Sparing. Sparing a glance, a warning, pain and hatred. Sparing him unkind love. Sparing him so much different kinds of pain. But the most was making him hate him. Kill me. Hate me. Never love me again. A love from him that was unseen and uncared for and unwanted.
How much did he care? Too much. Too much to make him a shinobi. He cared too much for one person and cared only for that person. Not in a loving way but also in a loving way. He just had to make sure he hated him. He was close. But he did not hate him enough. He could not yet kill him. He may be strong enough if he stopped holding back.
That was what he was doing. He fought all out with him, waiting for the day his hate would be strong enough to be able to kill. Him. When he would no longer love him. He taunted in a silent way and in his mind yelled at him. Screaming for him to kill him. End the pain.
He only wanted to spare him the pain that he had. The pressure that was already building up, wanting him to be as good as him. The pain that would come from being the youngest and expected to keep up with the older when there was no chance at the age of five. Seven was not much better. He may have been stronger but still not as strong as himself. He would not catch up for years later when he had a friend he wished to beat. A friend, maybe a lover, that had a wish to beat him and was able to so roles were switched and he found a real need to become strong. To protect his friends.
And not kill. He had. He had misunderstood his father's words. While he had a heart he didn't. He read deeper into his father's words and saw you only had to kill the friendship not the person themselves. He on the other had been stupid to think it was the friend the friendship.
He had done everything he had to protect his younger brother. To give him the love he would not get from the rest of his family. To save him from having to work so hard to catch up to a much older brother. To spare him hate and pain.
Soon he will hate me enough. Soon I won't have to live with this guilt. Soon he can go back to his fox, his friends, and forget all about our family; our clan. Soon it will all be peaceful.