A/n: Hello everyone! Just to let you know, this fic is in written in the association of ltnikki (to ltnikki- There, you happy?)who contributed some of the ideas for this story. For those of you who haven't read my other story and like R/Hr, read it pleaseeee!! It's called Confessions of Two Hearts. Anyway, this chapter is gonna be in different places like the Burrow and Zonko's Joke Shop. OK, enjoy and don't hate me if you hate the fic!
Disclaimer: JKR, would you pleaseeee give me your characters? No? All right, I'll leave you alone…
Chapter 1: They're Baaaack!!!
It was a wonderful Saturday in Hogsmeade. The sun was shining, the Three Broomsticks buzzing with activity, Honeydukes piled with children. In Zonko's joke shop sat 2 identical redheaded workers, bored out of their minds.
Yes, these two redheads were none other than Fred and George Weasley, and for them, it wasn't such a great day. Fred sat with his head resting on his open palm, his elbow propped up on the counter, his tongue hanging out of his mouth. George was slumped in a chair next to the cashier, clicking the buttons nonchalantly. Fred had just begun to snore loudly when the door swung open and a little man wearing maroon robes entered in a hurry. Fred lifted his head slowly and George looked up in an act of extreme boredom. Both of them were pretty amazed to see a customer; Zonko's had become less popular since Voldemort rose again. Actually, Fred and George hadn't had much work to do since they started working at Zonko's a week before. They had graduated from Hogwarts and straight away they had bought a flat near Zonko's (they had been saving the 1000 galleons from Harry for a year to do this). Besides working at Zonko's, they worked at Honeydukes on Sundays and Wednesdays and at the Three Broomsticks on Thursdays and Mondays. Hey, they needed even more galleons to have merchandise to sell in their joke shop.
"Welcome to Zonko's. How may we be of service?" Fred said tonelessly. The little man was about to say something when George said, "May we interest you in some colorful Filibuster's Fireworks? A game of Exploding Snap?" He mustered the enthusiasm to grin a little.
"I'm not here to buy that rubbish," snapped the little man in a squeaky voice not unlike Professor Flitwick's. Fred and George narrowed their eyes. "I need to use the bathroom. Now were is it? Come on, I'm in a hurry, don't you blokes just stand there!" he barked.
Fred and George pointed rather roughly towards a door to the right of a rack of Dungbombs. The little man hurried towards the door and closed it with a BANG!
"Fred, please tell me why we are putting up with this living hell?" George asked his twin brother.
"I really don't know…I already miss Hogwarts and mum and our beloved Ronniekins," Fred answered, managing to be a little sarcastic about his younger brother.
Suddenly the brothers turned to look at each other. Their expressionless faces lit up with identical mischievous grins.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, dear brother?" George said with excitement detectable in his voice.
"You bet," grinned Fred.
Both of them started laughing hysterically just as the little man came out. He stared at them and they stared back, still chuckling. He shook his head and muttered something that sounded like, "Rude weirdos."
Fred and George looked at each other then burst into loud chortles of laughter. After about 10 minutes of laughing endlessly, they stood there clutching their stomachs and wiping tears from their eyes. All of a sudden, something that resembled a dirty rag swooped in through the open window and fell with a thud to the floor. George was about pick it up and throw it away when he noticed that—"It's breathing!"
Fred joined his brother and picked up the gray object. "Errol!" he said, watching the owl hoot exhaustedly.
George untied the letter from its foot and read it out loud.
Boys, I miss you so much!
How could you leave me like this, without saying where you are? I'm worried sick and so is your father. Why don't you come visit us? Ron is walking around with nothing to do. He really wants to see you guys. Anyway, if you do come, we can invite Bill and Charlie over! I hope to see you soon, dears.
Love,
Mum
Fred grabbed a piece of parchment and a brightly colored quill. He wrote their reply without asking George; he could tell he couldn't wait to go to the Burrow too.
Mum, we'll be there tomorrow!
Love,
Fred and George
George read it over his shoulder. He nodded and asked, "Why 'Fred and George?' Why not 'George and Fred?'"
"Because I'm prettier!" scoffed Fred and sniggered.
"Let's just send the note, huh?" said George in a mock-annoyed voice.
Errol set off, leaving the twins in hope that this summer would most definitely not be a living hell.
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"Geroff me! Geroff me!" Shrieks like these could be heard coming from the backyard of the Burrow. Ron Weasley held a garden gnome in his hands, swinging it over his head. Looking as if he'd rather dance tango with Lockhart than be doing this, he let go of the gnome. It soared over the hedge and landed with a dull thud. Ron turned to look at his little sister, who was struggling with a rather large gnome. She finally let go of its grubby feet and let it fly over the hedge. She groaned.
"Why is it that we have to de-gnome the garden? Mum never makes Percy do this," Ginny complained.
"Maybe `cause Perce is never around," said Ron grumpily starting to make his way back towards the house, followed closely by Ginny.
Ron flopped down on a kitchen chair. Ginny grabbed a bottle of water sitting by the sink piled with dishes,
"Oh, done already?" Mrs. Weasley said, seeing them as she entered the kitchen.
"Yeah, it was just delightful!" Ron said sarcastically. He was not in a good mood.
"Ron, please drop that tone," Mrs. Weasley said, then saw Errol tumbling in through the window and falling lightly on the kitchen table in front of Ron.
"Oh, they've answered!" she squealed.
"Who?" Ron asked, only slightly interested.
"Fred and George," she answered and ripped open the letter Errol had brought.
Mrs. Weasley read the short note quickly and squealed again. "They're coming tomorrow!"
Ron's face was lit with a wide grin and Ginny jumped up and down, saying, "Oh, I've missed them!"
"When are they arriving?" Ron asked.
"Tomorrow," his mum answered. "Oh dear, I have missed them terribly. It's a good thing they dropped that Weasley Wizard Wheezes rubbish! Honestly, working to earn money for the future like Percy…now that would be a wise thing to do!"
Ginny and Ron glanced at each other. The last time they checked Fred and George had been working on a new item to sell when they opened their own joke shop: Pheromone de Ferret. Needless to say, it was inspired by Malfoy the Amazing Bouncing Ferret. Harry and Ron had filled them in on the details of that hilarious incident and, well, they had wanted to try out their new product since the summer between fourth year and fifth year. It was a perfume that turned you into a ferret for twenty-four hours and made you fall in love with the first person you saw after applying the perfume. As a ferret you would follow this person around (not too appealing, being chased by a ferret). Of course, the effect would wear off after the twenty-four hours. Anyway, Ginny and Ron silently agreed not to mention this to Mrs. Weasley.
"Well, come now, let's eat lunch and hurry up to bed," Molly advised them. She hurried about, starting to make lunch. Ron went into the living room and sat on the sofa, lazily gazing at the fireplace, thinking, God I hope Hermione won't be here tomorrow. Those two must miss picking on me! Ginny whispered, "I don't think they'll have it in for you and Herm too much, Ron," and, giggling at her own joke, went upstairs.
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"Come in," said Albus Dumbledore softly after hearing a knock at his grand door. He stroked the amazing bird that sat on his shoulder, its gold and red plumage glittering despite the dim light in the colossal office.
A hooked nose wizard with greasy hair, wearing billowing black robes, strode into the room. He steeped in front of where Dumbledore sat at his desk and said, "You called?"
Dumbledore chuckled for no reason. "Yes, Severus." He gazed at Professor Severus Snape with twinkling blue eyes over half-moon spectacles. "As you know, we have a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher." At this, Snape narrowed his eyes and looked like he'd swallowed a flobberworm but nodded. "Nikki Drake. Well, I was hoping you would escort our new Professor around the school." Snape's left eye was twitching with fury. "Severus, I'm aware of your desire for the job, but we cannot afford to lose our skilled Potions Master. No one teaches Potions quite like you," Dumbledore said, amusement detectable in his voice, and sighed. "Nobody wanted the Dark Arts job. We've had terrible luck with our past teachers haven't we?" Dumbledore chuckled.
"Indeed," was Snape's only reply.
"I heard of Nikki Drake, graduate from Macbeth Academy in America, and was delighted with this Professor. Anyway, I want to you to greet and welcome Professor Drake. You will meet our new colleague in the staff room. I'm counting on you, Severus. You won't let me down, I hope." Dumbledore's eyes glittered more than ever now.
"I'll be ecstatic to show Professor Drake our school. He'll feel most welcome," Snape drawled, smirking with disgust. With that he marched to the great oak door, stepped out and slammed it shut.
Dumbledore tittered at Snape's frenzy. He took out a piece of parchment and picked up a beautiful scarlet quill. He dipped it into violet ink and began to write:
Dearest Molly,
I'm aware that Harry will be visiting your home this summer. I was wondering if it would be all right with you if Sirius stayed with him. I am installing a new rule this year stating that students may bring black dogs if they wish. This way Sirius can protect Harry although that boy can certainly care for himself. I hope you won't mind and I am sure Harry won't object.
Yours truly,
Albus
Dumbledore set down his quill and carefully inserted the letter in an envelope he secured with a wax seal bearing the Hogwarts Coat of Arms. Next he took out another piece of parchment and picked up his quill. He wrote a similar letter to Sirius Black. When he finished, he sealed this one the same way. Then he picked up yet another letter that lay on his desk. Then he left the room and headed to the Owelry to look for an owl to deliver his letters.
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Snape walked quickly through the halls of Hogwarts, his face twisted with anger. So yet again the job is out of my reach. This time it's an American git, now is it? I'll show him just how wise it is to mess with Professor Severus Snape. And I'm willing to bet this one will also have a certain liking for Potter! Snape thrust open the door to the staff room and stomped in but stopped abruptly, his mouth hanging open. Dear God…she's gorgeous…For there, sitting with her legs crossed, was a beautiful woman. She had silky black hair and was staring at him intently. She had glimmering black eyes and wore purple lipstick on her thin lips. She sported black boots that reached just below her knees and a tight black skirt that went halfway down her thighs. A black cape adorned her slender neck. Her outfit was topped off with a black satin blouse. Her long eyelashes fluttered as she blinked in confusion. "Hi," she said in a friendly manner. "Excuse me for asking in such a rude manner, but who are you?"
Snape was on the verge of drooling when she spoke. "Oh…I am Professor Severus Snape…at your service," Snape squeaked, which wasn't very common.
The woman said, "Pleasure." She stood up…she was very tall and as she stood her hair swished around and finally settled just below her waist. She smiled a perfect smile, stuck out her hand and said, "I'm Nikki Drake."
Snape shook her hand vigorously. As he stared at her he noticed she had fangs. She must have seen his bewildered stare because she added, "I'm a vampire," with a calm tone of voice as if being a vampire was the most natural thing. Then again, in the wizarding world, it was.
"Oh…delightful to have you here," Snape said as he kept a tight grip on her hand. Nikki chuckled nervously and cleared her throat. Snape removed his hand rather reluctantly.
"So…Professor Dumbledore said that someone was to escort me around the school?" Nikki waited for Snape to reply instead of standing there gaping at her.
"Of course! And I have the honor!" Snape motioned for her to step outside. She did this and waited for him to do the same and close the door. When he did, he said, "Follow me, Professor Drake," without his usual drawl.
"You can call me Nikki," she replied, grinning, and walked ahead. Snape's jaw dropped again. "All right…Nikki," he said, blushed (eww…), and followed her. "Welcome to Hogwarts."
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"Sirius can stay with me?" Harry asked. He had just arrived at the Burrow with Mr. Weasley and Mrs. Weasley had told him the good news from Dumbledore.
"Yes, dear," she answered. "We must answer as soon as possible." She rushed back towards the kitchen, Mr. Weasley right behind her. Ron grinned at Harry and said, "All right there mate?" Harry nodded and returned the smile. "Is Hermione coming?" Harry asked. Ron blushed, remembering what Ginny had implied earlier, but nodded. Harry stifled a laugh at his friend's embarrassment but nudged him in direction of the kitchen and they both started walking after Ron's parents. They heard a faint pop and Mrs. Weasley screaming a second later. Alarmed they rushed into the kitchen. Bill was standing there, looking cooler than ever in silver robes. He was holding a letter in his right hand.
Mrs. Weasley, over the shock of walking into him when he apparated, threw her arms around his waist. "Oh, Bill!" she squealed.
"Hello everyone!" Bill said cheerfully, hugging his mum. "I just wanted to tell you the good news. Dumbledore just sent me a letter asking me to teach Charms this year at Hogwarts!"
Ron whooped and asked, "What's with Flitwick?"
"He wanted a break for this year," Bill explained. "Dumbledore said he could teach again next year." Mr. Weasley slapped his son on the back approvingly. Mrs. Weasley beamed.
"Blimey, it's gonna be an interesting year at Hogwarts, with Sirius and you, Bill," said Ron. He explained the news about Sirius to Bill.
"Yup, I'll say this will be…er…different," said Harry.
They didn't know just how different…or amusing!
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Fred and George stood in front of the counter of Honeydukes, facing their boss. He was a pudgy man with a thick brown beard and large eyes named Mr. Dragus. He looked from one to the other. "You want what?!" he barked.
"A vacation," Fred and George said at the same time.
"Take your pick; you stay here working or you'll be seeing a permanent vacation!" roared Mr. Dragus. Fred and George needed a week off from all three jobs so they could go to the Burrow. However, this was the third time their request was turned down. They nodded and George said, "Can we please owl our mum to tell her we can't come?"
Mr. Dragus glared at them. Needless to say, he was not a very nice man. "Fine," he snapped. Fred and George exited the candy shop and headed for the post office. They wrote a quick note to their mum explaining their situation. Then they picked an owl that would deliver the letter right away, paid, and headed back to Honeydukes.
"Damn, I wanted to see everyone again," George said in a disappointed voice.
"Yeah…I wish we could try out some of those new products," Fred added.
"Hmm., it would have been nice to use the Owl Eyes," George said dreamily. This product was actually glasses. When you put them on you would turn into an owl for an hour. They hadn't had a chance to use it before, but they had hoped to use it to eavesdrop on Ron and Hermione whenever they were alone…alas, those were their desires, however impractical they were now.
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Soon, Harry, Ron and Hermione had returned to Hogwarts. They had been pretty grumpy at finding out that they wouldn't be able to see Fred and George. Anyway, Hogwarts had many new teachers. Not only was Nikki Drake the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, but Remus Lupin had taken his place as Care of Magical Creatures teacher, seeing as Hagrid wasn't back from his "mission" with Madame Maxime.
Sirius the Dog, otherwise known as Snuffles, strutted around with Harry, Ron and Hermione, which didn't bother them at all. He mostly stayed in Gryffindor Tower but he occasionally attended Care of Magical Creatures to receive a pat from Lupin. However, he was very interested in attending every DADA class. He once drooled on Hermione's notes while staring at Professor Drake. She didn't seem the least bit disturbed with Snuffles' company. Her eyes sparkled every time she looked at the enormous black dog.
Today, the beginning of the second week of term, Harry, Ron and Hermione sat in a DADA class listening to Professor Drake talk about different dragons. Snuffles was staring at her, his tail wagging.
"So, for homework, write an essay about the pro's and con's of the Hungarian Horntail's habitat. It is due Friday," Professor Drake said amiably. The Gryffindors began to file out. Professor Drake headed towards Harry and Snuffles. She stroked Snuffles on the head; Snuffles seemed to be in heaven.
"Remarkable dog you have here, Mr. Potter," Professor Drake said, her eyes glittering.
"Oh yeah, he's really great," Harry bragged. Snuffles barked and nudged Harry with his hind leg. Harry grinned and motioned for Ron and Hermione to follow him out of the room.
"Hmm…you remind me of someone, boy," Nikki said sweetly to Snuffles, her eyes blazing with diversion. "It's nice to see you again, Sirius."
Snuffles ears perked up and his tail stopped wagging. Nikki giggled and closed the door. "Oh, go on, I already know you're an Animagus!" she said, staring intently at Sirius. The great black dog transformed into a man with slightly long hair and a sympathetic face.
"How the bloody hell did you know?" Sirius said, appalled.
"It's nice to see you again," she repeated. She threw her arms around his neck. "How long has it been?"
"Well, I'd say a good 16 years. Hmm, Nikki, always in the 'in' crowd," Sirius said, his arms encircling her waist.
"Siri, you were always popular yourself…especially with the ladies," Nikki teased, smiling mischievously, pulling back to look at Sirius.
All of a sudden, Snape strolled in, a huge grin on his face. "Hello, Nik-" Snape stopped when he saw Nikki hugging Sirius and narrowed his eyes. "You," he growled. His face had taken its usual scowl.
"Oh, Severus, you know Sirius, right?" Nikki said, smiling nervously. The men glared at each other, wishing to hex the other.
"We've met," said Snape, smirking.
"Er, you gentlemen will have to excuse me, I have the Hufflepuffs coming any minute now," Nikki said restlessly, shoving them out the door. "Have a nice day!" And she closed the door lightly.
Sirius glared at Snape. "Back off, buddy," he snarled.
"Not a chance in hell, Black," Snape retorted.
Still glowering, Sirius became Snuffles. With a loud bark at Snape, Snuffles made his way back to Gryffindor Tower.
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"You idiots! Out, out, you're fired!" Madam Rosmerta was not pleased to see Fred and George spill 3 gallons of butterbeer on the floor of The Three Broomsticks. She pushed them out of the pub and slammed the door in their faces. The redheaded brothers swore loudly.
"Fred, this is stupid! We can't concentrate! I miss Hogwarts, dammit!" George exclaimed, losing his temper.
"We can't do a bloody thing! Mr. Dragus is still fuming about our vacation request and now this!" Fred cried out.
"Let's go back to Hogwarts or someth-" George stopped in mid-sentence. He looked at his brother, the wheels turning in his head. Fred glanced at George out of the corner of his eyes. "Yes…brilliant…" he began.
"EUREKA!" they shouted at the same time.
That night, Fred and George were to be found rummaging in their trunks, which were packed with clothes and Weasley Wizard Wheezes products. Finally, the twins straightened up.
"Ok, let's apparate at Honeydukes," Fred said.
"Fred, we can't. We don't know how!!" George said.
Fred gave George a dirty look. They grinned and said, "LET'S DO IT ANYWAY!!"
With a pop!, Fred and George apparated at the cellar in Honeydukes. They headed for the trapdoor that led to the secret tunnel to Hogwarts. They shoved their trunks in and dropped behind them. They started to push the trunks but decided otherwise.
"Wingardium Leviosa!" they whispered. Their trunks floated in front of them. With their wands they guided the trunks down the tunnel. After what seemed like hours, they came to the Humped Witch. Panting and wiping sweat off their faces, they stuck their heads out of the witch's hump. The halls were dark and silent, but this was indeed their former school. They smiled devilishly and whispered 2 words:
"We're BAAAACK!!!"
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A/n: Well, there you are. This took some time to write. It's not too funny now, but it will grow to be very hilarious. Now, do what's good for you and REVIEW! If you hate the story, don't bother…anyway, the next chapter might take another 2 weeks to post…sorry, it's a lot to think about! OK, now you can do whatever you feel like doing!
Till next time,
R/Hr Fan