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Keeping Yourself Available

Holly had never been overrun by anyone the way she was by Gail Peck. After the first straight girl over whom she'd obsessed, Holly was careful to keep away from unattainable women. At first she overlooked the pretty, icy officer who made her smile in the woods, quirking an eyebrow at their banter and letting her eyes cast themselves down over the police uniform when Gail wouldn't notice. The day was a bright snatch of fun in the midst of an autopsy, but amongst all the police in Toronto, Holly didn't really expect Officer Peck to be stationed at every crime scene.

So when the call came to her office phone that Gail didn't really want to go at first, thought the whole thing was ridiculous and fake, but felt a tad more optimistic after questioning an old 'not-couple' and so needed a plus one for a wedding, Holly noticed a telling prickle on the back of her neck that made her sit for a moment extra in the chair at her desk. The woman intrigued her, and thrown together with alcohol and merriment, whether or not Gail chose to participate, the situation could easily develop into something scarier.

But, as she told Gail, Holly was all about the new experiences these days, about letting go and putting herself out there and doing all the things that forensic pathologists who found themselves in underground labs every day were rarely found to do. And sitting on the floor of the coatroom, watching the caustic girl in a stranger's stole suddenly duck her head before spitting out a question that neither of them really understood, Holly realised that Gail could mean something completely new.

Which is how she found herself sitting with the blonde in a booth at the back of the Black Penny flipping coasters off the edge of the table and catching them as they flew up. Between the wedding and the batting cages, this could be their third date, if only she could determine anything flitting through Gail's mind.

Gail continued stacking coasters on her side of the table as she spoke. 'Are you a small talk person or can we skip that?'

Holly sat back with her beer to watch Gail reach around to the unoccupied table next to them to find more coasters. 'I'm fairly concerned about the low pressure front pushing in from the east and would love to know what you think about it, actually.'

Gail stopped the stacking to pull out her phone. She tapped at it silently. 'Nope, not a thing that's happening here. You're excused.'

'Sorry, excused? Who made you Queen Meteorologist?' Holly tried to sound indignant but the smile was already poking through.

'Yes, excused. Because if you were actually a big enough nerd to try and start a conversation about the weather, I would have to demand tequila,' Gail retorted as she abandoned her coasters and leaned her forearms on the table.

Holly shrugged in defeat. 'I'm not allowed to be witty when you're around, am I?'

'Be as witty as you like,' Gail said seriously. 'I like to earn my victories.'

Holly drained the last of her bottle. 'Well then, how about you celebrate by getting me another?'

Gail stared her down for a few seconds, then wordlessly grabbed the two bottles and headed over to the bar. Holly watched her walk away for a moment and then snapped her gaze back to the table. But the more she tried to keep her eyes focussed on the ring of condensation her bottle left on the table, the more she found herself looking back to beacon of shiny blonde hair leaning helpfully over the bar.

Holly had never been particularly attracted to cops, but seeing Gail in her uniform had her suddenly appreciating the fetish to which some of her friends admitted. There was a way she moved, with the heavy vest and jacket and stocked belt that screamed of a kind of power Holly wouldn't have minded investigating further. Seeing Gail now, in her street clothes, stripped away much of the persona, but a lot of the confidence still remained, making her strut around as if she still had a gun strapped to her waist. Though, the way Gail held herself up and cast her smoky gaze around the room searching for admirers, Holly reasoned that she could permit herself a little harmless appreciation.

As she set Holly's bottle in front of her, Gail's sleeve drew up over the bandage from the hospital visit the day before.

'How's your wrist?' Holly asked.

Gail shrugged. 'Fine. Not like it's a gunshot wound.'

'That other officer in the hospital, is she a friend of yours?' Holly pressed gently. She remembered the tears pricking at Gail's eyes and the tense shoulders of the other woman, but doubted that Gail would want to talk about it.

She snorted. 'It's complicated.'

'Thanks for the Facebook update, but really?'

'Well, when you work in an incestuous police division...'

Holly narrowed her eyes, sure she must be wrong. 'Is she... an ex?'

Gail barked out a laugh. 'Not in the slightest, lesbian whisperer. She's sleeping with my ex-boyfriend.'

Holly felt that hetero prick to the heart. 'Ah, man problems. I know them well.'

Gail let a smile slip out at that. 'Sure you do. See, the "problem" came when he stopped falling for me and started falling for her instead.'

'He didn't... did he?'

'Nope. I got there first.'

Holly found herself back in that strange conversation in the morgue. 'Like a cat up a tree.'

'You better believe it, nerd. What about you, any exes bumping uglies around the corpse storage fridges?'

Holly suppressed her shudder. 'Ew. Thanks for that. Nope, apparently only police live in soap operas. I don't date colleagues and I'm not certain any of the lab techs date anyone.'

'Maybe you should lift that restriction.' Gail smirked. 'Only way you nerds are going to find nerd-mates is if you pick from within.'

'Not if you know the right chat rooms.'

'Oh, that's sad.'

'Hey, don't diss my people.'

'Do you want to go get ice cream?'

Holly almost reached up to rub her neck from the whiplash. 'It's snowing.'

'We'll put hot fudge on it.'

'Well, now there's no reason not to.'

They walked most of the way to the ice cream parlour in silence. Gail was a silence kind a person. That day together in the morgue was mostly spent in silence. And Holly was okay with that. She'd just never met a lot of other people who were. But their silence was comfortable and relaxed, no matter how worried Holly was that Gail would ask the question to which Holly herself had no answer. Why did you kiss me at the wedding? Gail was just so awkward, asking strange questions about lesbians and trying to brush her off with snarky comments about fleece and backpacks that Holly couldn't resist that brief peck. She didn't mean to be romantic; not a show of affection but more of amusement, just a sweet gesture to show Gail what she was thinking without having to call the blonde adorable to her face.

For Gail was always doing and saying things that Holly couldn't predict, but was somehow growing to rely on. When they'd left the bar and she realised she hadn't brought a thick enough jacket for walking through the snow, Gail tossed hers over to Holly and walked off without a second glance. Gail's sweater looked warm (and felt warm the few times Holly 'accidentally' brushed against her as they walked), but she was probably getting chilled. Still, Holly just counted the leaves that were left on the trees and left it as it was.

She only thought that, for a short kiss that was supposed to lack passion or romance or lust, she kept letting herself fall back to the soft pressure of Gail's lips against hers, the puff of warm, champagne infused breath in that single moment after she pulled away, and the slight flutter the memory caused in her chest.

They ended up deciding on waffles and doughnuts over ice cream, and Holly triumphantly slipped money over the counter before Gail could dig out her purse.

Gail frowned. 'I could have gotten it.'

'Nonsense,' replied Holly. 'You paid for drinks.'

'Fine, well I'll get you next time,' Gail said, narrowing her eyes.

'Jeez, make the offer sound more homicidal, why don't you.'

They picked at the food as they walked back to the bar to find their cars. Gail cleared her throat and spoke softer than Holly had ever heard her. 'I'm right, right? To be angry at Andy? You don't date an ex, right?'

Holly took time to swallow her mouthful before answering. 'It depends whether you're actually angry at her for that or for being able to draw your ex's attention away from you. What's his name?'

'Nick.'

'Right. Does she maybe make you feel inferior?' Holly asked as she snuck a hand over to pick a piece of doughnut out of the bag Gail held, not sure whether it would be suddenly snatched away from her if the other woman didn't agree.

But Gail didn't seem to notice Holly's maneuver at all. 'What, do I think she's better than me because army-boy likes her more? I can't be thinking that, that's psychotic.'

'Well, it's either that, or you still want him. Or maybe you want her.' Holly smirked.

This time Gail did hold the bag out of Holly's reach. 'If you don't stop suggesting that I will definitely vomit on you.' Her voice dropped. 'And I'm over him.'

Holly didn't much like the hope that bubbled up in her again. Thankfully, they'd reached the Penny and she could make a run for it before she could talk herself into any more false hope. 'I'll see you later?'

Gail nodded. 'Sure. Maybe we'll find a severed head or something tomorrow.'

'Here's hoping.'

Holly grinned at her and was happy to see a small smile come over Gail as well. She waved goodbye, while her arms itched a little for a hug, and made certain not to look back to Gail through her rearview mirror.

Holly really needed a date.