I write too much... Is there going to be OOCness? Possibly. More like probably. That's the way I love it. But then again, they're all drunk, so maybe it doesn't really qualify as OOC.

Bleach isn't mine, but if it was...no. No. I told myself I was done going there. Done, I tell you. Done! Oh well.

The lights shined down brightly upon two lieutenant shinigami, both of whom were smiling drunkenly down at their one-woman-audience, also known as an equally drunk Rangiku. Everyone ignored the strange, muffled thumps coming from a near-by cupboard. The two hosts, Izuru and Shuhei, rifled through the papers scattered across the desk they were sharing.

"Get on with the show already!" Rangiku shouted, waving her last bottle of sake around emphatically.

"We're getting to it!" Shuhei shouted back irritably. He flipped through more papers before finding the one he wanted and handing it to Izuru.

"Hello, and welcome to The Late Night Shinigami—wait. What is this word?" Izuru demanded, staring confused at what looked like a black blob.

"Show," Shuhei hissed between gritted teeth. "The Late Night Shinigami Show."

"Oh," Izuru said. "Right. Anyway, I'm your host, Izuru and this is my friend, Shuhei."

"Hey! I'm a host, too!" Shuhei said reproachfully.

"He's a host, too," Izuru repeated dutifully.

"You guys suck!" Rangiku hollered. "What the hell is this stupid show about anyway?"

"If you would just shut up, I'll tell you," Izuru said crossly.

"What are you gonna do if I don't?" Rangiku snorted. "Angst at me with your emo haircut?"

"The show," Shuhei interrupted before Izuru could run off and cry in a corner, "is about us talking about stuff."

"That's even stupider than the tattoo on your face," Rangiku informed him solemnly. Shuhei shot a dark look at her, but kept his temper.

"So, what are we scheduled to talk about anyway?" he asked, despite the fact that he had come up with it himself. Izuru went through even more papers covered in Shuhei's handwriting.

"We're supposed to talk about...whoa. Tell me I'm reading this wrong." Izuru forced the paper in his co-host's hands.

"'Creepy people,'" Shuhei read aloud. "No, yeah, that's right."

An awkward silence filled the room.

"To be fair, there's actually some super creepy people to talk about," Rangiku inserted, still forgetting that she was supposed to be the audience and not share her opinion at all. "Like you, Izuru!"

"Ouch," Shuhei said, smirking slightly.

"Captain Kurotsuchi is creepier," Izuru snapped. He couldn't stop himself from wondering why it was always him people picked on, not realizing that it probably has something to do with...with...well, he's just a really easy guy to pick on, okay?

"Definitely creeper material," Shuhei said, nodding. "But what about Ichimaru?"

"Gin is gone, idiot," Rangiku growled, reaching for Haineko slowly.

"Yeah, but when he was here he was creepy," Shuhei continued obliviously. Some people are just so insensitive when they're drunk...

"It was a good kind of creepy," Izuru protested.

"Says the guy who was totally gay for him," Shuhei muttered under his breath.

"Oi! Don't say that on live TV!" Izuru said, jumping up. It was the most alive anyone had ever seen him, but that wasn't the only reason Shuhei and Rangiku were blown away.

"So it's true?" Rangiku gasped.

"Of course not!" Izuru sputtered, choking on the last word. "I just—why don't—can't we get on with the show?"

"The show," Shuhei said. "Right, the show. So we have a guest here to talk about creepy people with us. Go ahead and bring out Ikkaku."

Ikkaku blinked as he was pulled out of his temporary prison—the near-by cupboard previously mentioned—by Izuru. He was still tied up and wondering just how the hell these psychotic people managed to get the jump on him.

"We drugged and kidnapped him earlier today for the sole purpose of being a guest on our show," Shuhei reported to the audience, not even batting an eyelash. This may or may not have been what sent Ikkaku into a flying rage of fists and profanities, but eventually Rangiku got enough sake in him to calm him down and he became the perfect guest—for a show run by Izuru and Shuhei anyway.

"Creepy people?" Ikkaku asked. "Ehhh, what about Ichimaru?"

"..."

"Never mind then."

"Maybe we just...shouldn't talk about creepy people," Izuru suggested.

"But then what should we talk about?" Shuhei asked, exasperated.

"Short people!" Rangiku shouted. "Talk about short people!"

"Why?" Izuru asked.

"Everybody loves short people," Ikkaku cut in. "They're so...short."

"Who do we know who's short?" Izuru mused, staring off into space. Snow swirled around the windows and everyone in the room knew there was someone who they knew, someone very important, but they just couldn't remember the name.

"Well, there's Lieutenant Kusajishi," Izuru offered. Ikkaku shuddered at the thought of the pink-haired monster. Yachiru had already spat on his head three times that day.

"No," he said. "Don't even talk about her. Isn't there anyone else?"

"There's Rukia," Rangiku piped up.

"Thank you, audience," Shuhei said in an attempt to make the show stay "authentic."

"She is pretty short," Izuru murmured. Then he perked his head up and asked curiously, "Do you think that's why she's getting rescued all the time?"

"Height has nothing to do with anything," Shuhei argued, pleased that the show was getting onto a normal sort of track.

Ikkaku was happy to add, "He's right. Orihime is always getting kidnapped, too. In fact, all of Ichigo's friends are constantly getting kidnapped which is why Ichigo is always running around saving them. I think Ichigo just hangs out with people who frequently need to be rescued to feed his hero-complex."

"Yeah, and just think about my captain!" Rangiku said. "He's a midget, but he has his badass moments!"

And just like that, all four drunk shinigami then realized where their desire to talk about short people had come from. Conversation struck up immediately.

"I saw Captain Ukitake give him candy once," Izuru snickered.

"I saw it more than once," Shuhei said. "And that was kind of creepy."

"Everywhere I go with him people are always mistaking him for my kid." Rangiku pouted. "Do I look like I could be a mother?"

That was a question no one felt the need to answer. They'd already gone through the whole MILF thing more than once. And Rangiku didn't even have kids.

"Stop talking, Rangiku!" Shuhei complained. "You're the audience!"

"Shut up," Rangiku replied.

"We don't give him enough credit," Ikkaku said, lost in thought. "I mean, he's so easy to make fun of and he gets no appreciation for it! What he needs is an award."

"An award!" Shuhei shouted.

"Or maybe a title," Izuru said, nodding.

"A title!" Shuhei repeated even more loudly.

"It has to be original," Izuru said. "Extremely unique."

"His title can be...'Shortest Shinigami'!" Ikkaku concluded after much thought on the subject.

"That's brilliant!" Shuhei crowed, knocking his drinking buddy onto the ground. Still tied up, Ikkaku rolled around helplessly until he hit his head and was knocked unconscious.

That was when Toushiro Hitsugaya himself came rushing in, fire in his eyes. Or maybe ice, if you want to make a nice pun about it.

There was a moment where no one spoke as the captain who had only moments before achieved title of "Shortest Shinigami" surveyed the mess that had once been his office.

It appeared as if the drunk idiots in front of him had attempted to use it as a studio. There were no cameras or lights or anything that made it seem like a legitimate thing, but someone had set up a fake city backdrop behind his desk. The white-haired captain also took a second to notice that his paperwork was scattered all over the place and some of it even had scribbles of notes written across it.

He gritted his teeth. But as bad as his ruined office was, he could make the people who'd ruined it clean the mess. The paperwork...well, he could try and make his lieutenant re-do all of it, but he was better off doing it again himself. And this was all a total nuisance, but it wasn't quite worth whipping out Hyourinmaru...

There was a single second in which Izuru and Shuhei thought they might just get away without losing a very important appendage due to severe frostbite. But then—

"Hey, Captain!" Rangiku gushed, nearly tripping over Ikkaku's limp body as she jumped up. "Isn't the show great? It was my idea, but I got Shuhei and Izuru to do it for me. You wanna be a guest star? You should since you just won a title for being so short!"

Well, crap.

Three, two, one—

"MATSUMOTO!"

So, this could be a one-shot, but I kind of want to keep it going. I actually have a sort of feel for what I might do for chapter two. But I'll only do that if people want me to because there's really no point in me writing something that isn't going to get read. And if you, dear reader, by chance want me to keep this going, if you could give me any ideas that would be awesome. I can't guarantee I won't take what you say and turn it into a twisted, deformed ball of absolute crack, but I do like gathering inspiration from readers. Anyway...it's all up to you guys now.