New! I'm on a roll. This is like little scenes piecing together the story. Have fun. Review?
...
[ Hogwarts Library. One fine October evening.]
" So you mean to tell me, he's not all that bad?"
" Yeah, I mean...he's decent. He's been good since last year and I—"
" Oh my gawd, you like him! You FANCY JAMES POTTER!"
"Marlene, shush!" Lily cringed visibly, a huge hot flush making its way onto her pretty face as she slapped a hand over her best friend's mouth. They were in the Hogwarts library and just sitting and doing homework and studying and then the subject of James Potter came up inevitably and the Head Girl had only just begun to reveal her biggest secret to her friend when she had to shout at the top of her voice and knock down that bloody ink bottle—
" I think the entire library heard you!" hissed the annoyed red head as she pulled her friend back and flattened against the chairs in an attempt to melt into them. Her eyes flickered again to the table at the corner of the room where, for the love of Merlin, The Marauders were seated in an attempt to do homework. She saw the object of her affections bend to pick up a fallen quill.
Lily snapped her eyes back to Marlene, hoping to every force she knew that they hadn't overheard her.
The curly haired witch wrenched away the hand covering her mouth and her eyes danced gleefully as she looked at her best friend. " Oh, Lily, I'm so happy—"
" Don't." Lily said sharply and the gravity in her eyes wiped the smile off of Marlene's face. Lily sighed, picking up her quill again and continuing with her essay. Her mood turned forlorn and Marlene inched closer knowing Lily would only mumble now.
" It's not anything to be happy about." She muttered as she wrote. " I'm whipped and he's over whatever possessed him to annoy me in fifth year and now everything's just—"
" He's not over you." Marlene looked horrified. " Lil, don't be a fool!"
" Have you not seen his girlfriends and...and the dates and the snogging and— God." She dropped her quill again, feeling frustrated at the way it was hurting and the way she wanted to throw something at someone. " I'm being punished for a sin in my last life, I know it."
" Oh stop it Lily!" Marlene chided. " He's only been dating to get his mind off you. You haven't given him any indication and how long do you think he can stand the rejection? He's got to try."
" This isn't one of your romance books, Mar. But he sure is over it." Lily scowled. "Damn Potter and his PDA."
Marlene sighed, and her eyes drifted to the table in the corner. She caught a pair of twinkling hazel ones look up and for a second, a trill of excitement flooded her because James looked...smug?
Hiding her emotions well, she turned to her gloomy best friend and gave her a hug. " You're wrong, Lily. You'll see. Just wait for it."
Her non committal mumble was unsatisfactory but Marlene settled for it. It wouldn't be long now.
0.O.0
[ History of Magic classroom. Sometime in mid October ]
James sighed as the class droned on. He didn't give a rat's arse about Goblin wars and never will and the main reason he even took this class...well. His eyes flicked over to the one person in room taking notes and was immediately distracted by her hair. Long and wavy and shiny and red. Inviting. What wouldn't he give to run a hand through it?
" James," a whisper from his side and he turned to look at his girlfriend, Hannah. Her pretty blue eyes sparkled as she leaned forward.
But he wanted green not blue.
Shaking himself, he gave her a smile. Their relationship was more for snogs than it was for connection. He had to do something to get Lily off his mind.
" Fifth floor broom cupboard after this? I need to replenish for potions. "she winked suggestively and he bit back a snort. Another discreet glance towards the mass of red hair and he sighed. " Fine. But if we get late, I'm blaming you."
"I'll take it." She whispered and leaned back, glancing quickly at Professor Binns. The ghost was looking at them funny.
James flicked his eyes to his right and saw, Sirius attempting to lodge a piece of parchment into the bushy hair of the girl in front of him. Remus was desperately trying not to fall asleep and Peter, in his opinion, was the smartest of the four right then because he didn't even take the class.
Another sigh built in his chest. The main reason he took this boring hour was to see Lily and that hadn't worked out well.
But then again...
His eyes flicked to her again and saw she was no longer writing. Twirling the quill in her hands instead. Thinking, he realized. He had prided himself in learning the art of reading Lily Evans fairly easily. He'd honed his skills last year. Binns wasn't what was on her mind and for once, he wished it wasn't him either. Because when Hannah was putting a hand on his knee, he couldn't bear to hope about Lily. It was unfair. He was disgusted with himself. But the castle needed to think he was moving on.
Sadly, James, the castle is more watchful than you think.
0.O.0
[ Hogwarts Kitchens. Same day in mid October.]
" But that's not fair!" Lily snatched her essay back from Sirius and glared. " If you don't stop copying, you'll never learn."
" But I already know all that." Sirius insisted. " Here, look." He flicked his wand and her tea cup changed abruptly into a mouse. Lily bit back a squeal as it scampered over to her and just as it leapt, it turned back into a tea cup and landed on her lap. She picked it up gingerly and fixed Sirius with a weary sigh at his triumphant grin. " So you know the practical application but theory—"
"Is bull." He finished and stole a chip from her packet. They were in the Hogwarts kitchens, doing homework because, well, let's just say the fifth floor broom cupboard wasn't enough and the common room looked more cosy. Remus and Peter would join them shortly and Marlene was taking a stroll in the grounds with her boyfriend.
Sirius waved the piece of chip tauntingly in her face. Lily narrowed her eyes and said sharply, "Listen, if you don't know the theory, you can't pass the exams. It's NEWT year for Merlin's sake, Padfoot. Pay attention."
He only rolled his grey eyes and pulled his parchment back to himself, mumbling under his breath. Satisfied, Lily returned to proof reading her own essay.
The silence was nice. There was a warm fire and house elves skirting around but that sound didn't bother her. Their squeaky voices didn't bother her either. The clanging of pots and pans was actually welcome.
What she couldn't stand was the sounds in the common room— like a plunger being withdrawn from—
No. Okay. So, to turn inanimate objects into animated ones, it took three important steps. Visualisation, determination and confidence to give life. Visualisa—
" What's wrong with you?"
"Huh?" she blinked at her companion's frustrated tone. He was suddenly looking so torn, glaring intensely, eyes frustrated. Lily frowned. " What are you talking about?"
" Prongs. I'm talking about— Oi, look at me!" he poked her arm with his quill because Lily had turned cold and closed off and back to her parchment just as the first word registered. His sharp poke left a blue dot on her white skin and she hissed, snatching her arm away and retaliating by poking his forehead with her own quill. Sirius glowered. " Merlin, Lils! Why are you being so...cowardly?"
Her eyes flashed and he regretted his words slightly. " Cowardly?" she glared. "Excuse me for wanting to save your friend from bodily harm because he'd have lost his leg if I had sat there any longer."
" Oh, so this isn't an escape?" Sirius asked scathingly, mocking an apologetic expression. " I'm so sorry for over looking your noble intentions of sparing my best mate." He threw down his quill and took a rather forceful swing of butter beer, glaring at her silence. " Look, this won't work if you're hiding."
" There's nothing to work."
" Are you being serious right now?" he asked incredulously. " And here I thought you were bright." He met her look with his own. " Lily, we're his best mates. If we're telling you so insistently, then there must be a point."
She swallowed and looked back down to her parchment. She wanted to hope of course but no matter what anyone said, James was right up there snogging the face off of another girl. She didn't want to be...well, that. If he could stay clean for a while, she would've actually swallowed her fears and talked to him but he was on a roll since the beginning of this year. Girl after girl after girl. It was like he was determined to have the whole lot of them before he left. She didn't even know if she wanted to be with someone like that. It shattered her confidence and all her friends' encouragements paled as each girl left his room.
No thanks. She'd simply have to get over this...feeling.
But a desolate sigh threatened to escape her lips. She wasn't just crushing on the moron now was she?
Sensing her mood change—Lily always attributed that quality of his to his animagus form's; dogs always sensed people's mood shifts—Sirius sighed and threw an arm around her neck. " Fear not, Lily bean." He mumbled. " I'll kill him for you if it doesn't work out."
A smile threatened her lips. " He's your best mate."
" By kill, I mean pretend to kill to appease you." Sirius said matter-of-factly. " I'd hide him away in a cellar and feed him grass to keep him alive but you'll think he's dead. Everyone's festus."
She grinned at his use of Latin. And tapped her head against his jaw to show her appreciation. Sirius released her and they worked in silence, once in a while, striking a conversation with the house elves who'd come over to refill their glasses.
0.O.0
[ Schools corridors. Early November.]
Late night patrols were her favourite. No one to tell her off, she had the entire castle to herself, well, kind of and it was peaceful. Sometimes she'd do it without James and watch the big round silvery sphere in the sky with a twinge in her heart for Remus.
Tonight was one such night. Moon shining bright and stark against the black sky, and she stopped near the trophy room windows for a look at it. Frowning at the faint howls, she drew a pattern on the glass absently. It looked teasingly like a quaffle.
" Bit melancholic aren't you?"
Lily jumped violently and whipped around, brandishing her wand even though she knew the voice all too well. But he'd hidden under the cloak again and she couldn't see him.
" James." She hissed, trying to steady her rapid heart, attempting a glare. " Come out already. I can't stand here talking to myself like some—"
A hand darted out of nowhere and pulled her sharply into the safety of the cloak. Through the shimmery material, she would've been able to see the moon in a different sort of light but unfortunately, they were a little too close together and his arm was around her middle. Her hands were accidentally resting on his shirt and she dropped them quickly, crossing them across her chest for safety.
She might've gotten lost at this closeness, maybe swooned at some point, but not now. Now, her head was stinging with the image of him and someone else, almost as if to remind her that he was taken, and she only felt the clench in her chest.
James sighed and shook his head disapprovingly. " What did I tell you about night patrols alone?"
" I can take care of myself."
" I know that, but give a bloke a little rest. I can't focus on Moony when you're wandering around—"
"Nobody's asking you to care."
Oh bother, was that really as frosty as it sounded? James stiffened. She gave herself a good kick. But then blamed it on him and his heady green apple scent and his proximity. She was blurting out things she didn't mean to or want to. Lily attempted to take a step back but his grip tightened and her heart shuddered.
" I don't think I need your permission to care, Lily." He said quietly. " I worry about all my friends."
" I know." She said shortly, unable to keep the sinking of her heart. A sigh tumbled out and she relaxed. This was so silly; she needed to get over it. " I'm sorry." She mumbled and then lied. " It's been a rough day."
" I'm sure." He said dryly as if he didn't believe her and her temper flared because she knew why. Almost mockingly, he added," Do you want to talk about it? Some comfort food to go?"
" Just go back and help Remus, will you?" she snapped, glaring up at him. He glared back with just as much fervour. The stinging behind her eyes however made her wrench away from him and step out of the cloak. Lily straightened her skirt with as much dignity as she could, and glared at where she knew him to be. "And leave me alone."
She didn't hear a sound of protest as she stormed away, darting out of the room and into the corridor. Stupid frustrating idiot! Her day had been absolutely fantastic. Her potion had been perfect to the dot, her plate had transformed into a snake successfully, she'd aced Binns's test.
And then she'd walked in on him and some random girl, Hannah already forgotten, inside the commonroom and it all went to the drain.
This was why she was mad. She was having a perfect day! If only she hadn't been so...so, ugh, if only she wasn't so hung up on him, her evening would've been the nicest one in a whole month.
Swallowing heavily, Lily darted up the steps to the last corridor, hoping her heart held together for a while longer. One more year and she'd be out of there.
And then what? Its over? Everything's okay?
No, she'd be alone. She'd have to find a job and fight for survival because people like her were the ones being hunted. She'd be away from her friends.
Was that what she wanted? Staying away from him for the rest of her life?
I'm over thinking this. She shook her head firmly. Focus on today.
0.O.0
[ mid November.]
He'd been clean for two weeks and he'd almost kissed her yesterday.
Surprisingly, it happened in the most clichéd way possible. She'd been feeling a lot better, he was being his usual self. They were working on removing a portrait from the wall but it seemed to be stuck permanently. They grew exhausted, she was on the verge of tipping over, and a miscalculated spell had them both sprawled on the ground in a heap. She had only just groaned and opened her eyes when he lifted himself up from her, but didn't get up.
The rest is history.
Her throat was clogged and he was a little too close for coherent thoughts and for a second, he'd actually swallowed nervously before leaning down with old confidence. She had forgotten to breathe.
But then he'd directed his lips to her cheek and grinned cheekily afterward.
" Sorry." He bit his lip sheepishly. " I shouldn't have done that but I couldn't resist. Too much tension"
She'd been stung so bad, her eyes were prickling before she knew it and words were tumbling of her mouth. " I'd think so with your lack of lady friends for a long time." She'd snapped. His eyes closed off but she didn't care. " Unfortunately, I can't serve as a release for your testosterone. Get off."
He'd narrowed his eyes and glared. "None of them were testosterone releases, Lily. Trust me." And his expression turned so odd, she knew he was having an internal battle. " I actually respect women if you'd believe it."
"Hard, with the number you've been going through." She said coldly and he chuckled mirthlessly in response. He looked so cold and shut off and maybe even angry at her, that she sank a little further into the ground. " You shouldn't make judgements, Princess." He reminded softly. " You have no idea what I'm going through."
And with that, he'd gotten up and brushed himself off, and just left without meeting her eyes, muttering about getting McGonagall.
She'd sat up and hid her face in her hands for a good five minutes with neighbouring portraits giving her sympathetic glances until Remus and Marlene came along and pulled her up and gave her a big hug. She hadn't wanted it right then but accepted silently and retired for the night. James could remove the thing on his own.
0.O.0
[ Late November.]
After that, things had been mostly uneventful. He refused to speak to her unless absolutely necessary and their friendship went downhill so fast, everyone in the castle was shocked. But he didn't see anyone else either. Fights increased and though they'd patch up, an invisible tension sat itself between them and she couldn't, for the life of her, figure out what it was or why it didn't go away.
Each time she tried talking, he looked so incredibly strained that she'd actually stopped her efforts because she didn't wish to see that expression on his face. Painful to talk to her? And just when they had been building a beautiful friendship last year.
It hadn't been this way in sixth year. Once she'd been convinced that he'd become a decent human being, she gave into her little secret wish and got to know the Marauders. They clicked instantly and its been a hurricane of laughter and happiness ever since. They'd had a pretty good thing going last year. He was, she discovered, incredibly charming when he was being himself, very pleasing to the eyes and ears and around the time his touch sent sharp tingles down her spine and into stomach, she realised what had happened to her. Her closeness with her sworn enemies was a joke around the castle but they all took it in good grace. Sometimes she felt like the boys had adopted her.
She was slowly dragged into kitchens and late night runs and just harmless fun. She helped with Remus's ' furry little problem' as much as she could, and they did admit her help was a big relief.
James had grown on her slowly, which is why she fell so hard. They'd just snapped together from numerous talks and she found someone who understood her enigma of a mind as well as Marlene did. But her insecurities had kept her from doing anything about it because James had never shown any romantic interest whatsoever. Of course, he joked a lot around her so she assumed anything remotely close to romantic that came from his mouth was a joke as well. And she wasn't sure of herself. She had her own fears and multiple complications and insecurities and she made sure to not blush or stutter or do something silly around him.
And then this year, things had changed. It was fine the first week, they shared a common room and everything. But after that, it was a parade of girls.
Okay so it was one or two each month but it had been nearly three months now!
Now since the last few days, he'd at least been polite and smiled a little at her. The worst part was that it was obvious she was the problem because he was just like himself around his friends.
Currently, they were seated around the fire in the Head's Common room, doing homework. Marlene was fiddling with a packet of sweets she'd brought. A pop later, the cover was open, wrappers crackled and she wailed.
" Noooo!" she moaned. The boys a looked at her slowly and she held up the packet for Lily to see. " I opened the wrong side!"
Sirius snorted. " So what?"
" So!?" she snapped, " The instructions are there for a reason. It says ,' Tear here' on this corner, see? I was supposed to do that."
He gave the Head girl a weird look and she shrugged as Marlene grumbled. Lily bit back a laugh and maybe it was the warmth and the familiarity of it all, but she lost herself in the moment and her eyes snapped to the couch and locked for a second with laughing hazel ones that were turning to her at the same time. Like old days.
The moment was shattered however when they both jolted to reality and James withdrew again, slamming the door in her face.
She dropped her eyes to her book. This was how it had been since last week.
Marlene jumped up after a few seconds, claiming she was late for a rendezvous with her Ravenclaw boyfriend and blew Lily a kiss before skipping out.
" Is she always like that?" Peter asked slowly. Lily smiled at him confusedly. "Like what, Wormy?"
" Bipolar." Sirius snickered and she threw a ball of parchment at his face.
" Watch it. That's my best friend."
" Then what are we?" he shot back, eyes glinting.
" My...um...other best friends."
" You can't have two loyalties Lily." He said disapprovingly, shaking his head. "Yooo shaaaaaall chooooooseeeee."
James hit him with a pillow as she laughed, and grumbled. " Shut up, I can't concentrate."
" I'm not your cause for lack of focus, Prongs." Sirius mumbled slyly and that earned him a look from the chaser and a rare snicker from Remus. Lily dropped her eyes to her book again. Yes, maybe he needed one of his girls back.
Silence prevailed in the cosy room until it was time for the three boys to leave. Sirius blew Lily a kiss to mock Marlene and she threw another bit of parchment at him in return. Remus ruffled her hair, laughingly, but then surprised the red head by whispering, seriously:
"Talk to him. Please."
And he left with a smile and she understood he'd seen their brittle little moment back there.
As soon as the door closed, James walked back in slowly, stretching and resumed his seat on the couch, taking up a book again. He didn't speak and she didn't either. Maybe they both needed time? There was a thick silence but was that just her? Maybe the tension in her chest, like a balloon swelling and threatening to pop was suffocating her. He looked calm. She was a mess.
Neither spoke for a long time. The only sounds were the scratching of her quill and the crackle of the fire. She wanted to heed Remus's advice but how to begin? What was she supposed to say to mend this rift? She didn't exactly understand the cause of it and didn't wish to risk ripping it further. They were treading on delicate waters here. It was so different from before when everything had been so carefree and easy.
A desolate sigh escaped her.
" Something on your mind, Evans?"
She jumped violently and snapped her head up to look at him. James let his eyes fly back to the book quickly before they caught hers, and he flipped a page coolly. Lily was surprised. It had been a full two days since he'd talked to her and now, here it was. An invitation for a conversation.
She couldn't believe the way her heart was beating. There was a silence for a few seconds.
" Tuney's getting married." She blurted.
His eyebrows shot up and a hint of a smirk played on his lips. Hazel eyes darted to hers once and held for a moment. She forgot how to breathe.
" Who's mad enough to marry her?"
She smiled a little, that was exactly her first question as well. " Vernon Dursley." She answered, keeping the breathlessness out of her voice." Her boss, believe it or not."
" Well." He swallowed and looked at the book again. " When is it?"
" Soon." She answered, looking back at her own book. Then a snort escaped her lips. " I don't think she plans to tell me the date."
" What?"
" She specifically requested I keep my freakishness away." She chuckled mirthlessly. " Maybe its for the best. What if I accidentally drown the husband in cake and wine?"
He laughed lightly and it warmed her insides and her heart leapt. James chuckled. " Or set her dress on fire?"
" Or the pastor starts vomiting slugs?"
" Or the mother in law's hanky turns into a—"
" Toad." She finished, grinning. " I've done that to my aunt; she hated my hair. Was a nervous wreck for a week, that woman."
He was laughing now, closing his book and leaning against the cushions. Lily smiled warmly at him. " Why would you do that to someone?"
" No one messes with my hair. " she replied simply, quoting him from a long while back and he snickered. " Touché, Evans."
Lily felt his gaze linger on her for a long second as she wrote down a sentence in her essay. There was a warmth in the room as the tension dissipated and she revelled in it; it was a breath of fresh air... But fresh air became stale too one day, didn't it?
The moment died slowly and her anxiety returned at his silence. Green eyes risked a peek and he was back in his little shell.
A spark of anger, annoyance. Hurt.
" James."
" Hmm?", he looked up and she saw him look away just as quick. She frowned.
" We kind of need to talk."
" What about?" he asked innocently, not looking up, and her temper flared.
" This." She said and he glanced back, shut off again. His eyes no longer sparkled, they were protected by two huge walls she couldn't seem to get through. " What's going on with you?" Lily demanded and he sighed.
" Nothing's going on. I don't even—"
" Know what I'm on about?" she hissed furiously and his glare returned. The warm room suddenly chilled. " How can you say that?! You've stopped talking to me altogether!"
" We just talked right now." He pointed out blankly and her eyes narrowed. Lily bit back a biting retort. " You know that's not what I meant!"
" Unfortunately, I don't." He dropped his attention back to the book.
She began to get up, unreasonably hurt. Stung. This would be pointless if he was intent on ignoring it. She suddenly felt incredibly foolish for even having tried. Her eyes prickled and she had to get away but not before a last word. " You're lying." She said firmly but her voice quivered.
His hand froze midway through turning a page.
" We used to be friends, James. I don't know what went wrong but I want that man back. This git sitting here is insensitive and heartless and- and moronic and I want nothing to do with him." Her eyes blurred and she felt a wave of shame through her haze of anger. She brushed at her cheek furiously; crying in front of the old James would've been fine but this one didn't deserve her tears.
She didn't see him look up, or his tortured eyes and resigned face.
Lily kicked lightly at a pillow in her way and began to walk over to her room. A last glare was sent his way, her heart in pieces, but eyes too blurred to see him properly.
" If you ever see my friend, tell him to come find me." She said quietly, " I'd really like to kick him for leaving."
She was walking past the couch when there was a sigh and a movement and then a hand wrapped around her wrist, a tug, and she landed painfully on the cushions. Lily sat, silent and seething but waiting because this was a change. His hand was still around hers and her stomach twisted and heart soared and sank at the warm touch. It was a little overwhelming after so long but she wasn't complaining at all. He sighed next to her, and silence crept up again. Lily felt her eyes clear as the tears stopped. She had been staring into the fire determinedly and now, her head turned to him.
James was already looking at her. The old James, with the unguarded eyes. He offered her an apologetic smile, a soft one and her breath caught when he laced their fingers together. He looked pained, hurt, confused but mostly sorry and she found that she was kicking herself for being such a prick. She was at fault too somehow.
" I'm sorry." He said. She swallowed.
" Why are you so closed off?"
" ...I honestly don't know. Don't ask me that."
" Well, then...why do you never even look at me anymore?"
" I can't answer that either."
" Oh this is productive." She snapped. "I'm asking and your reply is the same bloody thing for all eternity."
A wry smile touched his lips and his hand tightened around hers. " You're asking the wrong questions."
She fell quiet, not knowing what to say. She didn't want to get up and let this go either. He could try continuing the conversation now; she was done.
" Lily..."
Her chest lurched at the name. " What?"
" You're a little slow, aren't you?"
" Shut it, Potter or I'll have your brains."
" I'd like to see that."
Another slower tug on her hand and his arms wrapped around her frame and cheek rested against her head. She didn't stop to think, just buried her face in his collar, basking in the beginning of the return of their friendship.
" Don't cry, please." He murmured. " I'll behave, I promise."
" What went wrong?" she asked quietly and he shrugged.
" I don't know." He admitted just as softly, pulling her a tad closer. Her heart leapt wildly but she shushed it. " I have no idea at all, but I've been a right prick and I really am sorry. Old James would like to see you again..."
" I'd have to kick him first." She mumbled into his shoulder and she felt his smile in his voice," He says he'll take it. You kick like a girl anyway."
" I do not. You're begging for a demo aren't you?"
James pulled away and gave her such a bright old grin, her heart thudded and sputtered painfully but she smiled back. A familiar smile, the sly one, crept back into his face and she nearly sighed. " A demo? Of a kick? You do realise you're in a skirt—"
She bit back her smile and shot him a disapproving glare but the twinkle in his eye told her she'd failed at being stern. "Careful, James."
" I'm always careful."
0.O.0
[ A week or two into December.]
" Stay still you stupid cat." Lily growled at her feline friend. Fiddles mewed, and fidgeted. She was in the Gryffindor common room and trying to put a red bow on her white kitty as a change on Christmas. But the cat refused to stay still.
" Don't." She warned as the tiny thing pawed her finger, although she was melting inside. How was this not adorable?
Successful, she stood up triumphantly and smiled at her tiny snowy cat. It blinked at her from down and she sighed, turning to leave. " You can go now. I'm done."
" Harsh, don't you think?" Marlene called from the couch. " Poor kitty."
Lily rolled her eyes, whipping around. "Aren't you leaving? Go already, I'm done with you too."
" I will once we have breakfast." Marlene yawned. " Train's at 11."
" I know." Lily shrugged, walking towards her bag.
And in one sudden movement, Fiddles was darting between her legs and she yelped, doing a leap to avoid squishing the tiny thing, but fell backward promptly.
Her butt never hit the ground because someone had caught her by the shoulders. She tilted her head back and saw the upside down face of a smirking Head Boy.
" This has been entertaining." He mused.
" It had to be you." She rolled her eyes and he straightened her easily. Lily smiled, turning to look at him. " I'm glad I caught you, Potter."
" I think it's the other way around, Evans."
Her eyes twinkled but she gave him a look. Skipping over to her bag, she pulled out a parchment.
" What's that you've caught there in your hand?"
Her eyes narrowed. He smiled innocently.
" It's for you." She said, walking to him. "Holiday homework. You can do the patrol charts with the...well." she was talking about the map and he understood. " Just get it done."
" Yes Ma'am." He nodded, then eyed her slyly. " Someone's caught the Christmas cheer."
"James."
" Yes?"
" One more play on catch and you're a dead boy."
" What are you even talking about?" he shook his head as if she was being silly. "Why are you giving me this now anyway? I'm not going home."
" What?" she blinked. " Why?"
" Food's better here." He said seriously, then snickered at her glare. " Fine, its our last Christmas at Hogwarts so the boys an I decided to stay and have...fun."
" Well, I didn't know that." She frowned.
" Don't you two live together?" Lily's curly haired best friend asked from her chair.
" No, she lives under this rock, apparently."
Marlene giggled at Lily's growl and leapt up, grinning. "Well, I'm going to go get breakfast. Bring her." She instructed James and he nodded. " Be there before I leave Lily. I'm going to go meet my wonderful boyfriend who's waiting for me."
" Ah yes," James said as she walked away. " Roger. He's a goodcatch."
There was a sound of parchment slapping against skin and a dramatic exclamation from the Head Boy. Marlene grinned to herself and skipped out.
0.O.0
[ December 24th.]
Christmas eve in all its white glory.
Lily adored the snow. She often found herself shivering with cold from the length of the time she'd spent outside and today was no different. Though bundled up enough, the Marauders and their epic snowball fights drenched her clothes and she was left a laughing shivering mess. Noting her blue fingers despite the mittens, they rushed her inside and Remus went to Madam Pomfrey to prevent hypothermia from eating the poor girl. They warmed up by the Gryffindor common room fire after a shower.
And early that morning had been an eventful one, after all. She'd woken up at the crack of dawn for patrols and knowing he'd be sleeping, she had slipped into James's room to wake him up.
" James!" she hissed. He stirred. " Wake up, you moron. We have patrol!"
" We'll do it tomorrow." He mumbled and sank further into the pillows before suddenly tensing. Slowly, his sleepy eyes lifted and looked at her face as if realizing only now who it was.
" Lily." He croaked.
" Yes, Lily. Who else would wake you up for patrol at five in the—"
But then she was pulled onto the bed and he was watching her with wide hazel eyes that were, she realized, still glazed from sleep. He wasn't awake just yet.
A sigh escaped her and she calmed her rapid heart. James was delusional right now. Nothing to get worked up about.
" Wake up." She instructed. " We have to—"
" Patrol, I know." He mumbled, eyes darting around her face, still glazed but astonished. " Bloody hell." He whispered. " I'm dreaming?"
" No, deer." She snorted as his eyes narrowed at the salutation. " You're very much awake. I'm Lily, not one of your... Just let me go, Potter."
He softened, and only pulled her closer. The arm around her tightened and she was grateful he at least slept with a shirt on. " One of my what? You've come close to accusing me of being a player, Miss Evans."
" I'm sorry." She bit out. This was distracting. He wasn't supposed to pull her onto his bed. Or rub circles on her waist. Or press their foreheads togeth—
Sweet Merlin.
He grinned and her stomach swooped.
"This is inappropriate." She muttered.
" It's Christmas." He replied, smiling, and then leaned and pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth. " Happy Christmas Eve, Lily. That was my present. Don't ask for more, I'm broke."
The wonderful lurch her stomach did was nothing compared to her lack of breath.
She didn't have to reply, because he suddenly leapt out of bed and stretched leisurely, walking over to the bathroom. She was left a confused pile of skin and bones and flesh with no recollection of her name.
It was five in the morning and she didn't know what in the name of Godric was going on.
But she couldn't find the strength to care.
They left for rounds normally, as if nothing had happened at all and it half infuriated her but relieved her as well.
As evening approached the boys told her about the idea of the party they had in mind. Loads of seventh years had stayed behind that Christmas, sharing the boys' sentiments so the evening would mostly be attended by them. No Slytherins allowed, but Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs were welcome.
Drinks and food and cheer all around. Sirius was in charge of hanging mistletoes around the place.
James had begged her to stash away her badge for that evening and she complied slowly. She had to show some trust in them.
That evening, before dinner, she spent time with Hagrid, just having tea and talking as he related old Christmas tales and Fang, a puppy then, slept on her knee. She liked to visit Hagrid. The hut felt like home, with the large half giant and it's warmth; she felt like she found a place for herself somewhere.
As night began to fall, she realised she was getting late, and Hagrid accompanied her back to the castle. They trudged in the snow, Fang in her arms, and up to the castle.
In the front, they met a pacing Head Boy.
" You're an idiot." He informed his counterpart with a glare before snaking an arm around her waist and dropping a kiss on her head, surprising the red head and leaving Hagrid chuckling. He was still glaring at her as he snatched Fang from her arms to hold, grinned at Hagrid when they talked but glared each time at her when she said something and was still glaring when Sirius and Remus and Peter showed up. Still glaring as Sirius hugged her forcefully, taking the air out of her lungs.
" You scared us, Lilykins." He said, setting her back on the ground, frowning disapprovingly. " What have you been doing?"
" I've only been with Hagrid! "she defended herself incredulously and the large man chuckled. " What's gotten into you lot?!"
" We were just worried." Remus smiled, giving her a pat. " You disappeared without a word and I guess we thought..."
" Mulciber and Avery are all staying back." Peter added, looking uncomfortable. " So we just..."
Understanding dawned on her face and James smiled sarcastically. " Caught on, have you? Let's go now, we're keeping Hagrid."
They walked back, Fang being passed from James to Remus to Sirius who looked incredibly comfortable with him. Lily stifled a smile as Sirius concentrated on the sounds the pup made and pretended to decipher them.
" What's he saying, Pads?" Remus grinned and Lily bit back a wilder surge of laughter. If only they knew the significance of that word in a muggle woman's life.
" He wants food." Sirius said gravely, setting the pup down.
Hagrid chuckled. "I neva' woulda' figured it ou'. Thanks, Sirius."
"Happy to be of service."
Shaking his head, Hagrid headed over to the teacher's table. " Come on, Fang. See you lot later."
" Bye Hagrid." They chorused.
They spent dinner with the few other Gryffindors who were staying back, and at some point, Fang was chasing Fiddles all around and Lily was trying to save her kitty. In the end, it became a full on ruckus when Sirius charmed both the animals to grow roller skates on their feet— they were that fast— and the entire school was falling over in laughter as The Marauders and many others unsuccessfully tried to stop the mayhem.
The cat and the dog ran all the way across the Teacher's table.
Finally, Hagrid grabbed Fang by his little collar and poor Fiddles was found on Dumbledore's beard of all places; indistinguishable if not for his new red bow. The Headmaster wiped away a tear and handed the bristling cat to a dishevelled Lily, who immediately set to work on calming the animal down.
Sirius got a good kick on the shin and he swore he was bruised.
That night the party was in full swing. Mistletoes were fixed in the funniest places and soon enough, the entire common room was full of snogging people. Lily drowned her last bit of punch and excused herself to move out.
Ugh, it was suffocating.
Her white dress, though cute, was uncomfortable and she wished again for her sweatshirt. Marlene had sent her a letter all the way from home threatening to cut all ties with her if she didn't dress up for the evening and that she'd ask the boys. Lily tried bribing them but James and Sirius had protested against 'injustice' so vehemently, you'd think they were followers of Gandhi.
" But it's uncomfortable—"
" You're head girl." James had said incredulously. " Upholder of justice! You can't bribe!"
" We will not stand for this Lily." Sirius got up with a firm shake of his head. " I am disappointed in you. Resorting to bribery— blasphemy!"
Lupin merely rolled his eyes and gave her a smile. " Ignore the theatrics and just do what they want. It's a lost battle you're fighting, Lily."
She had grumbled and thrown pillows at them and retreated to her room. Suffice to say, her red hair went with her white dress and James had cracked a smile at the party and told her she looked very Christmas-y even without the hat.
And then he hadn't looked at her all evening. And she didn't know what she'd done now.
Lily sighed and stepped into the corridor, greeting a few people who went past, steering clear of mistletoes as she'd been instructed.
0.O.0
[ A few hours after refusing to cover up for Lily and James had gotten a glimpse of what he was about to face.]
" Prongs, this is ridiculous."
" Just let me die."
" But you're being an idiot."
"I'm being a smart idiot who wishes for a hole to crawl into and—"
" James." Remus sighed, amusement avid on his face at his best friend's predicament. " You do realize you brought this upon yourself."
" Yes, she did beg for you to lie for her." Peter giggled as James groaned and buried himself further into the pillows. Only his mop of messy hair and wide Hazel eyes were visible on the bed. He was hiding under his cloak.
" Prongsie." Sirius grinned. " This is perfect. If you lose your cool and just kiss her, everything will be fine!"
"It will not." James growled and raised his eyes to the ceiling. " I'm staying here."
" Are you seriously hiding because she looks good?" Remus laughed incredulously as James frowned.
" When you put it that way, I sound like Peter." The chaser mumbled.
" Hey!"
" But," Sirius ignored the shorter boy's exclamation. " He's got a point. You should've seen her, Moony."
" I thought it was obvious she'd look lovely out of her usual clothing." The werewolf gave them confused glances. "James, don't tell me you didn't expect this."
" I didn't think about it." James came close to whining. "I was a little busy dodging the thousands of stupid flowers you've strewn all over the place, Padfoot!"
" Oops?"
" Listen, Head Boy." Remus grinned and got up, " Get your head together and quit the dramatics. And get out. I'm leaving. Wormtail?"
" Coming..."
They left shaking their heads. Sirius plopped down on James's invisible form and they lay there in silence for a while.
" Prongs?"
James sighed, dropping his act. He closed his eyes. " I'm just really worried I might do something stupid."
" Like what?"
" Oh I dunno." He said sarcastically. " She looks absolutely smashing and you've got mistletoes all over the place."
" Isn't that a good thing?"
" Not with Lily, Padfoot. We've only just started becoming friends again—"
" And whose fault is that?"
" Well, mine, but you know how it is with her. I'm confused."
" What more do you want?" Sirius cried incredulously, elbowing James on the stomach and earning himself a grunt of pain. " You're being stupid. What's it going to take for some confidence? A written declaration from her?"
" That would be helpful." He replied bleakly.
" You're being an arse." Sirius scowled at the ceiling. " Fine stay away from her. Don't talk to her. But at least get out."
" She'll think I'm back to being a prick again." He groaned. " See? That's the problem. I can't interact with the woman because I won't last five minutes, but I can't be there and not talk to her because I'll seem like I'm back to my old jerk faced self! It's going to be a repeat of what happened this year!"
" Woe is you." Sirius said dryly.
James yanked at his hair. You'd think after six years of living in the same dorm, he'd know what to do and what not to do with Sirius Black. And this was...
A BIG mistake.
He'd only just gelled his hair.
The ebony haired wizard shot up, rubbing his scalp and muttering profanities under his breath.
" Listen, you lawn mower." He growled. "I don't care what the hell you do but you will not hide in here like a bloody coward. You're a Gryffindor! You're a fucking Marauder. Now get. Off. That. Bed before I HEX YOU TO THE NEXT CENTURY!"
James scrambled up quickly, realizing his idiocy, shoving away his cloak. Sirius took a deep breath. " Are you dressed?"
" Yes."
" Perfume? Hair?"
" Check."
" Then get out."
" Yes, sir."
" And James?"
A tiny hum.
"If I catch you snogging someone who isn't Lily, I will bite you."
0.O.0
[ At the party.]
James was being tortured.
He'd popped into the common room, immediately spotted her in a corner, and the first thing he checked for were mistletoes near her position. Finding none, his eyes had snapped back to her impatiently, drinking in the sight.
She was glowing.
Maybe it was the fire, but her dress appeared a little creamy; that spaghetti strap thing bodice with a flowing skirt below that stopped at her knees— he didn't know the specifics. Except, she looked absolutely wonderful and her eyes sparkled and hair was lose and shining with her side bangs trying to frame her face but she'd clipped them back on one side leaving the other free. All he knew was that it shimmered invitingly and his fingers twitched.
She looked, for once, delicate and breakable and it scared him.
The woman looked a little too beautiful, his smirking tomboyish fellow head girl was gone.
Which is why the firewhiskey was taking a nice ride down his throat going 'Weeeee!'
The whole thing had been mighty difficult, being friends with Lily. He'd never expected to fall even harder once he got to really know her. He should've found her temper annoying, her various quirks and moods irritating and it would've spared him so much hurt. But noooo. He had to go and get absolutely whipped. And she was still the same around him.
They became friends. Bloody good friends at that and it was fine until it became unbearable. There was only so much he could take without bursting. And this year they were pushed together under the same roof and that had been the last straw. So, fearing loss of control, he'd resorted to dating random people and in his defence, he was trying to get over the vivacious red head while providing a good time to his girlfriends. You didn't see any one of them crying or cursing him once they broke it off; because they knew him very well, knew his intentions, knew he'd fail at those intentions epically and decided to have a little fun with one of the most wanted wizards in the castle. Masterful snogs for them and an image for him. Sometimes he couldn't bring himself to even touch them and their compassionate side would come out and they swoon over his predicament and call Lily horrible names in their heads.
But then he realised, the guilt from not being true to himself and the strain of holding himself in check, all came out rather ungraciously as he cut all friendly talks with her and the negativity from that slowly built to raging arguments and numerous rows and he found the release a little liberating. But he always made sure to apologise non committal-y at least once and it hurt her, he could see. And that made him want to feed himself to the greyhounds.
Messed up couple of months.
Lily being Lily, had given him tons of chances to make up, trying talking to him gently and then ripping into a furious temper when he didn't budge. Her anger invoked his own, and even though his chest throbbed with guilt and hurt later, he couldn't seem to stop.
They were going through this endless cycle of hurting each other.
But then that day she'd actually cried and he realised what a class A douche he'd been and just apologised to make it stop. He hadn't realised things had gotten so bad she would get teary eyed. Lily rarely cried.
And now here they were again, with him on the verge of beginning the stupid cycle once more.
He flicked his eyes to her corner. And she wasn't there.
Blinking, his gaze darted around a little frantically. Where the hell did she dis—
" That's enough, James."
His eyes widened and James spun around to find a glaring Lily in front of him, arms crossed. Her eyes burned with a familiar fire, green dancing with golden and his throat went dry. Heart sputtered and raced as vanilla floated in.
Found her.
She snatched away the cup in his hand, never dropping his eyes, glaring intensely. One wispy disobedient strand across her forehead tickled the corner of her right eye, and his hands twitched. He clenched his fingers.
This Lily right here was his friend. The feisty woman with the temper, scolding him for drinking. She was different from the delicate one across the room and that realisation calmed his mind a little. He felt comfortable.
The other woman had him tongue tied. This one made him feel at home.
There was no other way he'd have her anyway.
" How many have you had?" she asked accusingly, and he slapped himself to reality inside. She was mad about the drinks.
James cleared his throat because it was a little congested. " Er...around two?"
" Four." She glared.
" Ah well...hey, look at you, you don't need a Christmas hat to fit in!" he cracked a smile.
"Thanks?" She returned a little confusedly and pushed away a lock of red on her shoulder. James clenched his hand sharply to keep himself in check. She wasn't helping, being so close. Her scent was making him crazy, that wisp of hair taunting. Now he saw the little silver pendant resting somewhere a tad beneath the space between her collar bones, the thin chain curving softly over the rise of the skin, and he absently wondered how soft it would be to touch, whether she'd shiver if he did. The small curve of her lips were glossy, and he suddenly remembered he had very nearly kissed her that morning.
Oh sweet Mer—
" Prongs!"
James jumped. He twisted eagerly to see a beaming Sirius and without second thought, James enveloped his best mate in a hug, leaping on him for all it was worth and they stumbled back a little. He heard her laugh in the background, infectious, brimming with life and his arms tightened around the bewildered ebony haired wizard.
" Wha— James?!"
" You have the best timing ever and I love you." James whispered back, his voice cracking and Sirius suddenly understood, relaxed, and patted his shoulder. He was holding back a laugh, the chaser knew. The slightly taller young wizard sighed at Lily. "What have you done to the boy?! He's scared stiff."
" He was drinking too much." Lily replied dryly.
" Now Prongs." Sirius began in a disapproving tone." What has mummy told you about too many drinks in one go? My sweetheart will fall sick! What will I do then?!"
" Don't push it." The irked chaser muttered in his ear and Sirius whispered back, " Want me to tell her the real reason you—"
" No!"
"No what?" Lily asked curiously and James mentally facepalmed. " James, are you even okay?"
" Spiffing." He croaked and Sirius pulled away, holding him by the shoulders to get a look. His grey eyes widened a fraction at the lack of blood on his friend's face and the touch of panic in hazel. Then he felt like laughing but held it in for his sake. Just this once.
He peeked around James's shoulder to see a slightly worried Lily examining the cup in her hand. " Sorry about this Lilybean." Her head snapped up and he smiled at her shake of the head. Sirius saluted. " I'll take this one off your hands. You look wonderful by the way, and er...stay clear of the mistletoes? We don't want any over eager males trying to corner you." He felt James tense suddenly and realised himself that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to leave her alone.
But as quickly as it came, he banished the thought. She deserved to be kissed by random people too. And his stupid stag would have to see it and writhe in pain and then he'd know how she's felt.
Shuddering at his vindictive thoughts, he flashed a grin at her thanks and dragged James away anyhow. The chaser took off his glasses and rubbed his face. "Thank Merlin for you, Sirius."
" Yes, I'm rather amazing." He rolled his eyes, and peered at James to the side. "You look a little...worn out."
" You have no idea." James sighed. " I barely lasted two minutes. Two. "
" I was betting 50 seconds. You've got better control than you think."
" Thanks." He returned dryly, restlessly ruffling his hair. " I need to do something. Fly."
" Again, I'm advising you, just kiss her and—"
" No." James cut him off sharply and the glint in his eyes forced Sirius to shut his mouth firmly. Four glasses of firewhiskey was inside, according to Lily, and that wasn't safe to argue with.
They separated after a while and simply socialised, James taking care to stay with his male friends in the castle, and refused to let his eyes roam around to find the white dress again. His concentration slipped every five minutes and it was no fun, keeping himself in check. Restlessness built in his body, block by block until he was fidgeting continuously. Remus gave him a sympathetic smile and advised him to step outside for a moment.
And that's how he darted out and wandered around the corridor, thinking about going flying and kicking himself for not bringing the cloak when random girls smiled or winked or giggled at him.
Around the first corner, he met Hannah.
" Hey!" she exclaimed and he nearly cringed. Drunk. She was clearly drunk. And what in blazes was she wearing?! It didn't even look anything like a dress. What was that, a bath towel?! Maybe once upon a time he might've maybe possibly grudgingly appreciated the fact that she wore it well, but since his head was still swimming with red hair and flashing green pools of anger, he couldn't concentrate at all on what she looked like.
Shaking his head at her giggling, James stopped uncertainly. Moral responsibility tingled and he knew she had to be brought inside and into her dorm.
" Hannah." He began wearily. " What are you doing here?"
" Waiting." She purred. He took a step back and frowned. " For what?"
"Why, for you of course!" she giggled again and promptly threw herself at him. " I know you need a little fun time. Look at you, James! You're wasting away on a silly stick of a girl."
Annoyance flashed inside him James checked his watch. Three minutes to midnight. Maybe he should get her inside now that she was latched onto him anyway. But Lily was still in the common room.
Hannah giggled again as he debated his options, and drew herself closer. She was pressed to his side now and James blew a bit of hair from his face in frustration. This was very annoying. He'd gotten himself into a fix again. But she shivered and he realized chivalry would have to make an appearance because it simply wasn't right, leaving scantily clad women in the empty corridors. What if some other drunk bloke who didn'thave a Lily to distract them came around?! And the place was littered with those stupid hanging flowers.
He thought he heard that laugh, brimming with genuine mirth.
I'm delirious.
So he attempted to get her to walk with him inside. Hannah wasn't easy. She was light, yes but strong for her little figure. They made it all of two steps forward when she dug her heels on to the ground and suddenly wrenched him to a stop. James sighed in exasperation and turned to ask her what she wanted.
And the witch promptly shoved him against the wall and kissed him.
0.O.0
[ Back to Lily who'd only just stepped out into the corridor where we had left her before. ]
Okay, this was ridiculous. She'd taken barely nine steps and she'd seen at least four mistletoes. Rolling her eyes at Sirius's eagerness, she stifled a smile as Alice emerged from a shadow, Frank in tow, both pink and ruffled.
" Doing the walk of shame, Al?" she called and they both jumped and started and stared at Lily. The red head laughed. Alice went a bright shade of pink and Frank merely grinned. Lily bit her lip and pointed at his shirt. " Um...got a bit of... gloss...there. Anyway. Straighten your clothes please, Al, buttons."
They hastened to fix themselves up while Lily watched with a fond smile. Flashing her a grateful smile, they came over to give her hugs and Christmas wishes and then left for the common room.
Or so she hoped.
Grinning at Alice's sparkling eyes, Lily rounded the corner wondering if she might nip into the kitchens, she had her wand after all—
The smile died as soon as she registered what she was seeing.
Heart pounded painfully but she had the sense to quietly back away a good few steps before freezing. There was a predictable lump in her throat, her palms were cold but that was just body reactions because her mind was numb. Fierce but numb.
Foolishly, after that morning, she'd, well, not hoped exactly but she'd let her guard down and never expected this scene even in her wildest dreams. And seeing it again now, she was kind of shocked at her stupidity. A trickle of hurt tried to rear it's head through the frozen reaction, but it was slapped away. There was no rule in their friendship that he couldn't be with people. As long as he didn't mess up their balance again, she'd be fine.
But then...what in the world was today morning?
Admittedly, she did feel a little sick. Nauseous. Stomach churning. But that was all just body reactions.
She turned and walked to the common room in a daze, swallowing at the lump numbly.
Then the other three stepped out and caught sight of her. They all grinned and bounded forward.
" It's midnight!" Sirius said as she neared, grey orbs sparkling, spreading his arms in a flourish. "Meeeerry Chri— whathappened?!"
" Nothing. " she was surprised at how cool her voice was. There was an inflating balloon in her chest, slowly but surely taking up space.
But apparently, they read her quite well because Sirius had pulled her into a hug, rocking them side to side and Peter had walked on towards...somewhere. She sighed into his shoulder and felt Remus to the side, take her hand and give it a squeeze. Peter's footsteps returned and he sounded sort of annoyed when he reported, " He's there alright."
Collective sighs rang from the mouths of the three Marauders and she shook her head internally. It was Christmas for God's sake! No one should be sighing! Lily butted her forehead against Sirius's shoulder bone lightly. "Am I being obvious?"
" Not at all." Remus soothed.
" You're a pro at masking. " Sirius assured, sighing into her hair. " The dead eyes were a bit of a give away though."
" I'll take it." Lily took a deep breath and forced her eyes to twinkle as she pulled away from him. A wry grin was flashed their way and the boys hastily stowed away their worried expressions to pacify her attempt at keeping her pride.
" How about we go get some drinks?"
0.O.0
[ Marauder HQ. Three in the morning of Christmas day.]
Padfoot sank his teeth into James's leg.
0.O.0
[ New years eve.]
" You're kidding."
" No." Grey eyes sparkled with sudden mirth. " I'm—"
"Okay, no." Lily kicked him lightly, grinning. " Don't bother."
" You know, my mum once said I had a grave face as a baby and that's why they named me...you know."
" No!" She mocked surprise. " You?! Grave?!"
" I can be very serious when I want to."
" I think you're Sirius all the time."
He flashed a grin from his seat on the ground. " Not when I'm Pads."
Lily couldn't help it. She snorted into her glass of orange juice as peals of laughter escaped her mouth. Shaking horribly, she set down her glass, and wiped at a tear.
Sirius suddenly looked cautious. " This is the third time you've been on about that name. What's going on?!"
She subdued her laughter with some difficulty, slapping a hand over mouth. " I won't tell you." Her voice was muffled and light.
" Fine. I'll just ask Mary!"
" You'll get slapped." She chuckled and his eyes widened.
" So it's bad? Now I have to find out."
" Try." Lily grinned brightly, green orbs shining with mirth. " Don't come back to me with sore cheeks."
" Merlin, Lily!"
She shook with silent laughter into her juice again and took long sip to calm herself.
She didn't hear the swing of their first front portrait door and Baltimore's mutters.
Sirius was seated on the rug in the Head's Common on New Year's eve, as the party waged in full swing back in the Gryffindor Common room. He'd popped in to give Lily some company because she'd been reluctant to attend another celebration after the last one had been such a disaster. The boys didn't push her either. But she had shown up for a while and then left because she couldn't, apparently, stay away from this book she was reading, and not because Hannah had suddenly resurfaced in another bath towel at all. So she had been reading calmly is what everyone thought but in reality, Lily had been introspecting.
After Christmas morning, she had made it a point to not give any indication that she'd seen James and Hannah that night and was quite surprised in the morning when James came into the common room with a large bandage on his leg, looking torn between annoyed and guilty. His only explanation was that Padfoot had gotten a little too excited while playing but somehow, she suspected it.
Sirius received a large caramel custard for his troubles.
And maybe she had been a little too polite with James because two days later, he'd sat her down and asked her if she was feeling alright. She never came out of the dorm much anymore and he was getting sort of worried. She insisted it was sudden NEWT jitters. He backed off, not completely convinced.
But New Years was a time for new resolutions and Lily prided herself in keeping a her resolutions to the dot...except maybe a few...okay, more than just a few but that wasn't the point! She didn't resolve to get over James Potter because it was, she sighed, a little too late for that. She did however, resolve to spend her last year with little regrets and she was just revealing that to Sirius.
" So you'll come with us when we're pranking the Slytherins?"
Last year with the boys. A twinge in her heart. She had grown quite attached to them and didn't want to end this at all. Lily smiled a little, fondly. " Maaaaaybe."
The young wizard gave her a huge smile. His eyes gleamed. "You'll attend all quidditch matches."
" Of course."
" You'll come with us for monthly stargazing in the grounds."
" Once in a while."
" You'll hex a Slytherin under the cloak."
" Appealing. Maybe Avery for what he tried on Mary."
" I'm proud of you! You'll not submit an assignment on time."
A grudging smile. " Fine. But just once. I'll cover up for Remus, how's that?"
" Fair enough. You'll tell Prongs how you feel."
" Oka— NO!"
Sirius sighed. " I thought you said no regrets."
Lily directed her eyes away from his probing gaze and lowered them to her book. " I won't regret this."
" You will." His confidence had her look up. " I'm not saying anything else." He announced to the room and she was confused at his antics. It was like he was telling himself that fact. She cocked her head to the side.
" You okay, Sirius?"
" I'm fantastic." He grinned. Sirius pushed away a lock of black from his forehead and fixed her with that look...he wanted something. It was the Padfoot version of puppy-dog eyes.
" What now?" She asked exasperatedly, actually holding back from scratching him before remembering he was a human right then; she stifled a laugh at her befuddled mind.
Sirius smiled. " Just say it once for me to hear."
" Say what?"
" The truth. Just tell me about James. I won't repeat it I swear. But I'd like for you to say it out loud at least once. It helps, Lily bean."
" How would you know it helps?"
He suddenly signed and put on a melancholic air. " Once upon a time, there was a poodle near my house named—"
" Eww! God, okay! I don't wanna know!"
" But she was beauti—"
" Sirius!"
He grinned triumphantly. " So, will you do it?"
" Fine." She glared. " The truth. Well, I happen to fancy your deer friend."
" Really?"
" Really."
" So were you upset when he was with other girls if you can call them that...?"
" Okay, one: you used to find Amanda Freeman hot. Two: Yes, it did. Bad. Three: You know this already, you and Remus were the ones who brought me comfort chocolates so why are you asking?"
" One." Sirius scowled. " Amanda was hot before she became that. Two: I know, I'm sorry. Prongs is the biggest fool on earth. Three: This is therapy, Evans. Just answer okay?"
" Fine." She mumbled.
" Now, important question: are you in love with said deer?"
She chewed on her lip. For a long time, there was silence as Lily looked at her book. He half thought she was reading again. But when she looked up, her bright green eyes were stormy and hurt but fierce and sure of herself. Sirius hid a smile.
" I probably am." She started slowly and Sirius suddenly twitched toward the right with a grin. " But I'm not very fond of this James swimming through so many girls. If he'd just settle on one, maybe it would hurt less."
" I'm awfully proud of you, Lily." Sirius smiled brightly and she grimaced in reply, " I can't believe I said that out loud."
" Secrets are meant to be shared, Lilybean."
" Of course you'd say that." She grumbled, eyes on her book once again. "Is therapy over, doc?"
" Almost." He patted her knee. " Do you know the capital of England?"
" London?"
" Correct! Congratulations! My work here is done."
" Thank you." She said dryly, pushing her hair away from her forehead and reaching for her drink. " Somehow I feel worse. Would you like a bone for your efforts?"
" Nah." He grinned, leaning back on his hands in a rather relaxed manner, looking very smug about something. " Will you be there for countdown?"
" I'll try."
" You won't." He answered his own question biting back a smile and she gave him a very worried look. " Sirius, are you sure you're—"
The door opened and she jumped suddenly, the drink almost spilling over her lap and onto her lap and Lily cursed under her breath, tossing the arrival a very annoyed look for nearly destroying her book. James had walked in.
" 'Evening, ladies." He greeted, pausing right behind the couch where she was sitting cross legged. She spared him a wry grin, returning to her book, trying to calm her rapid heartbeat because it was highly unnerving to have him walk inside so soon after she'd said everything aloud. Lily felt sort of exposed. She couldn't stop the twist in her gut.
Sirius poked her and she looked up. " I'm leaving now." He said solemnly. " We'll come and find you later, okay?"
She nodded and his grey eyes suddenly sparkled with lots of mirth and secrets she wasn't supposed to have seen. Her gut twisted again. Sirius glanced behind her at James and his lips twitched.
Springing up, he made his way around the couch and there was a shuffle, faint laughter from the chaser and a sweet call of, " Bye Lily!" and a kiss blown her way. Lily shook her head, smiling, and returned to her book, ignoring the other person in the room for now.
But he didn't seem to appreciate her privacy.
" What are you doing?" he sounded offended and Lily felt the backrest dip where he'd leaned over. Judging by the familiar green apple scent, she calculated, if she turned to look at him, there would be, what, three inches between them? No thanks.
" What does it look like I'm doing?"
" But you're reading."
" Ding ding ding!" she mumbled with fake enthusiasm. " Give the man a medal!"
" It's new year's eve! Lily, you must be the only person I know who's reading at a time like this!"
She scowled into her book, not able to concentrate with his voice in her ear. "What exactly do you want from me?"
She could hear his triumphant grin in his tone. " I'm not letting you do something this boring tonight."
" Who died and made you Head of activities?" she knew his smile widened at her irritation. " Leave me be and go find Ha— Remus."
" Who's Haremus? Is it a she? Fifth year or above?"
Lily swallowed her irritation. Her chest twisted. He was being unnaturally annoying today. " Go away, Potter. Don't start this year with me having to kick you."
" You're not much fun." He observed. "Yet."
James straightened and for a while, there was silence. She took calming breaths to focus on her book and for once, it worked. She didn't know what he was doing and shut out then shuffling behind her as he moved. She didn't know what time it was; didn't care. He would leave before midnight anyway, and that would be her indication.
They needed to get a clock for the commonroom. It would fit perfectly on that shelf next to the hearth.
" Lily?"
She sighed. Maybe silence would come once he left. " Yes?"
" I need help."
She closed her book at his serious tone and twisted to see him fiddling with a black tie. She bit back a sigh. It didn't help that he looked bloody fantastic in that blue shirt, and now he needed help with his extra fittings.
Rolling her eyes and straightening her dress, she got up and walked over. Her long red hair was simply clipped up today, and her dress wasn't as uncomfortable as the other one. This black glossy skirt and cream coloured blouse was casual enough to feel comfortable in. Lily slapped his hands away and tried to remember how to do the knot like she used to do for her father. She was leaning against the backrest of the couch from behind, and there was enough space for her to breathe, except the perfume was a little distracting but she would survive.
Her hands fumbled. He had his arms crossed. She forgot the knot.
James tilted his head enquiringly. "What's wrong?"
" I've forgotten I think. Hold on." She calculated the steps in her mind, chewing on her lip in concentration. If she fiddled with it for too long, the tie would become wrinkled. She didn't dare look up, though she felt his gaze on her face.
The pup was right; saying it out loud had increased her resistance.
She tried again and he waited silently. Cross, then loop under then to the side, over...then what?
She dropped it with a sigh and the material slipped, hanging simply from his collar. " Sorry." She said, looking up. " I can't...er..."
Their gazes locked at there was fire as hazel clashed brilliantly with green. Her chest clenched painfully and stomach swooped. Blazing and smouldering pools of gold and brown; she fumbled for words until he dropped his gaze to the fire behind her. Something shifted in his eyes. Clicked. Changed. A sort of determination.
"...remember." she finished, blinking. "Right, well, maybe Remus knows?"
" Ah, but I have to get this done right now. I can't be shabby for her."
" Of course not." She managed a grin through her twisting chest. " I can do a simple school knot if you want..."
He nodded and inched closer, dropping his arms. Now she knew it was too dangerous because there was hardly any space between them. Lily didn't look up from her work and her quick fingers flew along the simple steps.
She set the tie back with a brave smile. "There you go." But her hand lingered on the cloth.
A smirk twitched his lips and Lily raised her eyes to his in confusion because he didn't move. From outside, the chime of the clock floated in, faint in the room and she realised it was time already. Poor James, her eyes shot to his again. He was smirking. That infuriating roguish grin.
A tilt of the head, a smiling gaze and he'd captured her lips ever so softly in his.
She gasped lightly, that was for sure because his mouth didn't move, just curved over hers, testing, and when she didn't breathe he pressed closer, arms resting on either side of her waist, caging her against the back of the couch. He was hardly doing anything, but her head was spinning and her heart soared and almost burst out of her chest. A hand came up and fingers brushed her jaw, and fit perfectly along it and her skin tingled. The attention on her mouth increased in pressure and they locked together as he coaxed her to part her lips.
She wasn't touching ground at all. Her thoughts had scattered somewhere into his touch and she sure as hell didn't know what would happen next.
Her hands had clenched the tie and when he pulled away softly, slowly, moist touch lingering as long as possible, her eyes fluttered open and fixed on his throat. He swallowed, his pulse was erratic under her palm. Her chest ached.
Lily refused rational thoughts as he tipped her chin back and kissed her again.
This time she knew how to respond, and a hand knotted in his hair and their lips locked and moved and his tongue teased the tip of hers through the small parting of her mouth and she shuddered. He smiled against her lips, sending her chest soaring so high, she doubted it would hurt forever, and then pulled away just as slowly as before, prolonging contact, earning himself a sigh.
Her eyes opened and flicked up to meet bright hazel, golden at the moment.
Maybe it was morning already, she didn't know.
And doubt smacked her straight in the chest, taking the air out her lungs in a much less sensual way than he had done. Her eyes widened. Her hands dropped from his chest like they'd been burned and she wished for space, for time to think. Air.
He gave her nothing but a happy grin. He radiated light.
" You're awfully confusing." He said, voice husky and sending a shiver into her skin. Lily swallowed and averted her gaze. "Nice little therapy Sirius offered wasn't it?"
Green eyes snapped back up, shocked and the anger flaming in them was endearingly familiar. James grinned. "He didn't exactly mean for it to happen. I walked in up front and he heard me. You didn't."
" You shouldn't have listened in." She accused, voice steady despite herself. She was glaring. " You should've just walked in and stopped me from making a fool out of myself."
" Okay, listen." His eyes lost the giddy happiness and he leaned down, still having her caged in between him and the couch, and she swallowed as his eyes lowered her level. They swirled with impatience and a touch of anger. " Nearly three years I've been running after you, and one whole year of intense torture because we were finally friends and I'd fallen a little too hard to keep it that way. Now when I hear this woman who's been torturing me for so long, actually likes me, why wouldn't I just listen in and spare myself some misery?!"
Lily searched his eyes for lies and found none, so far. He still had a lot to explain. A lot to make up for, but couldn't that wait? She hadn't completely caught onto what was happening here.
She had expected her relationship with him and the rest of the boys to end with that year but here was a chance, a hope that it wouldn't. A promise that so many months of heartache would be answered. Yet, so many confusions, complications.
But for now, until her breath returned, he was James and the idiot had kissed her and sent her soaring to the skies.
" You make me sound like an evil witch. " she mumbled. He grinned again, the warmth returning to his eyes, and her stomach flipped, the movement making her realize slowly what was happening.
Her own lips curved slightly.
The infuriating smile was back on his face and his arms slid from the couch and wrapped around her waist and drew her closer, so she could feel the pounding of his heart against her chest. She wrapped her arms around his neck and knotted her hands in his hair, floating on her tiptoes as he took her weight and their eyes levelled.
A grin showed on her lips as he nuzzled his nose against hers and in one split second, she felt so happy and powerful, it should've been impossible. Lily dared to yank his hair and his eyes narrowed playfully. She couldn't keep the smile off her face, although she wanted to threaten him for everything.
" Happy New Year!"
She jumped but James didn't, and he set her down carefully, but kept her drawn to his side as the other three Marauders entered the room in bright grins and laughs. Sirius smirked and took a bow. "Thank you! Thank you. My matchmaking skills are—"
" I'm going to kill you." Lily said quietly.
The ebony haired wizard looked at her wide eyes. Lily snatched James's wand from his pocket and stepped out of his grip.
Wand pointed. Her eyes gleamed dangerously despite the huge smile on her face and Sirius held up his hand in surrender.
" You tricked me, didn't you, you dog!"
" It was for the greater good!" he yelped, backing away as she advanced. " Lilykins, you're being hasty."
" You lied to me!"
" But you're happy now." He squealed as a mild shot of air flew beside him. The other three Marauders were roaring in laughter. " Prongs! Call her back!"
But James was too bust watching amusedly. " I rather like this. My leg still stings, Padfoot."
Lily backed him into the bookshelf and held the wand tip under his chin. But both green and grey sparkled with pure mirth and they both knew this was an act. Sirius grinned and she returned it, eventually both of them erupting into light peals of laughter. The happiness of a young man revelling in the fact that two of his favourite people were now healing, and the joy of a woman who'd found such a lot in a bunch of troublemakers. Another type of bond shone there and James beamed as his best friend scooped the girl into his arm and declared that this called for butterbeer and lots of food.
They went stargazing right after that, because Sirius had been adamant she shouldn't miss out on the first day of the new year and that's how two o clock found them, sprawled on a patch of their own in the grounds. They were quite hidden from the eyes of the castle.
Sipping on butter beer, with Remus teasing Lily about glowing in the dark with her happiness, Sirius turned to James with a grin. A silent message passed. James laughed on receiving it.
" You know the protocol, mate." Sirius smirked, twisting to watch.
James grinned and tugged a bewildered Lily to face him. She blinked. He smiled at his three friends and then at her.
" Evans, " he but back a laugh as her eyes widened in recognition of the tone, that voice, what follows. She laughed into his next line. " Will you go out with me?"
...