
Just then holly glanced out the window ad saw the approaching disaster.
"ZOMG multiple quantities of ducks!"
Artemis shouted, "Quick butler, you deal with them, whilst your at it stop taking helium!" then he threw butler out of the window to the faint cries of "What's a duck?" from his mother.
Then the ducks ate everyone.
Then a bread gun appeared and shot them all, suddenly everyone was alive again, so there you bitches.
Holly said, "well at least you aren't acting like you have a stick shoved up your…"
A/N Mulch!