Taking the first step
By MoonSerenade
It had been six months. Six whole months. 163 days. Spring had turned into summer; the days had become warmer, the nights shorter. Then autumn came and the hours of the sun lessened every day. Winter was in the air. The leaves on the trees had gone from green, to yellow, to red. Soon, they would turn brown and light, frosty snowflakes would fall from the sky and cover the ground in a white blanket.
It was the 10th of October and still, even though six months had passed, the peace Marion had so longed for when taking the orders, eluded her. She thought she had done the right thing, she thought her decision had been correct. But, as the weeks passed, she began to doubt.
Maybe if he had really been dead, maybe if there was no chance he could ever come back, she could convince herself that she belonged here at Halstead. But he wasn't dead. Right now, she knew he was still out there; protecting the poor and the helpless, unburden the noblemen of their purses – unwillingly from the noblemen's side, driving the Sheriff to insanity and… living with his faithful men, the ones she knew so well.
It wasn't just him she missed. She missed all of them. John, Will, Nasir, Tuck and Much. They were her friends, her family even. Right now, they were probably playing around as usual, teasing, joking and laughing. Content with their lives and each other, just like they'd always been. They were out there making a difference in the world, or at least in England, while she was in here praying, going to masses and singing psalms!
She looked up with a start. When had that begun? When had the things that used to comfort her in the beginning when she joined the order, begun to grow less significant and become a source of resentment for her?
She sighed, rose to her feet and went over to look out the window. She could see Sherwood Forest from here.
With an aggravated groan, she turned her back on the window. Could her thoughts never be free of him at least a few seconds of the day? From the moment she awoke in the morning, to the time she closed her eyes and fell asleep at night, she thought of him. And not only then, every night, she saw his face in her dreams. He didn't say or do anything in the dreams. He just watched her, like he was waiting for her to speak, waiting for her to do something-!
There was a knock on the door and she was immediately brought out of her thoughts.
"Please, enter," she called.
The door opened to reveal the abbess and Marion smiled.
"Marion, my child, how are you today?" The abbess greeted.
"I'm well, reverend mother. How are you?"
The abbess had always been a woman to speak freely and not waste her time with mindless small talk.
"I'm concerned, my child."
"Concerned?" Marion repeated, puzzled.
The abbess went over to the bed and sat down, gesturing for Marion to do the same.
"I'm concerned about you, Marion."
"There's no need to be, I'm-" Marion began as she came to sit beside the abbess, but the abbess interrupted her before she could continue.
"No, child, let me speak before you say anything. I know you are strong and I know you are brave. I even think you are stronger than you know yourself. But I also know you are stubborn and even though you feel deep down inside you that you have made a mistake, you may be unwilling to admit so to yourself."
Marion opened her mouth to reply, but once again the abbess raised a hand to silence her.
"I know why you joined us in the first place, my child. I know your heart was broken and you longed for some peace for both mind and soul. But then, the next day, you heart was mended again."
"No, I-"
"I know you do not think so, Marion. I know you think the pain inflicted on your heart that day could never go away, whether your love was alive or not. But it did, Marion. As soon as you saw him again, learned he wasn't dead after all, the pain went away and since that day you have grown more and more restless. I find you lost in thought all the time and whenever you pass a window; your eyes seek out the Sherwood Forest. Maybe you do not even realize it, but you do."
"I came here for peace, reverend mother and that is what I have found."
The abbess grey eyes met hers.
"Have you?" The abbess asked calmly.
And just like that, the dam that had been building up inside her over the months finally broke. Marion got to her feet and began pacing back and forth across the room, the words tumbling out of her in a seemingly never-ending stream.
"I thought I could find peace here, but whatever I do that peace eludes me! I thought this was where I was meant to be, I thought him and I could never-! For a moment, I was so happy. I was going to marry him and he promised me, he promised we would never be parted and then just a few days later, I thought he was-! I cannot bear it to loose him for good and living out there, with him and the others would mean to watch him risk his life over and over again everyday and one day, his luck may run out! One day, he might die for real, just like…"
She came to a halt, pausing by the window to take a few deep breaths. And, almost inevitably, her eyes were drawn towards the Sherwood Forest.
Another sigh escaped her and she turned towards the abbess, suddenly worn out and tired of running from her feelings and memories of him.
"What should I do, abbess? How can my heart be at peace at last?"
"Oh, that is simple, my child. You just have to remember the last time you felt at peace, truly at peace."
Marion's eyes became distant and a soft smile touched her lips.
"It was… It was that spring morning when he held me in his arms and I finally admitted to myself that I loved him."
Her eyes focused upon the abbess again.
"You know, I dream of him every night. I see him before me but he doesn't say or do anything. He just watches me; like he is waiting for something I should say or do."
"Of course he is, my child. It was you who asked him to let you go. How can he claim to truly love you if he tries to change your decision with words or actions? You cannot expect him to take the first step this time, Marion. This time, it has to be you."
Marion felt tears well up into her eyes and she fell to her knees before the abbess and buried her face in the abbess' lap.
"Oh, abbess, I do not dare to go back to him again! I'm not strong enough to watch him die one day, for one day he will!"
The abbess slowly stroked her hair.
"All die one day, Marion. To die is part of life. You will not live forever yourself."
"No, I will not," Marion sobbed. "I'm not afraid to die myself; the only thing I fear is his death!"
"Marion," the abbess began. "You fear for his life everyday, whether you are with him of not. That is part of loving someone. Everyday, you fear word will reach you that he has been killed. And, should you stay here, that will come to pass one day or another. But when that day comes, do you want to have spent everyday leading up to his death here in the abbey, or do you want to have spent them with him, being with him as long as possible? One more day here is one more day wasted when you could have been with him. He is you heart, Marion, and the peace you so longingly seek. He is everything to you, is he not?"
Marion raised her head and looked at the abbess, nodding silently.
"Then, my child," the abbess said with a gently smile. "Is it not time you told him that?"
For several seconds, Marion said nothing. Then a smile began to grow on her face until she was laughing instead of crying. She wiped away the tears on her cheeks and leapt to her feet, throwing herself around the abbess' neck.
"Thank you, reverend mother, thank you!"
"Besides," the abbess said as she hugged her. "With such a fighting spirit as yours, the abbey would in time have become a prison for you. You need to be free to be happy."
"Free?" Marion said and heard voices from the past whispering in her ear.
"He wants to be free," Robin said with his eyes on the spot where Edward's son Matthew had just vanished.
"I wanted that," Marion replied, her eyes on the same spot, "When the Sheriff was trying to sell me out to the highest bidder."
Robin turned her towards him, locking his gaze with hers.
"You are free now," he said. "Free from the past."
She looked down.
"Am I?"
He gently touched her chin, tilting her head up to meet his eyes once more.
"It's in your eyes," he told her, leaning down towards her.
With sudden panic, she said: "No, I don't-"
"No words," he interrupted. "Not anymore."
And then he kissed her and she let him. She kissed him back, holding him close and felt her heart soar. After a while, they broke apart.
"I've been afraid to love you," she confessed. "That if I did, I'd… loose you, too."
His only reply was to shake his head, smile and kiss her again.
"Oh, abbess," Marion exclaimed as the voices faded away. "How could I ever leave him when I love him so much?"
"Love can make us do the craziest things," the abbess said with a sad smile. "It makes us strong and brave, while on the other hand, it can make us so afraid we end up running away from what we want the most."
Suddenly worried, Marion said:
"What if he doesn't want me anymore? What if I hurt him too deeply when I turned him away that he wants nothing more to do with me?"
"No more doubts and no more running, Marion. Go to him."
Smiling once more, Marion bent down to kiss the abbess' cheek in gratitude before removing her novice cowl, pulling on her old dress still hanging in the wardrobe and said her goodbyes to the abbess and then running down to the stable to borrow a horse.
As soon as the abbey's gates closed behind her, she felt a wonderful sense of freedom and with no further delay; she urged the horse at full gallop towards the Sherwood Forest.
The first days after Marion had left them, left him, Robin had been heart broken. The same night she'd said her goodbyes, he had been standing down by the lake, shooting burning arrows into the water. It was a custom to do so as a farewell to someone who had left and although it was more common when someone had died, Robin really couldn't see the difference.
She was gone, lost to him forever and he would probably never see her again. If only he and Herne had stayed a bit longer at the Nine Maidens, maybe he would still have been there when she arrived and she wouldn't have had to believe he was dead. Or, if only he had done something about the body of Gulnar's copy instead of just leaving it there. If, if, if. Thousands of ifs had run through his head these past six months. Not one of them could bring her back to him, though.
With a tired sigh, he rose to his feet and left the campsite behind, telling the others he would go for a walk. They didn't protest. He had been taking a lot a walks since she…
"Nothing's forgotten," he had said to her and, in truth that was the problem. He couldn't forget her, anything about her. He could still remember the sound of her voice, the sense of her touch, the texture of her hair, the sparkle in her eyes… He'd forgotten nothing and everywhere he went, her face haunted him.
Even since she and her father had been guests at Huntingdon and he saw her for the first time, danced with her and ended up defending her honour (with humorous results) he had been attracted to her. After she joined them and he began spending time with her day after day, that attraction had grown into love. He knew she felt something for him as well, but he also knew she was still hurting from the loss of her late husband, so he gave her time. She had said that he would see it in her eyes when she loved him the way he wanted her to. And at last, he had seen it, kissed her, asked her to marry him and she had accepted. And then…
Head bent and lost in thought, he paid no attention to where he was going and was only brought out of his thoughts when he heard a horse approach.
And there she was, no different than the day he last saw her. Her hair was still red, her eyes still sparkled and she was even wearing that green dress she always used to wear back in the days when she was still part of the outlaw band.
She brought the horse to a halt before him.
"Robin?" She asked, making him realize he was staring.
"Marion?" He said, surprised and not daring to believe it. "Is it really you?"
"Yes," she replied, slowly getting off the horse and coming to stand in front of him.
Her heart was beating madly in her chest and she got a sudden urge to just throw herself at him, but… Even though he was just the same as before, one thing about him was different. He had a watchful look in his eyes, afraid of letting her too close and unsure of how to act around her.
"So…" Robin said, after a while. "I trust you are well?"
"Yes. Yes, thank you. And you?"
"I'm fine."
They were silent.
"And… what brings you to Sherwood?" He inquired.
She gathered her courage.
"You, as a matter of fact."
"How come?"
Okay, Marion, here goes!
"He's been gone quite a while now," Little John commented back in camp.
"Do you think something's happened?" Tuck asked.
"Maybe he just wants to be alone," Much suggested.
"Or maybe something really has happened," Scarlet said grimly.
"Think you can track him, Nasir?" John wondered.
Nasir nodded.
"All right then, let's go!"
Marion took a deep breath, trying to hide how nervous she was.
"I'm sorry, Robin," she said. "I'm so very sorry."
"What for?" He asked, not quite catching on yet.
"For… when you came to the abbey six months ago."
His expression darkened, as if he could hear what she had said then inside his head, but he said nothing.
"See, I… I love you, Robin, I love you so much and the thought of losing you is unbearable to me. Back then, I thought you were dead and then the next day, you stood before me as if nothing had happened, while to me, my whole world – my life – had come crashing down on me the day before. I cried all day and all night. I seriously thought that if I should cry anymore, I would drown in my own tears, so I did the only thing I could do. I joined the abbey. I thought I could find peace there and I was so determined that was what I should do, that I found myself unable to change my mind even though you appeared to have returned from the dead. I never wanted to feel that much pain again. I was scared, so I ran away from it all. And I'm very sorry for that."
"Marion," he said, taking a step closer to her. "You don't have to explain it to me. I understand your reasons."
"Yes, but I was wrong."
He froze for a moment and she could almost see how he closed himself off from her.
"Really?" He said, expressionless.
"I thought I was right to leave the outlaw band, to leave you. I thought it would be best for all in the end. But it wasn't, was it? I only did it because I was selfish and didn't want to hurt anymore."
"Marion, I-"
"I love you!" She exclaimed, surprised herself by how desperate she sounded.
Robin dropped his head into his hands.
"Please, Marion, stop it. You made you choice."
She willed herself to calm down.
"I made the wrong one. I still fear that you will die but the abbess made me see reason. She asked me if I wanted to spend the rest of my life – and yours – in that abbey, dreading everyday to hear that you had died or if I wanted to spend those days with you and have as much time as possible with you until our time runs out. I'm not as afraid anymore, Robin. I want to be with you, I want to marry you. I love you and it you'd have me, I'd marry you right here on the spot."
Somewhere amongst all her words, he had raised his head to look at her and for several long moments after she had finished, he said nothing. Then, with two steps, he was in front of her and kissing her like tomorrow would never come.
"I love you, Marion," he mumbled in-between kisses. "I love you, I've always loved you and I'll keep loving you forever, whether we are still alive or not."
With a happy smile, she returned his kisses and held him as close to her as she could.
"And," Tuck called from some bushes nearby, getting to his feet together with the rest of the outlaw band who were all smiling broadly, "if you meant what you said about marrying right here on the spot, I'd be willing to help you with that."
"Yeah and legalize some activities you seem to be heading towards pretty fast," Will added.
"Shut up, Will!" Robin called and, ignoring all the laughter from his outlaw band, bent down to kiss Marion again.
A/N: I recently purchased the complete series of Robin of Sherwood, since I'm a Robin Hood fan and all. :) I've pretty much seen all different versions of Robin Hood; the film with Erroll Flynn, the film with Kevin Costner, The New Adventures of Robin Hood series, the Men in Tights movie, the Robin of Sherwood series and currently, I'm watching the BBC series of Robin Hood. Needless to say, I wasn't very happy with how the Robin of Sherwood series ended. Maybe Marion would have returned to Robin if the series had continued? Anyway, I decided to write my own ending for the series where she really does return. I'm like the abbess here in the story; I believe that if you really love someone, you shouldn't hold back for fear of losing him or her. You should go for it and enjoy the time you get together instead of dreading the end. Maybe some of you agree with me? Hope you enjoyed this little one-shot and please review! Thank you!