Disclaimer: I don't own Garfield, Jon, or Odie, I'm just borrowing them. Please don't sue. Lisa Lynne is my own creation, though.

As usual, Jon was in the park trying to get a date. Since their last disastrous date, Liz wouldn't even speak to him anymore, and Ellen had turned him down for the millionth time, as had every other woman in his little black book. Garfield sat quietly on the park bench, placated for the moment by the ice cream cone Jon had bought to keep him from eating the birds and stomping the daisies.

Jon sat on the bench, a hunter surveying his prey. A woman in a business suit strolled by, her long brown hair bobbing up and down as she walked. Perfect, John thought. Time to move in for the kill.

"Hey there," he said suavely.

She didn't even turn her head. "Buzz off!"

John's shoulders slumped. Shake it off, he thought. Plenty of other fish in the sea. His eyes roamed the park in search of new quarry.

John was momentarily distracted when a man walked by. He couldn't help but stare in fascination at his ugliness – the man was fat, his eyes were too close together, his nose was huge, and he had a double chin. To top it off, he was carrying a toucan on his shoulder. A toucan! Jon smirked.

Wait a minute, was that voluptuous woman wearing the halter-top and daisy dukes approaching? He felt sorry for the man, a woman like that would never give him a second look. But at least he wouldn't be any competition. Jon put on his "charming" smile. Guaranteed to knock them dead every time.

But before Jon could even open his mouth, the woman stopped in front of Mr. Toucan-Man. "Oh my! What a pretty bird!"

Dumbfounded, Jon watched her take his arm and stroll away with him.

Jon had barely had a chance to get over his shock when an Elvis Presley imitator walked by with a swan on his shoulder. Like magic, a beautiful blonde in a miniskirt walked up to him. "I like a man who loves birds," she said in a sultry voice.

Jon stared as they, too, walked away arm-in-arm.

Soon after, an extremely fat, bald guy walked by, the ugliest man Jon had seen so far this afternoon. He also had a bird on his shoulder, a very strange-looking species that Jon could not identify. Out of the corner of his eyes, Jon spotted two women in tight leotards walking his way.

No, he thought. It can't be!

"What are you and bird doing tonight?" asked the perky blond one, draping an arm over her friend's shoulder.

Scowling, Jon bit his lip to repress the scream that threatened to escape. Here were all these ugly men getting dates with these gorgeous women all because they had a stupid bird! Well, Jon could have a bird on his shoulder too, if Garfield didn't keep eating all of his pets! He looked down at Garfield, thinking what a fat, useless lump of a cat he was.

Then inspiration struck. Jon grinned, and Garfield's eyes widened. Before he could react, Jon shoved the ice cream cone into his nose and hoisted him on his shoulder.

A beautiful brunette with bobbed hair walked by.

"Wanna pet my parrot?" Jon preened.

The woman eyed him skeptically. "Does it talk?"

"Er – not exactly – " stammered Jon.

Garfield looked at the woman. "The stories I could tell, lady…"

Then the ice cream cone slid off Garfield's nose and fell to the ground.

Jon cringed and squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the inevitable brush off. But it did not come. He heard laughter, but it wasn't scornful. He opened his eyes and saw the woman clutching her sides as she howled with mirth.

"That is – the absolute funniest – thing – I've ever seen," she gasped.

Jon perked up. All was not lost!

"Funny enough for a date?" he asked hopefully.

Her laughter died away. "What's your name?"

"Jon Arbuckle," he said. "This is my cat, Garfield. I have a dog, too, but he's at home right now. His name's Odie."

"But no bird?" Her eyes danced with laughter.

"Well, they don't last long with Garfield around," said Jon. "But enough about him – how about that date?"

"Well, I don't really know you," she said. "Although I must say, using your cat as a bird was the most creative pick-up maneuver I've ever seen executed by any man. I'm flattered."

"Flattered enough for a date?" The suaveness had crept back into his voice.

She looked appraisingly at him. "Hmmm, I don't think so."

"You were actually considering it?" he asked eagerly.

"My, you're persistent," she said, amused. "My answer is still no. Sorry."

"Oh, well, okay," said Jon, disappointed. "But if you change your mind – "

" – I'll look for you on the park bench. Good afternoon." She walked away.

Jon stared after her. Then –

"Yessss! The door is still open!" He pumped his fist in the air.

Garfield rolled his eyes and then attacked Jon's ankle until Jon limped over to the ice cream cart and bought him another cone.