A Beautiful Mind - Avengers fanfiction | Iron Man / Tony Stark-centric | #1 in the Wretched Adrenaline series
Summary: 'Prodigious clarity conceived', Tony Stark is the most enlightened mind of this existence. Like an elastic band, his mind expands to encompass all knowledge he comes across. Bands snap.
Featuring: Tony Stark x Pepper Potts
Steve Rogers
Thor Odinson
Genres: Drama/Family
Word Count: 2,500
Chapters: 01/05
Status: Finished prior to publishing
Trigger warnings: Allusion to schizophrenia / mentions and explorations of mental illness / familial abuse and trauma / mentions of sexual activity
Prelude - Mad World
In the span of 40 years, Anthony Edward Stark had accomplished more than some civilisations could in the span of a hundred.
As the Merchant of Death, he carries the honours of being both a creator and a destroyer.
His true passion, however, remains entirely separate from his peace-shattering works of art.
Hidden from greedy eyes and safely sequestered more than a hundred feet below the streets of Manhattan, Tony sat hunched over a gleaming metal desk. In his hands, he twisted and tinkered with one of his numerous homemade 'toys'. A nifty little scanner he'd managed to construct from the properties of that damned sceptre.
It glowed an ominous blue when activated, and served to create a holographic interface of whatever he aimed it at.
Pepper's bitter denouncement stemmed from Tony's obsessive need to spend as much waking time as possible in his lab. Strewn across the concrete floor were bits of metal and wiring; numerous unrecognisable pieces of machinery. A reminder of the neglect Pepper faced..
His latest fixation happened to be the laws of physics, gravity, and time. Far from his usual technology, Tony had a burning need to understand the more abstract elements of science. It consumed him like a disease.
Pepper believed Tony had become jealous of Jane. Jane believed Tony was rightly curious, and perhaps justly terrified of what the universe held. Steve Rogers had given his two cents and informed Pepper than the prodigal Avenger was likely suffering from an acute case of PTSD.
He was feeling challenged. A strange sensation to a man who had rarely ever felt intellectually stumped.
Glinting like a slice of opal sky, the shard discarded upon the desk stared him in the face. It haunted him.
"What are you made of.." Tony muttered to himself. JARVIS had kindly informed him that the remains he had swiped from the shaken streets of NYC did not match any known material on earth. It seemed the strange material was entirely from another world. Even his new prized scanner could tell him nothing of value.
How fitting, he thought, for the remains of the chitauri to be completely isolated from man's known elements.
"Bring up the carcases again," he said, swivelling around to face the floating holograms behind him.
Scenes from the Chitauri attack flitted across each projected screen. They zoomed in and stilled to focused on the slain behemoths. Any and all CCTV of New York had been scrupulously downloaded and hoarded on servers hidden around the world. To Tony, while his mind functioned in near eidetic capacity, knowing what he had experienced had been seen by the rest of the world served to ground him, and keep him sane.
Forty tonnes of celestial monster lay prone and cooling aside Central Park. They were so beautiful, Tony often thought, but beautiful in the sense of untold horrors.
Tony loved his Lovecraft.
When the time had come for the monumental cleanup, Tony had done his part and donated a nine-figure sum to hush up the moaning politicians and appease the very front end of the public outrage which continued to pour, more than two years on. A part of that sum, however, included Stark Industries personally cleaning up the mess. Housed in a remote New Mexico bunker, the corpses were cryogenically frozen for Tony's personal research.
It was poetically humorous, in his opinion, for the remnants of the Chitauri to be stored in the home state of all things weird. He could have gone with Nevada, but the CIA were still impolitely hostile to him, so he hadn't bothered. It was also fairly apt, considering New Mexico seemed to be Heimdall's favourite drop-zone.
Not to mention my tower, he thought irritably.
Tony still wanted to see Asgard.
On his holographic screen, the body which splayed itself like a bludgeoned pineaaple gave him no more insight than he already had.
"Just what are your secrets, puppy-dog," he sang to himself in an ill attempt to stifle his growing irritation.
With a sigh, he stood up and stomped over to his kitchenette for more coffee.
The microwave blinked a neon 6:44 AM at him. Nearly time for breakfast. The coffee maker clicked on, it's whirring tearing apart the silence.
These past few months hadn't been kind to him. According to Pepper, rather. In Tony's mind, the last few months had been some of the most enlightening. Ignoring his reoccurring nightmares, in which beasts of incalculable size and strength dominated his mind; in which his fears of losing his precious Pepper, and in which the gaping void stared unshakably at him. He loathed it. But in many ways, Tony longed for the terrible dreams. They powered him forward like a ravenous wolf, always seeking the answers to questions previously unthought of.
He loathed it.
But in many ways, Tony longed for the terrible dreams. They powered him forward like a ravenous wolf, always seeking the answers to questions previously unthought of. It was like searching for air in the Mariana Trench.
When he had fallen from the sky, the only thing on his mind was Virginia Potts. He would never see her again. He would never be able to tell her he loved her. They would never have a family. All the unspoken words and missed moments. Gone.
Dead.
And then to wake up on the cold ground with the Hulk's giant gnashers roaring in his face... it had been the single most defining moment of his life. Afghanistan had changed him many ways. Most of them subtle. Tony couldn't be handed things; he couldn't take a bath or step into a pool. The ocean sparked a dread in him he hadn't previously known, and the desert was like a nightmare of desolation and heart-stopping agony.
But that void.
It haunted him, it taunted him; it fucking broke him in two, then moulded him back like a mended shirt, only to be torn again. It never ended.
In his dreams, the void did not move. There was no sound. There was no light. Nothing but that singular, gaping hole in the sky that served to remind humanity how insignificant they all were.
He would wake gasping for breath in a silent scream, trying his hardest to make any noise he could. But in space no one can hear you scream.
He had known this already, of course; that humanity existed akin to a pimple ready to rupture.
To be a man who makes death weapons is one thing, and carrying a legacy like the Manhattan Project is a weight that comes with the gift of money. But with a heart that only beats due to a battery he had personally engineered... even if it is a world-changing innovation.. life is very fragile, indeed. Pepper's own fragile form bothered him more than he cared to admit.
Pure horror can act as energy. Like lightening, he mused, much like Heimdall and Thor, and even Loki's abilities which defied known science. It strikes when you least expect it. It surges like a violent bolt of love; passion and frenzy. The outcome never matching love, but exceeding it, like the death of loved one.
"Your coffee is ready, sir." JARVIS broke through Tony's tormented thoughts. Absently, he had begun to grip his mug so tightly he had nearly shattered it.
Just like me.
Pouring the obsidian liquid into his mug, he stood quietly, questioning if he should emerge from his lab and eat.
Logic won him over, and he stepped into his elevator.
In the communal kitchen, Steve Rogers stood preparing a delicious breakfast. The scent made Tony's mouth water.
"Capsical," Tony proclaimed, throwing himself onto a leather stool, "What are you making me?"
Steve shot him a bemused look. "Pancakes, with bacon and eggs. How many do you want?"
Tony hummed. "Better make it three. I'm trying to preserve my figure, you know."
Steve rolled his eyes but dumped the requested number of pancakes onto a plate for him.
It had taken them a long time to get to speaking terms. In fact, they didn't do much 'speaking' outside of forced interactions, or the occasional glib remark. But every now and then, one of them would try to be nice, and it made all the difference to those around them. Even if they were patronising each other, it was a world better than the snide and often callous remarks aimed at each other. Few days went past when any of them did not find themselves lost in thought of their tense interactions near the sceptre.
Loki's legacy lived on.
Feasting upon the admittedly perfect pancakes, neither man spoke until Vision stepped into the kitchen.
Steve gave his usual polite greetings, whereas Tony had to be Tony.
"Hey, JARVIS one."
"Hello, Tony."
It bothered him. That his beloved AI technically lived on a man- was he really a man?- but had assumed total sentience. It freaked him out, if he was honest. At first, it had hurt; he had, all things considered, birthed the most advanced AI known, and once said AI had become self-aware, he had fixated on Wanda like Tony fixated on the Chitauri.
Of course, Tony didn't hold it against him. Whatever had occurred between the two, for he didn't really know, they had formed a bond. They doted on one another, Vision more so than Wanda, like Pepper longed for Tony to do. They cared for each other, and functioned as any healthy couple should.
So Tony had spent weeks holed up in his lab, refusing to leave once, and recreated JARVIS. JARVIS II technically. The new JARVIS could do everything the original had. But in his fearful mania, Tony had installed and formed new abilities. It meant that if Tony was ever mortally wounded, JARVIS could take care of him. JARVIS is his friend, his confident, his doctor, and his therapist.
Pepper hated it. She had originally broken up with him when she didn't see Tony for nearly a month.
He hadn't intended for that to happen. But when he had gone down there, the fear had taken hold of him and driven him to better what he already had. JARVIS, his bots, his suits, his cars. Everything he had at his disposal had been upgraded, reinvented, and re-engineered to answer only to him.
He would never be able to rely on another person. Despite his self-assurance that he didn't hate Vision, he still resented the abandonment which plagued him.
It was irrational and childish, but Tony couldn't rid himself of the feelings.
Tony hadn't slept for weeks. A personal record, as far as he was concerned, but a serious health issue. Soon after he began the mammoth task of rehauling his creations, the delirium had set in. The hallucinations. His code swam off the screens and danced like a puppet, refusing to do as he commanded. Every time he began to focus, the shadows of his lab had leered at him, taking the form of the Chitauri, or Loki, and even Ultron.
Naturally the only answer was to install lighting in every corner, and have the room lit up like the face of the sun.
After twenty four days, Pepper had stormed into his lab, smashed his Starkpad, and dragged him out onto the streets of Manhattan.
"Look at what you're doing to yourself," she had screamed, uncaring for the eyes which devoured this controversial argument.
He had tried to defend himself but resorted to begging and pleading.
"Pep, come on, I'm sorry. I just.. I lost track of the time. I didn't know where I was, or even who I was."
Pepper had not been placated. "Then you need help, Tony," she had spat, "I'll call Lizbeth right now. You are going to end up dead at this rate."
They had made the headlines in every major publication and gossip rag, going as far as featuring at the bottom of the NYTimes front page. It had been embarrassing, sure, and that itself had been enough to make Tony snap out of it.
"I swear to god, Tony, if you don't stop this insanity, we are over."
"Pepper!" He had been verging on shouting at this point. "That isn't fair."
She had seemed so tall and powerful in that moment. It made him want to shy away, and curl into himself. To run back to JARVIS and lock everyone out. Knowing he had been so erroneous as to leave his lab unlocked shook him to the core. Another potentially fatal mistake.
Pepper shook her head, hiding her tears behind her fringe. "We're over Tony. Go get help, and get yourself back to some level of sanity. But until then, don't contact me."
She had left him standing on the street. Tony didn't remember much after that, only that he had collapsed defeated on his couch. Another week of absence went by before he could muster the courage to step out of his lab. Only Virginia Potts could force a man like Tony Stark to do something he didn't want to.
"Are you alright, Tony?"
Steve's baritone wrenched Tony back to the present and away from the awful memories.
He placed a megawatt smile on his face and winked at Steve. "Right as rain, scouts honor."
The door slid shut behind Tony. Steve shook his head with a sigh.
"He really needs to talk to someone," he said.
Vision concurred. "Tony does appear to be in ill health. Perhaps we should contact Ms Potts?"
Steve shook his head again. "That will only drive Stark further into himself. He won't talk about whatever is bothering him. You know him and Ms Potts broke up?"
Vision did not know these. "I was under the impression they are still in a relationship."
"They are," Steve said, "But a few months ago Pepper left him. She wouldn't say much, just that Tony was too much to handle."
Vision mused over Steve's words for a few minutes, leaving the Captain to his thoughts. Steve had considered getting Sam to talk to Tony. His fellow Avenger is, after all, trained in dealing with PTSD. But regardless of whoever approached Tony, the result would only be more isolation, and likely a lingering sentiment of betrayal.
While Steve didn't care all that much for Ironman, he still believed in an ingrained sense of camaradery.
Something had to be done for Tony, for better or for worse.
This is the first chapter of five. I'll upload the next one either tomorrow or the day after. The story is finished, so you don't have to worry about me abandoning this fic. If you enjoyed this, consider checking out my parallel story 'Fortune of A Broken Man' which is set a few months after the end of this story. Neither of these stories need to be read to understand the other.
FoABM is a James Buchanan 'Bucky' Barnes (the Winter Soldier) centric fic, featuring Steve Rogers, my OC Lizbeth Barnes, Darcy Lewis, Dr Selvig, and Loki.
Have a nice day y'aaaaall.