Title: Paper Doll
Credit: song "Sober" by Jennifer Paige
~~~~~~~~~~~
"I wonder if Matty's going to be here today," She hummed under her breath, gazing at the pictures of him she had put on her hotel room.
The door knocking, causing her to look up startled, her concentration broken.
She opened the door, to find Jeff Hardy on her doorstep.
"Hi Jeff, where's your brother?"
He met her eye, his shocking emerald eyes meeting her dark brown. "He's around."
"Oh." She glanced at his hair. "New hair color again?"
Jeff smiled; touching his hair as if he just noticed it. "Yeah, like it?"
"If I said I didn't, would you change it?" She joked.
"Ha ha. Anyway I came here; I came here…" Jeff's voice trailed off.
"Are you ok Jeff?" She touched his arm, concerned for her friend; she stared at him in surprise as he pulled out of her grasp as if her hand was fire.
"Whatever happens, I'm your friend and I had nothing to do with it." He said quickly.
"What are you talking about? Jeff, you're shivering." She took her jacket off, offering it to Jeff but he refused.
"I just needed to tell you that. Just remember." Jeff turned, shuffling down the hallway.
She tried to catch up with him, but the elevator doors closed just as she reached there.
Her first reaction had been sadness, sadness that Jeff hadn't seem to trust her enough to tell her what was wrong, but as she thought more into what he had said, something made her draw her thoughts to Matt.
She only sees what she wants to see
Love is blind, love is so misleading
"Matt?" She had gone down to the restaurant right across from the hotel after she had talked to Jeff, when she saw that Matt was there…and he wasn't alone.
"Who is this?" A raven-haired woman, who was dressed in a revealing dress.
"No one, it's no one." Matt glanced at her for a moment, before shifting her eyes back to the woman.
Her eyes started to tear as she rushed out of the restaurant. She wasn't sure why Matt was with another person…another woman. She wasn't sure why Matt had told the woman that he didn't know her. Of course he knew her, she was his girlfriend. There must have been a simple explanation. There always was….
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Matt is that you?" She held her arms up to shade her face as the blinding light came on; the dresser clock read midnight.
"Yeah."
"Matt…who was that person you were with today?"
Matt glared at her, "What's with the twenty questions? Don't you trust me?"
"Of course I do, but you have to be considerate, what am I supposed to think when…"
"I've had enough!" Matt got up from the other side of the bed, his eyes full of anger.
"Matt…."
"Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt. Is that all you can say? Damn bitch look at me!" Matt grabbed her chin, turning it roughly so that her eyes met his.
She was crying freely now, no longer holding her tears back. She knew Matt thought tears was a sign of weakness and often hated when she cried, though there was much to cry for when she was with Matt.
"You're weak, I thought I knew you, but now I know I didn't know you at all," Matt shook his head, as if it were her fault that she had been wondering about the woman Matt had been with.
She got out of his grasp, getting in to her side of the bed, making herself try to be as small as she could, her eyes shut tight.
That had obviously angered Matt, for he grabbed her arm, pinning her to the bed hissing, "Cella, that was her name. And she was a lot more fun in bed than you ever were."
She had her eyes closed still, but she could feel the warm stinging of salty tears begin to descend down her face.
Frustrated, Matt got off the bed, storming out of the room, banging the door shut behind him.
As she lay in the darkness, she prayed that Matt would change his ways, for his sake, if not for hers.
I see the you that I never knew
Now it's finally sinking in
I am sober
The next day, she had walked down to the nearby coffee shop, ordering herself a coffee. That was where she bumped into Jeff.
"Are you okay?" Jeff had asked, he seemed sincere.
She shrugged, "Better than I could be under these circumstances."
"What's wrong?"
She looked at him coolly, "I'm sure that you know, why else would you have come and warned me?"
Jeff had turned red with embarrassment, "I'm really sorry…"
"Dammit Jeff, why hadn't you told me sooner that he was seeing ring rats?" Her voice filled with hurt.
"He made me promise not to tell you," His voice had a pleading tone as he begged her to understand his situation.
"Don't friends mean more to you than promises?"
"He's my brother."
"Is that supposed to excuse what he did?"
"No, of course not. And you don't deserve this."
Girl wakes up and smells the coffee one day
Realizes she's on her own again
All alone again
Lita went back to the room she shared with Matt to find him shoving his clothes into his bag.
"What are you doing?" She asked, fearful for the answer.
"We're over. I'm going to stay with Jeff. Find your own ride to Michigan." Matt didn't even glance at her as he slung his bag on his shoulder and left, slamming the door behind him.
She fell to the floor in a mass of weakness, hurt and tears. She saw a t-shirt Matt had forgotten to put in his bag. She brought the t-shirt to her face, inhaling his scent, hugging the shirt to her as if she would never let go.
"What have I done to deserve this?"
Boy takes every opportunity
To play on every insecurity
Get her back on track
Lita opened the door of the van, getting out. She turned to the group of girls that had given her a ride to Michigan. She waved as she watched them drive away. After Matt had left her alone in her hotel room, she hadn't been able to find a ride, so she had to resort to hitchhiking. She knew it was dangerous, but how else could she have gotten there?
She didn't even have time to settle into her locker room before she heard a knock. "Lita? You in there?"
It was Matt, and he didn't sound angry, just regretful.
She opened the door, letting Matt inside. "I'm so glad that you got here safe, I asked everyone, they didn't know where you were. Why didn't you call me?" Matt hugged her. On any other day she would have returned the embrace, except that day she only tensed.
"You left me there, I had to hitchhike my way."
Matt let her go from the embrace, staring at her with tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry baby, you could have been hurt!"
Lita replied dryly, "You weren't exactly thinking of my safety when you told me to find myself a ride, did you? Why are you here, you broke up with me."
Matt held her shoulders in both his hands; "It was a mistake, I didn't mean for it to go this far. You know me Lita, you know I wouldn't do that to you. I need you. I love you."
She's in a daze, back in the fire
But will she cave into her old desires
How was it that, Matt always seemed to know exactly the right things to say and do?
And why was it that she was always the one to give in?
"I-I love you too."
Matt kissed her.
How was it, that, Matt always seemed to know exactly the right things to say and do?
And when will she see him for what he truly was?
Not a person with conscience and a heart, but a monster with the right things to say.
I see the light, oh what a light
And I am sober
Matt had one arm draped casually around her shoulders, kissing her lightly on the lips before walking away to talk to his friends, as if she wasn't his friend.
Jeff approached her. "I heard you forgave and forget."
"What else could I have done?" Lita said wearily.
"You could have stood up for yourself and not be his paper doll that he cuts to pieces."
"You don't know him. H-He's different around me, and I love him."
Lita walked away, but not before she saw the momentarily flash of hurt in Jeff's eyes as she confessed her love for Matt.
"I don't know him, Lita? I know him better than anyone; I'm his brother. And what I know is, he doesn't deserve you Lita, not in a million years!"
She blocked his voice from her mind. She would have believed Jeff's lies otherwise.
All that you served to me
No longer will I drink it in
I took the time to think it over
Lita brushed away the perspiration after her match. She was in a great mood; everything was as it should be. She was with Matt, Matt loved her.
Jeff came up beside her, saying, "Why don't we get something to eat?"
She studied Jeff suspiciously. "Okay..but first let me go to my locker and change."
She became even more distrustful as Jeff's eyes widened in panic. "NO! I mean…you can borrow some of my clothes, we're going to get something to eat, not go to a fashion show."
"Of course we're not going to a fashion show, except I feel more comfortable in my clothes. It'll only take a second." Lita neared her locker room, she heard sounds from the room but she brushed it off as coming from the tv.
Jeff blocked her path; "You really don't want to go in there…it's a mess."
Lita looked at him strangely, "It's MY locker room. And I was only in there 20 minutes ago, how much could it really have changed?"
She heard Jeff mumble, "A lot."
Lita pushed Jeff from the door and opened it, to find Matt, not only Matt…but a woman as well. She recognized her as the woman that Matt and her had gotten a fight over.
When Matt caught a sight of her, he pushed the woman away and sat up quickly, covering his waist and trying to walk towards her. "Lita, it's not what you think…"
It was like something inside her snapped, she had tried to close her eyes from reality for far too long, and this was what she saw as reality.
"What the hell could it be then? You know what? Fuck you! Oh, I'm sorry, that bitch is already doing that just fine." Lita picked up a chair and threw it in Matt's way, which he easily ducked.
She didn't care if the chair had hit him; all she cared for was that she needed to get away from this situation…now.
She ran from the scene, running out into the night. She climbed onto the garbage lid, folding her arms around her legs. No tears ran down her face, her tears had all dried up from all the hurt Matt caused her for being with him.
Lita made it to her feet, looking over the edge of the garbage lid with focused eyes. She was far up from the ground, one step in the wrong direction, and she would go plunging down, to her death.
Death, maybe it's not so bad after all.
She had always lived, for Matt, but she didn't even have him anymore. What would be worth living for anymore?
It was like Jeff read her mind, he replied, "Live for yourself. You don't have to live for anyone but yourself."
She saw Jeff looking up to her with trust and concern. She almost laughed. She wanted in a way, for Matt to come try to find her, begging for her forgiveness, yet it was his brother who had done so.
Jeff held out his hand for Lita to get him to where she was. She pulled him up, sitting back down when she saw he had safely got to his feet.
Jeff sat beside her, holding her hand. They sat quietly in silence until he said, "Lita, you're a strong person. Stronger than suicide. Matt's not worth that, no one is."
She glanced sideways at Jeff. She didn't know why, but his words had gotten to her, more than any had.
He's wrong, Matt is worth everything, my heart, my soul…my life.
She guessed that Jeff saw her uncertainess because he moved so that she faced him, telling her, "Lita, you don't need Matt to survive. The only person you need is yourself, don't you see that? When I first met you in the Indy feds, I saw a strong, beautiful person, inside and out. What happened to that person, Lita?"
Lita turned away, muttering, "She's gone."
Jeff lightly turned her face back to him, saying, "No, that person is still within you. That strong person is still a part of you. By giving in, you're only letting Matt win, telling him that he's better than he is."
She tilted her head to the side, thinking softly: Maybe he's right. No, Jeff IS right.
Jeff held her hands. "Let me help you Lita, I'll be with you every step of the way. But only if you let me."
Her lips began to turn into a smile, tears of happiness slid down her face as she hugged Jeff to her tightly.
"Thank you…Thank you…Thank you…"
I see the light, oh what a light
And I am sober
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Note: I know this fic is kinda choppy in ways that there's not much description, etc. But I made it out to be like that, this fic was written to try to get my mind into gear to get myself out of the writer's block for another fic I'm writing. R&R, thanks!