"No, Eliot, I don't think it's necessary to use throwing stars. Just use the darts the nice carnival man gave you."
"That was very nice of you to win a fish for the little girl. But you didn't need to kick the nice carnival man.... Yes, I know she was crying, but she was upset that she didn't win.... Even if it's rigged, you can't kick people....Yes, technically, what the team does is more sadistic than kicking someone in the shins, but -.... just be happy they sent you home with a fish instead of a trip to juvie, okay?"
"Yes, Eliot, your fish is very pretty."
"I don't know what you should call it. Maybe Hardison will help you name it."
"No, I don't think he will make you name it Princess Leia."
"I have no idea how to check if it's a boy fish or a girl fish."
"I'm sure Hardison won't make you name it - fine, fine, the fish's name is Goldie."
"We'll keep it in a bowl on the kitchen counter."
"Parker won't steal your fish, Eliot."
"Okay, maybe Parker will steal your fish but I'm sure she won't hurt it."
"Fine, we'll take turns guarding the fish."
"No, I'm sure the goldfish won't mind if you prepare crab-stuffed sole while it's watching."
"No, Goldie won't cry about it, goldfish have practically no brain."
"Yes, yes, people underestimate Goldie's intelligence because they think she's just a fighter."
"Um, no, I don't think goldfish can learn jujitsu."
"Yes, I'm sure jujitsu is much more well-suited to a goldfish's body type than other forms, it's just - "
"Fine, but I am not calling it fish-jitsu. It's culturally offensive."
"No, I'm sure your fish will be happy in a bowl or tank if you feed it and clean the bowl and buy it things to swim around and look at. Maybe a nice fishtank castle?"
"No, I don't think that will be an issue, goldfish don't live very long. Especially not carnival goldfish."
"I didn't mean it, don't cry, Eliot!"
"Of course not. Yes, obviously just sweaty eyelids. My mistake."
"Yes, Goldie will be very happy with you. Maybe we'll buy Goldie a friend so she won't be lonely."
"No, I don't think goldfish usually have last names."
"Goldie Ford? That's nice, Eliot. I like that."
AN: written for a prompt at comment_fic on livejournal, the prompt was de-aged Eliot, winning a goldfish at the fair