He knows he's flawed from the first time he steps off that bus into the tiny little town and he lives with that, he always has. He doesn't know anything else. It's evident he doesn't believe in himself and doesn't want anyone else to because he doesn't think he's worth it. Instead he retreats into a world of books, probably his only constant throughout his life, and is generally seen sitting off to the side of the room with a book in hand without a care in the world. He finds solace in this world of books and it's comforting.
He then finds this girl who does exactly the same thing. She's always reading and while she may be able to talk to other people about things that are going on in her life. He is not. Instead of turning to his uncle, who for sure knows a lot about his life, he turns to an outsider. Someone he can be himself around. His best self. She sees so much in him. Something that no one else has seen before and calls him out on it. She tells him he could do more. He doesn't have let his flaws define him, the way he seems so determined to let them do. She sees a potential for something great, she doesn't know what but that's for him to figure out. And he knows that when he does finally figure it out. It will all be because of her. (And he plans to tell her that when the time comes.)
They begin their relationship but not without its hardships. They do not communicate, neither knows what's truly going on in the others life. She's too afraid to tell him she wants a schedule to be kept and to know everything about his life, to not be left in the dark. He's too afraid to tell her. So, when his flaws get the best of him and any semblance of a life he's built here seem to be crumbling around him. He leaves, without a word, without a note. No one knows he's gone. He leaves the opposite of the way he came. Without a monumental change in how the town functioned, he was gone.
He goes to California, to his dad and the life he has built since leaving him and his mom all those years ago. He finds it intriguing and agonizing that this man, who claims he wasn't ready to be a father and never sought him out until now, could be living on the other side of the country with a pseudo family of his own. He doesn't know why he stays. He doesn't know why he calls and hangs up before saying anything. The call on her graduation day is the final one. She says that she may have loved him and that's something he will have to live with.
By the time he finds himself anywhere near her again, it's to get his car and nothing more. He can get his car and get out without anyone noticing him. That is until the rust bucket breaks down on the side of the road a few miles outside town and he is towed back to the disapproving face of his uncle. He must wait until to morning to have his car looked at and instead of swallowing his pride he opts to spend the night in his car in the freezing temperatures. What was a perfect plan has quickly gone off the rails when she sees him. She recognizes the car and finds him in the back seat. She doesn't know how she feels. She just wants answers.
He avoids her the next day and she avoids him. Each going places the other would not normally be to avoid confrontation but to no avail as each had the same plan.
He is getting ready to leave when she sees him across the square. She runs. He chases her. He doesn't know where his mind is but seeing her again does something. She rants and rambles at him the way she used to before everything went to hell and he finds himself saying the words he was too scared to say six months before.
"I love you."
But in this moment, the flaws take over and instead of waiting for her answer through her stunned expression, he turns and walks back to his car and drives off. She is left wondering what could have been. He wonders how he could have been so stupid to screw things up but he couldn't turn back now.
He leaves and he writes. He writes to fill the void. He writes for months after his last encounter with her and he gets the message that his mother is getting married. He scoffs at the idea of going back to the town again. Not when he could risk seeing her again. Not when he hadn't figured everything out yet.
In the end, he caves. He goes. He walks his mother down the aisle. But more importantly he finally talks to his uncle and through a little outside help sees what he should have been seeing all along. It has always been her.
He goes to her dorm. It's stupid and rash and he's not in a good place but he just needs to do something. This finding yourself thing really takes a long time. Time, he likely does not have. So, he goes and he asks her to run. Run away with him. Go to some place new. Start over. Be together. That's what he wants. That's what he's wanted since they met. She sees the desperation in his eyes. She knows he is not in a good mind set. But she also knows that maybe she never did stop loving him. He obviously never stopped loving her. So why shouldn't she say yes? Logic and rationale get the best of her as she says her final no. He leaves without a word, determined as ever to have some good news when he sees her the next time whenever that may be.
He continues to write. He doesn't think anything of it. He just needs an outlet. He needs something for the first time in his life after his relationship with his previous outlet got blown to hell. He writes and finds people that for some reason like what he is writing. They want to publish it. For the first time, things might be looking up. He finishes the book. He almost dedicates it to her but decides against it at the last second. He will tell her that he couldn't have done it without her in person. And he does. He goes back to the town with his head held high.
Things are looking up until he gets to town. He learns that so many things have changed since he last left. He doesn't learn exactly what but he finds out where she's staying and goes to visit. He shows up in the driveway late at night. She's at the house he made a fool of himself at after a particularly bad day years ago. She invites him in curious to know what he has been up to since she last saw him. He looks good. He looks happy. She skirts around questions of what she is doing as her life has been falling apart in recent months. She has dropped out, albeit temporarily she keeps telling herself. Her relationship with her mother has deteriorated thanks to this decision. She doesn't let this show. He shouldn't have to fix her now. That is not the point of his visit. He shows her his book. She repeats what she said years ago. She knew he could do it. He just had to stop and find something that he liked and he did. She is so proud of him. They make plans to talk the next day. He leaves with a smile on his face and a possible hope that maybe he isn't too late. She goes to bed with a smile on her face as well, resisting the urge to stay up all night and read the book from cover to cover.
They meet up the next day with promises of dinner and catching up until her newest boyfriend shows up unannounced effectively ruining any plans they had. They still try and go to a restaurant nearby but whatever wall that comes down when he is around her comes back up strong when the new boyfriend begins speaking. He can't believe she is with him. He was one of those guys that she would have gone to school with when they dated and subsequently made fun of. How she was with him was beyond his understanding. He was sure he knew her and maybe he does.
He storms out of the restaurant fed up with the blond dick's comments. He needs to get away. She follows him. She tries to apologize for his actions but he doesn't want to hear it. The girl he knew was not like this. She had drive and ambition. Instead here she was standing in front of him trying to justify her boyfriend's actions all while she was a drop out living with her grandparents. He calls her on this. He wants answers. He wants to know why and what she is doing. Is this really the same girl he fell in love with years ago? She falters at his questions and doesn't have an answer besides that she doesn't know. He can tell she's lost. She doesn't know what she's doing. Something happened to make her this way and he wants to punch whoever is responsible but she needs to do what he did. She must figure it out on her own. She's much stronger than him. If he can do it then so can she and hopefully it won't take twenty years.
He leaves with a late happy birthday and the promise of catching up at a better time. She lets him leave and walks back into the restaurant with hell on her heels. She knows that he was right. What she's doing isn't her. She tells her boyfriend that he was being an ass and just reiterates how proud she is of him for actually doing something with his life. Something she wishes she was doing too. They argue and of course they argue about how terrible his life is. His precious, precious life. One filled with opportunities anyone would kill for. But of course, he takes his opportunities the wrong way and thinks their disadvantages. Ones he doesn't want. But he's not fighting it. He leaves and she stays not wanting to leave with him. They take some time apart not completely broken up but still apart. She thinks it's best at the time. Little does she know it will only cause more problems than its worth. They end up back together eventually until they go to his sister's wedding. Somehow, she ends up in the room with all the bridesmaids and against their better judgement they talk about their relationships with her boyfriend. She comes to find out that these happened in the time they were apart. Him apparently broken up. Her not so much. She tells him this and they argue again. She goes back to live with her former roommate but against her better judgment forgives him later. He leaves town with his idiotic friends to go on one last trip and stunt before they are separated by their upcoming graduation. She finds it stupid and reckless but lets him go anyway.
She gets the postcard the next day. The one inviting her to the open house where he works. She's glad that he's reaching out. She wants to see him again. She's fixed almost everything and he deserves to know. She drives to the city he now lives in. She gets lost a few times but eventually finds the place. Tucked away on a little street corner, the publishing house sits. It's nothing impressive but it houses creativity, writers and artists alike. She walks through the doors and can feel the creativity oozing out of the walls. She loves it. She loves what he's done for himself. He's made a name and life for himself all within these walls. He sees her from across the room and greets her with a smile. He's surprised to see her. He wasn't sure she would come. But he's glad she did. His uncle is there and they go over to talk. She overhears him talking to his uncle. He gives him a copy of his book along with a check. The check is what's owed for the years he lived with his uncle. An experience he never thought he would be grateful for when he first stepped off that bus. His uncle tries to deny taking the check but he insists. He owes him. She smiles when she hears this. He really is doing well. She can't help but wonder where he would be without his uncle.
She grabs a copy of his book and finds a place to sit away from the main action of the evening. He finds her sometime later after almost everyone has left. He tells her she doesn't have to read his book again but she loves it. It's so him. It's not like anything else she's ever read. He wants to change everything about it but there's nothing he can do about that now. They talk about how she is. He knows she's back at school and editor of the paper. He knows she loves it. She's back to doing what she loves. He asks if everything else is fixed and she replies that it is. She is suddenly aware of how close they are sitting. He leans in closer and before she knows it his lips are against hers. She has a thousand thoughts running through her head. She thinks of how much she missed this but she also remembers her boyfriend. She moves away from him as he moves to deepen the kiss. She hates the look he has on his face as she tells him that she can't do this. She laments that she couldn't even cheat on him like he cheated on her. His face drops when he makes the connection that she's still with the blond dick. He doesn't deserve this and she knows it. She loves her boyfriend no matter how much bad he has done. She's in love with him. They stand across the room from each other with unspoken apologies. She's sorry that she came there and led him on but he's not. He's glad to see her no matter the circumstances. It's always been them. Never in the same place at the right time.
"It's what it is. You. Me."
She leaves as he stands there wishing for simpler times. Maybe someday they will get this right.
She goes back home. She doesn't talk about what happened. She doesn't tell her boyfriend especially since the next time she sees him he's lying in a hospital bed with so many injuries she can barely keep track. He and his idiot friends went cliff jumping and of course the only one hurt was him. She spends the weeks leading up to his graduation taking care of him and dreading his upcoming leave as he is being sent to London to start his new job just days after graduation. They were going to be able to spend the summer together somewhere away from the real world but those plans are shattered by his father's intolerance for his stunts.
They spend a good amount her final year of college on different continents. This is not without its hardships. He ends up back in the states with promises of a great new business venture which ends up blowing up in his face as he finds himself in the middle of a lawsuit. He leaves his father's company and is around for the final months of her senior year.
Things seem to be going okay and they finally get to her graduation party. He gets up in front of everyone and bares his soul and proposes. She doesn't know what to say and asks to talk to him outside away from everyone else. He seems to have their whole future planned, in California, a whole world away from where they are now. She had been applying to jobs on the east coast to stay close to her family and hopefully him. She doesn't give him an answer then but does the next day at her graduation. He finds her after the ceremony and she gives the ring back. He's going to California with or without her. There is no long distance this time. It's a make or break in their relationship. She decides on the break. He bids her goodbye and she watches him walk off disappointed.
She leaves a few days later, on the campaign trail of a lifetime, leaving the life she has known for twenty-two years behind.
Over the coming years, the times they see each other are far and few between. She travels for her job doing freelance work wherever she can, having no stable job in one single city to speak of. He stays at the publishing house most times. He tries to make it back to that little town for holidays as his mom has moved back to the town she grew up in. He has his own life and tries to interfere as little as he can in the life of his mother. When he does visit he mostly does so for his uncle's sake. His uncle and her mother had gotten back together not long after her graduation. There was no wedding being planned like last time but everyone knew that no matter if they were married or not they would stay together this time.
They find themselves in town at the same time for the first time in probably four years. He comes back to hopefully relieve his mom and her husband of the cult they accidently joined. She has been there for weeks. She is at odds with her job choices and everything else going on in her life. Her belongings are scattered in boxes across multiple different locations. She has no permanent address. Everything seems to be falling apart around her. This is just like when he found her living with her grandparents all those years ago. He talks her off a ledge and tells her she should write a book. A book about her and her mom. The story was interesting and something that only she could write. He leaves her to think about this as his uncle shows up. He doesn't know this but she starts researching just minutes after he leaves.
She spends the next few weeks working at the paper in town and working on her book. Her mom doesn't approve of what she's doing but she's doing it anyway.
Her former boyfriend and his idiot friends come around to town weeks after they end their Vegas-like relationship realizing that they can't keep going on like this not when she has a boyfriend and he has a fiancé. It's not a good situation but it never has been. Their second relationship is one that started and ended in the dark of everyone around them. One last outing of extravagance to officially end their relationship. That's what they said. They didn't know something else would come out of that night they spent in a New Hampshire inn. They couldn't have known. But what's done is done. He's gone off to get married. She's in her hometown processing the news the stick seems to be laughing at her. She doesn't know what she's going to do. She can't tell him or can she. Either way it's not a good situation. She doesn't know if he would throw everything out the window and come back to her. And maybe she doesn't want him to. She has come to terms with the toxicity of their relationship. The toxicity that has always been there, even when they were in college. Nothing has changed almost a decade later.
She continues to write. She goes to her grandparents' house and sits in her grandpa's old office. He hasn't been gone that long but writing her book there seems to be a good way to honor his memory. It is also one of the only places where she can really truly think.
The news comes just days before her mom's wedding. They're finally doing it. It's been a long time coming and she really couldn't be happier. She sees him again when he comes into town the day before the wedding. There to help his uncle keep in his head together and to serve as his best man. At first, he doesn't think he deserves the title but his uncle can't think of anyone else he would rather it be. Without any thought at all she is her mom's maid of honor. A position she fills with pride. They don't see much of each other the day before the wedding because his uncle is being a stickler for all wedding traditions and you're not supposed to see the bride before the wedding.
They find themselves at the house at the same time. His uncle trying on his suit. Her and her mom sneaking back in to get poptarts as the inn doesn't have any.
She has three chapters of her book written and printed out. Her mom says she's not going to read it until its finished. She is coming around to the idea, slowly and on her own time.
She catches him on his way out of the house opting to stay with his mom and her husband instead of at the house. She joyfully shows him the chapters she has printed out. He really couldn't be happier for her. He tries to brush off the encounter but his uncle calls him on it. He says it's just a work thing between them. His uncle knows better. After all he fell for a woman of the same family. He knows just how hard it is to quit them. In fact, it's near impossible and probably includes a lot of lying to yourself and everyone around you.
"You're over that, right?"
"Yep. Long over."
His uncle accepts this answer but knows he's lying.
Outside the house he can hear the laughter inside and walks over to the living room window and he can see her. She doesn't notice him but if she did she would see the longing look on his face. He's tried to forget her. He's tried dating other girls but none seem to compare to his book tease. It shouldn't be this hard. But when you're in love it certainly is. Love makes you do crazy things. You're irrational and impulsive and sometimes it doesn't work out no matter how much you want it to. Maybe someday they will get it right. It worked out for her mom and his uncle. Maybe someday it will for them too.
She tells her mom her news the morning after they stay up pretty much all night having a wedding the night before the wedding. Her mom doesn't know what to say. A baby certainly changes things. She knows this first hand. She has all the faith in the world in her daughter but secretly hopes she doesn't have to do it alone like she did. Your knight in shining armor isn't always your baby's father. He might be someone that always been there just waiting for the right time to swoop in. She hopes hers swoops earlier than hers did not that she's complaining how things turned out. She just married her knight after skirting around each other for way too long.
She sits at the wedding and puts on a smile. It's as genuine as it can be right now. She has a million thoughts running through her head and is also trying not to throw up after everything she eats. She tries not to draw attention to the fact that she's not drinking. He notices. He sees her from across the room and asks her what's wrong. She wants to tell him. He of all people deserves to know but she knows that will only lead to questions about the baby's father. She doesn't know if she can handle telling him who it is. Their relationship has been hurt too many times by her college boyfriend, the guy she could never seem to quit no matter the consequences.
He persists and she drags him away from the reception. They walk around town, both subconsciously walking to the bridge. The place they first got to be themselves all those years ago. It doesn't hold much meaning now but here they are. They sit on the bridge close enough to touch yet far enough away that they would have to move to do so. She doesn't know how to do this so the entire story rushes out like the opening of flood gates. Only after the entire story is out does she realize she started crying at some point. She looks at him through her tears to see his expression. He looks hurt but concerned. He knows exactly what it's like to not be able to quit someone. His someone is sitting not two feet away from him baring her soul to him. He moves closer to put his arm around her to subside her sobs. She's lost. More lost than she has ever been. From what he can tell this has been going on for a while but she's just now waking up to her harsh reality. They sit there until they both realize that she hasn't been crying for a long time. He places a kiss on the top of head and moves to get up. She follows and they walk back to the reception. They dodge questions about where they were because no one needs to know. Maybe someday they will get this right.
Over the coming months, she gives birth to a daughter. A wonderful, beautiful little girl. She spends some more time in her hometown but eventually moves back to New York. She finds a job, editing for a small online magazine. It's nothing much but it's getting back to what she loves and doesn't require her to travel around constantly.
He ends up in New York as well. The publishing house that he works for gains enough ground to expand. He moves to head up the expansion. He's back in his hometown but has enough money this time to live in an actual apartment instead of the crack den he lived in last time. He offers her a job as an editor. It's a step up from what she's doing now as there is actual human contact involved as well as editing books along with the occasional article instead of just solely articles. Within the first week she knows she loves this and doesn't know how she's ever going to make this up to him.
The publishing house runs smoothly with the two of them and a few other employees there to hold hands, slash somethings and praise their authors when dealing with their works. Nobody seems to mind when she has to bring her daughter to work when her sitter calls in sick. He's good with her daughter and her daughter adores him. She has a steady job and everything seems to be great. Maybe someday they will get this right.
Bells ring out across the square in the tiny town. The gazebo is decorated; chairs are set up. Guests file in. A little girl with dirty blonde hair skips down the aisle and stops in front of him wanting to be picked up. He obliges and stands just in time to see her make her way down the aisle. She's beautiful. She's breathtaking. She always has been. This is their maybe someday…