Sonny walked into the town square just as the charity photo shoot was finishing up. Gazing over at a nearby bench he took in the scene in front of him. Paul was sitting with three young kids on his lap attempting to take a picture as their laughter rang out around them. It was heartwarming to see even if he was a bit saddened by it. Paul had always been good with children and at one point in his life he could honestly envision himself having a few with him. He smiled before reminding himself that dream was a long gone fantasy.

Casting his eyes away he changed direction and walked around the edge as too not attract too much attention.

He didn't realize that he was being followed into the secluded clearing nearby until he froze. He could hear footsteps and suddenly his memory of being in this exact location the night of the stabbing came back full force and he began to run. Why he had no idea but he couldn't shake the fear that erupted inside him. Not even the logic that he was a grown man running from an imaginary monster could squelch his movements.

He stopped briefly at a lamp post to catch his breath when he heard his name being called. Recognizing the voice he turned and came face to face with a very concerned set of brown eyes. A mixture of relief and apprehension washed over him and he wasn't sure if he should continue running for the sake of his marriage or fling himself at Paul for the safety and warmth of those arms.

Since the day he'd left Salem he couldn't stop thinking about him. The things they'd done, places they'd seen, words they'd exchanged all played repeatedly over in his mind as they were doing now.

He didn't realize Paul was trying to get his attention until he felt himself being gently shaken.

"Sonny, answer me." Sonny blankly stared at the other man not quite sure what he was supposed to say. "Are you alright?"

Was he alright? He wasn't sure of that either. He felt so lost, so confused, so…broken.

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine. You're shaking." Before Sonny could protest he felt those two arms tightly wrap around him as he slowly let himself sink into them. "It's okay I'm here. No one's going to hurt you."And for a moment Sonny wanted so badly to believe him.

"He came out of nowhere," Sonny mumbled, his face buried in Paul's shoulder. "I guess I haven't let it all sink in yet. What could have happened, what did happen and the fact that I almost died. When I heard footsteps suddenly all those feelings just came bubbling to the surface and I panicked."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"No it isn't your fault; I was so busy thinking about…well, other things. I guess I haven't dealt with this." Sonny reluctantly pulled away and placed a small distance between them. "You must think I'm an idiot."

"No I think you're human." Paul stepped forward and bridged the gap a bit. "I wish I had been there. I would have been able to protect you."

"It's not your job to protect me." Sonny looked away for a brief second and when he looked back his sorrow was evident. "Besides, you were very busy."

"Sonny, I told you."

"I know." Sonny turned away and looked out into the open clearing. "I know what you told me. What he told me. I'm trying really hard to understand it all, but I keep hitting brick walls."

"Sonny I…"

"If you apologize to me one more time, I swear…" Sonny sighed choosing not to finish that statement. "He's my husband."

And with that Sonny walked away leaving Paul standing there to watch him go.

Sonny sat alone near the pond where he and Will had picnicked so many times before, just gazing out at the calmness of the current. Their days seemed so much simpler than. He and Will were always in sync, always on the same page. What happened?

How could something so right, go so wrong?

These past few weeks he'd done nothing but think. Think about Will, think about Paul, and think about his marriage, his daughter, the life they'd built. On and on the questions kept coming, those damning thoughts that pushed him into self loathing and self blame. Thoughts that would eventually turn to a deep sadness that he couldn't fake smile his way through.

He hated Will for that.

Looking back this all began with the job offer from true vista. He wanted so badly to help Will gain some confidence, see him smile. He thought maybe by asking his uncle if he would pass around some of his work to the publishers he could accomplish that. One would bite, see what a talent he was and offer him a chance. Sonny never dreamed that things would turn out the way they did. Will blamed him for not being supportive and not having any faith in his abilities. Damn it, it was his faith that set the wheels in motion.

As the weeks went by and he began to work on his first article, things just started spiraling out of control. Suddenly they were fighting more and their communication began to crumble. He felt isolated and brushed aside. Then came LA, and the screen play.

Suddenly realization hit him full force - he resented his husband. Will had chosen his career over his love for him and again he was left out in the cold. For the second time in his life the man he was in love with had brushed him aside. Will had walked away, no sprinted, no ran, damn it. He left him. One of the most important people in his life and he left him behind like he meant absolutely nothing to the blond. Like they hadn't shared a daughter, exchanged vows and built a life together, like he was – nothing.

Sonny felt so small, so insignificant, like shattered glass – broken.

Sonny rubbed his temples.

The same thoughts again and again, how did he make them stop?

And they all warred within him picking up speed with each new attack, assaulting him with images of happier times, images of laughter and love and comfort and home and most of all - family. Than those images were gone as Will's betrayal took shape and suddenly his chest began to ache in a way he'd never experienced before. The pain more unbearable than a knife wound in his back, why hadn't he died on that table it would have been more merciful.

He wasn't sure when the tears started but once they began he couldn't stop them. And he was sobbing like a child as they gripped him while he sat on the grass withering and shaking from an uncontrollable force.

It wasn't fair. What did he do to deserve this?

He must have done something.

"Sonny," a whisper soft word, than another set of arms wrapped around him for the second time today. "It's okay. I've got you."

"I don't want to hurt anymore."

Those strong arms held him a bit tighter and Sonny didn't mind. He needed this. He felt safe cocooned within them and an overwhelming sense of home washed over him and he found his tears subsiding a bit. And for a brief moment he was a child again being held by his father and knowing everything would be alright.

After awhile Sonny released his hold a bit and looked up into Justin's compassionate eyes and for the first time in a long time he actually smiled.

"Hey dad."

"Hey son," Justin whispered. "Feeling better?"

All Sonny could do was nod.

Paul looked on from a nearby hill. Just out of sight but close enough to feel every emotion radiating from his lost love.

Every tear he shed, Paul shed one in return.

Every anguished cry hit him full force.

Every pained expression he wished he could wipe away.

His heart shattered to pieces as he watched Sonny fall apart. They were one and the same and there would never be anyone else for him. Two halves of one whole, two sides of the same coin and God how he wanted to hold him. His body ached with a need to take the other man into his arms and never let him go.

Yet he knew now was not the time.

He had betrayed Sonny. He may not have known it at the time, but he was still a participant. And all the what if's in the world could never change that. So for now he would stand on the sidelines and be an observer.

For now he would give Sonny the time and space to heal.

For now….

For now….

TBC…