You Made Me Love You, a harry potter fanfic

A/N: Songfic written for the Love Song Challenge on HPFC. Song: 7 Things by Miley Cyrus. To her many haters--I'm not a huge fan either, but this is a great song for Lily, James, and Severus. Slightly edited as of 6/13/09.

You Made Me Love You

I prob'ly shouldn't say this, but at times I get so scared

when I think about the previous relationship we shared

It was awesome, but we lost it, it's not possible for me not to care

And now we're standing in the rain, and nothing's ever

gonna change until you hear, my dear . . .

"Sev . . . Sev, please, just tell me the truth!" I said in desperation, angry tears running down my cheeks. "Did you, or didn't you hex a couple of Muggle born Hufflepuffs from behind the bookcases in the library yesterday?"

"I—okay, I did, but it didn't mean anything." He reached out to touch my arm, but I jumped back like I'd been scalded.

"I heard you called them Mudbloods. Rotten, filthy Mudbloods. Just like me."

He looked genuinely hurt then. "Lil, I would never call you that."

"Don't you get it, Sev? Whether you call me one or them one, it doesn't matter. The message is still the same. Loud and clear, 'you don't have wizarding blood, so you're not welcome in the wizarding world.'"

"But, I—no, that's not true!"

"Yeah? Looks that way to me." I stood there for a minute, breathing hard, taking control of myself again. Then, I turned and, for the first time ever, walked away from my best friend, not paying attention to his pleas for me to come back.

That was the first time I knew him for a Muggle hater. We made up after that, though, and all the terror, anger, and annoyance I'd felt on that day in fourth year went away; we were back to our normal closeness.

Then, in fifth year, he did the unforgivable: called me one.

I was sitting under my usual tree with Mary, Alice, and Amy when James and his friends came strolling over like they owned the castle. Sev made the mistake of coming over then too.

I watched for the first couple minutes as they called him names, waiting for him to fight them off. Praying he would.

"Snivellus! Want a tissue? Oh, wait. I forgot—you like those about as much as you like shampoo," James said, shoving Sev backwards into Sirius.

"And those clothes," laughed Sirius. "Smelly. Betcha don't even have clean underwear on."

"Want to show us, Snivellus? Of course you do." The next moment, James had Sev hanging upside down by his ankle, robes flying over his head.

I saw red. "James Potter, you arrogant toerag! Put him down now!"

He grinned at me. "Come on a date."

"Put. Him. Down."

"Just—Lily, just be quiet for a bit, can you do that?" asked Sev, sounding annoyed.

"No, I bloody well can't."

"I don't need you to fight my battles for me!" Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Bellatrix Black approaching with Rodulphus Lestrange. "Stay out of this, Mudblood!"

I never thought he'd do that. But I was wrong.

I stood there for a minute, shocked beyond belief, and then spun around, pushing through Bellatrix and Rodulphus, who were laughing hysterically, and ran into the castle.

Now, it's the day before graduation. I'm standing by the common room window, watching rain course down it, considering going over to Slytherin Tower, just for a moment, so we part on good terms. But, no, my pride won't let me do that. Nor will my morals. Nothing he can say or do will allow me to forgive him, and I won't let him have the option to forgive me. We're finished forever.

The seven things I hate about you! The seven things I hate about you, oh, you.

James Potter. I hated him for so long, ever since our first day at Hogwarts. "Guys, follow me, I know where our dorm is," he had said. "Evans, you can come too." He was so easy to dislike, and he had so few redeeming characteristics.

You're vain, your games, you're insecure

He runs a hand through his hair. "Tousled enough, Sirius? I'm off to woo Lily!"

Sirius bursts into laughter. "Turn around, Jamesy."

"Well, hey there, James!" I say, smiling tightly. "As for the hair . . . nope, not doing it for me."

"What?" he asks. Behind him, Sirius cackles like a madman.

"Boy, can you play him, Lily."

I turn and glare at him; he grimaces. "Homework . . . I have to go. Divination, you know. Always so hard!"

"Yeah, Padfoot, great excuse . . . when do you ever do your Divination homework?" asks James.

"Well, if it's convenient . . ." He hurries away.

"So, Lily," James says, tousling his hair again. "Now that Sirius is gone, if there's any hidden feelings you have about me, this would be an excellent time to get them off your chest. And, you know, anything else you may have covering it."

My mouth falls open. "Oh, you wish! To both!"

"Be my fairy godmother?" he asks, grinning hopefully.

"Just—just stop, okay! Stop with all your games and jokes and innuendo! I hate it, and I hate you, and I never want to talk to you again!" I shove him out of my way and run for the castle.

You love me, you like her

You made me laugh, you made me cry, I don't know which side to buy

He comes into the Three Broomsticks, on the last trip to Hogsmeade of sixth year, with Erika Sammons. The two sit right in the middle of the whole pub, and start snogging each other as soon as they sit down. I'm sitting at the counter with Mary and Alice, trying to pretend I don't care . . . until, while he sits there, still kissing Erika, he opens his eyes and winks at me. I start laughing, half hysterically, laughing until tears run down my cheeks. Alice and Mary give me funny glances, not sure what caused me to go off.

As soon as our butterbeers arrive, I get up; walk slowly, deliberately over to James and Erika. I pop the top with my teeth, and pour it right on his head. He doesn't know what hit him; I watch him over my shoulder, see him glance around, then see the spark of recognition in his eyes as he watches me run out of the pub.

Alice and Mary hurry after me, but they're not as fast as I am; I'm already perched high on a rock in the warren of caves we discovered two years ago by the time they catch me.

"Lil . . . Lil, you okay?" Mary asks, rubbing my back. "I should have known it was him that set you off, I'm so sorry."

"You? You're sorry?" I ask her incredulously. "Why on earth are you sorry?"

"Because . . . oh, because I should have realized you like James."

"Maybe even love him," adds Alice timidly.

"As if! I just . . . I hate when people touch in public, that's all," I choke out unconvincingly.

Alice gives me a hug. "Love sucks."

This time, I don't bother contradicting her. "Uh-huh." I rest my head on her shoulder. "It sure does."

"Lily!" calls a voice from below. The voice I've been dreading hearing. "Either you come down, or I'll come up!"

"Come up then! I'm not moving!"

"Well, we are," Mary tells me. "Good luck." She squeezes me around the shoulders before climbing down; Alice pats my hand.

"Now's the moment of truth, Lil."

A couple minutes later, James's dark head pops up over the ledge. "Hey," he says, pulling himself up next to me. "Look, I'm sorry about Erika."

"You're sorry? No. Sorry is for when you accidently tear someone's paper, or when you bump into someone. Sorry cannot fix this."

"Well, what was I supposed to think? Lily, you've been shutting me out for the past five years, despite my best efforts to make me notice you. What changed?"

I laugh bitterly. "Well, apparently I did. And a bit too late, judging by what I saw in the Three Broomsticks."

He takes my hand, looks into my eyes. "Compared to you, Erika means nothing to me. Nothing."

"Well, you're apparently dating. That's not exactly something you can back out of because a better prospect turns up."

"It's not . . . look, I like Erika. I do. She's a sweet girl. But I love you, I always have."

"Should've thought of that before." I run my hand through my hair, tossing it in his face, the way he'd always do to me. Then I turn and climb down the rock face, away from him.

Your friends, they're jerks, when you act like them, just know it hurts

I wanna be with the one I know

Three days later, he corners me in the library, behind the Magical Creatures section.

"Okay, Lily. Here's the deal. I obviously can't tell you how I feel, so I thought I'd show you. Will that be satisfactory?" He sounds almost angry, but in more of a nervous, tense way. Before I can respond, he puts his hands on my waist. "I want to do this right, okay, Lil?" And, just like I knew it would, his head comes down, his lips touch mine, and, just like that, my world explodes.

His lips are so warm and soft, and the kiss is all my worst nightmares and my wildest dreams, rolled into one. I don't break it; I wait for him to pull away from me first.

"That was . . ." I let my ending trail off.

"Wow," he says, nodding. "So, did that change any of your feelings towards me?"

I smile, scrunch up my nose. "Well, maybe a little."

"Great. So, want to go out sometime?"

I bite my lip. This is James Potter, after all. And I want him, I actually want him! Who knew? "Um, sure."

"There's just one thing . . ." he mutters, not meeting my gaze.

"Mm?"

"Well, I haven't exactly broken up with Erika yet."

My mouth drops open. "James Potter, you complete ARSE!" I yell, causing more than half the library to look over at us. I lower my voice to a furious whisper as I continue. "What do you mean, you haven't broken up with her? You can't kiss someone when you're going out with someone else. I can't believe I thought I might like you, can't believe I almost went out with you! Maybe Sirius would do something like this, but I was starting to think you were better than this, I really was. Ha! Boy was I wrong! Goodbye, Potter."

I stalk out of the library, oblivious to the whispers and stares following me, not able to concentrate on anything but how gut wrenchingly hurt and mad I am.

And the seventh thing I hate the most that you do…

You make me love you

That night, I'm already regretting what I said to him. I heard that the first thing he did after coming out of the library was break up with Erika. And the next thing was go over to Sirius, say something about how he was never following his advice again, then hitting him with a severe jelly legs curse, and refusing to perform the countercharm.

I toss and turn for a while, mulling over everything I've discovered the past couple days, about both myself and James. And then, I start thinking about the past six years. Maybe there was always a spark of attraction between us, and I was just too caught up in myself to notice it.

Well, whatever happened before, I realize something now. I don't hate James anymore. Don't dislike him; don't want to be at odds with him.

No, I think I just want to be with him.

It's awkward and silent as I wait for you to say

What I need to hear now, your sincere apology

For the first few weeks after he called me a Mudblood, I listened to Sev babble on and on about how he didn't mean to say it, how he was pressured into doing it, how he was so so so so sorry, and would I please please please forgive him?

Not once could he manage to apologize without either lowering himself by begging or flooding me with endless excuses. If he had, maybe I would have been able to take him back. But he didn't, so I couldn't.

When you mean it, I'll believe it, if you text it, I'll delete it, let's be clear

Oh, I'm not coming back

You're taking seven steps here

Eventually, I guess I made it clear that I wasn't interested, and Sev started leaving me alone. He spent all his free time with people like Bellatrix and Narcissa Black, or Rodulphus Lestrange, the people who, I'm sure, backed him up when they heard what e called me. They think I'm a Mudblood too.

In turn, I began hanging out all the time with my housemates, especially my year mates. I got much closer with all the girls, and even the Marauders stopped being so bad.

We'd both moved far, far away from the closeness we'd shared over the years.

The seven things I hate about you

You're vain, your games, you're insecure, you love me, you like her

You made me laugh, you made me cry, I don't know which side to buy

It was only after I stopped hanging out with him that I noticed all his disagreeable traits, and there were so many! Like the one time when I saw him alone with Emmarla Rosier. It was obvious how much he liked her, what with the hair flipping—apparently he'd been taking lessons from James—and the tall tales he was telling her: how he was actually the inspiration for Tom Riddle's gang, even though Riddle had graduated years before we came. How, apparently, that one time when a suit of armor followed Peter Pettigrew around all day, singing about how he was a stupid swot? Well, that was Severus's doing.

That last one made me laugh out loud; I knew for a fact that James and his friends had bewitched the armor, hoping to have it follow Severus around. Unfortunately for Peter, Sirius messed up on the last incantation.

Emmarla may have heard that tale too, because she laughed in his face, got up, and walked away, leaving Severus sitting alone under the tree. Feeling sorry for him simply because of how pitiful he looked, I steeled myself and approached him.

"So, what's up?" I asked, plopping down beside him.

He looked up and stared at me through bleary eyes. Then, happily, "Lily!"

"Emmarla Rosier, huh?" I asked him, making a face.

"She's not so bad," he said defensively. "Once you get to know her."

I wrinkled my nose, but kept quiet. The two of us sat in companionable silence for a few minutes. Of course, Sev had to ruin it after that. "So, are we . . . are we friends again, then, Lily?"

"Well, I guess we could try, as long as you promise to stop hanging out with all those horrid Slytherins."

"Lily, I can't do that. They're my friends."

"Well, what about me?"

"You can't be my only friend."

"Sev, they hate me! And, worse, they're prejudiced against me! Don't think I don't hear them whispering things like 'Mudblood' and 'You'll never belong' in the hallways during classes. Promise you'll give them up."

His face had a pained look as he quietly, seriously answered. "I can't do that, Lily."

"What, you don't like me anymore?"

"No," he wailed. "I love you, Lily, but I like them to. If you were truly my friend, you wouldn't make me choose."

"Well, if you were truly my friend, you wouldn't have started hanging out with them in the first place!"

I stormed away from him and, for the second time that day, he was left alone under the tree, head down on his bent knees. I pretended to not hear him calling half heartedly after me as I ran back to the castle.

Your friends, they're jerks, when you act like them, just know it hurts

I wanna be with the one I know

Over the next few weeks, I heard terrible stories about what the Slytherin gang, which included Sev, had been up to. Hexing first years, painting Mudbloods, beware, and We want YOU all over the bathroom walls. All of that made me furiously mad at him, and I spent the next few weeks planning revenge, everything from putting Skele-Grow in their morning pumpkin juice to sending him and all his friends away on Hippogriffs. Needless to say, I didn't carry out any of my plans.

And the seventh thing I hate the most that you do…

You make me love you

No matter what he does, though, I still feel like there's a tiny corner of my heart that's left all alone, left ice cold.

Whatever he turns into, I will always love my best childhood friend, Severus Snape.

And compared to all great things that would take too long to write, I probably should mention the seven that I like . . .

The more I saw of James Potter, the more I saw his redeeming characteristics. Sure, I was a little biased, now that we were seventh years and he and Erika were long over. As for me and him . . . well, we've been dating for three months now, since around the holidays.

The seven things I like about you, your hair, your eyes, your old Levis

When we kiss I'm hypnotized

We're sitting together at the Gryffindor table, along with Mary, Alice, Sirius, Peter, and Remus. He's scarfing down eggs and bacon, just as he does every morning, which leaves me free to look at him . . . Godric, he's gorgeous.

He abandoned the hair tousling once we started actually going out, and, though it's still always a little messy, it doesn't have that awful, windswept look all the time. And his eyes . . . they're brown and expressive; if I look into them for too long, I can't do anything but wait for him to move.

"Lily? You okay?" he asks, finishing his breakfast and seeing me watching him.

"She's just so in love," says Sirius in a falsetto, clutching at his heart.

"Bug off," says James as I chuckle. "So, shall we go up to the common room then and get ready for—erm, classes?"

"Ooh, I'd love to," says Peter, winking at me to tell me he's joking.

"Not you, doofus," says Sirius, laughing as he smacks Peter lightly on the head. "Lily. So they can . . . you know." He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

"Sirius, Sirius. Poor, immature Sirius," says James, offering me his hand. I take it, and, fingers entwined, we walk back up to the common room. He pulls me onto a couch.

"You know what I really want to do now?"

"It doesn't take a genius, James."

A couple minutes later, I'm sitting on his lap, twisting around to kiss him, over and over. I can't think of anything else, nothing but his lips . . . so soft, so warm, so perfect; and his hands, one lightly on my hip, the other running through my hair.

I barely notice the muffled sounds of the other Gryffindors approaching the portrait hole, don't pay attention as the Fat Lady moves aside; even when a deluge of first years comes in, properly shocked to find their Heads kissing, I find it hard to stop. It's actually James who ends it first; he pulls his head away, murmurs, "We should probably stop now."

I smile tenderly, biting my lip. "Probably a good idea."

With as much dignity as I can muster, I unfold myself from his frame, extricating my arms from behind him; he presses his lips together, trying to hold back a grin as I order the first years to go to their classes.

You made me laugh, you made me cry, but I guess that both I'll have to buy

As soon as Potions ends, I catch up to James in the hallway. "Hey, you!" I say, grabbing both his hands and giving him a quick kiss; he enthusiastically spins me around before setting me down gently on the ground. People around us give us that patronizing 'oh, young love look' as I laugh. "Ready to go down to the lake?"

"Uh-oh," he mutters under his breath. I give him a quizzical look. "Was it today we'd planned the picnic?"

"We . . . remember? Its four months today. We were going to celebrate under the tree at the lake, it was your idea."

"Oh, right. Today. We were doing this today."

I nod, giving him my best doe eyes. "You made plans, didn't you?"

"It's . . . yes, I did, with the Quidditch team. The championship's in a week, and I figured we all needed a night out, let out some steam." Noticing the way my face falls, he slips his arm around my waist. "You could come too."

"Where are you guys going?"

"Well . . . the Three Broomsticks."

"How romantic." I grimace. "It's okay, I'll just stay here. Study. Do something with my friends."

"You sure you're okay here?" he asks, giving me a squeeze.

"Yeah, of course. Don't worry." I slip out from under his arm. "See you tomorrow."

Of course, it's tonight that Alice and Frank are double dating with Amy and Benjy, and Mary and Erika are in the library studying for a Divination test, something that doesn't apply to me, as I'm not taking the class. Well, I guess this'll be a one woman show, then.

I have the dorm to myself right now; I go crazy for a few minutes, jumping on beds and over trunks before getting down to business: since James and I aren't using the picnic, I might as well eat it myself.

In a rather melancholy way, I spread the checkered cloth on the rug, smoothing out each corner carefully before going over to the picnic basket and taking out two plates, two napkins, and some assorted silverware. Carefully, I set two places side by side, then look around for a James prop. Ah-ha! Alice's lucky bear!

Feeling incredibly stupid, I grab it off her pillow, using the Engorgement spell to make it slightly taller than me, and a quick charm from last year's Transfiguration classes that makes it grow a thin crop of black hair. Then, I plop it down next to me and put its arm around my waist.

The bear promptly falls over.

"Oh, James," I say, giggling as I set it upright. "Had a bit too much to drink tonight?"

As the bear, I reply to me, "Why, yes, Lily, I have."

"You really shouldn't have, you know." I pat the bear's hand. "I'm awfully glad you decided our four month anniversary was so important compared the team's night out that you left the team to their thing, and us to do ours."

James the bear is silent.

"And, you know, it's important for out relationship to be the most important thing…" I let my sentence trail off; I don't even believe that. Oh, the things Alice's bear is making me do!

"Well, James," I say, staring seductively into the bear's eyes. "Talk is overrated."

I kiss it passionately for a few seconds, then, disgusted with myself, pull away. It's a bear! What am I doing?

I swipe a couple of tears from my eyes . . . it's not like it's a big deal James and I had to reschedule our picnic. It's just that he puts the team over me.

Deep down, I know that's not true. But, as I lay on my bed sobbing, it seems like it could be.

Your hands in mine, when we're intertwined, everything's alright

I wanna be with the one I know

Later that night, when I realize how weird it'll be when the girls come in and see the remains of my picnic spread out onto the floor, I pick everything up, shrink Alice's bear again, and perform the countercharm to the hair growing spell. Then I go sit in the common room for a while.

There are a couple first and second years playing chess, and a few fifth years furiously studying for OWLs, but other than that, the common room's practically deserted.

Around midnight, the Quidditch team comes in loudly, cheering and shouting; I think most of them are a tad drunk. James immediately sees me, curled up on the couch, reading. I peer over the top of my book to see him looking at me.

"Hey, Lil," he says, plopping down beside me. I look over at him waspishly.

"I was reading, you know."

"History of Warlock Conventions in the Fifteenth Century." He cranes his neck, reading the cover. "How interesting."

"Extremely," I reply drily, then return to the chapter on how they helped in the Nile River Valley: Conserving Alligator Tails.

"Take a walk with me?" he asks.

"I'm busy."

"A quick one?"

"Very quick."

I shut my book and start walking to the portrait hole; he follows, grabbing my hand as we step out. We walk in tense silence for a while, then James takes a deep breath.

"Are you mad?" he asks.

A couple minutes ago, I'd been formulating responses in my head. You knew how important today was to me . . . This isn't the first time Quidditch has gotten in the way . . . A little, but only because you blew me off. But now, none of them seem important. Who cares about our four month anniversary anyway? Why start a stupid argument that could finish everything between us, when what's important is that we're here together, loving each other, right now.

"Not anymore." I bite my lip and smile up at him, gently squeezing his hand.

And the seventh thing I like the most that you do…

You make me love you

On graduation day, after the brief ceremony ends, James breaks away from his friends and walks over to me, Alice, and Mary.

"Congratulations, Lily," he murmurs into my ear, swinging me around and kissing me.

"Same to you," I say as he puts me down. "You're fabulous."

"Lily Evans, was that a hint?"

I steal a quick peek at Alice and Mary, whose backs are turned, but shaking with laughter. "Well . . . let's just say, I wouldn't object if you took it as one."

He scoops me into his arms and runs down to the lake with me; first smacking a kiss onto my lips then pretending to toss me into the water.

He probably doesn't notice that we're back where it all began, beneath he and his friend's spreading oak tree; the closest James ever get to nostalgia is when he and the boys chatter about yesterday's prank. But I notice, and I remember, and I am amazed that somehow in the past two years . . . he's made me love him.