Disclaimer: I don't own the G Boys. They belong to their respective copyright companies. I just borrow them from time to time to play with and return them a lot happier. Ne? :) Also I do not own the song "It All Comes Back to You" It belongs to John Farnham and as such all rights are his.
Rating: PG.
Pairings: 1+2
Warnings: Shonen-ai, sap, angst, POV, Song fic.
/ indicates song lyrics /
Notes: Set immediately after Endless Waltz. Duo finds Heero and although the other boy is seriously hurt Duo has to confess his feelings and leave it up to Heero to decide where he wants to be. Written from Duo's POV.
Authors Notes: This is the first in what I have dubbed my 'War Torn Arc'. All the songs that this series will feature and be based upon can be found on the "Then Again..." c.d. by John Farnham. Reading through the lyrics I found that many of the songs can be related back to the Gundam boys and so the idea for this song arc was born. I hope you enjoy them all.
Archive: www.gundam-wing-diaries.
Anyone else just ask. :)
"It All Comes Back To You."
June 2003 ShenLong.
Part 1 of the War Torn arc
I screamed down the comm unit but I doubt he heard me, so intent and focused on his mission was he. I watched, stunned, as Wing began to disintegrate from the force of the beam as it tried to hold steady and concentrate on its target. "Heero! You bastard! What the hell do you think you're doing!? Get the fuck out of there NOW!"
I could only stand by helplessly and watch as the perfect soldier carried through with yet another self-destruct mission. "Dammit! Why Heero!?" I screamed, as the tears began to form. My vision blurred, I set Deathscythe down and opened the cockpit. Scrambling out and hitting the ground, I raced for the underground building that was now a smoking, gaping hole surrounded by chunks of what was once the Gundam known as Wing.
Frantically I searched through the debris until I located the cockpit...the empty cockpit. Whirling around, my braid whipped against my torso as I scanned the immediate area...for what? A body?
Nothing.
That had to mean one thing...
Heero was still alive.
Hearing the moans from within the pit, I surged forward yet again, my heart once more filled with hope.
/Who's to say that you don't have the answers
Who's to say that you do.
They say what goes around comes around.
I believe that it's true. /
I raced through the blackened ruins still smoking from the impacts, my eyes scanning, searching. I finally entered the main room where I saw you standing, gun aimed and ready. I could do nothing as you slowly crumpled to the floor, your name tearing from my throat as I lunged forward only to be beaten by the Queen.
I crouched next to your unconscious form as Relena cradled your head, concern and worry in her eyes as she held you. Vaguely, I heard someone call for medical assistance as I reached to take your body from her arms.
/ The tears will pass away,
And you'll see the day./
The tears coursed down my cheeks as I held your unconscious form in my arms. "Please don't die on me Heero." I whispered into your deaf ears. "Not now, not after we have survived so much. Not before I have had the chance to tell you..." The medics arrived and took you from me. I knew I had to let them do their work but I stayed as close to you as I could get. Relena stood by my side and placed a comforting arm around me as we watched the medics apply their skills to your damaged body.
When they deemed you stable enough to be moved I followed along, unable and unwilling to relinquish the subconscious hold that bound us together.
/ It's alright, whatever you do
It's alright, it's coming back to you
It's alright, it's all true
It's alright, it's coming back to you. /
Seeing you lying there on that crisp clean hospital bed brought the tears once more to my eyes. I wanted so much to hold you and comfort you, take you away with me and disappear. But I could not. I knew you cared for me in your own way, the small things that you did each day showed me that, but I wanted more. While I knew that deep down, underneath the mask that we each wore, there was more to your actions that you were ready to acknowledge, I knew I would have to be patient and wait.
/ You don't want me to see you this way
At the end of your rope.
Passion caught between
Beauty and ashes
It's got you hanging on hope./
I stayed close by during those first few days in the hospital as your battered and broken body began the long process of healing once again. I could tell that the physical damage would heal, but what of the emotional? I caught glimpses from time to time of a different emotion shining in those Prussian eyes of yours, but it was rare, and only for a moment.
As your strength began to return and the physical scars healed, you took Relena's offer to recuperate at her mansion. I was slightly stunned at this, as I had hoped to care for you myself. But when I watched you talking to her I understood. You needed time and space. I was fully aware of my own feelings for you and while I think you knew, you never confirmed nor denied that knowledge.
I stayed for a while until I was satisfied you would be okay. I trusted Relena to watch over you and assist you in your recovery. The time came for me to leave and I could stay no longer. I was needed back on L2. I had promised Hilde I would help her with the scrap business and I had already been absent for longer than intended. She needed me.
/ The nights will turn around
Someday you'll be found./
I tried in so many small ways to show you how much you meant to me without stating the obvious. Yet I was never rewarded with even the smallest hint that you understood or returned the interest. It was with a heavy heart that I decided that I must have interpreted the signals I had received over these past few years in the wrong manner. I returned to the hospital one last time... to say good-bye.
I sat by your bedside as you slept, memorizing every small detail of your handsome features, locking them away in my heart to be brought to the fore in times of loneliness. I gently traced the pad of my thumb over your cheekbone, watching the muscle flutter slightly under the touch. My calloused fingertips caressed the lines of your forehead, cheek and jaw and my heart warmed a little as you leaned into the touch. If I could never have anything more at least I would have this.
/ It's alright, whatever you do,
It's alright, it's coming back to you.
It's alright, it's all true
It's alright, it's coming back to you. /
I leaned forwards and whispered softly into your ear while you slept, safe in the knowledge that the drugs in your system would prevent you from hearing my words but feeling compelled to say them.
"I love you Heero Yuy. I always have and I always will. I had hoped that somehow we could have found happiness together but it seems that even that small pleasure is to be denied me. I'm sorry Heero. Sorry for the wars, sorry we had to kill, sorry we didn't get the chance just to be normal teenagers, sorry you were denied your emotions, sorry I didn't get the chance to show you how much I care for you. It is because I care for you so much that I will leave and give you the chance now to live a normal life."
I felt the wetness as it graced my cheek but I did nothing to stop it. I held your hand gently in my own, mindful of the tubes and wires still connected to your recovering body.
/The nights will turn around,
Someday you'll be found. /
"I hope you find whatever it is you are searching for Heero, I truly do." The tears slipped from my chin unnoticed as I finished my little speech. "You know where to find me, buddy. Ai shiteru."
I leaned forth and pressed my lips gently to yours. A tender kiss born of longing and desire, of friendship with a hint of more. A kiss of yearning for something I could never have. I pulled away and watched you for one more moment. I had no clue as to if I would ever see you again, but I wished you everything your heart desired and more. You deserved it.
"Good-bye Heero. Take care."
I stood and released your hand. With the determination to leave, my legs carried me to the door where I paused one last time. Hand on the handle, I took a deep breath and forced myself to open it and pass through. My body left, but my heart remained.
I didn't see the blue eyes that followed my progress across the room, the sad look that pierced their very depths or the finger that brushed over the sweet lips in reverence of the kiss I had bestowed. If I had then my resolve would have crumbled. I continued on, away from the hospital, away from Relena, away from the one thing I cherished the most.
/ It's alright, whatever you do
It's alright, it's coming back to you
It's alright, it's all true
It's alright, it's coming back to you. /
A pair of Prussian eyes scanned the night sky, searching and sorting through the various stars and satellites until they fixed upon one. The gaze burned with an intensity unseen for some time as they studied the tiny speck. Fingers reached forth and caressed the image in the dark.
"Duo..."
--
Owari