All Change
Chapter 1
Halcyon Days
She'd never felt like this before. Ever. She was hoping the huge grin on her face wasn't too obvious, and that no one could guess the reason for her happiness.
"You look excited to be going back Mols?" Smurf shouted at her over the roar of the helicopter. She was obviously fooling no one. He sat close, a bit too close, apparently, he said so they could hear each other, but she uncomfortably suspected it was for a completely different reason.
She took a minute to reply, looking at the dusty vista around them. The heat was unreal, even at this early hour, it was just as she remembered it. How she had remembered it every night she'd been away. Every day of those two weeks she had thought of this place. Despite the luxury of showers, TV, peace and quiet she still wished to be back here, and then suddenly it was all over. Her leave had come to an end. She was on her way back. Back to the sand, the noise, the danger, but despite all that she was happy. More than happy. She was going back and would see him again.
"Yeah. Mental ain't it?" She shouted back over the roar of the helicopter. Trying to rein in the bubble of joy she felt as the miles were eaten away and they got closer.
Smurf just grinned back at her, and she could see that he was happy. She guessed he was happy being anywhere as long as Molly was there, he'd made that very clear, but he was her mate, that's all she saw when she looked at him and she'd made it very obvious that's all she wanted. Yet as she looked across at his grin she doubted he'd listened or even saw it that way.
"Five minutes." The pilot shouted. "Then out straight away. I'm behind on my rota. Need to go."
"What no stopping for a cup of tea and cakes Sir?" Smurf shouted cheekily back.
She rolled her eyes at him, but laughed at him all the same. Smurf always made her laugh.
She hadn't needed to be asked twice, pretending to be the obedient solider she rarely was. She too wanted to leave the helicopter as quickly as possible, to be back in the FOB, back to where she had dreamed about being. She was surprised at the nerves she felt as she jumped out of the helicopter causing her knees almost to buckle. She stumbled and Smurf gallantly helped her out and up, then both of them did as they were told and ran towards the FOB, just about hearing the shouts of welcome from the rest of the section.
Two weeks without him, without seeing him smile, without hearing his voice. Two weeks since that day, the day her heart was stolen, the day he held her hand and looked deeply into her eyes, asking her to come back to him. Two weeks since she realised just how in deep she was with her Bossman, and how maybe just maybe he felt the same too. And now those two week were up and she'd see him again.
The gates opened and she immediately scanned around for him. Expecting him to be there to greet her. It was no easy task though as she was mobbed instantly by the rest of two section after news and the goodies she'd brought back for them. All noisily happy to see their favourite medic and mate return. She scanned around her as best she could for her Captain. She wanted to see him, no needed to see him. She had a gift for him too.
It was minutes before she was left relatively alone and still hadn't caught sight of him. She felt disappointed that he wasn't there to greet her, she'd expected it after their separation, but reasoned to herself that he'd be busy.
Her hand over with Jacqui in the Med tent was quick and easy, and she scanned the report sheets for treatments in her absence. Her review was interrupted. She smiled at her visitor, and then in general conversation he told her the news, casualty, not realising how his words hurt her. At first she didn't understand it, struggled to process what he was trying saying. It was not what she'd been expecting. She'd wanted to come back, back to him, but not like this.
"So he's gone then has he?" Smurf asked Eggy as he entered the tent with true surprise in his voice, watching Molly as he did so. "Definitely not coming back? Shit. That's tough."
"What?" Molly asked looking between them. She needed to hear it again, to be sure. "What was that about the Bossman?" She needed to catch up on the conversation.
"He's gone Mols." Eggy explained again. "Some type of family crisis. Tours over for him. Flew back last week."
She did her best and smiled, muttering something appropriate. Listening a bit more how they'd get a new Captain, and would start heading back to Bastion in the morning. Then she made an excuse to leave the crowded tent heading to the sleeping quarters to pack. Smurf followed her closely. She didn't know how she did It, but she did, she acted normally. She functioned just as she should have done even though inside her heart was breaking.
Her Bossman. Her Captain James had gone. Home, she wouldn't be seeing him again. Any hopes and ideas of a fairytale romance were over. Her dreams finished just like that.
Reality
He knew it was her instantly. He didn't need a second glance. She was just as familiar to him and his senses as she had once been. Knowing that it was close to sixteen years since he'd last seen her, it seemed crazy that he still knew her at all.
It was her beautiful green eyes that he first recognised, even from the distance. They still sparkled, just like he remembered them, just like they had that very last time he'd looked into them. That last time that he had ever seen her, before his life went wrong. Of course he'd seen them so many times since then, though only in his dreams, and today the reality of them showed they were just as perfect as before.
She moved around easily, unaware of his gaze. Her hair was long, loose and floated on the summer breeze. He imagined it would smell of her flowery shampoo the way it used to back in the FOB. She was beautiful, the first time too he realised he'd seen her wear anything but Army clothes or her football shirt and shorts. It surprised him, but pleased him, to see her in a long summer dress, looking so a confident in whom she was.
And then she laughed. Her youthful infectious laugh, how it took him back. He'd imagined seeing her, meeting her, so many times over the years as he had day dreamed his life away. In the early days he had hopes of bumping into her around camps or garrison towns, but never did. They never saw one another again. He mused if she'd even recognise him. If she'd ever given him a passing thought in the past 16 years. He'd changed.. a lot... he was no longer the man she once knew. He doubted she'd know him now, especially as this wasn't the usual type of place that he attended. So he didn't hold out any hopes. In fact today he'd only come to support his son. Sam. Who was now his world. See her was just a bonus.
He spent many more minutes watching her. Noticing she had still the ability to draw his eyes to her without her even trying. She was older, obviously just like him. More mature, but just as beautiful and just as lively as he remembered. And he had a lot... remembered that is. He remembered their days on tour. Those five months he had spent with her and the rest of the section, and how very quickly she had started to become something of importance to him. Above and beyond his expected duty of care he needed to give to someone in his chain of command. He cared about her... a lot. She gotten under his skin, broken down the walls he'd built up around his heart. He, was pretty certain he'd fallen for her... hard and had wanted more. Had wanted to get to know her, but then his life changed, and he never got the chance.
The excitement, the chance of a new future taken away from him on that tour, taken from her. Called back suddenly to deal with a family emergency he'd left while she was still on leave, giving him no chance to explain, to say goodbye . He never saw her again, never returning back to his section or even to her. The mess his life was turned into by that one phone call changed everything. The course of their histories. He left, and she was gone from his life forever. Until, by some trick Lady Luck played on him, today.
"Dad." Sam shouted at him from the edge of the field, waving and breaking him out of his thoughts . "Over here."
Charles raised his hand and waved at his son. His everything. Now a grown up man with a new career ahead of him Charles wondered how he'd cope with the Sam sized hole in his life once he moved out for good. For the past sixteen years Charles had dedicated everything to his son, but now he was striking out on his own. Making his own life.
"Thanks Dad for coming." Sam grinned as he pulled his Dad in for a hug. Charles gladly returned it.
They were close these two. Very close. The events of their lives bonding them more so, that even at the grand age of 23 he still felt comfortable in going in for a hug with his dad. No matter where or who was about.
"Of course I came." Charles said. "Don't I always." He laughed.
It was true since a very early age Charles had been there for Sam. Had to be, there was no other parent he could depend on. And so they had worked as a team, a unit. Best friends as well as father and son.
Today was just one of the many events that Charles had attended to support Sam. He'd been to them all. School plays, sports days, prize givings, degree ceremonies, and finally today's event... a school summer fete.
After Sam had gained his degree at Bristol he expressed the desire to become a teacher. So one year's further study to get his post graduate teaching qualification he was now in the probationary stage of teaching at this inner city school in central London. By all accounts he was loving it, and was doing well. Still needing constant mentoring, assessing and guidance, but well on the way to having a successful teaching career. He was spoken highly of by everyone who came into contact with.
He still wanted to impress though. Learnt from his father, from a very early age that first impressions were always important, and so he volunteered to help with today's fete. An opportunity to socialise with the other teachers and assessors informally, and to show his Dad around his new work environment.
"I can't wait for you to meet the other teachers." Sam gushed. "They are a great bunch. Plus you have to meet my personal assessor. Amazing."
Sam almost pulled him through the crowds. Happily greeting the odd student as they passed by. It amused Charles to hear these teenagers addressing his Sam as Sir. The son who he still saw as a baby himself. He mused it had been a long time since anyone had called him Sir.
Within minutes Sam had brought him face to face with a group of his new colleagues. They chatted politely to Charles, complimenting him on his son. It made him proud. Soon though one by one they started to excuse themselves, summer fete duties called, and when it was just him and Sam again he caught site of her, walking towards him. She was wiping her hands on a towel focusing on that task and on smiling to any pupil that caught her attention. Her smile was as wonderful as he remembered.
"Molly." Sam shouted and she stepped towards him. Charles, half hidden behind his son, who's stature out stripped him, was not instantly visible. "I'd like to introduce my Dad."
Charles stepped forward and before Sam had the opportunity to say more than his name Molly spoke up.
"Bloody hell. Captain James? Bossman?" Then after the slightest hesitation she broke out into an even broader smile.
Charles returned it.
"Hello Dawes." Was all he said but feeling happier than he had for a very long time. Happy that she'd recognised him, she hadn't forgotten him.
"What you guys know each other?" Sam asked totally confused. "Dad this is Molly my assessor/mentor." He explained. "Molly."
"Yeah we do know each other Sam." Molly said giggling, and turned to look directly at Charles saying. "He was me CO on my first tour. Good to see you again Sir." And then they just stared at each other.
"Really? Wow. You were in the Army?" Sam said. "You never said."
"Yeah well." Said Molly turning to him. "It was another life time mate." And just for the briefest of moments her eyes spoke to Charles only, he knew not what, but there was something said that past between them.
"Good to see you again Dawes." Charles beamed back offering to shake her hand. She awkwardly accepted it, offering a damp hand to his firm grip. Looking at her he knew. He'd never said a truer word, it was so good to see her again. Up close he saw she still looked the same, he still saw the same old Molly, a bit more polished, more sophisticated, in fact she'd become the woman he'd always suspect she would be... brilliant.
"So your Sam's Dad then Sir?" She giggled, breaking her hand and gaze from him. Both had been held marginally too long. "I can see the resemblance now." She said thoughtfully.
"So...Dawes... how come you're here. You didn't stay in then?" Charles asked smiling away. Today was a good day for him.
"It's Molly by the way, but no Sir. Stayed in for a while. Enough to gain a few qualifications and that, but came out in the end. That's how I come to be here. Training teachers like your Sam."
"Sounds perfect for you." Charles said.
"Well I don't do perfect. Never have, but I love my job. Mentoring and assessing learners." She added. "Your Sam's a good 'un. It's ones like him that make my job easy. Sir."
Just at that that moment Sam was pulled away leaving the pair of them to talk on their own. They moved, with some written agreement over to a bench under some trees. Shaded by the hot midday sun they sat tantalisingly close, side by side.
"That's good to hear." Charles spoke as soon as they sat down. "And it's Charles."
"Charles?" She smiled back, giggling a little. "Well I never knew that!"
They stayed silent for a few seconds and then she continued.
"Mind you there were a few things I didn't know about you. Then any way." Eventually she added. "You just left." She hesitated. "Never even knew you were married until well, quite a while after."
He didn't know where to begin. They had not even started all those years ago, yet she had and still did mean something to him. He needed her to know it hadn't been some crazy power trip he'd been on. That he had cared.
"Separated. Divorced actually. At the time." He hoped that would explain some of the things.
She nodded.
"Oh. You never said."
She had been heart broken when he'd left, the rest of the tour hard and lonely for her. She'd lost a friend as well as someone she cared about. For many years she replayed that moment when he'd seemed be promising her everything. When he held her hand and gazed at her like she meant the world to him. When he asked her to come back to him. Spinning it over in her mind wondering if she had misunderstood it all. Eventually only understanding that she had done what he'd asked, she'd come back to him...but when she did he was gone.
"I left." He tried to explain. "There was an urgent family problem at home. I needed to leave. Has Sam never said?"
"No why would he? I never knew who he was until just now." She wondered at just what he meant. What he wasn't telling her.
It was becoming awkward and she knew why. He was she guessed her first love, she'd loved him like she'd never loved anyone before. She'd always believed that. She idolised him, had a major crush on him and had dreamed of all the possibilities for them. Even hoped when she got back off tour he'd come and find her. Yet he never did and the day she learnt he was married, her silly day dreams came crashing down and ended.
That was why it was awkward, she'd had dreams of a life with a man who obviously never saw her in the same way. She felt foolish about her feelings then, and those feelings were returning as they sat and talked.
"So what about you Sir,... I mean Charles? You still in? The Army I mean."
He blinked at her slowly realising she knew nothing about him. That her life had just kept on turning without him, she'd obviously never given him a second thought.
"No. God no. Sadly. I got out just after that tour. Personal reasons and that. Work in the city now."
"Oh! I didn't know." Then suddenly she added. Needed to understand if he knew. "Smurf. He died you know?"
"Yes...I did... I'm sorry. I know you were close." Charles said quietly noting the shocked look on her face.
He'd learnt of Smurf's death but at the time was too wrapped up in his own personal traumas to take it on board. Unable to grieve for the young soldier because Charles just didn't have the luxury at that time of his life to feel anything about any one apart from his family.
"He was my best mate." She continued. Hurt by his admission. "We all thought we'd see you at the funeral." She questioned. "You never came?" She thought briefly back to that awful day of sadness, where a large part of her hope she'd see him again. That they'd be able to talk, recover what they had. But he'd never shown up and Molly knew her daydreams were completely over. He was avoiding her.
"No. Sorry. I wanted to. Just couldn't." It sounded selfish. Inadequate and in truth it probably was, but there was no changing the past.
"No one knew what had happened to you after that." She admitted. "You kind of just disappeared." Omitting the part where she had asked friends, colleagues of his over the years about him as casually as she could. No one ever knew, and then she just stopped asking. It was kinder to her heart that way.
"Guess I did." He sadly looked down at his shoes. He wanted to tell her so much but couldn't. He had stories to tell that weren't his own to share.
"Anyway." She attempted brightness. "We all went on... you know living our lives without you." And even though her words were meant to be said in jest they still hurt to hear.
"I can see that. You look well Molly. Really well. This." He waved his hand around the school field. "Obviously suits you."
"Love it. Army taught me a lot of things, but the one big thing it did show me was that I love to teach."
"I'm glad. Mind you I could have told you that. You always loved the sound of your own voice out there Dawes." With this they both laughed.
Suddenly they slipped into the old comfortable feelings they once had had for each other.
"I was a bit of a bloody nightmare. Wasn't I?" She quietly spoke.
He turned his head to look at her.
"Can't say you were the most obedient of the section, but no you weren't a nightmare."
She shoulders bump him with hers. Smiling.
"Thanks. Reckon I was though. Bet you were pleased to see the back of me when you left."
He stopped smiling
"No Molly. Leaving was hard for all sorts of reasons, but never, not once was I pleased to leave you behind. It hurt."
Her eyes widen in shock to his words. Her mouth about to form some words.
"So this is where you are?" A male voice interrupted them. "Escaped from the washing up duty have you?" Then spotting Charles he added. "Oh hello."
Immediately she changed, her face looking up at the stranger instantly. Smoothing her hair and pulling her face into a happy smile.
He was not as tall as Charles. Late thirties, and sharp looking. Charles through years of practice sized him up and knew he had more of a claim on Molly than he ever had.
"Pete. This is Sam's Dad, and my old CO. Charles James." She introduced them perfectly.
The two men shook hands firmly, and briefly Molly felt as though they both were involved in a pissing contest with one another.
Pete then moved quickly to Molly's side pulling her in tightly for a kiss.
"This I believe belongs to you?" He offered her a beautiful ring which Molly took happily and put it on her third finger of her left hand.
"Thanks. Took it off for the washing up." She explained to them both.
"You're engaged? Wow. Congratulations." Charles offered with the most sincerity he could muster.
"Yeah thanks." Molly felt momentarily shy, but then beamed at Pete. "Four weeks today."
"Indeed. Then I make this lovely girl mine, all mine." Pete spoke staring at Charles. A secret message in his tone.
His claim on Molly unsettled Charles, but it was Pete's words that annoyed Charles more. Molly was no girl. He'd known her as a girl, briefly at the beginning, but quickly she'd had grown, and now all Charles could see was that she'd continued to grow into a beautiful strong woman standing before them.
Molly and Pete gazed at each other and suddenly Charles felt as though he was interrupting. He knew his time with her was now over.
"Look. I'd best find Sam. It was good to see you again Molly." He offered as he turned to leave. "Good luck with the wedding."
"Oh yes. Thank you, and it was good to see you too Bossman." She called after him, but paying him little attention anymore. All her attention now focused on Pete who held onto her tightly.
He stayed at the fete a bit longer, did his duty for Sam's sake, but planned to leave as soon as he could. Unsettled, that was how he felt in seeing her again, almost as though he'd found her and then lost her with the knowledge she was now someone else's.
Yet despite his promises to himself to leave he tortured himself for a bit longer watching them both.
Watching how the young man held her, brush her hair off her shoulders, dipped his head to kiss her. He saw how she gazed into his eyes, and how she had once looked at him like that, but never with the intensity he saw her so it today.
He could see that Molly had found someone to love, and from what he remembered from his happy times with her, she had a pure heart and it showed that she loved him with all hers.
And so Charles walked away.
Away from the woman who could have been someone more to him, but wasn't.
Who could have been his future, but now would never be.
Away from the soon to be married Molly Dawes.