Het. Hirdex1. 2+Hirde. Disclaimers apply.

Beneath The Surface

By Dark Sadistic Angel

There was much to be said about suicide. Too much, yet no words could express the tragedy.

'I hate you, do you hate me?'

A soft feminine voice crooned into his ear. Heero opened his eyes in the dark bedroom. He did not move, as he felt a warm, soft body slid up behind him.

'Never.'

A chuckle.

'Liar.' The two syllables were drawn out in a sing song fashion.

'Why are you here?'

'Why indeed? Maybe this is just another one of those fantasies you have every night about me.'

'I don't think you're a fantasy. You are far more real to me than any one.'

'Reality sucks.'

Heero remained quiet.

The body behind him shifted, and a slender arm draped itself over his side.

'Do you want me to suck you?' She giggled. 'You'd like that a lot, don't you? Heck, you keep on begging for it. He does too, you know, so I know I'm good at it.'

Heero kept his eyes on the wall.

'Come to me Heero. Turn over here.'

He closed his eyes and silently obeyed. The mattress shifted as the girl moved down. There was a sound of a zip unzipping.

'Already standing in anticipation I see. A so called perfect guy with a mind as dirty as the next bastard.'

Heero hissed as warm wetness enveloped him. He bit his lip and clawed at the sheets beneath him, determined to stay still and silent.

'So much control. You have always so much control over yourself. As much as someone can admire that, I know you better- you have only so much before you break.'

His breath was rapidly growing harsher, shuddering through his chest.

'How much longer do you think you can hold it Heero?'

He shuddered. Convulsions racked his body.

'You think you have complete control over yourself-'

Heero exploded.

'-but I can take it away from you.'

As he slowly opened his eyes, blue eyes looked into his own from between his legs.

'You're an imperfect bastard. Don't we make a perfect company?' The girl rose up and crawled over him. She opened her mouth above Heero's face. A thick creamy substance dripped out from the corners. 'Kiss me Heero. Taste yourself.'

He opened his mouth and submitted himself to the kiss.

'Nn-'

They broke away for air.

'You've learnt well.' Her eyes glittered dangerously. 'Perhaps too well. Have you been putting what I taught you into practice?'

'No.'

'Bullshit. You've been sleeping with that girl you protect all day long, haven't you?'

'No.'

'Stop lying to me. Did you sleep with her? Does she go down on you like I do you?' She reached out her hand and grasped Heero's sensitive crotch. She squeezed hard it, making Heero winch and grab her hand in pain.

'Stop it-'

'Not until I know. Tell me Heero, does it feel as good when you do her? Or does it feel better?'

'I never touched or even thought about her in that way.' He grounded out harshly. His vision was red around the edges from pain.

'You're lying.'

'I don't lie.'

The girl snorted. 'Right. Don't pretend to be like him Heero. You don't measure up. You're not as good as him. You're a pathetic liar, in addition to you being a pathetic human.'

Heero looked at her.

'Don't look at me like that. I can read your mind, you know? You're thinking that what you say is the truth? I'm telling you it isn't- because you are a liar to yourself!' She released Heero and slapped his face. 'How dare you lie to me? I hate liars- I hate people like you! People who are false and untrue- they hurt people by their mere existence. That's why there is suffering. That's why there are wars. Because of ugly people like you, who don't say what they truly mean or show themselves because they are simply too awful inside.'

She pulled Heero's head down, bringing her face a scant centimetre away from his own.

'Heero, what do you think of me? Am I ugly too? Are we the same?'

'No, to me you're beautiful.' He whispered huskily. The words were the truth.

Hirde stared at him. Then her face cracked. Tears came into her eyes.

'Then why did he leave me?' she whispered brokenly, 'I was so good to him, so nice. It was so perfect, us being together.'

'But you never shown him your true nature, like now.' Heero stoked the dampness from the girl's cheeks. 'He also cannot stand lies too. You were too similar Hirde. You and him.'

'But he is so perfect. We are totally different.'

'No. It was just his mask was better that yours, that's all.' Heero kissed Hirde's lips briefly. Hirde broke down in his arms. Clutching her shaking shoulders, Heero simply held her, knowing without words Hirde needed the it. Gradually, the soft crying ceased. Silence replaced it. Still, Heero continued to rock Hirde, comforting her silently. He felt a hand creep up his chest and curled itself around the back of his neck. Lips brushed against his neck in a soundless kiss.

'I love him, not you. You do know that Heero.' Hirde said quietly. She combed her hand through his hair, flickering his strands away from his eyes.

'Yes. I do.'

'Then why are you so good to me?'

'Because you kill me inside.' Heero uttered softly.

It was the truth.

The truth was entrapping. He could run. He could hide. But he could never get away from her.

Autumn. The season was deceptive. The coolness of the air after the harshness of Summer was such a relief that it was smoothing to the soul. It lured him in a false sense of piece. But it shouldn't have. Winter, after all, followed soon after. As soon as he said the words, Heero regretted them. Hirde's eyes had turned stormy and filled with pain. Before tears threatened, the small girl had whirled around, hiding her face from him. But he knew clearly what would be written on her expressive features.

It spelt rejection.

'Heero... no.'

He did not need to hear her refusal. It had echoed inside him before his mouth had foolishly opened. But there it was, hanging in the air between them. He felt frustrated at himself. Why did he say it? If he had known the answer from the start, why did he ask? Perhaps there laid a masochism streak within him. He wanted the pain of confirmation, and he succeeded. As always.

'Sorry.'

'You should be.' The reply dripped ice.

Heero stepped towards Hirde and hesitantly, he hugged the slight frame of the girl from behind. As first she was tense, then slowly, she relaxed into his embrace.

They stood there on top of a hillside, looking down at the other visitors in the park, alone together and separate from the voices and play of strangers. A breeze fluttered through the branches of the trees behind them, bringing down a leaf that drifted before them. Hirde stepped out from Heero's embrace to capture the leaf. She clasped it her hands before bringing it towards her lips in the briefest of kisses. The leaf fell away from her hands. Hirde then turned and looked up at Heero.

'Let's finish up. The sun will set soon.'

Heero nodded and glanced at the scuffled remains of the picnic they had taken. Then blanket was wrinkled and grass stained. Garbage and uneaten food was stuffed inside a bulging bag, and dirty dishes piled neatly to the side of the wicker picnic basket. There wasn't much to clear up. He knelt down and began packing. Hirde watched him for a while before she too knelt to help.

'I'll manage alone.'

'Are you sure?'

'Quite sure.'

He finished quickly and lifted up the basket.

Hirde looked at him from under her lashes. Then she smiled.

'Will you come here for a moment?'

Heero obliged.

'Lean down, I can't reach.'

He frowned, but did as he was told. The girl then leant forward and kissed him.

'Let's go back.'

Heero nodded, wordless.

Time had passed since the day he had made the mistake. He knew it. Hirde had gotten mad at him. She had been avoiding him since then. Although she was subtle about it. But ruthlessly very effective. He stood there on her doorstep, uncertain. He wasn't sure what to do. Hirde never told him clearly what he how he was supposed to make amends. He had to ask. Heero narrowed his eyes at the door, then he lifted up his hand and knocked. Then he shoved his hands inside his jean pockets and waited.

The door opened. Hirde stood there in the doorway. They faced each other. Then Hirde smiled as she read the uncertainty in Heero. Heero shifted uneasily on his feet at it.

'What must I do?' he asked quietly.

He knew she knew what he was referring to. He wasn't sure however, whether Hirde would answer directly.

Hirde met Heero's questioning look directly. Her smile dropped.

'Don't give me empty promises. Tell me lies instead.'

'Why?'

'Because I can't take any more empty promises from you.'

'Then why ask me to tell you lies?'

'Because I don't want to hear the truth. Tell me lies Heero, and only the sweet white lies you already whisper with your body. Tell it to me with your tongue.'

'I don't-'

'Sweet lies Heero. Not the harsh, bitter ones. Girls like chocolate.'

'The truth is always the best.'

'That's a lie in itself. And it's not a good one.'

'Is it?'

'It's like empty promises. They aren't truths either.'

'They can be.'

Hirde paused.

'Only if you let them. I told you, I am not going to marry you.'

Heero fell silent. He reached behind him and pulled out a long, slender white box from the back band of his jeans, out from underneath the cover of his denim jacket. Affixed to the box's upper left corner was a rose constructed of red ribbons. Hirde's eyes widen in surprise as Heero brought the box into sight.

'That's fine with me.'

He offered the slender box to Hirde. The dark hair girl took the white box of chocolates from him. Her fingers curled into artificial rose. She stroked the plastic smoothness with delight. Hirde's lips curled upwards in happiness.

'Are they white or dark chocolates?'

'A mixture.'

Her face lit up and her smile grew wider. She open her door wide.

'I can almost love you.'

Heero smiled as well, his eyes hooded.

'Then I'll settle for that.'

Even in his dreams and nightmares, she existed. If she did not, he would not.

Existence was lonely.

Fin.

DSA