This is something I've wanted to do something like this since I saw the finale. It's kind of an unofficial prequel to "Waiting". I'm dedicating it to Shavanda who asked me to write something set on the boat.
I know it's not the epilogue, but since chapter 20 was technically the last chapter, and the payoff for everything that's happened, I was hoping for at least two more reviews...;)
CATCH A FALLING STAR
"Hey," Kate whispered to the squalling infant in her arms, casting a furtive glance at the bunk opposite hers. "Aunty Sun needs her sleep."
It was the end of their first day onboard the Searcher and everyone was asleep, just like Kate should have been except for the fact that it was also Aaron's first uninterrupted night without Claire.
No matter how hard she tried she couldn't seem to give him the comfort that he needed: she'd tried talking to him, singing to him, bringing him into her bunk with her so that he would know that he wasn't alone… all to no avail. She didn't even have anything of Claire's for him to smell.
Normally she would have asked the Korean woman for advice, but after watching her spend an hour sobbing into her pillow before exhaustion finally overtook her, Kate was afraid of what would happen to her if she didn't get some rest.
The last thing any of them wanted was for her to lose her baby when it might be the only piece of Jin that she had left.
Kate was determined not to disturb her – or anyone else below deck – if she could help it, so she decided to take Aaron for a walk out in the open air, hoping that the movement would soothe him and he would fall asleep on his own.
She still wasn't making much progress when she heard footsteps behind her; she turned to see who it was, surprised when Jack emerged from the darkness, coming from the direction of the cabins.
"Hey. We didn't wake you, did we?" she checked as she struggled to keep Aaron from flailing out of her grip, feeling guilty when he stopped at the rail alongside her and she noticed his weary expression.
"Couldn't sleep," he assured her, staring out to sea in the direction that they'd last seen the island of the island and she knew that he must have a lot on his mind.
"Wanna talk about it?" she asked with a sympathetic smile, still bouncing Aaron against her chest, concerned that he blamed himself for terrible chain of events that led to them becoming separated them from the others.
She was hoping that he would open up about whatever was troubling him, but he shook his head, forcing a smile as he returned his attention to her.
"Right now I just wanna be grateful we're alive," he told her, even though she could tell that there was more to it than that.
The past few days had been crazy, full of close calls and near misses. It wasn't until he said it now that she realised how lucky they were. They could have died so many times but here they were, safe and sound and on their way home.
There was just the small matter of having to lie when they got there.
"Who're we kidding, Jack?" she complained when, in the silence that followed, Aaron's wails increased in volume.
She was sure that if he didn't stop soon, she would go deaf, and there was a part of her that welcomed it at this point. "How'm I gonna convince everyone that I'm his mother when I can't even get him to stop crying?"
She wasn't even sure she had it in her to be a good mother, especially while her future was still so uncertain. "Look – he hates me," she insisted, defeated as she watched his face turn an unsettling shade of puce. "He knows he was better off with Claire."
"He doesn't hate you," Jack assured her with a gentle laugh. "He's just a little anxious, that's all." He held his hands out to her. "Here, why don't you let me try?"
She shifted Aaron into them, grateful to have someone to share the load with, even if it was just for one night.
"Hey, little guy," he murmured, settling him in his own arms, one large palm taking up most of the top half of his back as he patted him between his tiny shoulder blades. "You miss your mom, don't you? But you know what always used to help me get to sleep?"
She watched with a smile as he tucked the baby's head against his neck, resting his chin on top of it and rocking him gently from side to side, his voice low and a fraction out of tune when he began to sing:
"Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, never let it fade away… Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day…"
"For love may come and tap you on the shoulder Some starless night Just in case you feel you want to hold her You'll have a pocket full of starlight Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket Never let it fade away Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket Save it for a rainy day For when your troubles start multiplyin' And they just might It's easy to forget them without tryin' With just a pocketful of starlight Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket Never let it fade away Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket Save it for a rainy day..."
By the time he finished the song Aaron's cries had subsided, his eyelids drooping shut and his arms hanging limply by his sides as he sagged against Jack's chest.
"Well what d'you know?" he said, stroking the sandy tendrils on the back of his neck with an affectionate smile. "Out like a light."
It was a side of him that Kate had never seen before, one that managed to be both surprising and obvious at the same time. "Catch a Falling Star, Jack?" she teased him, curious as to why he'd chosen it.
"My dad used to sing it to me when I was little," he confessed with a self-conscious grin, and she found that she was enjoying the sight so much that she was almost disappointed when he extricated the sleeping child from his arms and returned him to hers. "It's one of the few really good memories I have of him."
She remembered him admitting that his father died in Sydney; the waver in his tone convinced her that he still found it difficult to talk about him.
She reached out a hand to touch his arm, the other still supporting Aaron as he snored against her shoulder. "That's really sweet."
He nodded, swallowing, and she decided to change the subject to something less sensitive. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you've done this before, Jack," she told him with a grin, glancing down at the baby, amazed at how senseless he was. A marching band could have thundered past them and she still didn't think that he would stir.
She knew from what Juliet had told her that Jack was married once, and that for whatever reason, he hadn't wanted a divorce; for just a moment, she allowed herself to consider the possibility that – for all she knew about his life before the island – he could have a couple of kids waiting for him back home.
As much as she liked the idea of him as a father, the idea sent a current of jealousy coursing through her.
She relaxed when he laughed, scratching his head as he caught on to what she was implying.
"I did a couple of paediatrics rotations first year out of med school," he explained. "Guess I must've picked it up then. I remember hearing that babies like the vibration of their fathers' voices. Lulls them to sleep."
She wasn't sure what prompted her to ask, but all of a sudden she was dying to know. "You ever think about having kids, Jack? Seems like you'd be a natural."
Her question seemed to catch him off guard, striking a nerve that she wasn't aware existed. "I've thought about it," he agreed with a sombre shrug. "I just haven't found the right person."
She found herself wondering what he why his wife hadn't been the right person, why she hadn't wanted a family with someone as dedicated and compassionate as the man that she knew.
"What about you? D'you think you'd ever consider having one of your own?" He studied her expression, his dark eyes boring into hers, searching for something and she understood what he was thinking.
He still didn't know. He'd never asked and she was never sure how to tell him without reminding him of all the pain that she'd caused him.
"I'm not pregnant, Jack," she confessed, hoping that this would reassure him.
As he nodded to show that he'd heard, she noticed an almost imperceptible slump in his shoulders, as though some invisible weight had been lifted from them.
He'd never stopped loving her, she realised, through Sawyer, Juliet, any of it.
If only he knew that her feelings for him hadn't changed either.
"Are you okay?" he checked when he seemed to sense how pensive she was.
"Yeah," she agreed. She glanced down at Aaron, his head nestled in the curve of her shoulder, her smile turning wistful as she added, "It just would've been nice, being a mom for real."
She still wasn't sure that she'd ever wanted Sawyer's baby – or any baby – at this point in her life, but she couldn't deny that she wanted a family of her own.
"You never know, maybe it'll still happen for you one day," he told her, and there was a moment of tension as their eyes met and they stared at each other, each trying to figure out where they should go to from here.
There was still the "rescue" and the issue of her legal problems, but maybe one day she could be that person for him and him for her.
Maybe.
Jack tore his gaze from hers as he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. "Did you see that? It looked like a meteor," he said, turning to point out a speck of light that she had mistaken for a plane at first.
Trust him to be scientific about something that had always seemed like magic to her. "What I saw was a shooting star," she insisted, feeling like a kid again as she teased, "That means we're supposed to make a wish."
"You're not serious, Kate?" he complained with a dubious laugh, furrowing his brow as she squeezed her eyes shut. "You really think something's gonna happen?"
"I know it will," she agreed, refusing to let his scepticism deter her. One day he would thank her; one day when it finally came true.
"So what d'you wish for?" he asked a moment later when she opened them again and she could see that while he was intrigued, he still didn't believe her.
"That is for me to know, and you to find out," she told him with a smirk, enjoying his bewildered expression.
The temperature had dropped, the breeze raising the hairs on her arms, bringing out goosebumps, and she knew that it wouldn't stay dark for much longer. If she put Aaron down now, then she might be able to get in a few hours herself before dawn.
"Thanks for helping me get him to sleep," she told Jack with a grateful smile. "Another hour and I think I might actually have gone insane."
On impulse, she stepped closer to him, pressing a lingering kiss against his cheek before starting towards the ladder that led down to the cabins.
"Wait, you're not gonna tell me?" he called after her and she grinned at how miffed he sounded, knowing that it was going to bother him for the rest of the night.
It served him right for being such a cynic.
"Goodnight, Jack," she agreed with a grin, leaving him alone on the deck to figure it out for himself.