disclaimer: Sadly stepahnie meyer owns all of these glorius characters

An: This is my first attempt at humor, please tell if its very very sucky or made you fall on your ass laughing. This is one of the first thing i ever wrote but never had the courage to post it.

Post new-moon

bpov

I had just finished washing the dishes after dinner when the doorbell rang. I knew it was Edward because it was precisely seven o'clock. The time Charlie let my savior into the house.

Ever since my little trip to Italy, I had been grounded. Charlie would've taken Edward away too, but he remembered what it was like when Edward left me. I flinched at the memory while drying my hands. I looked down at the long scar running down my right arm left by my disastrous birthday. I had forgiven Jasper, it wasn't his fault he was the newest vegetarian and it was harder for him to control his bloodlust.

I jumped at the sound of the doorbell as it rang again. I had been lost in my thoughts.

I ran to the door and flung it open, to reveal my gorgeous sparkly boyfriend, Edward.

"Hello love," He whispered softly, almost to soft for my dull human ears, flashing me a dazzling crooked smile.

I wrapped my arms around his flawless pale neck and pressed my lips to his full ones, of course as usual before I could get carried away he pulled back.

"Lets go up to your room," He suggested. I obliged and we sat down on my bed.

The rest of the two hours he was here, until he came back later that night, we lay on the bed and talked, and, uh, kissed too.

He came back that night after I had taken my shower with my strawberry shampoo he had complimented once.

"Mmm…. Strawberries and freesias my favorite," he moaned at the smell. I situated myself so I was lying on top of him. I pressed my lips to his hard, but ever so soft lips, with as much force as I could muster to prolong the moment. He tried to pry me off of him gently but I wouldn't take no for an answer, I tightened my grip on his neck. If he were human, he would have been choking from my vice grip, but he was a stupid Volvo owning vampire and much stronger than I, so he unhooked my arms and placed them on either side of him on the bed.

I think he saw the disappointment in my eyes, behind the stoic mask I was wearing trying to hide the pain from the rejection, so he promised "No Bella, not until your less fragile,"

"Humph!" I pouted

"Aww show me that smile, please?" he made a funny face, crossing his eyes and sticking his tongue out, like I was an upset 5 year old that made me crack a smile.

"There it is! Now sleep love you've got a big day tomorrow," and he started to him my lullaby. And I quickly fell into unconsciousness.

My eyes flew open when I heard screaming. It turned out when I woke up it stopped. I was the one screaming.

I couldn't believe my surroundings. I thought the dream or should I say nightmare was real, it was so vivid. Usually, I knew I was dreaming, so for me being unaware this time was rare and weird. I turned to see if my angel was in the rocking chair, he was.

I wish I could hang on to Edward forever, which I could if he changed me, but no I have to get up. I inched closer to him yearning to crash my lips to his. He breathed out and his intoxicating breath fanning out in my face. I licked my lips, savoring the rich taste. I pressed my lips to his in a good morning kiss and as last night, he pulled away, but this time, I didn't try to hang on.

"Are you alright, love?" Edward asked concerned

"I'm fine, I don't even remember the dream" I lied, surprised when he believed, and he said I couldn't act!

In the dream Emmett had gotten marshmallows from the grocery store and bitten them. The newborn marshmallow vampires were clearly hungry so they ran up to where Edward and I were playing hula-hoop. We were seeing who could hula-hoop the most in 5 minutes. I was winning, until the marshmallows ate my hula-hoop! I was mad so I ate one, but I spit it out because it was gross.

Edward's phone rang playing 'I'm a Barbie girl' if vampire could blush, Edward would be redder than me when Emmett makes sex jokes or there lack of. He answered and I immediately recognized the chirpy voice on the line. He spoke in vampire speed, then shut the phone.

"Uh, yah I can explain the ring tone," he said awkwardly .

"Oh yah that's fine I mean Jacob has 'material girl; as his" I explained

"Oh cool where can I get it??" He started jumping up and down clapping his hands saying something about 'that song is fabulous!"
"…" I sighed, "I guess all mythological men are married or gay"

Edward was over his spaz attack from earlier "Get dressed, Alice wants you to spend some time with the you, she says it's a surprise,"

I groaned. I was Alice's oversized Barbie doll. I sat there bored and in pain usually while she prodded, plucked, painted, made over, painted, and waxed every part of my body. I stood up and stretched and looked at the clock; 9:00 am. It was going to be a long day

R&R