I never knew this feeling could only last one moment, but carry on for a lifetime.

I never wanted this, any of it; and now its dawned on me.

The fact that I'll have to live my life with love for the rest of eternity, even if it hurts us both.

Its like I hit my head, and the throbbing won't end. As I long for her forgiveness,

I also hope I've been pushed away. Because I long for her, and it could kill me.

I woke with the ocean building up towards my toes. The unpleasant yet familiar sand shook out of my hair as I lifted my head propping myself up on one elbow. Once again, I had a sleepover at the beach. With a sigh I pulled myself onto my feet, my hands clasping the torn sweater from the night before. I needed to get home. But my mind was somewhere else, when I walked in the house, although I knew what was coming for me when I reached the kitchen.

"Seth!" My mother rushed to my side, pulling me in for the tightest of hugs. "Where have you been? I've been going crazy. This is third night in a row that you've come home in nothing but a pair of sweats, and I'm sick of it! I-" She paused, a moment of worry finally playing the corners of her petite lips, "I almost sent Charlie out looking for you!" I heard a few foul words escape her lips, as she pulled back to look me over, her face expectant for an answer.

"Calm down, mom. I was at the beach", my voice trailed as the memory from the night before flashed through my mind. "I.. I needed some time to think. I fell asleep again, that's all. I promise it won't happen again".

Her face welled up, as the tears flushed from her eyes, looking down from my face with an apologetic frown. "Oh, sweetheart. If this is about.. Him.." I could hear the crack in her voice, as she avoided saying any names. "You know you have me here. I miss him too, you know that."

I didn't want to get into the depths of this conversation, although I knew she wasn't completely on the lines of the truth in the matter. In a quick second I chose we would leave it at that, letting her think what she wanted to think. I knew the truth. I knew why I had been sneaking out late and coming home early for the past week. But that was my business, and there was no way in hell I wasn't going to let this sweet lady in front of me worry night after night- even if I was her son.

Bowing my head, utterly ignoring the height difference between us, I kissed her forehead in the most blatant way. Turning around, I could feel her weary eyes on my back as I walked away trying to escape to my bedroom as quickly as possible.

I sighed a breath of relief as I reached what was only known as my prison cell rather than a bedroom, and I shut the door behind me, making it obvious as I turned the lock. I stood there momentarily, back against the door, trying to make sense of everything I had just lied about.