DISCLAIMER: None of the characters or situations in Farscape belong to me. Please don't sue me.
*****
"And you're staying in there until you straighten this out!"
No, no, no. They were *not* doing this... Both of them immediately started pounding on the door, screaming at D'Argo to let them out. It quickly became obvious, though, that he would do no such thing. Before long, he'd disappeared down the hall, leaving John and Aeryn alone.
Aeryn moved away from the door, exhaling loudly. "We've been ambushed," she declared.
"Yeah, that's kind of a duh." He turned his back to the door, leaning against it. "We don't need a time out. This isn't anyone's business but ours." He raised his voice, saying, "You hear that, D'Argo? Stay out of it!"
"I suppose it could be worse. They could have locked us in a closet instead of a cell."
"Don't say that too loud. They'll probably put it on their to-do lists. Okay." He paused. "Now what?"
"I have no idea," she said.
There was a definite discomfort in the room. Things had been going a little less than stellar lately, they both knew it. But this was something you had to work out over time. Locking them in a room to talk it out and fix everything was not the way to go about this.
"I hope he doesn't think he can lock us in a cell and expect us to dissect everything that's wrong with our relationship. Things do not happen that way," John said. He was going to kill D'Argo. All of them. They were all in on this, he didn't even have to see them to know.
"It's not just D'Argo," said Aeryn. Apparently she was a mind-reader, too. She took a seat on the ledge by the wall as she went on. "You know they have all been plotting this. Not that it's any of their business."
"Yeah, I don't see anyone trying to get into the middle of whatever Chiana and D'Argo have going on."
"I wouldn't *want* to," she said. "What do they expect us to do?"
John took a seat next to her. "Talk it out, I guess. Either that or brawl a little."
"Wonderful. More talking," Aeryn said dryly.
Aha. Problem number one. "Yeah, since it's so hard to do," he said.
"Not hard, just overrated."
Oh, so she was going to be this way. "I can think of a few times it's helped you," he shot back.
"Yes, when you pushed it on me so much I would have said or done anything to shut you up. You want to talk about something, talk about that," Aeryn said.
He pushed this on her? Where did she come up with *that*? "I don't push anything on you," John protested.
She nodded emphatically. "Yes, you do! 'We have to talk about this, Aeryn.' 'We need to talk.' 'This may need some talking about,'" she quoted. Well, at least she hadn't tried to imitate him.
If she wanted to play this game, fine. He could play, too. "You know why I always say that?" John said, trying unsuccessfully to not get defensive. "Because I'm sick and tired of being shut out because you can't deal with something. Does it involve anything remotely resembling emotions? You know what I get then? 'I don't want to talk about it, Crichton. Not now, not ever.' For one, my name is John. And two, I am sick of being shut out of your life." By now the words were flying out, with nothing to censor what he was saying. If these things had to be said, they had to be said. He knew Aeryn would rip into him even worse if given the opportunity.
Aeryn didn't say anything, just shot him a dirty look. She practically jumped up to try to force the doors open. John took that to mean she didn't want to be having this discussion. No surprise there.
"You can't run away this time, Aeryn," John said. "You're stuck with me."
"I don't run away," Aeryn snapped.
"Yes, you do," he said, standing. Did she really not see that? He couldn't believe she'd been so blind to what she was doing. "Every time something comes up that you don't want to deal with, you run away."
She turned around to face him, folding her arms over her chest. "And I know you'll be right behind me, telling me I need to talk to you about it," she countered. "Why should I tell you anything?"
"I don't know, maybe because I care?" he said. "Because I actually give a damn about you?"
"And because I don't want to give you every detail of my life or tell you what I'm thinking at any microt, I don't care?"
"How am I supposed to know? I want to know what's going on with you, and you just never care to tell me. That's when things come out of the woodwork for you to smack me over the head with."
She raised her eyebrows, knowing what he was getting at. "Jealous?"
"No," he lied.
"What happened with Velorek, I told you that because you would not let me go without telling you what happened. I knew that was going to come back at me," Aeryn said. "Sometimes you hear things you don't want to hear, Crichton."
"You have no idea what you're talking about," John said. He was not letting the focus of this be on him. "You want jealousy, how about you? I so much as look at Chiana and you're foaming at the mouth!"
"No, you use Chiana to irritate me. That's not jealousy, that's me wanting to strangle you," she told him matter-of-factly. "There is no middle ground with you, is there? You want me to give you full reports on every single detail of who I was and who I am. It's always that, or it's you thinking with your hormones. It's one or the other."
"Hey, do *not* blame me for hormones!" cried John. "I'm not the one always initiating it and leading you on. I'm not the one leading with my tongue."
"I do not lead you on!" Aeryn yelled.
"Oh, please! Nine times out of ten you end up spazzing out and walking away from me. Again. And again and again."
"Right, like the reason you're bringing this up is just because I can't walk away," she said.
He raised his eyebrows, hoping she wasn't taking this fight to where he thought she was. "Excuse me?"
"You think I don't know what's going through your mind? You obviously have not been dealing with males all your life," Aeryn told him. "You're no different. When you were in my body, what were you doing the first chance you got?"
And she brought the argument right to the place where he didn't want to go! "You think I'm using you for the sex? Okay, fine. Whatever. Slight problem with that, Aeryn."
Based on the look she gave him, that might have been a little over the line. "What was it you said about me that time, that I'm frigid?" she asked.
"Hey, if the shoe fits."
This time the look wasn't of annoyance or anger. And only then did John realize what he'd said. Bad idea, to call her that. Not only had he hurt her, but he'd proved her point. "Aeryn... I didn't mean that. I'm sorry," he said quietly.
"This is why you don't tell everyone everything," Aeryn said in a painfully quiet voice. "It saves you the trouble of having to take back everything you shouldn't have said. Do I have to tell you what I'm feeling now?"
Oh, damn, this was bad. "Bad move, I know. I went too far," John said.
"Stop talking," she said, holding up a hand.
"Can we compromise?" he suggested. "You tell me the things you *want* to tell me but never do? Preferably *not* what you're thinking about me right now?"
She nodded and took a seat on the bed, but it was probably only to shut him up. Like she'd said earlier. Now that he thought about it, that wasn't what he'd wanted to hear from her. She was right. It was hard to take things back once they'd been said. And it was even worse if there was some basis in truth. Yet no matter how many times John thought he had learned that lesson, it came back to prove him wrong.
It was quiet for what seemed like an eternity. Not able to take it anymore, John took the initiative, kneeling by her. "I'm sorry," he said. "I don't know how much good it does, but I mean it."
Slowly, Aeryn lifted her head to look at him. "You also meant what you said," she reminded him. "I did, too. No apology can take that back. But the fact is, this is who I am. If you don't like it, I'm not going to change for you. This is me, flaws and all."
"And I like you," John said, fighting off a grin. "Flaws are flaws, we can manage to get past them if we want to. I don't want you to change."
"It sounds like you do," Aeryn told him.
"No, I don't mean that I want you to change. But maybe something between us has to change. Like me pushing you to tell me everything," he conceded. "Look... The way I see it, either we stay in this same position and eventually get so sick of it we kill each other, or we make an effort."
"Does this include learning how to take no for an answer?"
"It does," John said. "I want to make this work, Aeryn."
She wasn't going to agree with him, at least not aloud. But he wasn't a complete idiot, and was going to keep his mouth shut for now.
They lapsed into silence, not completely sure what to do next.
Aeryn made the first move. Taking advantage of the situation, she slowly leaned forward, pressing her lips to his. That was all it took. It was nice, to be kissing her with no threat of their immediate deaths or anything weird or freaky looming anywhere near. It was good to just be with her, to be making some kind of effort.
As soon as the kiss became more heated, though, John could feel Aeryn start to tense, and the warning bells started going off in his head. Before he even knew what he was doing, John felt himself pulling away from her. "Aeryn, no."
The look on her face was something he would never forget. "What?"
"I know how this goes. It's going there again! We've been here before. In fact, we just talked about this. Things start getting hot and heavy, you freak out and start yelling at me about my hormones or whatever your issue is this week. I'm not going that way," he said. "Not this time."
"I was not going to *freak out*," Aeryn shot back.
"You only say that because I didn't give you a chance to," John said.
"So what now?" she asked. "Do you want to *talk* about it? Fine. Talk, talk, talk. Talk all you want."
"And what good will it do?" he countered. "We just however long we've been here talking about it, and as soon as we stop talking, we're right back where we started!"
Aeryn shook her head. "Not because of me. It's because you overreacted."
"You know, you experience a reaction enough, you come to expect it."
"How is *anything* supposed to be changed if you expect the worst?" she asked.
"Hey, sweetheart, it's no worse than you jumping right back on the talking thing," John retorted. "I don't know why I even *try* to get you to tell me anything. You never do. It's like pulling teeth. Nine times out of ten you avoid me, and I have to find out what the hell is wrong this time!"
Aeryn's reply was to simply move across the room.
"Fine. Be that way," John said. "You know, I am not going to sit here and wait for you forever. I think I've been very patient. That patience doesn't last forever, Aeryn. Just remember that." He sat back on the ledge, exhausted at this. This was depressing. For a second it had looked like it could be okay, and then right back to square negative one.
It was a long moment of absolute silence before she finally said, "I don't do that every time."
"You do, Aeryn," John said. "Believe me, you do."
"What do you want?" she asked, moving back towards him. "Do you want me to prove it to you?"
He really hadn't wanted her to think that. "I don't want you to prove anything," he said. "All I want is you."
Amazing, for a hardened soldier, he could see every emotion she was feeling in her eyes. She hadn't seen that coming, and it looked like she just didn't know how to respond to that.
He hated all of this. He cared too much about her to be fighting like this. He didn't want to sit in this room and watch whatever they had self-destruct without even trying to do something about it.
Cautiously, John took her hand, and Aeryn let him pull her closer. He kissed her lightly, testing her reaction. He could feel her mouth moving softly against his, as if she was consciously trying to break her habits. Seeing this as an invitation, John deepened the kiss. He was in part waiting to see if she'd pull away from him again, but she didn't. He pulled her into his lap, closing the last of the space between them. This was *much* better. He'd have to remember to thank D'Argo-
Was someone clearing their throat?
Reluctantly, they both ended the kiss, glaring at the open door. "Come back later," John growled. "What is this, payback?"
"Yep," D'Argo told him. "Your timed outing is over."
Dammit. Dammit, dammit.
Aeryn nodded, looking extremely irritated. "Do you mind?" she said.
D'Argo just grinned at the as he left, leaving the door open behind him. So that was what a gloating Luxan looked like.
"Remind me to kill D'Argo," John muttered.
"No need. I'll do it," Aeryn said.
He looked back at her, just now that she hadn't moved away. He had to smile at that. John pushed a strand of Aeryn's dark hair behind her ear, shaking his head. "Well, that moment's ruined," he said.
"You can't blame that on me," she told him pointedly.
"I know," he said. A definite step in the right direction. She was making an effort, and he would, too. He wanted to make this work. She was the one bright thing about him being here, and John wasn't willing to give her up because they were both too stubborn.
Aeryn stood, walking over to the door. And paused, looking back over her shoulder at him. "Well?" she said.
"Well what?"
"If we stay here, someone will be interrupting us every five microts," Aeryn told him. "Are you coming or not?"
Ohhhhh... John smiled as he joined her at the door. "Isn't it fun to try new things?"
*****
"And you're staying in there until you straighten this out!"
No, no, no. They were *not* doing this... Both of them immediately started pounding on the door, screaming at D'Argo to let them out. It quickly became obvious, though, that he would do no such thing. Before long, he'd disappeared down the hall, leaving John and Aeryn alone.
Aeryn moved away from the door, exhaling loudly. "We've been ambushed," she declared.
"Yeah, that's kind of a duh." He turned his back to the door, leaning against it. "We don't need a time out. This isn't anyone's business but ours." He raised his voice, saying, "You hear that, D'Argo? Stay out of it!"
"I suppose it could be worse. They could have locked us in a closet instead of a cell."
"Don't say that too loud. They'll probably put it on their to-do lists. Okay." He paused. "Now what?"
"I have no idea," she said.
There was a definite discomfort in the room. Things had been going a little less than stellar lately, they both knew it. But this was something you had to work out over time. Locking them in a room to talk it out and fix everything was not the way to go about this.
"I hope he doesn't think he can lock us in a cell and expect us to dissect everything that's wrong with our relationship. Things do not happen that way," John said. He was going to kill D'Argo. All of them. They were all in on this, he didn't even have to see them to know.
"It's not just D'Argo," said Aeryn. Apparently she was a mind-reader, too. She took a seat on the ledge by the wall as she went on. "You know they have all been plotting this. Not that it's any of their business."
"Yeah, I don't see anyone trying to get into the middle of whatever Chiana and D'Argo have going on."
"I wouldn't *want* to," she said. "What do they expect us to do?"
John took a seat next to her. "Talk it out, I guess. Either that or brawl a little."
"Wonderful. More talking," Aeryn said dryly.
Aha. Problem number one. "Yeah, since it's so hard to do," he said.
"Not hard, just overrated."
Oh, so she was going to be this way. "I can think of a few times it's helped you," he shot back.
"Yes, when you pushed it on me so much I would have said or done anything to shut you up. You want to talk about something, talk about that," Aeryn said.
He pushed this on her? Where did she come up with *that*? "I don't push anything on you," John protested.
She nodded emphatically. "Yes, you do! 'We have to talk about this, Aeryn.' 'We need to talk.' 'This may need some talking about,'" she quoted. Well, at least she hadn't tried to imitate him.
If she wanted to play this game, fine. He could play, too. "You know why I always say that?" John said, trying unsuccessfully to not get defensive. "Because I'm sick and tired of being shut out because you can't deal with something. Does it involve anything remotely resembling emotions? You know what I get then? 'I don't want to talk about it, Crichton. Not now, not ever.' For one, my name is John. And two, I am sick of being shut out of your life." By now the words were flying out, with nothing to censor what he was saying. If these things had to be said, they had to be said. He knew Aeryn would rip into him even worse if given the opportunity.
Aeryn didn't say anything, just shot him a dirty look. She practically jumped up to try to force the doors open. John took that to mean she didn't want to be having this discussion. No surprise there.
"You can't run away this time, Aeryn," John said. "You're stuck with me."
"I don't run away," Aeryn snapped.
"Yes, you do," he said, standing. Did she really not see that? He couldn't believe she'd been so blind to what she was doing. "Every time something comes up that you don't want to deal with, you run away."
She turned around to face him, folding her arms over her chest. "And I know you'll be right behind me, telling me I need to talk to you about it," she countered. "Why should I tell you anything?"
"I don't know, maybe because I care?" he said. "Because I actually give a damn about you?"
"And because I don't want to give you every detail of my life or tell you what I'm thinking at any microt, I don't care?"
"How am I supposed to know? I want to know what's going on with you, and you just never care to tell me. That's when things come out of the woodwork for you to smack me over the head with."
She raised her eyebrows, knowing what he was getting at. "Jealous?"
"No," he lied.
"What happened with Velorek, I told you that because you would not let me go without telling you what happened. I knew that was going to come back at me," Aeryn said. "Sometimes you hear things you don't want to hear, Crichton."
"You have no idea what you're talking about," John said. He was not letting the focus of this be on him. "You want jealousy, how about you? I so much as look at Chiana and you're foaming at the mouth!"
"No, you use Chiana to irritate me. That's not jealousy, that's me wanting to strangle you," she told him matter-of-factly. "There is no middle ground with you, is there? You want me to give you full reports on every single detail of who I was and who I am. It's always that, or it's you thinking with your hormones. It's one or the other."
"Hey, do *not* blame me for hormones!" cried John. "I'm not the one always initiating it and leading you on. I'm not the one leading with my tongue."
"I do not lead you on!" Aeryn yelled.
"Oh, please! Nine times out of ten you end up spazzing out and walking away from me. Again. And again and again."
"Right, like the reason you're bringing this up is just because I can't walk away," she said.
He raised his eyebrows, hoping she wasn't taking this fight to where he thought she was. "Excuse me?"
"You think I don't know what's going through your mind? You obviously have not been dealing with males all your life," Aeryn told him. "You're no different. When you were in my body, what were you doing the first chance you got?"
And she brought the argument right to the place where he didn't want to go! "You think I'm using you for the sex? Okay, fine. Whatever. Slight problem with that, Aeryn."
Based on the look she gave him, that might have been a little over the line. "What was it you said about me that time, that I'm frigid?" she asked.
"Hey, if the shoe fits."
This time the look wasn't of annoyance or anger. And only then did John realize what he'd said. Bad idea, to call her that. Not only had he hurt her, but he'd proved her point. "Aeryn... I didn't mean that. I'm sorry," he said quietly.
"This is why you don't tell everyone everything," Aeryn said in a painfully quiet voice. "It saves you the trouble of having to take back everything you shouldn't have said. Do I have to tell you what I'm feeling now?"
Oh, damn, this was bad. "Bad move, I know. I went too far," John said.
"Stop talking," she said, holding up a hand.
"Can we compromise?" he suggested. "You tell me the things you *want* to tell me but never do? Preferably *not* what you're thinking about me right now?"
She nodded and took a seat on the bed, but it was probably only to shut him up. Like she'd said earlier. Now that he thought about it, that wasn't what he'd wanted to hear from her. She was right. It was hard to take things back once they'd been said. And it was even worse if there was some basis in truth. Yet no matter how many times John thought he had learned that lesson, it came back to prove him wrong.
It was quiet for what seemed like an eternity. Not able to take it anymore, John took the initiative, kneeling by her. "I'm sorry," he said. "I don't know how much good it does, but I mean it."
Slowly, Aeryn lifted her head to look at him. "You also meant what you said," she reminded him. "I did, too. No apology can take that back. But the fact is, this is who I am. If you don't like it, I'm not going to change for you. This is me, flaws and all."
"And I like you," John said, fighting off a grin. "Flaws are flaws, we can manage to get past them if we want to. I don't want you to change."
"It sounds like you do," Aeryn told him.
"No, I don't mean that I want you to change. But maybe something between us has to change. Like me pushing you to tell me everything," he conceded. "Look... The way I see it, either we stay in this same position and eventually get so sick of it we kill each other, or we make an effort."
"Does this include learning how to take no for an answer?"
"It does," John said. "I want to make this work, Aeryn."
She wasn't going to agree with him, at least not aloud. But he wasn't a complete idiot, and was going to keep his mouth shut for now.
They lapsed into silence, not completely sure what to do next.
Aeryn made the first move. Taking advantage of the situation, she slowly leaned forward, pressing her lips to his. That was all it took. It was nice, to be kissing her with no threat of their immediate deaths or anything weird or freaky looming anywhere near. It was good to just be with her, to be making some kind of effort.
As soon as the kiss became more heated, though, John could feel Aeryn start to tense, and the warning bells started going off in his head. Before he even knew what he was doing, John felt himself pulling away from her. "Aeryn, no."
The look on her face was something he would never forget. "What?"
"I know how this goes. It's going there again! We've been here before. In fact, we just talked about this. Things start getting hot and heavy, you freak out and start yelling at me about my hormones or whatever your issue is this week. I'm not going that way," he said. "Not this time."
"I was not going to *freak out*," Aeryn shot back.
"You only say that because I didn't give you a chance to," John said.
"So what now?" she asked. "Do you want to *talk* about it? Fine. Talk, talk, talk. Talk all you want."
"And what good will it do?" he countered. "We just however long we've been here talking about it, and as soon as we stop talking, we're right back where we started!"
Aeryn shook her head. "Not because of me. It's because you overreacted."
"You know, you experience a reaction enough, you come to expect it."
"How is *anything* supposed to be changed if you expect the worst?" she asked.
"Hey, sweetheart, it's no worse than you jumping right back on the talking thing," John retorted. "I don't know why I even *try* to get you to tell me anything. You never do. It's like pulling teeth. Nine times out of ten you avoid me, and I have to find out what the hell is wrong this time!"
Aeryn's reply was to simply move across the room.
"Fine. Be that way," John said. "You know, I am not going to sit here and wait for you forever. I think I've been very patient. That patience doesn't last forever, Aeryn. Just remember that." He sat back on the ledge, exhausted at this. This was depressing. For a second it had looked like it could be okay, and then right back to square negative one.
It was a long moment of absolute silence before she finally said, "I don't do that every time."
"You do, Aeryn," John said. "Believe me, you do."
"What do you want?" she asked, moving back towards him. "Do you want me to prove it to you?"
He really hadn't wanted her to think that. "I don't want you to prove anything," he said. "All I want is you."
Amazing, for a hardened soldier, he could see every emotion she was feeling in her eyes. She hadn't seen that coming, and it looked like she just didn't know how to respond to that.
He hated all of this. He cared too much about her to be fighting like this. He didn't want to sit in this room and watch whatever they had self-destruct without even trying to do something about it.
Cautiously, John took her hand, and Aeryn let him pull her closer. He kissed her lightly, testing her reaction. He could feel her mouth moving softly against his, as if she was consciously trying to break her habits. Seeing this as an invitation, John deepened the kiss. He was in part waiting to see if she'd pull away from him again, but she didn't. He pulled her into his lap, closing the last of the space between them. This was *much* better. He'd have to remember to thank D'Argo-
Was someone clearing their throat?
Reluctantly, they both ended the kiss, glaring at the open door. "Come back later," John growled. "What is this, payback?"
"Yep," D'Argo told him. "Your timed outing is over."
Dammit. Dammit, dammit.
Aeryn nodded, looking extremely irritated. "Do you mind?" she said.
D'Argo just grinned at the as he left, leaving the door open behind him. So that was what a gloating Luxan looked like.
"Remind me to kill D'Argo," John muttered.
"No need. I'll do it," Aeryn said.
He looked back at her, just now that she hadn't moved away. He had to smile at that. John pushed a strand of Aeryn's dark hair behind her ear, shaking his head. "Well, that moment's ruined," he said.
"You can't blame that on me," she told him pointedly.
"I know," he said. A definite step in the right direction. She was making an effort, and he would, too. He wanted to make this work. She was the one bright thing about him being here, and John wasn't willing to give her up because they were both too stubborn.
Aeryn stood, walking over to the door. And paused, looking back over her shoulder at him. "Well?" she said.
"Well what?"
"If we stay here, someone will be interrupting us every five microts," Aeryn told him. "Are you coming or not?"
Ohhhhh... John smiled as he joined her at the door. "Isn't it fun to try new things?"