A hand on her arm. His hand.
"Look, obviously I can't even imagine what this must be like for you. You're... Well you're Astrid. You're strong and invincible."
She couldn't stop the scoff that left her lips. She was strong. She was invincible. How could she possibly be those things now? Astrid knew the truth, she could have been faster getting those dragons out. Or she could have made sure to double check with Fishlegs about his duties before he did them. There were ways that meant she wouldn't have been blindsided by the explosion. It had plunged her into a world of eternal darkness and, in doing so, defeated her.
Astrid Hofferson was defeated. Some warrior she was.
Truthfully, the severity of her condition hadn't fully registered with her until a few minutes earlier. Stormfly, her beloved dragon, had rejected her. In the only moment for her to prove herself, prove her skill and value, she hadn't been able to. Instead, the young warrior had been tossed aside (quite literally) and instructed to hide. Just what an experienced rider should do in a time of crisis. She was a dragon rider who could not ride a dragon... What good was she?
Dejected she turned, hoping she was facing Hiccup "Not anymore. What if this is it Hiccup? What if the rest of my life is like this? What then?"
She hated the sound of her voice. So meek, so disheartened, so helpless. This wasn't her.
The idea of staying in that state scared her (though she'd never admit that). She wanted to see the world. The idea of never being able to see Stormfly's magnificent scales was enough to make her heart sink. But it was more than that. Never seeing the fresh blue sky in the mornings. Never seeing the sunrise with Stormfly on a morning flight. No more starry nights or midnight escapes to simply take in the beauty of nature. Their first night at the Edge she and Hiccup had sat together and spoke of what wonders waited for them. Just her, him and the moon.
"You were right Hiccup. There's so much more out here and its beautiful."
And this is only the beginning Astrid. Who knows what we'll find out here."
Apparently she'd never get to see.
The warm pressure on her arms distracted her momentarily "Then we'll deal with it. Just because you can't see doesn't mean you're helpless"
"But that's exactly how I feel"
It was a confession that she could only ever make to him. Astrid was admitting to feeling fear, to not being as strong as she let on. It was rare for her, to allow herself to truly be vulnerable. Somehow, the lack of sight made it slightly easier. The darkness prevented her from seeing the pity that she knew was in his eyes.
"Astrid, you and I have been through everything together. You think we can't handle this?"
His hands slid down her arm, leaving a trail of goose bumps in their wake. Gently, he held her hands and Astrid automatically responded, savouring the affection of the gesture.
"Astrid you have me, no matter what. Okay, whatever that means, whatever you want it to mean. I am with you. There will always be a Hiccup and Astrid. Always"
Before she could process the depth and, dare she hope for it, love to his words, she felt an entirely new sensation.
His lips on hers.
Hiccup was kissing her.
Gods, she'd missed this. It had been years since they'd last kissed. Secretly, Astrid had always hoped he would make the first move at some point. She had, after all, made the first three. However, years passed and he never did show any interest in being anything more than friends. She'd accepted the bitter conclusion to their (maybe) romance with a, heavy heart; realizing that having him in her life as only a friend was still better than not having him at all.
But now, in the moment, all of that flew straight out of the window. The only thing registering in her mind was the feeling of Hiccup's lips on hers. They were just as soft as before, and they still sent all the feelings and emotions as before.
And yet, this was so much better. Because this time it hadn't just been her. She wouldn't exactly call the other kisses forced, but she hadn't given him much of a choice in the matter, and he certainly didn't seem to mind. The kisses, whilst wonderful, were short. Over before either of them knew it. She could never fully gauge his reactions. But this now, hands intertwined and lips locked; she knew this was him wanting her. Showing her that he would always want her.
Almost with hesitance, she ran her free hand up his arm. Once she was certain of her movements she traced the line of his shoulder before finally resting at the base of his neck. It was strangely comforting in a way, at least this was an activity her eyes would be closed for anyway.
Hiccup moved his other hand to her waist, the feeling was exhilarating. At first his touch had been light, barely skirting her side, but it soon became more. Soon he was tugging her closer and Astrid had to stop herself from yelping into his mouth. Honestly, she had no idea when Hiccup became so forward but, gods, she liked it.
Eventually they needed to breathe. Hiccup reluctantly pulled away from the kiss and instantly rested his forehead against hers. She could feel his breath fanning her face. Both of them were breathing heavily and, though she admittedly couldn't see for sure, she was fairly sure he was blushing.
Their fingers remained intertwined. Her free hand on his neck, his wrapped around her waist. Foreheads touching. In that moment everything felt so right.
And then, of course, something went wrong.
*Click* *Click* *Click*
Her eyes shot open "Did you hear that?"
xxxx
"Hiccup what if something goes wrong?"
"Nothing's gonna go wrong" he responded without missing a beat "Come on, this is Gothi we're talking about. She's the best healer on Berk"
"I know, I know" she replied uneasily "It's just, what if the measurements are wrong? What if she couldn't get hold of an ingredient? Or what if it just simply doesn't work? Wha-"
"Astrid" he interrupted firmly "Nothing will go wrong, Gothi knows what she's doing and you know that. She's brought people's sight back before. You'll be fine"
She sighed. Hiccup's positive outlook on life was one of his better qualities, but it also made her want to rip his head off at times.
"I don't see how you're so confident"
"I have faith in the people around me" he responded instantly "My father. The people of Berk. The riders. Gothi" he paused before continuing quietly "You"
His words were sweet, but they did not stabilize her emotions. It had been a day since she'd managed to demonstrate her strength, despite her blindness. However, within that day merciless thoughts swirled around her head.
Astrid had never realized how truly dangerous her thoughts were, until she was left alone with them in the darkness. Of course she had the cruel thoughts that plagued her in the depths of the night. Negative thoughts that popped up here and there. Regrets, mistakes, slip ups of the past. Those she could deal with. Everyone had them after all.
Now her fears ran deeper. It was true, if this didn't work she would never see the world again. But there was so much more. She'd never see Stormfly. She would never see her mother or father. When she got married she wouldn't be able to see her husband. She would never see her first child. It was that last thought that terrrified.
She didn't want any of that now. She was only 18, she wanted to live her life. But Astrid knew herself, she knew there would come a time when she would want all of that stuff she used to make fun of. What would happen then? How could she be a good wife? A good mother?
A good Chieftess?
She hadn't spoken with Hiccup about yesterday. About what it meant. To him. To her. About what it meant for them. They were both riders after all, this really could change everything. Astrid had no idea how Hiccup felt about yesterday, honestly, she wasn't sure she wanted to.
He had said 'always'. In the moment, she had believed him. Then he'd kissed her, and she thought it to be his way of reassuring her that he meant his words. In that moment, it had been perfect.
But when the moment passed, and reality sunk in, all she felt was utter despair. For that kiss had not been one of reassurance, but one of hope. He'd kissed her with hopes for a better tomorrow. One where she had her vision back. He'd said always fully believing she'd have her sight back eventually. That was part of his 'always'. Now she needed to know if his 'always' would change if her eyesight wasn't a part of it anymore. The idea of his confession being conditional broke jer heart, but she couldn't ignore the possibility.
"Hiccup..." She began gently, unsure how to ask "Say this didn't work... Would you still wa-"
"Yes" he answered automatically "I will. Always"
And so Astrid bit her tongue. There was still some small part of her that didn't believe him, but she pushed it down. Maybe she could bring it up again at some point. But now wasn't the time.
They'd gone to Gothi. Astrid had to drink something that she definitely did not want to know the ingredients of. By the gods, it was awful! But she'd do anything to regain her sight. Shortly after, a cloth had been wrapped around her eyes. The wait was torture. A second became an hour. The material scratched at her face as it finally (finally) came off. The light was new, familiar, but blinding.
Yet Hiccup's face stood out over everything else.
"Astrid? Are you-"
"Looking at you? I think so"
He sighed with relief "Thank you Gothi"
She couldn't contain herself as she hugged him. Clearly he hadn't been expecting it as he made a slight grunt before hugging her back. Elation flooded her entire being.
Maybe it was just her, but the colours of the world seemed brighter than before.
xxxx
They sat together in comfortable silence on the docks. Truthfully, she'd been really tired after she got back to the edge. All she wanted to do was rest, but when Hiccup had asked her to come sit with him, she simply couldn't make herself say no.
"You sure you're okay?" Hiccup asked tentatively, finally breaking the silence
Astrid smiled because, even after everything that happened, of course he was still concerned "I'm fine Hiccup, you can stop worrying about me now"
"I never stop worrying about you. That's just the way it is" he admitted with a nervous smile.
She blushed and looked at the sunset ahead of them "I guess that goes for me too"
He moved closer to her and she nudged him plafully "Hey" he laughed.
She looked at him and mentally battled with herself. The kiss played in her mind over and over. Even now she could still remember the pressure of his lips on hers. The warmth, the passion, the care. How right his hand felt in hers. It was the best kind of torture she'd ever known.
Astrid didn't need him to confess his undying love for her. She didn't need him to make a big speech or anything big. Maybe she wanted that, but she didn't need it.
All she needed was to know what it meant. If he said it meant something to him, great, they'd work from there. If he told her that it was a one time mistake she'd still accept it. It would break her heart, but she'd accept it. She was warrior, she could push her feelings down until they went away. After all, she had been doing just that for the past three years. Either way the conversation went it didn't matter. She just needed to know.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Uh sure"
"Back in the forest when we were... Well you know"
"Yeah" he grimaced, not a good sign "Look, I'm sorry about that"
"Sorry?" she raised an eyebrow, slightly confused.
"Yeah I shouldn't have-"
He shouldn't have.
He shouldn't have.
Well, now she knew.
"No it's okay" she dismissed, not looking at him "I guess sometimes heat of the moment gets to people. People do and say things they don't mean. If it didn't mean anything to you, that's okay"
His eyes widened as he frowned "What?! No, gods no! That isn't what I-"
Being around him was harder than she thought so she got up abruptly to leave "Hey, I'm really tired, I think I'm just gonna call it a night"
"Astrid, wait!"
He grabbed her arm, effectively stopping her. This whole thing felt too familiar.
"Hiccup" she began, not fully trusting her own voice "It's fine. I just wanted to know what it meant to you and now I do. You regret it, whatever. We can pretend it never happened and-"
"Astrid" he interrupted "Can you please just sit down?"
Reluctantly, she agreed. She sat and stared straight ahead. She couldn't look at him, she just couldn't.
"It's not that I regret kissing you" he fumbled with his words slightly "But I shouldn't have kissed you when you were blind"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Astrid asked, not sure if she should be offended.
His eyes widened yet again "No! I didn't mean it like that! I just- Oh gods..." he put his face in his hands "None of this is coming out right"
She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder "Take your time Hiccup"
The wiry rider looked at her and flashed a small smile before taking a breath "It's not that I shouldn't have kissed you because you were blind. It's just, you couldn't see me lean in, you couldn't say no"
"That's true, but if I didn't want to kiss you I would have pushed you away and ran you through with my axe the second your lips touched mine. Come on Hiccup you know me, and you know damn well that I would have"
Hiccup chuckled lightly "True. But still, you were upset and I just don't like the idea that I took-"
"If you say advantage, I'll punch you" Astrid threatened lightly.
"I mean, I kind of did, didn't I? W-would you have wanted to kiss me if you weren't already upset and looking for comfort?"
"Hiccup" she boldly cupped his face in her hands and made him look at her "I wanted you to kiss me"
"Y-you did?"
"Yes" she nodded "Would you have wanted to kiss me if it weren't for the heat of the moment?"
He leaned a little closer "Yes"
His breath fanned her face and she wanted nothing more than to just close the gap between them. She missed him. So close, yet so far. This couldn't happen, not before she knew.
"Hiccup, wait"
"What is it?" he breathed out, nose nudging hers.
She created some proper space between them, though she immediately mourned the loss of contact "What is this?"
"What?" he gestured between the two of them "You mean 'this' this?"
"Yeah" she nodded and sighed, thinking of a way to get her point across "You remember when we were back on Berk? How I would randomly kiss you from time to time?"
A goofy lopsided grin appeared on his face, one she saw very rarely "Definitely"
"Well..." she began "We were just kids back then. We didn't have to define those kisses. If we didn't want them to mean anything, they didn't have to. But now... We're growing up, I don't just want occasional 'job well done' kisses, I want it to mean something"
This confession was the dichotomy of what a warrior would say, but she didn't care. Once again, it was the kind of confession she would only ever make with Hiccup. Around him, she didn't have to be a warrior, she could just be a regular girl with regular emotions. The aspect felt very freeing and terrifying to her all at the same time.
He took her hands in his and looked in her eyes "Trust me when I say, it means everything"
She gave him a slight smile before looking away "This all feels so sudden, I mean good sudden, but still. Why didn't you say anything before?"
"You stopped kissing me, I thought you wanted to just be friends"
"I only stopped kissing you because I thought you wanted to just be friends"
His eyes almost became the size of Toothless' "R-really?"
"Yeah" she shrugged "I mean, I'd given you more than enough hints about how I felt. I always thought that if you felt the same way eventually you'd do something about it. But you never did. I initiated everything Hiccup. Every kiss, every hug, it was always me. You never made any moves so I guess I just assumed that that was your way of letting me down easy or something"
"Oh my gods, that's what you thought?" he shook his head "Thor, I'm such a muttonhead"
"That's not what you were doing?"
"No!" he exclaimed, and then it was his turn to sigh "Can I be honest with you about something?"
"Always" she parroted his words
"Look Astrid, you're my favourite person in the world. You're my best friend, I can tell you anything. With you, there's no pretending. I don't have to pretend to be the strong leader, or the future chief, or even the dragon master. I can just be old scrawny Hiccup and you won't care. And I know that because you accept me for who I am, which is all I've ever wanted from anyone"
She looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue. It was almost as though he was getting lost in his own thoughts.
"But the thing is, we had such a great friendship, I didn't want to screw it up. Your friendship is what I dreamed of having for so many years, I couldn't mess it up"
Her heart ached for him.
"Besides, at the time I couldn't figure out why someone as awesome as you would want to be with me. My self-esteem is definitely better now, but back then it just didn't make sense to me. If I'm being honest, I don't think my feelings for you ever went away. I just pushed them down and tried to forget they were there"
"If I'm also being honest, I think I kind of did the same thing" she confessed "When did it start for you again?"
He thought about it for a few moments "I think they came back, or at least I realized they were still there, after you nearly drowned"
She remembered that. The fear resting in her stomach. Fear about Stormfly being with the hunters. Fear she'd never see the riders again. Fears about never seeing Hiccup again. And yet somehow, it was never as bad as she thought it would be because she knew Hiccup. She knew he would find her. Hiccup was the bravest, most determined knucklehead she knew. He would know that she was missing by now. He would find her, she just knew it. In the icy cold water she only had one question. What was him taking him so long?
And there had been moments since then where she'd wondered if he felt the same way. Moments where he'd shown a bit more care than usual. That's all they were though, moments. Wonderful, awful, fleeting moments. They never mounted to anything and she'd always been left with hollow ache of longing in her chest.
"It's just the idea of losing you drove me crazy Astrid, at first I couldn't stop thinking about it, and then that turned into not being able to stop thinking about you. I tried to tell myself that it was just the fear of losing my best friend but..."
"It was always more than that" she concluded for him.
He nodded "Yeah. I... I really like you"
"I like you too" she admitted, slight blush tinting her cheeks "But you didn't really answer my question. That happened months ago, and there have definitely been moments since then where I could have d-"
"Gods, don't remind me" he ran a hand over his face "When you had the Scourge of Odin I went crazy"
She giggled lightly "I kind of thought something would happen after the Buffalord incident. I don't know why, things just felt different after that"
He gave a tiny smile "Funny you should mention that, because that was the moment when I decided I would do something about my feelings for you"
Astrid looked at him with surprise "Really?"
"I just thought that life is too short, I couldn't stand the idea of you... You..."
If she'd died without knowing his feelings. He didn't have to say it. She knew.
Astrid moved a little closer, some sort of strange reassurance that she was there "I know Hiccup. Me too"
Hiccup looked at her, and the understanding was there.
"I wanted to tell you, there were so many times when I had to physically stop myself from just yelling it out. I don't know, I kind of thought I got away with it"
"Well... Why didn't you?"
"Oh. Oh" he paused "Well I.. It wasn't perfect. And I always thought that if it ever happened; And yes I've thought about it, a lot, it had to be just perfect"
Astrid simply smiled and looked ahead of them. The contrasting colours of the sky blended together so beautifully. It was something she hadn't really noticed before. How the colours in the world worked so majestically to create such amazing landscapes. The purple, blue, pink, yellow, it all just worked. She grinned to herself, a kiss at sunset would be pretty perfect, right?
"Well... This seems pretty perfect to me" she blushed lightly.
"Yeah. Yeah, I guess it does"
She wasn't sure who initiated it this time, her or him, maybe both. Either way, she wasn't complaining. Nothing compared to the feeling of his lips on hers. Admittedly, she had never kissed anyone other than Hiccup before but, by the gods, she never wanted to anyways. This was special, this was the way it was meant to be. This was love.
They pulled away and looked into each other's eyes. His eyes carried feelings of elation as they shone with an unrivalled amount of love. She couldn't imagine her own eyes were much different. With a happy sigh, he pulled her towards him and she happily complied.
There will always be a Hiccup and Astrid.
Astrid rested her head on his shoulder and stared at the sunset ahead of them.
Always.
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore Blindsided and I love the Hiccstrid kiss scene (I found the clip on YouTube and it was actually the reason I started watching rtte!)
The only thing was... I just feel like a few things needed to be addressed. Like, Astrid used to kiss Hiccup all the time when they were younger and I could never figure out why that stopped, especially when everyone knew they would end up together eventually.
Plus, I got so excited when Hiccup went in to kiss Astrid. Poor dude tries to initiate it for once and gets shot down by a dragon *sigh* so unfortunate.
Anyways, I'll shut up now. Might write more one shots in the future, would you guys be up for that?
Okay, I'm actually shutting up now.
Shohini :)