Harry Potter: How it should have been Book 1: The Philosopher's Stone

by judester30

This is basically Harry Potter the way I thought it should be like, in my way, starting with Book 1: The Philosopher's Stone. Some characters that survive may die, and some that die may be well and alive, anything can happen! As the series goes the rating may slide up so be aware of that and enjoy! This issue will have 17 chapters I'll upload them one at a time so be patient

1. The Boy Who Lived

Harry Potter: The way it should have been

Book 1: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

Chapter 1: The Boy Who Lived

Vernon and Petunia Dursley are proud to think they are the most perfect people on Privet Drive. The Dursleys also have a one year old son named Dudley. Vernon works at a drill company called Grunnings, while Petunia does housework. One day when Vernon is leaving for work, he thinks he sees a tabby cat reading a map. When he looks again, the cat is reading the street sign. He figures it is looking at the sign, not reading it. Later on in the day, he sees people in cloaks talking in hushed voices. When he's sitting in his office, a swarm of owls fly past his window, but he takes no notice because he's perfect.

On his break he went to the Baker's to get a bun, he saw a group of these cloaked figures. Even though they were speaking in hushed voices, he overheard some of their conversation: "The Potters and their son Harry." Vernon found this horrifying as the Potters were the family of Petunia's sister. Vernon and Petunia would be angry if people found out they were related to the disgusting Potters, as the Potters were in some way weird. When he left his work, he bumped into a very small man. The man told Vernon someone called You-Know-Who has been defeated and even Muggles like Vernon should be celebrating. Vernon did not know what a Muggle was and was offended that this small guy called him one.

That night, when Vernon went home, he asked Petunia if her sister had been in touch. She got angry and said no (what a bitch). On the news that night, the newsman said owls had been seen everywhere, and cloaked men and women (so there cloaked what's wrong with that and owls everywhere yeah it's just a coincidence). When the Dursleys went to bed, outside a long bearded man appeared out of nowhere. This man was also cloaked in a purple cloak. The man's name was Albus Dumbledore and he was a wizard and possibly a homosexual. He siphoned all of the light from the lamps with his Deluminator.

Dumbledore: "Fancy seeing you here, Professor McGonagall."

McGonagall: "Da fudge, how did you know I was here?"

Dumbledore: "My dear Professor, I've never such a strange cat it's bait that it's you."

McGonagall: "You'd be strange if you'd been sitting on a brick wall all day."

Dumbledore: "Don't speak to me like that you bitch! Let's get going!"

McGonagall: Sorry (gosh)"

Dumbledore: "I heard that!"

They spoke about the death of the Lily (the slut) and James Potter, and how their son Harry luckily survived the attack. A motorbike with a gigantic man riding it lands in front of them. The half giant (whose name was Rubeus Hagrid) is carrying baby Harry Potter. He hands him to Dumbledore who leaves him on the doorstep of Number 4 Privet Drive, and leaves a letter to Vernon and Petunia. Everywhere in the world, wizards and witches would be raising their glasses about a toast (not really toast) to Harry Potter - The Boy Who Lived!