Last Words

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

"You know Matsuoka-kun, you are really brave," 12 year old Makoto had commented after their relay back in elementary school.

"Brave? How?" wondered Rin.

"The water took your father but you aren't afraid of it," Makoto pointed out.

"Well it wasn't like the water was out to take my father," Rin had replied, "It just does what it does because of its nature. My father was just unlucky."

"I know that's why…" Makoto stopped, seemed to think better of what he was about to say and changed it to, "That's why I love Haru-chan. He's just like water."

Rin never pushed to find out what Makoto was actually going to say. Just accepted his words at face value and moved on.

In summer Iwatobi had the squid festival, in fall the crab festival, in winter Iwatobi hosted the sea bass festival. So Nagisa got their little group together to attend the festival, which is how Rin ended-up in a Yukita and being dragged around by the over enthusiastic Nagisa.

"Pity Haruka-senpai and Makoto-senpai couldn't make it," commented Rei. Haru was off visiting his parents and Makoto had steadfastly declined coming with the group. Saying he had to bring his siblings to the festival but didn't want to impose his siblings, who could be real handfuls, on the group. Since his family would be leaving to visit his grandparents in the countryside the very next day, he only had that day to take his siblings to the festival.

However, it did mean that, "Mako-chan is somewhere around here," said Nagisa, "I mean, he said he was going to come early and leave by 9 but its only 8 now. So we might run into him and his brother and sister."

Rin doubted it but he wasn't averse to meeting-up with Makoto. They walked around the stalls, trying different kinds of seabass dishes. Even playing some festival games but Rin's heart just wasn't in it. It wasn't the same if Haru wasn't there for him to compete against. After he unconsciously sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time, Rei couldn't help but comment, "Are you bored, Rin-san?"

"Ha? Of course not," Rin replied quickly, "Just missing Makoto and Haru a bit."

"I miss them too, Rin-chan!" said Nagisa, "Haru-chan couldn't help it but Mako-chan was just being mean! I always think he only puts up with us because of Haru-chan! Bet he wouldn't miss us one bit if we just up and disappeared!"

"I don't think that's fair," replied Rei, "Makoto-senpai goes shopping with me all the time and it's just us two."

"Me and Makoto chat all the time," said Rin, "It doesn't matter how late it is, Makoto always has time to listen to me."

"Ha? So its just me he doesn't like!" said Nagisa, "Maybe… maybe its because I wouldn't let him sleep with Haru-chan during the summer training camp!"

"You only managed to separate them the first night," Rei pointed out, "They slept together for the rest of the trip. I mean," Rei looked away, towards the sea, "After what happened, I guess it was only natural that Haruka-senpai wouldn't want to leave Makoto-senpai alone."

"What do you mean?" wondered Rin, offhand, "What happened?" not really expecting to hear anything particularly noteworthy. Boy was he wrong!

When Rin got home, the first thing he did was reach for his new diary. It had been an unexpected christmas gift from Nitori. It was actually really well timed too since his old diary had just ran out of pages and right now, he needed his diary. He needed to write down what was going through his head nor else he felt his head was going to explode.

I woke-up, I woke-up wondering if Makoto was okay. I was worried from the moment that Gou said they were training in the ocean but… I went back to sleep! I fucking went back to sleep telling myself that it was none of my business. None of my business… what kind of fucking heartless monster thinks that? What would have happened if Makoto had drowned? What would I have said, what would I have done at his funeral? His funeral… just the thought of it is sending shivers down my spine. I hate this!

A loser… I called him a loser when I met him at our old swim club. Those would have been my last words to him if he died. But even when I called him names and rudely ignored him, he still… he was still nice to me. I never did reply to the message he left me. I…

Rin stopped writing. His head hurt. It was full of self loathing and recriminations. Then he remembered, Makoto was going away tomorrow for a family vacation. He looked at the time, it was past 10 PM. Had he been at his dorm in Samezuka, he couldn't have done anything but he was staying at his grandmother's place, which was inside Iwatobi town and so Makoto's house was within walking distance.

He knew which window was Makoto's and so in the cliche move as possible, he took some pebbles and tossed them against the windowpanes, being careful not to break the glass. Before long Makoto peeked through the curtains. Rin had made a point of standing under a street light. So he was easily visible.

"Rin?" Makoto opened his window and called down, shivering as the cold night air hit him, "What are you doing here? It's pretty late."

"Come down for a bit," Rin begged, "I need to talk to you."

Perhaps there was something in his voice that convinced Makoto that he should not just shut the window and go back to bed but then again, this was Makoto, he was highly unlikely to just shut his window and go back to bed. So he came down.

"What's up?" he wondered.

"I am not brave," Rin suddenly blurted out.

"Ha?"

"Before, back in elementary school you called me brave because I wasn't afraid of the water," Rin reminded him, "You were wrong. I am not brave. Just because I didn't have a phobia of water didn't make me brave. If I was brave, I wouldn't hide behind masks all the time."

"Ma… masks?" wondered Makoto.

"I always marvelled at Nagisa. He seemed so honest and open. That's always been the hardest for me. I am never as truthful as I should be and tonight," Rin swallowed, "Tonight I found out that my last words to you could have been that you were a loser."

Makoto blinked, things were starting to make sense, "You found out what happened at the training camp."

"You are an idiot you know that! Why the hell did you go rushing into the ocean like that?" demanded Rin, "Fucking hell Makoto, think about yourself once in awhile!"

"I was thinking of myself," replied Makoto, "I was thinking, I couldn't live with myself if I let my friend, one of my teammates, my kouhai die. In my own way, I was being very selfish."

Rin didn't know what to say to that, so he decided to do what he had come to do, be honest with his feelings, "I am glad we met," he said, "Whatever happens in the future, I am glad we met and became friends. If I could have any wish in the world. I would wish we always remain friends. So… so don't believe the shit that comes out of my mouth. The only loser here is the bonehead who went to Australia with a head full of clouds and came crashing down to earth when reality finally hit him and exposed his bad attitude."

"You aren't a loser Rin," Makoto chided, "Don't say stuff like that! Besides," he grinned, "I knew you didn't mean it," he assured him.

"Still, I wanted to say it," said Rin.

Makoto smiled more, "I am glad you did," simultaneously and spontaneously, they reached for each other, sharing a hug. Nothing more needed to be said. At least at that moment, they understood each other perfectly.

Author's Note: I wrote this for the 30DaysOfRin countdown over at Tumblr. Not my best work but I was having inspiration issues. :(