[Twelve Kingdoms] Intimacy
Intimacy
A Twelve Kingdoms Fanfic
By Jen-chan
jen-chan at shaw dot ca
December 5, 2014 – December 7, 2014
Word Count: Approx 9,600
Summary: Rangyoku and Youko experience physical intimacy. Yuri. T bordering M.
Disclaimer: The characters of this work of fanfiction are from Twelve Kingdoms (the anime), owned by Studio Peirrot and licensed by Animeworks. I own nothing and no one.
This fic takes place sometime between episodes 28 – 33, during "A Great Distance in the Wind, the Sky at Dawn".
Genre: Romance
What... what am I doing here...?
Blinking, Rangyoku found herself with one hand raised to knock on a door, Chuu Youshi's door, but for the life of her, she could not remember how or why she'd gotten here.
The dreadful tragedies of the day must've left her drained, body and mind, for she had gone about the last hour or so of her life on muscle memory alone, without any real thought or sensation.
She felt a tug on her robes and looking down, Rangyoku could see her brother Keikei staring up at her with imploring eyes.
"Nee-chan..." he murmured.
"Oh, right. Sorry, Keikei."
Gathering her courage, Rangyoku knocked on the door, half-wishing that Youshi would already be asleep.
On the one hand, she found herself wanting to be in the company of the androgynous red-headed girl in boy's clothes who had saved herself and her brother earlier that day, but on the other hand, the thought of actually being able to see her own reflection in Youshi's marvelously bright green eyes also caused her heart to skip about wantonly in her chest.
As it was, Youshi wasn't asleep yet, and a moment later, she answered the knock, surprisingly tired green eyes peering out from the door. Youshi was still dressed in the traveler's clothes that allowed her to pass herself off as a young man at first glance, and her long crimson hair was still pulled up and tied back in the style of stately young men everywhere in the Twelve Kingdoms; either the girl hadn't gotten ready for bed yet, or she was so tired, she had planned on just sleeping as she was.
And in the split second that it took for Youshi to place her, Rangyoku could see the weariness in Youshi's features that bespoke of a heavy burden not physical but in her heart and mind as well and she instantly regretted indulging in her younger brother's request to see the girl.
But after Youshi realized who she was, her gaze softened, and she opened her door a little more, even attempting to grace Rangyoku and Keikei with a kind smile. It didn't work entirely; Youshi's face was as honest as Rangyoku's own, and the orphan could tell that the other girl would rather not be entertaining her visit at this hour. It both gave Rangyoku a thrill to be the recipient of this effort, but also shamed her for intruding on the other girl so.
"I'm sorry to trouble you, Youshi," Rangyoku said softly, an apologetic expression on her features. Keikei clung to her legs, and was trying to both hide his face against her robes while glancing over his shoulder at Youshi's expression furtively.
"It's no trouble, Rangyoku. How can I help you?"
Rangyoku had half a mind to flee entirely, but she felt Keikei's grip on her robes tighten and she knew she owed it to her brother if not for herself to ask. Feeling the heat rise in her cheeks, Rangyoku swallowed nervously, and asked, "I know it's just your first night here, but would it be alright if Keikei and I slept in your room? We'd be more than happy with the floor. I just... I haven't been able to clean up our room yet, and Keikei... well, not just Keikei, but, we'd both feel a little safer if we knew you were close by."
Which was all very true, but Rangyoku decided not to mention that, on some level, she wanted to keep the other girl with the impressive sword skill within eyesight for more than just a feeling of safety and security.
A look of surprise came onto Youshi's features as she considered the request, and from the way she pressed her lips into a thin line for just a moment, Rangyoku could tell that the crimson haired girl was debating the decision intensely, if quickly.
By the time Youshi had arrived that morning, youma had slain everyone else in the rike. Had the traveler been even half a minute later, there would have been no one left at all. As it was, it had been Youshi's quick actions and incredible swordplay that managed to save herself, her brother and Enho...
Rangyoku was the only other able-bodied person left in the rike; it had been just the two of them taking care of the corpses, a task that had lasted all day. The youma had torn through the building with all the living quarters; she hadn't had the time yet to re-make her's and Keikei's room, and she did not relish the thought of having to spend the night in a room where one of the walls had been broken clean through, blood stains still smeared over the crumbled plaster.
Youshi's eyes softened even further as she stepped back and opened the door entirely, allowing Rangyoku and Keikei inside."Yes, of course."
Expelling the breath she didn't even know she'd been holding, Rangyoku gave Youshi a tired but genuine smile of gratitude and a deep bow of respect as she ushered her younger brother inside with her.
For his part, Keikei quickly turned his hug from the front of his sister's legs onto Youshi, his fists clutching at her clothes as he buried his face into her belly in appreciation. "Yay! Thank you, Youshi!"
It wasn't until she was inside the room that had been set aside for Youshi (fortunately one of the few not to sustain damage during the attack) and able to observe its contents that Rangyoku realized that whomever Youshi was, she had to be a very important guest to Enho, as the few fineries of the rike had all been moved into the room - her bed was even a large, two-person marital one, roofed and enclosed with an insect curtain with no holes in it, with an actual straw-filled mattress atop of it instead of a thin woven mat, and extra blankets and linens.
It was an item of furniture Rangyoku hadn't seen in a while, a luxury few peasants could afford. Once upon a time, Rangyoku and Keikei's parents (not the wealthiest merchants, but they didn't do too poorly for themselves) had slept in something similar, before the Kingdom of Kei had fallen on hard times.
Next to the bed was a desk, similar enough to the one she had once seen in Enho's own private rooms that Rangyoku wondered if perhaps it hadn't been moved from there to here. And the handsome sitting table in the middle of the room had definitely come from elsewhere in the rike.
These observations prompted Rangyoku to realize that, for all that they had worked shoulder to shoulder the entire day, she actually hadn't a clue as to who Youshi was. When Enho had told her another girl was coming to the rike, she had assumed that it was going to be another displaced orphan, like herself and her brother, but upon meeting her, and after the tragic events of the day, Rangyoku realized that, whoever she was, Youshi had to be someone more important than just another orphan; the discovery of the furniture in the room only confirmed this.
Maybe she was a lord? Or a lady? Or a general? Certainly, her battle prowess could not have belonged to any normal 17 year old girl. Perhaps she was one of those sennin that Rangyoku had once learned about in school, men and women of such value to a country's king that they'd been added to the heavenly registries of immortality?
Oh dear... if that's the case... then we really shouldn't be here at all!
Worry blossomed in Rangyoku's heart as she looked about the room, and she tried to come up with some sort of excuse to leave it, but it was too late for that, what with Youshi speaking so kindly to Keikei, patting him on the top of his head, and that expression of unadulterated joy stretched so clearly all over her brother's face.
Resolving to be as absolutely out-of-the-way as possible, Rangyoku tried to pick the most unobtrusive corner of the room to set up in, but there actually wasn't that much floor space left anywhere, so she judged that the small area just beside the desk would probably do and made her way there to put down the woven sleeping map on the floor before she heard Youshi say, "oh, please, no. You and Keikei don't have to sleep on the floor. Please, take the bed."
Crouched on the ground with the sleeping mat half unfurled, Rangyoku couldn't hide the shock on her face at the completely inappropriately generous offer. She half expected the crimson haired girl to laugh and retract her offer as a joke, but Youshi just continued to look at her with those same kind, tired, mesmerizing green eyes.
Rangyoku's heart skipped about in her chest when she noticed, again, just how tired the other girl was.
All she wants to do is collapse... and she's *still* offering the bed to us?
Physically, Rangyoku knew Youshi had to be much more tired than she was (which was saying something, considering how absolutely beat she was); she'd just arrived that morning after a long travel, then had to dig the graves after dealing with the youma while Rangyoku had wrapped the bodies in what available linens she could find as they treated the dead with respectful ceremony.
But it wasn't just a physical sort of fatigue on Youko's face, but mentally, emotionally, Rangyoku suspected Youshi was carrying a burden similar to her own survivor's guilt for having grabbed her brother and fled for the safety of the riboku, rather than trying to rescue the other residents of the rike.
There was nothing Rangyoku possibly could have done against the youma, or so she tried to tell herself.
Youshi was a good person; she'd saved three people today, but Rangyoku had the sinking suspicion that she was probably blaming herself for not being able to save the other seven.
Was this generosity part of some sort of misplaced need for atonement?
In that case, we definitely can't accept it.
"... Youshi," Rangyoku said softly, "we couldn't possibly. You've done so much for us already, and you are also Enho's honored guest. That you'd even let us stay in your room at all is too much generosity for us."
Begging any more kindness from you would shame us!
Evidently, Youshi didn't hear the unspoken undercurrent of Rangyoku's words, or maybe she just didn't care enough about the social hieratical predicament she was putting her into. "No, really, I insist. I'm used to the floor; it's the same as the back of a wagon, or being packed shoulder to shoulder in a soldiers' tent."
... soldiers? Is Youshi part of the army? Has the new Queen sent her soldiers out to clear youma out from the towns?
Idly, the back of Rangyoku's mind whirled with these thoughts, but those were mostly on the back burner as the more important thing was her current predicament. For, with those words, 'I insist', the crimson haired girl wearing the boy's clothing really had trapped Rangyoku into a bit of a tough spot, where she could not decline or accept without being unseemly in some way: did she want to label herself greedy? Or ungrateful?
For a moment, Rangyoku wondered if Youshi was doing this on purpose to her, but the simple, guile-free smile on the androgynous girl's face told her that Youshi had absolutely no idea of the inadvertent hardship she was causing her: Youshi was just being herself again, kind to the point of cruelty without even knowing it.
Rangyoku's heart fluttered about in her chest again.
Between Rangyoku's reluctance and Youshi's insistence, it was Keikei who broke the stalemate, too young to be expected to observe the proper forms of conduct between the highborn and the peasantry, and he ran over to the bed to pat the straw-padded mattress in envy. "It's just like mother's and father's bed used to be! Ne, Onee-chan! Remember when we all used to sleep together? I bet it would be really warm!"
To say that Rangyoku was a little horrified was an understatement as a previously undiscovered third option was now put forth to her: not a glutton, nor an ingrate, but a whore!
For what else could an unmarried girl who entered into the bed of another she'd known but for one scant day be called? And bad enough that her brother would inadvertently slander Rangyoku's own character, but now Keikei had gone and done the unthinkable and slandered Youshi - kind Youshi! wonderful Youshi! - as well with the suggestion!
Of course, Rangyoku realized, some people would argue that she was over-reacting.
In such times of hardship, what was really so untowards about sharing accommodations, especially between the same gender? How was this any different from servants, without private quarters, sleeping shoulder to shoulder? Or refugees in the back of caravans? Or soldiers on the eve of battle?
But Rangyoku wasn't born a servant, and she wasn't a soldier, and even as a refugee, she had been careful to protect her maidenhood. Her family hadn't been nobles but they hadn't been peasants either, and they had once held aspirations of prosperity for her, had sent her to school, so she had lived the first fourteen years of her life learning what it meant to be a proper young lady, and even after the tragedies that had befallen her in the last two years, those lessons were something Rangyoku had not forgotten, so she had never resorted to sullying herself, even as people all around her had started to do whatever it was they had to in the name of survival.
Rangyoku tried to apologize to Youshi, to drop to her knees in prostration for the insult, but she found herself unable to do anything at all because Youshi chose at that moment to laugh, a genuine laugh free of malice and scorn, a sound reminiscent of bells, a voice actually quite high and feminine, even for a girl, and beautiful, oh so beautiful, and the expression managed to completely wipe off the fatigue previously weighing on her features, transforming her, somehow, into but a simple young woman, just a girl, like any other girl, about the same age as Rangyoku herself was, and Rangyoku found herself completely lost for words as her heart stopped skipping about in her chest and then, very simply, started to squeeze.
Oh... oh dear.
Rangyoku swallowed.
She was in trouble.
In the 16 years of her life, Rangyoku's home had been attacked twice by youma, killing almost everyone else around her. A famine the following winter had decimated her village. Her refugee boat to Kou had sank. She'd almost been robbed, raped and sold into slavery on the way from the coast back to Ei Province.
But none of that could compare to the trouble that Rangyoku realized she now was in as she silently watched Youshi laugh and laugh as she walked over to Keikei and ruffled his hair, and felt her heart squeeze and squeeze and squeeze.
"Does it get pretty cold here, Keikei?" Youshi asked.
The youngster nodded rigorously. "Uh huh! You can see your breath in the morning and everything!"
Youshi laughed again, that same marvelous sound. "Winter is coming after all, I guess? That sounds like a wonderful idea." And the androgynous girl who looked so much like a pretty young boy gave Rangyoku another easy smile, meant to be comforting, but that only served to make Rangyoku's heart squeeze even more terribly. "Your brother is very smart, Rangyoku. Come on. After today, we could all use some rest."
Rangyoku could do nothing but stare from Youshi to Keikei and then back again.
Oh dearly departed mother and father in heaven above... please, save me, for I am in trouble...
For Rangyoku realized, that she had completely fallen, head over heels, for Chuu Youshi.
The next few minutes were a bit of a blur as they took turns using the wash basin and peeling off the outer-most layers of their day-to-day clothing, leaving them all in the white under-robes and pants that people of Kei generally slept in.
For the life of her, Rangyoku could not figure out how this had happened, how she could find herself lying on her back in the middle of the comfortable bed that was (of course) not nearly as large as everyone had originally thought it would be, with her brother on one side of her, and the love of her life on her other side.
Keikei was closest to the wall, faced against it, tucked between it and his sister. Rangyoku vaguely recalled her brother had started out the night hugging her tightly, but sometime thereafter had let her go to smoosh himself up against the wall. Keikei had fallen asleep almost instantly, and for that, Rangyoku was grateful.
Youshi, on the other hand, was lying on her back still awake, Rangyoku could tell, though the other girl was silent and motionless, save for the gently rising and falling of her chest as she breathed.
Just go to sleep! Rangyoku tried to beg of herself, squeezing her eyes more tightly shut. Just go to sleep and everything will be fine!
But of course, that was a flat out lie she was telling herself.
Try as she might, she could not ignore the marvelous, marvelous warmth that was Youshi's shoulder and upper arm against her own, that was the curve of Youshi's hip against her own, that was the side of Youshi's calves against her own...
She could not ignore the soft, gentle sound that was Youshi's breathing, tantalizingly close, tantalizingly near, not even two hands-breath away.
She could not ignore the faint, barely-there musky smell of sweat and a day's hard labour and exertion, on Youshi's skin, in the cascades of Youshi's long crimson hair, which was now unbound, and spooling over the pillows and the covers, intertwining in some places, Rangyoku suspected, with strands of her own grey-brown.
And on the back of her eyelids, she kept seeing images of Youshi's face, her brilliant green eyes, made all the more mesmerizing with the knowledge that she was sharing a bed with the other girl, that if she opened them, she might even seen those green eyes in reality, maybe even looking back at Rangyoku herself, filled with that soft, gentle kindness and promise of safety...
So try as she might, sleep evaded her, and Rangyoku found herself hyper-aware, reaching out with her ears and her nose and all of her other senses to gauge what she could of the girl beside her.
At some point, an indeterminate amount of time after they'd all bid each other goodnight, Rangyoko felt the bed move, ever so slightly, heard the ever-so soft rustling sound of hair against pillow, and then, she could feel Youshi's gaze on her; the other girl had turned her head to look at her. And she could tell, from the way the other girl was breathing, that Youshi had something she wanted to say to her.
And knowing this, any ability for sleep completely fled from Rangyoku's body and mind and she slowly opened her own eyes, taking a moment to re-adjust them to the small amount of light in the room, and then slowly turning her head to the side to return Youshi's gaze with her own.
There they laid, on their backs, silently gazing at one another, shoulders touching, breaths now mingling in that short distance between their faces, and Rangyoku felt her heart leap up from her chest into her throat, even as an army of butterflies all flapped their wings at the same time in her tummy when she realized that she could almost taste the other girl, she was so close...
It was mostly dark, but the moon was out, shining in through the thin paper-covered window and one particular beam shone directly across Youshi's face, highlighting her brilliantly green eyes, making them almost glow with an almost inhuman, unearthly beauty.
Oh dearly departed mother and father in heaven above... forgive me, for I am about to bring shame onto the family of Sou...
Because, try as she might to deny it, struggle as she might to contain it, Rangyoku realized that the strange squeezing she'd been experiencing all night in her heart was desire and arousal and out and out lust. And right now, at this moment, she wanted nothing more than to reach out and embrace the other girl, to kiss her and touch her and love her and know everything there was to know about her.
And with this epiphany dawned upon her, Rangyoku started to shake, biting her lip to contain the despair she felt in her heart, almost as strongly as the arousal, because she knew she couldn't (shouldn't?) act on her desires, it wasn't right and it wasn't going to be welcomed, and if she did she would be sullying herself and Youshi, and it was highly unlikely that Youshi felt the same way, and what if Youshi came to hate her? What if Youshi came to despise her?
Because the heavens ordained that only the love between a man and a woman was blessed. The riboku only granted children to worthy men and women, properly married and properly worshipful. And Rangyoku had been taught that proper young women did not indulge in physical intimacy with just anyone, that the riboku would never grant children to those women who were unseemly with their bodies, that the only future for those sorts of women existed between the green painted gates of a brothel...
Youshi's eyes widened in surprise and alarm as Rangyoku continued to shake and Rangyoku tried to open her mouth and tell the girl in front of her that it was fine, that everything was fine, that she was just a little overwhelmed with everything that had happened today was all, and that no, please no, don't worry about her, no more kindness, please, no more, she couldn't bear it anymore but of course, none of these words could get out of her mouth what with her heart blocking her throat the way that it was.
Youshi's eyes only grew more and more concerned, and Rangyoku could tell that the other girl had clearly no idea what to do, so of course, Youshi did what came naturally to her - kind-hearted Youshi, sweet Youshi, cruel Youshi - and she reached out to lightly brush a lock of hair that had fallen into Rangyoku's eyes and tucked it back behind her ear, and said, "Rangyoku? What's wrong? It's okay. You can tell me."
And the soft encouragement in Youshi's voice broke down the rest of Rangyoku's battered defenses, and her mouth twisted into a grimace as she recognized the futility of her struggles.
Now Youshi's brow was knit with concern and she opened her lips to try to say something else that was probably meant to be calming but that would only make Rangyoku feel even worse so she quickly moved forward and pressed her mouth against Youshi's own before she could.
Youshi's eyes widened in surprise upon contact.
Her mouth was very soft, and very warm.
Rangyoku thought she tasted a little salty, and only belatedly realized it was probably her own tears that had started to silently stream down her face that she was probably tasting.
Rangyoku ended the kiss a moment later, pulling herself back.
Youshi continued to stare at Rangyoku, her mind clearly reeling, the expression on her face one of thunderstruck dumbness, and Rangyoku thought she could just about die from shame on the spot.
Bad enough that she felt this way for Youshi. Now she'd gone and shown it to her too.
And Rangyoku's heart sank as she watched Youshi struggle with an appropriate reaction, for even after all this, Youshi was a kind girl, a nice girl, and Rangyoku watched those beautiful green eyes crinkle with some sort of unreadable emotion, watched Youshi's mouth open and close as she searched for the suitably stern but not too unkind words of rejection, and oh, the shame of it all - how could she have done that? How could she have gone and sullied Youshi so?
She had to apologize. She had to make amends.
"Youshi, I-"
And then Youshi cut Rangyoku's words off, rolling herself onto her side and pushing her face towards Rangyoku's own, finding her mouth with her own, silencing her with their second kiss.
And Rangyoku's mind went completely blank, stunned, stupefied.
Their second kiss was as short as the first, before Youshi pulled away.
They stared at each other wordlessly once more, and Rangyoku still couldn't understand how this could possibly be happening, how Youshi could possibly be staring at her, at her lips, and licking her own, and then Youshi moved in for their third kiss, and compared to the first two, this one was much longer, much deeper, and it left them both, if not quite gasping, then certainly breathing heavily as their minds spun from the headiness of it all.
When finally they parted, Rangyoku realized that at some point, Youshi had maneuvered herself almost over top of her, so that she had to look up at the crimson-haired girl, and that she had, at some point, reached upwards to cup a trembling hand against one of Youshi's cheeks.
Under the pale glow of the moon overhead, with her green eyes deep and dark and brimming, and her mouth slightly agape, her lower lip slightly swollen, there was no mistaking the smoldering look of desire in Youshi's eyes, and that realization - that the other girl could possibly feel the same way for her - took Rangyoku's breath away.
Then Youshi dipped her head downwards to kiss Rangyoku once more, this time pushing her tongue past her lips to partake in the warmth of Rangyoku's mouth, mingling their breaths. Rangyoku's hands slipped past Youshi's cheek and into the cascades of her crimson hair, pulling the other girl closer, a soft whimper of need sounding in the back of her throat...
... and then Keikei stirred fitfully in his sleep, her brother making an unexpected gurgling sound as he rolled over, and Youshi all but jumped off of Rangyoku, almost falling off the bed in the process.
Both girls stared in abject horror as the little boy threatened to wake up, and could only breathe a sigh of relief when he ultimately did not, simply settling for snuggling up to Rangyoku's side.
Heart racing, Rangyoku stared dumbly up at Youshi who was staring back down at her with equally terrified eyes, before a small smile slowly came onto her face, the sight of which prompted a very similar one to find its way onto Rangyoku's own as she fell in love with Chuu Youshi all over again.
They laughed as quietly as they could, shoulders shaking with mirth as they tried to keep their noise from waking Keikei, and Youshi fell back down to lie on the bed on her back.
They were silent after that, but the silence was companionable, and Rangyoku could scarcely believe what had happened. She turned her head to look at Youshi and after a moment, Youshi turned to look at her.
They gazed at each other silently again, before Youshi smiled, and said, very softly, "... I'm really glad you're here, Rangyoku."
And Rangyoku almost wept in joy at the simple admission. "Y-Youshi...!"
Then Youshi gave her a kiss on the forehead, and Rangyoku thought her heart would overflow from happiness.
"Let's talk in the morning? It... it would be bad to wake Keikei up."
Rangyoku couldn't keep the blush from her cheeks as she nodded.
And yet, having come to this decision, neither of them could really go straight to sleep, and could only stare at each other, the silence now becoming a little awkward.
"..."
Rangyoku swallowed. She... she still yearned to touch the other girl, in some way, now knowing her boldness was not unwelcome.
Should I? She wondered. On her other side, Keikei shifted again, and plastered himself up against the wall once more, leaving Rangyoku's arm free.
Clearly, a sign.
Gathering her courage, Rangyoku flipped over onto her side and then snuggled up right against Youshi's side, snuggling her face into the other girl's shoulder, almost wrapping herself around Youshi's arm. The crimson-haired girl tensed up, for just a moment, before the surprise bled from her.
The last thing Rangyoku felt was a light pressure on the top of her head, and she realized Youshi had given her another kiss goodnight.
As it was... they didn't actually get a chance to talk in the morning. Rangyoku woke early as she always did, and though she yearned to just stay in Youshi's arms, the duty she knew she owed to Enho prompted her to leave the warmth of the bed to start on the rike's household chores.
She was mostly done preparing the morning meal when the old scholar joined her in the kitchen.
"Good morning, Rangyoku," Enho greeted, smiling kindly at her from under bushy white eyebrows.
"Good morning, Enho." Rangyoku bowed politely to the elder. "Breakfast is almost ready." She stopped her chores to pour him his customary cup of tea, serving it to him respectfully.
"Thank you - you are always so thoughtful." The old man gave his tea a sip and gave a sigh of satisfaction. "Were you able to get some rest last night? I didn't think we'd finished clearing out your room yet..."
Rangyoku's heart skipped a beat and her cheeks colored. "Um, yes. Youshi was kind enough to let Keikei and I stay with her."
This bit of news prompted a single white eyebrow to raise to a hairline as Enho considered this. Putting down his tea, Enho turned his sharp grey eyes onto Rangyoku's own, and Rangyoku felt the heat in her cheeks rise as it was clear that the wise old scholar was appraising the situation and Rangyoku could not help but realize that perhaps it was best to not let him know exactly how generous Youshi had been with her personal accommodations.
Anxiety started to fester in Rangyoku's heart as Enho remained silent after that and by the time Youshi and Keikei joined Rangyoku and Enho in the kitchen, she was almost visibly shaking with worry and shame and guilt.
"Good morning, Enho. Good morning, Rangyoku." Youshi favored Rangyoku with a fond smile, but Rangyoku shied away from meeting her green eyes, murmuring her own morning greeting softly, so worried that over-familiarity would ruin everything that she couldn't even manage a properly polite greeting.
The split second of hurt confusion that made its way across Youshi's eyes caused regret to throb in Rangyoku's heart and she wanted to kick herself. That hurt confusion remained in Youshi's eyes for a moment before the crimson-haired girl schooled her features (poorly), and looked away, saying nothing more.
Oh Youshi! Rangyoku mourned. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!
They sat down at the kitchen table for the morning meal, and had some small talk before Enho asked, casually, "Youshi. I understand you generously shared your room with Rangyoku and Keikei last night? I imagine it was a bit of a tight squeeze. Forgive my poor hospitality; an honored guest should not have to do that."
Both Rangyoku and Youshi's heads jerked right up, neither of them quite able to fully disguise the look of guilt on their faces. They instinctively traded fast and furious silent looks with each other before understanding dawned on Youshi's face as she finally understood the reason for Rangyoku's earlier coolness.
Blinking a few times, Youshi schooled her expression as best she could before she returned Enho's smile, but there was a hint of nervousness in it; Youshi's face really was too honest, maybe even more so than Rangyoku's own. "It was, but I don't mind at all, Enho. With the rike in the condition that it is, I have no right to demand any better hospitality than what the three of you must endure."
"But you are our guest, Youshi." Enho replied, firmly. "You are here to study and learn under my tutelage."
And though Rangyoku didn't know the specifics of exactly what had brought Youshi to Enho's rike, she understand that right now, the other girl was being reprimanded for not taking her studies seriously.
For a moment, it looked like Youshi was going to be cowed as she looked meekly down into her rice bowl, chastised, before a frown came onto her face and she summoned up her gumption to look back over at Enho. "You're right. I am here to learn. And as you know, there is much about Kei that I do not understand, at all. To that end, I am eternally grateful that you would take me in and impart your wisdom on me." And then the frown on Youshi's face became a little bit of a cheeky smile. "But even then, there are certain things that a girl would be embarrassed to inquire about from a man with a beard as long and white as your own, honored teacher. I enjoy Rangyoku's company; we spoke at length and about many topics yesterday, and there is much more that I can learn from her. As my days will be spent largely in tutelage under yourself, I would like very much to enjoy a friend's company in the evenings, and can see no harm in that, especially as she has no place else to stay until her room is repaired." And at this point, Youshi gave Rangyoku a bit of a shy smile that caused those butterflies in her stomach to all flap their wings in unison once more.
A cautious sense of hope dared to flicker in Rangyoku's heart.
Enho considered this before a small smile came to his face. The smile soon blossomed into an out and out chuckle, shoulders shaking. "I suppose you are right. There are a great number of important things that one can only learn from youth. To that end, Rangyoku certainly would be a far better teacher than I." He laughed again and then looked over at Keikei. "Keikei, how about you sleep with me, at least until your's and Rangyoku's room is repaired?"
A look of dismay came onto the youngster's face. "Eh? But I want to sleep with Youshi and Nee-chan!" He pouted. "When I grow up, I want Youshi to be my bride!"
Rangyoku almost spit out her tea while Youshi choked on a mouthful of rice and started to wildly cough.
Enho's laugh only grew deeper. "Is that so? Do you think yourself a proper young gentlemen worthy of Youshi affections?"
The youngster nodded rigorously. "Yeah!"
"Then in that case, as a true gentlemen, you wouldn't even dream of sullying a young woman's reputation, would you?"
And though Enho had said this to her brother, Rangyoku got the distinct impression that the old scholar's words were aimed directly at Youshi, for the girl dressed in boy's clothes' eyes widened at Enho's words, and she slowly turned to give Rangyoku a complicated look made of equal parts epiphanous surprise and regret.
Keikei blinked. "Huh? What? I don't understand."
Enho ruffled Keikei's hair, though his eyes were not on the little boy, but on the two girls at the table instead. "In time, you will."
Keikei was clearly disappointed, but in the end, he was a good boy, and didn't argue further.
Breakfast continued largely without incident after that, with neither Rangyoku or Youshi quite able to meet each other's gaze at that point.
The next several days were simultaneously some of Rangyoku's happiest, and also most torturous. She shared Youshi's bed every night, even as Keikei shared Enho's, and they had talked well into the night, each night, about anything and everything.
Youshi was most interested in Rangyoku's day to day life, as it was now, and as it had been before Kei had fallen on such hard times. She wanted to know about Rangyoku's youth, about her family, about her hopes and aspirations for the future, almost every little thing about her life, and when Rangyoku told her, Youshi would ask for clarification, sometimes, even about the most basic and fundamental aspects of life - like whether the riboku ever granted children to a couple not married - and it was these questions that finally made Rangyoku ask the crimson-haired girl back, how could she not even know these things? Was she kaikyaku or something?
Youshi had turned away then, clearly embarrassed, and Rangyoku knew that she was, and apologized - that she hadn't meant any affront or insult, and that she wouldn't tell anyone. That was when Rangyoku had learned that Youshi really was kaikyaku, from Hourai, beyond the Sea of Emptiness, and the reason why she could communicate was only because of a sennin's magic that gave her the gift of communication, and mastery over swordplay. That was why she was so unfamiliar with the customs of Kei, and with the customs of the Twelve Kingdoms in general, and why she was studying under Enho; to serve Kei, for the rest of her days, in grateful repayment of the sennin's generosity.
And it had been a joy, a great joy, to be able to talk with another girl about these things, to be but silly girls themselves once more, chatting into the night, growing their friendship...
... but it had also highlighted keenly to Rangyoku herself that friendship was not necessarily what her heart desired, that she wanted much more with Youshi.
Without Keikei in the bed, there was enough room that they could both sleep without touching one another, and they were careful not to, always turned away from one another.
But every night, Rangyoku found her thoughts returning to the memories of the first night they had shared a bed, and then she would feel her heart twist and her body heat and her lower abdomen pulse, and she would have to savagely pinch herself, pull herself back, and scoot a little further away from the other girl, plaster herself up against the wall as far away as she could get, and wait for the tortuous arousal to subside, all the while repeating a mantra in her head, that she would not sully Youshi, that she would not sully Youshi, that she would not sully Youshi...
Rangyoku had felt almost as much relief as she had felt disappointment one day, when Enho had advised that the local carpentry guild had finally managed to repair the majority of the rike, and that while the plaster was still wet, and would take a day or two to dry, at least her's and Keikei's room was fit for human accommodation once more, so that they would no longer have to sleep in Youshi and Enho's rooms respectively.
And it was not until that first night, back in her own room with her brother, did Rangyoku realize just how desperate she was for Youshi's company, and so, late into the night, after Keikei had fallen asleep, Rangyoku found herself summoning up her courage once more to knock softly on Youshi's door. She didn't know if the other girl would be awake anymore; there was no lantern's glow, but then she thought she could hear the rustling of linens being pulled back and footsteps.
And then Youshi pulled open the door with an eagerness that showed how happy she was that Rangyoku had arrived, just as much as the delight in her green eyes and the pleased smile on her lips did, and Rangyoku herself couldn't help but smile shyly back, though hers was an expression of far greater complication as she silently slipped inside the other girl's room.
In was cold now, in the middle of the night, with no lanterns lit and no fires burning. Both of them were already in their sleeping underclothes, so they slipped into the bed, and pulled the blankets up for warmth.
"I didn't know if you were going to come by at all." Youshi said softly, the moonlight falling across her body once more as she laid on her side, facing Rangyoku.
"I'm not really sure I should have," Rangyoku replied, quite honestly, even as she gazed back at the other girl, and yearned to reach out to sooth back an errant lock of crimson hair from Youshi's face. But instead, she crumpled her hands into fists and clutched at her blankets. She cast her eyes to the side, feeling far too guilty to be able to maintain Youshi's erstwhile gaze. "... I'm only going to bring trouble to you, Youshi."
But even as she said this, Youshi reached out and turned her face back, so that all Rangyoku could see was her piercing, green eyes filling her vision. "You're not trouble to me, Rangyoku. I enjoy your company."
Rangyoku felt her heart squeeze once more as she gave Youshi a sad smile. "It is because you enjoy my company, that I will cause trouble to you."
Youshi's brow crinkled once more, and Rangyoku could tell that a million different thoughts were racing through the other girl's head.
They had danced around the topic quite a bit in the last few days, the thrust of several of Youshi's questions clear as day to Rangyoku as to their purpose.
Were proper men and women expected to remain chaste before marriage? Was a lack of virginity a mark of shame? Was same gender attraction taboo in Kei?
It had all but broken Rangyoku's heart to have to answer yes to all of the above.
And now, with the way her brow was crinkled, Rangyoku could tell that Youshi was about to ask her something else in a similar vein, so she was quite surprised when Youshi didn't say anything at all, and instead, moved forward to kiss her on the lips - their first since that first night together - lightly, at first, and then with more firmness, more passion, before reluctantly pulling back, their foreheads resting against each other, and then asking, voice soft as silk, "... did that feel wrong to you?"
Under that patient, kind gaze, Rangyoku could not lie, though she knew in her heart it would have been best if she could have.
Instead she found herself reaching out for Youshi's face to kiss her again, and again, and again, all the while murmuring into Youshi's mouth, against her jawline, into her neck, "no, no! Of course not! It feels absolutely right. You feel absolutely right!"
One thing quickly led to another and Rangyoku could only vaguely remember Youshi's hands fumbling with the knot in the sash around her waist, her own hands pulling Youshi's robes back to expose her shoulders, eagerly loosing the other girl's chest bindings, pulling the long strips of cloth away to reveal small, tight breasts, capturing one with her lips - Youshi's resulting gasp of delight.
And then Youshi finally got her sash off, pulled her robe wide open, and all Rangyoku could remember was the sensation of Youshi's lips on her collar bone, down over her chest, across her shoulders, down onto her breasts, her belly, her groin, lower still.
They struggled a little with the bindings to remove one another's pants and under-clothes, and Youshi's cry was distinctly triumphant as she was finally able to wiggle the remainder of Rangyoku's clothing from her body, leaving the both of them bare.
And then they crushed their mouths against one another once more, tongues almost dueling. Rangyoku's body quickly warmed under Youshi's touch, but it was clear that neither of them had much experience, or rather, any at all, with what they were doing, so Rangyoku was careful to give Youshi sighs and moans of encouragement when she did something particularly pleasing, like when she discovered a delightful bundle of sensation just overtop of Rangyoku's entrance that neither of them even knew existed on their bodies, which prompted Rangyoku to press herself almost shameless up against Youshi's hands for more every time she brushed against it.
So using Rangyoku's softly uttered moans and signs as navigation, Youshi's hands meandered all across Rangyoku's body - skin and flesh and warmth and wetness never previously explored, now fell to the claim of the crimson-haired girl, who slowed to a stop when she felt the resistance of Rangyoku's maidenhood against her fingers.
Youshi froze, and quickly looked up to capture Rangyoku's eyes with her own. The look on Youshi's face was one of worry mixed with heady need as she wordless awaited Rangyoku's approval for this final trespass: there would be no stopping past this point, and Rangyoku bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut before nodding emphatically after which, she gave herself to the crimson-haired girl whom had saved her life and swept her off her feet what felt like only a forever ago.
A sting of pain bolted through her lower body and Rangyoku could not keep the soft cry from escaping her lips before she buried her face against the side of Youshi's neck, into her hair, trembling. Youshi held her close, murmuring soft sweet nothings of comfort, until Rangyoku's body was able to relax, slowly but surely, and Youshi was able to continuing her ministrations, and before long, that soft cry of pain had once more turned into heady moans of encouragement which soon culminated into another cry, this time, of ecstasy.
And then it was over, and Rangyoku felt Youshi gently lowering her down to lie on her back upon the mattress and the pillows. And Youshi laid her body down to rest on top of Rangyoku's trembling own, their hair intertwining and mixing together, fanned all over the pillows and mattress.
Rangyoku's eyes fluttered open, and she gazed up into Youshi's own, amazed and wonderous and unable to believe what had happened, what heights she had just experienced. She reached up and ran her hands through the cascades of Youko's crimson hair, gently pulling them away from her face so that she could see her lover properly.
"Oh, Youshi," Rangyoku whispered, the wonder in her voice bordering on disbelief. "How can you even be real?" She giggled. "You're not, are you? I must have actually died in the attack, didn't I? And this is actually heaven!"
Unexpectedly, Youshi's eyes widened and something disagreeable made its way into the fondness in her eyes. She stared, almost slacked-jawed and bugged-eyed at Rangoku.
"W-what did you say?"
Rangyoku blinked, confused with the crimson-haired girl's unusual reaction.
Perhaps, considering the death and destruction under which they had met, it was a poor joke to make, but it had still been just that - a joke.
"I was kidding, Youshi." Rangyoku tried to give the other girl a smile meant to be comforting, but she couldn't help but feel a touch of worry enter into her own heart. "Youshi? What's wrong?"
But the crimson haired girl only continued to stare down at her, that disagreeable emotion in her eyes now clearly having evolved into out and out horror that made itself contagious and spread itself into Rangyoku's heart too.
Something... something was wrong. Something was very wrong.
Rangyoku felt suddenly very scared.
"Youshi?"
"... Youko." Youshi whispered. And that look in her eyes made it clear that she suddenly and emphatically realized that it was absolutely imperative that Rangyoku know her name. "My name is Youko."
Rangyoku blinked. "You... ko?"
And with that confession, that name on her lips, something suddenly went click in Rangyoku's heart.
Oh.
Oh, right.
The flash of an image of a magnificently heavy golden seal suddenly flickered through Rangyoku's mind's eye.
Youshi was actually... Youshi was actually...
A sudden rush of memories suddenly poured through Rangyoku's mind:
Enho struggling in ropes.
A man holding a strange instrument in his hands; a loud bang.
Keikei falling to the ground, unmoving.
Running, desperate running.
Trapped; nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. Rushing instinctively into Youshi's room, even though she knew her crimson-haired lover wasn't there to protect her. Hiding in Youshi's bed, unthinking, returning to that place where she had last felt so safe, so secure, the night before.
Discovering Youshi's secret, her royal seal.
It couldn't be found.
It mustn't be found.
The bang of her pursuers kicking in the front door.
It was clear that they only wanted her silence, not her body. So she took a chance and hide the seal deep inside her robes.
The glint of steel.
Pain.
Blood.
And then...
"Rangyoku! Rangyoku!"
Rangyoku blinked, and the images went away, and she was back in the rike, naked, flushed from the heat of lovemaking, back in Youshi's room, in Youshi's bed, in Youshi's arms, not the day she had died, but the day before that, a happier day, the day she given her maidenhood to her beloved.
Youshi had pulled her upright from the bed, holding her close, shaking her, desperately calling her name, even as her own body shuddered with huge sobs of sorrow, tears falling freely from her eyes. "Rangyoku! Please! Come back! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! It's my fault! It's all my fault!"
And Rangyoku blinked again, and slowly steadied Youshi's - no not Youshi - Youko's arms. Yes, that's right, steadied Youko's arms, to stop her from shaking her, and then move her hands up to cradle Youko's face in her hands, and press her lips to Youko's own, soothing her with a soft shush.
"It's okay, it's okay. I'm fine now. It doesn't hurt now." Rangyoku kissed Youko again, and again, and moved one of her hands to the Empress of Kei's back, to rub it, to sooth her, even as she kept her other hand on Youko's face tilting her head and forcing the distraught young woman to look deeply into her own.
Youko swallowed. "Oh, Rangyoku...!" She sobbed. "I'm! I'm so sorry! Had I been but an hour earlier...!"
"You can't be everywhere at all times. Please stop thinking that way." Rangyoku whispered, and she kissed Youko's tears from her eyes again, and stopped a sob from leaving her mouth. "And if you must, then know that you've avenged me, not only by finding my killers, but by uncovering the truth of the state of Wa province and dispelling the corruption in your court. You've given the people of Kei a true chance at happiness. That is a hundred thousand times more than what I could ever have hoped to accomplish with my life. And you saved Keikei as well! He has a far better life with you than my mother or father could possibly have dreamed for him."
Youko continued to shake, bowing her head. "... but I miss you so..."
And a lump appeared in Rangyoku's throat too. "... I miss you too, my love. But, one day, we'll see each other again."
Though that would not be for quite some time, Rangyoku suspected, for the Empress of Kei had already sat on her throne for 100 years, and was destined to be remembered by history as one of the Twelve Kingdom's greatest meikun, with a reign long enough to put even those majestic dynasties of En and Sou to shame.
Rangyoku placed her fingers beneath Youko's chin and lifted her once-lover's eyes up to meet her own once more. "Please know, my love, that though our time together might have been short, you made me happier than I had ever felt in all my life. I had no regrets, in my life, well, save one, I suppose." She chuckled. "But you've fulfilled even that tonight, as you have sought me out in this place of your dreams, between heaven and earth."
Youko's eyes widened. "What was it? What regret did you have?"
"Your name, silly! I never even knew your real name! But now I do, so even that regret is no more. Though, if you don't mind, I think I prefer to think of you as Youshi. My Youshi." And Rangyoku smiled, a final smile, and, sensing that her time was nearly up, gave Youko one final kiss, long, soft and sweet.
"Be happy, Youshi, please. You have my blessing. She seems like a very nice girl."
And with that, Rangyoku closed her eyes and knew only peace once more.
Shoukei found herself awoken in the middle of the night and blurrily rubbed her eyes, sitting up and pulling the bedsheet up to her bare chest. "... Youko?" She murmured softly into the darkness.
A moment later, and her eyes adjusted to the light in the room and she was able to pick out the form of the Empress of Kei, her Queen, long-time treasured friend, and, as of a few weeks ago, after literally decades of subtle dance and courtship, her finally-a-lover (extra emphasis on finally).
Youko had put on a thin white sleeping robe, but her hair was still loose and spilled over her shoulders. She was seated semi-upright out on the veranda, on the reclining, lounge chair/bed, her legs stretched out in front of her, one arm resting over the back of the recliner. Suiguutou was out on her lap, and Youko was gazing down at its mirrored, lightly glowing blade.
At once, Shoukei knew that something was on Youko's mind; her queen often looked to the sword's polished surface for clarity. The instrument had once brought her nothing but grief and despair, but now was a treasured tool, for Youko had grown to understand that the images suiguutou showed her, no matter how cruel or benign, were always reflections of her own heart and what weighed on her mind.
Quietly finding her own clothing, Shoukei pulled the robe over her shoulders, and silently walked over to Youko, sitting down on the ground beside the recliner, resting her head against the side of her Queen's lap, careful not to look into suiguutou as she had not been invited to.
Shoukei looked up silently at her Empress. As a minister in Kei's royal court, it was probably unseemly for her to be seated on the floor so, but here in Youko's private quarters, none of that really mattered, and they were but the young women their bodies had been when Youko became Queen of Kei and Shoukei had re-added her name to the heavenly registries of immortality.
Youko had insisted on leaving the palace with none of her usual retainers today, not even Keiki, dressed in the clothing of a young man - a disguise that hadn't seen use in years. When she had returned to the palace, she had been pensive, more so than usual.
When asked where she had gone, Youko had remarked that she had gone to pay her respects at the grave of an old friend, and no amount of cajoling had gotten any more information out of her; Shoukei may have lost her temper a little.
The rest of the evening had been awkward, and Shoukei had not even known if Youko would want her company at all. She had been immensely relieved when the Empress of Kei had requested her presence in her chambers that evening though their subsequent lovemaking had been... different from usual.
They sat in companionable silence for a long while, until suiguutou's visions ended, and the blade stopped glowing. A moment after that and Youko idly brought her hand down to run her fingers through Shoukei's long, dark locks in acknowledgement.
Shoukei remained silent, knowing Youko would speak her mind eventually, and she was rewarded for her patience when Youko finally said, "I'm sorry for being difficult today, Shoukei. It's just that... today is the 100 year anniversary of... of Rangyoku's death."
And Shoukei's eyes widened as she instantly understood the cause for Youko's moodiness, what Youko hadn't said:
A hundred years later... and it still *hurts*.
"Is there anything I can do?" Shoukei asked softly.
And Youko simply smiled sadly. "Just... forgive me my moodiness. And I will be fine."
"That might be hard, since there's nothing to forgive." Shoukei said softly. She got up off the floor, and, taking suiguutou from Youko's hands and putting the sword in a more respectful position so as to not accidentally cut either of them, Shoukei snuggled herself into Youko's arms on the recliner. "How about I let you cuddle me instead?"
And Youko finally laughed. "That would work as well."
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
I had the music collection on my phone on random the other day, and Getsumei Fuei came on and after listening to it on mad repeat, this fic popped into my head and just wouldn't leave.
For all that Youko spends more than half her time dressed like a boy, she is probably straight as an arrow. But a girl can hope. =P
Rangyoku's sole purpose in Twelve Kingdoms was to be fridged. Knowing this, I still fell for her. *sigh*
Cheers,
jen-chan
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