Fluorescent Pink Thong
An: I do not own Arrow.
Summary: Tommy is being his usual charming self while Oliver is taking his washing out of the machine when a fluorescent pink thong in the laundry attracts Tommy's attention. Olicity. Written just for a few laughs.
Oliver Queen was only half listening to his best friend, Tommy Merlyn, as he spoke about the party he missed the week before. Oliver wasn't really concerned. It was one party and from what he heard from his sister, it wasn't all that great. Tommy was just trying to rile him up for missing the party.
"Oliver, are you listening to me?" Tommy asked as he leaned against the row of washing machines in the room.
"No," Oliver replied honestly as he focused on taking his clothes out of the washing machine and putting it in the basket.
"No! I'm your best friend and wingman, how can you not listen to me?" Tommy asked horrified.
"Very easily Tommy, I'm not losing the bet!" Oliver said ignoring his friend and dumping more of his clothes into the basket. Why did he wear so many things this week?
"Ah, the bet!" Tommy exclaimed with a large grin.
The bet was between Oliver Queen and his arch rival Max Fuller. Max bet Oliver that he couldn't survive in an apartment in the Glades on the average salary that a person in the Glades made for one month. Oliver had taken the bet without thinking twice. It would be the easiest 100K that he would ever earn. Oliver sourced an apartment at the edge of the Glades and informed Max that he would start living there at the beginning of the month. It was a one bedroom apartment, with a small kitchen and living area. The laundry facilities was located in the basement of the apartment.
Max Fuller was an idiot. What that man didn't know was the Oliver had found an outlet for his excess physical energy that used to get in all sorts of trouble. He used to drink too much, pee on cop cars, and sleep with multiple women in one night. All of that changed after he stupidly signed up for a survival course in the Rocky Mountains thinking it would be easy as pie. It wasn't and his survival instructor, John Diggle, whipped him into shape so fast Oliver was surprised he didn't suffer from whiplash. After barely surviving the first course, Diggle challenged him to do another one and after that Oliver was hooked. He often spent a weekend in the wilderness without any luxury. He once spent three months on a deserted island. Surviving in the Glades was going to be a piece of cake.
"What's that?" Tommy asked pointing to a bright pink item that caught his eye. It was sitting near the top of the bundle half hidden under a pair of boxers.
"What's what?" Oliver asked confused as he headed to the row of dryers against the opposite wall with his basket.
"That!" Tommy said pointing at the pink item but Oliver thought he was pointing somewhere behind him.
"The dryer?" Oliver asked confused. "I know you've never done a day of laundry in your life Tommy but surely you must have heard of a dryer?"
"I know what that is," Tommy replied exasperated before moving forward and grabbing hold of the pink item and pulling it from Oliver's basket.
"I'm talking about this," Tommy said holding up the item of clothing. It was clearly a fluorescent pink thong. "No wonder you didn't come to the party. You had your own here. So are the girls in the Glades as wild as the girls in the club?" Tommy asked wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
Oliver stared confused at the item, "That's not mine."
"Obviously, unless there's something you want to tell me?" Tommy asked with an arched eyebrow.
Oliver gave Tommy a withering look while his friend spun the thong around his index finger.
"Hey you can't fault me for asking. You used to be right there with me, every night with at least three women on your arm. Now, you barely even leave with one," Tommy said.
"It's called growing up and accepting your responsibilities. I don't have time for all these women anymore. I want something different now," Oliver said opening the dryer and loading his clothes into it.
"My thong!" a thin blonde female with glasses said in a horrified voice as she came into the laundry room. She ran forwards and grabbed it from Tommy's hands. She glanced at the washing machine with the open lid that Oliver had just finished using. "Frack, I must have accidentally left it in the washing machine. Why do these sorts of embarrassing things happen to me?" she groaned.
"Your thong?" Tommy pipped up as his eyes surveyed the female in front of him.
Anger sparked in her eyes, "If you're visualizing me in this, visualize your castration at the same time," she threatened him.
Oliver chuckled lowly as Tommy recoiled away from the blonde to hide slightly behind Oliver. "The women down here are vicious," Tommy complained.
"The men here are sexist idiots," she countered back. She walked over to the washing machine that Oliver had just emptied and threw the thong in. She turned the dials on the machine and added a few quarters.
"It was just washed," Tommy pointed out.
"It was clean until you put your grubby hands on it. I have to wear that," she said before pausing, "Stop that thought right there!" she said pointing her index finger at Tommy.
"I wasn't thinking anything! I swear," Tommy said retreating further behind Oliver's broad back.
She narrowed her eyes at them, "The two of you look awfully familiar."
Oliver was about to intervene and say he was just new to the building but she figured it out, "Tommy Merlyn and Oliver Queen!" she declared her eyes going wide.
Oliver turned around to glare at Tommy. He didn't want anyone in his building knowing he was living there. It was why he was doing his laundry at 3:00am in the morning.
"I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about me being here?" Oliver asked turning on his charming voice. He was surprised when she immediately recoiled away from the fake charm.
"Not a problem Mr. Queen. I don't know any of the neighbors either," she said pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. She walked back to the entranceway where there was an empty basket on the ground. Oliver realized she must have dropped it there when she saw her underwear. She picked it up and went over to one of the dryers. She opened the dryer door and started taking out her clothes one by one. She made sure to shake each item out before placing them neatly into her basket.
"Why don't you just dump it into your basket?" Tommy asked. "It would certainly be much quicker."
"Because rich boy, if I dump it into my basket I'll have to iron it and I hate ironing. Unlike you I don't have maids to iron things for me." She cocked her head to the side. "Wait why are you doing your own laundry?"
"It's a long story," Oliver replied. He was relieved when she shrugged and went back to removing her clothes from the dyer.
Oliver turned to talk to Tommy only to find his best friend staring at the blonde's ass. He smacked his friend hard on his arm.
"That woman threatened to castrate you," he hissed softly.
"Doesn't mean I can't admire her ass and that is one fine ass. What a lucky thong," Tommy sighed.
Oliver let his gaze drift downwards following the curve of her back to her nicely shaped rear end. Tommy was indeed very right about that. The black jeans she was wearing hugged her in all the right spots.
At the exact moment that the two of them were admiring her physical feature she turned to look at them, "Seriously! The two of you are going to stare at my ass?" she asked.
"Sorry, I let him distract me for a moment," Oliver threw a glare at his friend before he reached into his jeans pocket and pulled a few quarters from it. He inserted the coins into the slot on the machine and 45 minutes came up on the timer. Out of the corner of his eye he could see her chewing on her bottom lip while she concentrated on keeping her clothes wrinkle free. It was the cutest thing Oliver had ever seen.
"Would you like to grab some coffee?" Oliver blurted out suddenly surprising himself.
The woman arched an eyebrow at him, "Coffee?"
"Or dinner," his mouth said without permission.
"Wait hold up," his best friend said, "You're asking out the girl that threatened to castrate me?"
Oliver shrugged, "She's different."
"I'm not a one night stand kind of girl," she said to him. "I don't put out on the first, second or even third dates."
"My clothes are in the dryer for 45 minutes. That's more than enough time to rundown to Big Belly Burger and get a burger with us," Oliver offered. One of the reasons he chose this apartment building was because the 24hr Big Belly Burger was located one block away. He'd made use of the restaurant three times already.
Her eyes lit up. "I really shouldn't be going anywhere with guys I just met at this hour of the morning but if you were serial killers the paparazzi would know by now plus I really love Big Belly Burger so I'm in."
"Great let's go. Tommy we'll take your car," Oliver instructed.
"Wait a minute, are you making me a third wheel now?" Tommy asked incredulously.
Oliver shrugged.
"You don't even know her name Oliver," Tommy complained.
"Point," Oliver conceded turning to the girl. "What is your name?"
"Felicity, Felicity Smoak and you better remember it," she said.
"I'll remember it Felicity," he assured her. "I'll meet you in the lobby in five minutes."
"It's a date," she teased because Big Belly Burger in the middle of the night was most certainly not a real date.
Five minutes later, Oliver was walking through the lobby with Tommy who had not stopped complaining. Oliver stopped to look at Tommy.
"You complain when I'm single and you complain when I ask a girl out, I think you spent too much time with women. You're turning into one," Oliver said with a serious face.
Tommy glared, "Funny Ollie. I'm just looking out for your well being."
"My being is very well thank you and Felicity's here," Oliver said watching her walk towards them. That jeans really looked great on her.
"Ready?" she asked brightly.
"Yes," he replied with a charming smile.
They walked out of the building and Tommy frowned.
"Where'd you park Tommy?" Oliver asked.
"Right there?" Tommy said pointing to an empty space in front of the building.
"Is it some new sort of invisible car that only billionaires can afford because I don't see it," Felicity chirped.
Tommy ignored her, "I swear I parked Annette here!"
"Annette?" Felicity asked confused.
"His Mercedes," Oliver said shaking his head.
"You brought a Mercedes into the Glades?" Felicity asked in horror.
"He doesn't listen. I told him to get the driver to drop him but he insisted on driving," Oliver explained.
Felicity pulled out her phone and started fiddling with it.
"This is not funny Oliver. Where did you move my car to?" Tommy said accusingly.
"Dude I didn't touch your car. This isn't a prank. I've been with you the entire night," Oliver reminded him.
"You've been with him," Felicity repeated in a teasing voice.
Oliver glared mildly at her.
"Here's your answer. The local gang boosted your car," Felicity said turning her phone so that Tommy could see three men stealing his car.
"My baby!" Tommy declared horrified.
Oliver pulled out his phone and called Detective Lance. The Detective wasn't exactly their greatest fan, having arrested both of them for minor offences in the past but Tommy was currently dating his daughter. It was ironic that Tommy had been ribbing Oliver about trying to drop the bad dating habits when Tommy himself was trying to go steady with Laurel Lance. Oliver handed the phone to Tommy to explain to him what happened.
"I wasn't aware that this building had security cameras," Oliver surveying the outside of the building.
"It doesn't. I set that camera up to keep an eye on my car," she admitted.
She pointed to one of the windows on the building and explained that was her bedroom window. She has a camera positioned to monitor the street.
Ten minutes later Quentin Lance arrived at the scene. "Tommy, Oliver," he said before turning his attention towards the blonde, "Ms. Smoak, how nice to see you again."
"Pleasure is all mine," she said with a wide smile.
"You know her?" Tommy asked surprised.
"Some idiots tried to steal her car a few months ago. She shut it down remotely and locked them inside. I believe you forced them to listen to Justine Bieber. They were begging to get out of the car when I arrived on scene," Lance explained.
"Can you do the same to my car?" Tommy asked hopefully.
"Call your dealer and see what they can do," Felicity advised. "I modified my car myself." She turned to Oliver, "I guess it's just the two of us for Big Belly Burger?"
"I guess so," Oliver said offering her his hand to guide her down the stairs. "We'll take my car."
"Wait you're leaving me Oliver?" Tommy asked.
"It's not like I'm leaving you alone. Your future father-in-law can sort you out," Oliver teased.
He pulled his keys from his back pocket and led Felicity over to an old Toyota Camry.
"Are you really going to abandon your friend?" she asked.
"Nope, we'll just pick up some burgers to eat and come back. I'm just giving him some time to learn his lesson," Oliver revealed.
In ten minutes they were back in the lobby of the building. Lance was still there taking Tommy's statement but Laurel had also arrived and she didn't look too happy at all. Oliver shoved the burger bag into Tommy's hands.
"Ollie, I'm taking Tommy home. This apartment down here was a terrible idea. I'm not allowing Tommy to come down here again. The two of you could have been killed tonight!" she said angrily.
"Laurel, it's late. If Tommy wants to go with you fine. I need to go check on my laundry," he said leaving them in the lobby. Felicity followed behind him.
When they arrived in the laundry room, the lid for Felicity's washing machine was open and her thong was gone. "What the hell! Do I need to put a camera in here to monitor my clothes too!"
"Might be a good idea," Oliver said as he collected his stuff out of the dryer.
Years later
Tommy watched with mirth as his best friend and his new wife danced to one of their favourite songs. The wedding had come off without a hitch which was great because his own wedding had been an absolute disaster. Oliver and Felicity had come a long way from that night in the laundry room. They had become friends first before going on a real date. After a few months of dating they moved in together but not in the Glades, in an upscale apartment. Oliver eventually manned up and popped the question and then they planned their dream wedding together.
Surprisingly he got along really well with Felicity. They were especially great at pranking Ollie. His best friend often commented that he had to separate the two of them at events or he would get into serious trouble. Making the Queen private jet disappear will forever stand out as the best prank in history.
Tommy knew they were going to be leaving in the next few minutes. Oliver was determined to spend most of his wedding night with his wife and not the guests at the wedding. He also knew they were aiming to make a discrete departure.
Tommy glanced over at his wife. She was preoccupied and he took advantage of that to make his way over to where the limo was before his best friend got there.
He didn't have to wait long before he saw them sneaking away.
"In a hurry," he teased.
"Tommy," Olive warned.
"You know I've been reminiscing," Tommy said as they walked passed him to the limo.
Oliver opened the door for Felicity to get in first but she stopped to look at Tommy, "Really about what?" she asked.
Oliver groaned, "Why are you humoring him? We have better plans for the rest of the night," Oliver said, his hand moving to the small of her back to guide her into the limo.
Tommy laughed, "I've been thinking about the night we first met you. If was all because of this," Tommy said pulling the fluorescent pink thong from his jacket pocket.
"That's my thong!" Felicity exclaimed. "You're the one that stole it."
Tommy smirked, "A little revenge for stealing my best friend away and ditching me with Detective Lance!" he said throwing the thong at her. It got caught up in the cleavage of her dress.
He made a quick exit as she surged out of the limo to try to strangle him but Oliver held her back. "I would rather be enjoying our wedding night. You can make Tommy pay later."
"You hear that Merlyn, expect retribution when I get back!" she said just before Oliver slammed the door to the limo shut.
Tommy laughed. He watched the limo drive off from a safe distance. He wished his friends a long happy marriage and he looked forward to their phone call when they entered their wedding suit to find that it wasn't covered in rose petals but fluorescent pink thongs!
An: Thanks for reading. Let me know if the end made you laugh.