A.N. Corrected some things in this first chapter. Also, as I was writing further, I noticed that instead of Trev, it seems Leliana and Hawke had a thing going. So I decided to run with that

4/16/2016 - more corrections

Dedicated to - the dirt and sand

Note: Owned by Bioware

I stared at the wall. It never changed—the same white plaster that numbed the mind. Life blurred, bouncing from one event to another without any form or reprieve. My shoulders slumped as a familiar ache sunk into my muscles. Was it too much to ask for an afternoon of solid rest? I slammed my palms on the oaken tabletop to break out of this trap of complacency, and my fingers throbbed from the impact. I complain of exhaustion while the world shatters from within? Foolish!

I would not stand idle while the world burned.

"Sister Nightingale, here are the latest reports." An agent's hesitant voice shook me from my musings, and my eyes snapped to him.

"Place them on top of the others." I turned away in dismissal, and the man scrambled away. After all, who would want to be close to the woman who courted death?

"Leliana." Aidan's voice drifted from the hallway.

"Yes, Inquisitor?"

He leaned against the doorway, brows raised. "Do you have further intelligence on the grey wardens?"

I glanced at him, absently noticing how his emerald green eyes shifted with the lighting in the room. When the moment was right, hues of blue lit his pupils. I glanced away. My voice was trance-like. "No. By all account, they have vanished."

"Surely, the entire order—"

"My agents have found no trace of them." Corypheus had invaded Haven with an arch-demon by his side, and we barely escaped the destruction rained upon the city. Fearful of another blight, agents had been sent to the First Warden at Weisshaupt Fortress. Silence was their reply. My eyes narrowed. "It's suspicious that they would disappear without a trace."

Confusion flushed his cheeks. "Well, when I head out to Crestwood, we may find our answers."

"Perhaps," I said, jotting a note within the documents piling high on the desk, "but I advise caution. We do not know what their intentions are."

"Well, there is Hawke. She's going to escort me to her friend. At least, we'll get to the bottom of this dilemma." He pinched the bridge of his nose. Suddenly, he slapped his head with the palm of his hand. "Wait! Didn't you know the hero of Fereldan?"

Fire and ice warred within my chest, battering what was left of my heart in an unrelenting assault. My hands began trembling, and it took all my willpower to straighten each finger out. I would not appear weak. "Yes. I did."

He continued, oblivious to my internal battle. "Were you two close? Surely you could approach her and—"

"Close? I think not." I abruptly cut him off. "I have seen the hero's true colors."

Aidan's eyes widened. "I don't understand?"

"Lyna Mahariel took that which I held most dear and destroyed it." The warden's jet black hair and dark eyes loomed in my mind as they always did. The pleas and cries still rang in my memory… the way I begged her not to destroy something that meant so much to me. "She took the ashes of blessed Andastre and mingled a corrupted dragon's blood onto them." More memories taunted me, slamming into me as if they were a tidal wave that crashed against a rocky shore. I couldn't block them, they flooded my mind with images of her. "I fought against her plan for… the ashes. She stabbed me in the back and left me for dead."

"But, you live… and the ashes were never corrupted!"

"I know! I don't know what happened." Trevelyan studied me for a second, and I bit my lip. Who am I kidding. "Maybe, she never intended to corrupt the ashes all along. Either way, she killed me." My words shot out in rapid succession. "I know I died. I did die. The Maker saved me, brought me back to life." Memories of my last night with Lyna invaded me. I remembered the way I longed for her lips, the way my skin hummed under her touch, those whispered promises by the campfire that I foolishly believed, and the way my pulse raced whenever her lips formed a soft smile for me alone. I blinked. It was over now. "She… she did not check if I still breathed. She abandoned me, left me to rot in those empty ruins." My lips trembled, but I masked my emotions. I could not appear weak. "You would do well to remain cautious." I clasped a paper in my fingers, scanning the contents. "The wardens bring only the blight."

"Well, there is the matter of an archdemon…" Aidan's eyebrows drew together and he broke eye contact, then he pushed away from the doorframe.

I glance at him, my chin held high. "The agents I have sent were never heard from again, nor have their order tried to communicate with us. In addition, Hawke herself said there were issues within their ranks. Why all this secrecy?"

"I can't say. This whole situation leaves me uneasy, especially the threat of a blight looming over us. I just thought perhaps if you talked to the hero…"

My mouth set in a grim line, jaw tense. "Lyna will just as soon spit you out if she finds no use for you." Marjolaine always said love was a lie. She was right in some things. Love was a lie… love was just a way to manipulate and confuse a poor unsuspecting soul. It made you vulnerable. When someone is vulnerable, they can be controlled. "I advise you not to trust this contact as the behavior of the wardens as a whole is suspicious." I sat up straighter and frowned. "This Corypheus is able to control this high dragon somehow. Surely, our mages can discover his secret?"

"Maybe." He said. "I shall take your advice into consideration."

I dipped my head. "Is there anything else, Inquisitor?"

He paused, fingers on his chin, looking as if he were contemplating a puzzle. "Yes." He hesitated as if terrified a bear would charge out of the bushes, but then a fierce expression formed on his face. "Leli, not everyone is like her. Please, remember that."

My fingers tensed around the paper I held in my hands, almost ripping the sheet. "Maybe not. But, she has taught me one thing. Trust is precious and valuable. Only the foolish trust so readily. Never trust easily, Aidan. Remember, a snake can wear the disguise of something beautiful, and the hero was the most beautiful serpent of all."

Trust could be a weakness, and it made one vulnerable. Never again would I follow the sweet song of infatuation. Never again would I be vulnerable.

"I am sorry she betrayed you. She isn't worth it... don't give up, Leliana. You survived in spite of what she did."

I bit my lip. "I never gave up, I just... I am not that trusting fool I once was. Do not make the same mistake I did, Aidan. "

Lyna's face ruled my thoughts once again, and I blinked. If only I could kill her inside my mind, then maybe, her name would stop mocking me when I sought the gentle slumber of sleep. If I could have just one day where she did not invade my dreams.

Love once sang its melody in my ear, and I drowned as it suffocated me until only this stone shell remained. Lyna Maherial, may you know my pain.