Disclaimer: I do not own FFXIV nor Heavensward, or several of the characters mentioned in this story, or the FC featured.

Tabula Rasa

The adventure continues but not without loss, bonds are broken and restoration is nothing other than a distant dream once hoped for.

Ragnar's hand scribbled away at the journal once more, only in the mornings when there was sufficient light did he ever put entries. For the rest of the books, he sent them to the Mist by moogle. He sat upon the rocks, quiet, mindful of the others that laid on the ground sleeping.

From across of him, he could see Rhel'ir curled up in the grass, ears twitching away the small flies that dared to enter his ears. He saw him inch a bit closer to Aisling's back for warmth. Desert nights were never kind, not to anyone. Due to the shift, he snored lightly.

So far, they had recovered from most of their wounds, though every so often, Pax would need a change in gauze. Speaking of the man, Ragnar glanced around, unable to locate him. He silently stowed away his book, quill, and ink as he got up, he brushed the dust away from his slacks. Stretching, he let his wrists twist so that they could be eased out of the cramping.

He looked around their camp, petting one of the chocobos' beak before continuing on.

To the West of the camp were the great hills, he saw footprints heading up one of them. Sighing, he started the trek up, nearly slipping halfway and loosening some rocks. Slowly, he managed to traverse up the slope and found Pax sitting upon the ground at the top, greeting the sunrise and staying still. Ragnar huffed as he approached but stayed a good distance.

"Ragnar," he said softly.

"What are you doing up here?"

"Meditating, if you can't see. Would you like to join?"

"...reflection in this case, but I prefer to do it standing up," he said, crossing his arms. "How have you been doing with the darkness? Does it still linger there?"

Pax hummed for a moment, as though contemplating his words. "...somewhat, though it is more of a murmur, muffled by many walls." His tail swung tentatively at the thoughts of it. "I am fine, Ragnar, you need not worry. I am stronger than it."

"I do not doubt your prowess."

It was silent between them, he glanced down to see that Pax wore the dozens of bandages around his face. While he had been cured of most of his burns, scarring had been left upon his once handsome face. Ragnar could only guess that he merely wanted to cover what has been done, the permanent marks he would forever hold would never disappear.

He saved their lives that day but at what cost?

Ragnar decided to kneel beside him, saying,"Do you want me to change that-?" As he reached to touch Pax's face, the man's hand shot up and grabbed his wrist. It was a firm hold though in one swift motion it could be broken, Ragnar remained collected, he didn't fight against him. "I don't want you to be riddled with infection."

"It is fine," Pax said calmly, though he had a sharpness in his tone, he cleared his throat and released Ragnar's hand. "Go back to the camp, I'll be there shortly."

Without another word, Ragnar got up, brushed at his slacks, and then slowly made his way down the steep hill.

-...-

Aisling was the first up and awake when he returned, Rhel'ir was second to that as the two prepared meals from dodo eggs they had brought with them. As Rhel'ir was boiling the eggs in a large pot over the fire, Aisling was busying himself with some parchment- his charcoal was drawing long lines across the pages. Ragnar curiously approached and sat by him.

"What are you doing there, friend?" Ragnar inquired.

"Thinking of how we fight the dragon," Aisling said thoughtfully,"back in Ishgard, we have canons that shoot chains, they pluck the enemy from the skies are are called Dragonkillers. But considering we travel lightly, I must think of another way we can combat it. Maybe...perhaps we use another way, one primitive..."

"I have faith in you, out of all of us, you're the most experienced in combating the beasts."

"Not all of them are horrid, take Vidofnir for example, she prefers to live in peace as does her sire," he said, he looked up at the skies. "To think that change would come between both of us...hm, the true danger is Nidhogg. But we are not here to fight him, not yet. I have time before the next attack begins, another is taking care of relieving the issues and I have not been called to fight alongside."

Ragnar nodded as he sat by him. "You do not enjoy the regale of becoming a hero among your people? The slayer of the wyrm that has terrorized a city for over a millennium."

"I'm not like you, Ragnar, while I fight I do not entrap myself in the issues surrounding greater things." He chuckled. "I remember when you came to Ishgard a wanted man."

"My adventuring for others ended there," Ragnar sighed, he watched as the others began to stir from their sleep, each waking up to the sound of a fire crackling,"politics, they simply kill the journey."

Aisling nodded in agreement, he returned to his drawings, sketching out anything he could that would help in their fight. As for Ragnar, he stood up and went over to the fire to grab a boiled egg. He cracked it against a boulder and began to peel off the shell, hands deft at doing so. He sat down once more after taking a load of bread from a rucksack.

"Had you seen Pax?" Rhel'ir inquired while taking more eggs out and placing a few more in. "I need to check on his injuries."

"He refused to let me touch him...his behavior strikes me as off if you ask me," he said between bites. "Strange enough as it is, it worries me."

"Well, we can't keep him at home, wherever Disco goes, he'll be there," the other reasoned, he shook his head. "Stubborn."

"To think of this, we went through worse and got back into the fight."

"Yes, but were any of us kissed by the Void?"

Ragnar kept quiet after that. Kagami approached from the right, surprising him but he didn't flinch, he simply went back to eating. Soon, the rest of them followed, including Disco, and eventually Pax, who returned from his meditation. The camp was in a quiet lull, each person fighting off sleep slowly but surely. Once all fed, they cleaned up and gathered themselves, riding upon their chocobos once more.

"We need to stop by a Ul'dah, stock up on more arrows and potions," Max requested, to that Disco agreed. They made their way through Eastern Thanalan, quickly covering ground like there was no tomorrow. Within a few hours, they arrived at the great city that graced the arid lands. Ragnar's ears pressed back, the last time he was here, he was the most wanted man alive.

But things cleared up, he was free to enter any city-state yet he practiced caution to never go unless it was dire. Gridania accepted him easily, unlike the others though being on guard never harmed anyone.

They stabled their chocobos and entered without qualm. Aisling, Disco, and Max went off to the marketplace as the rest decided it best to stay at the Adventurer's Guild. They sat down for drinks until Wolfie and Kagami were called off by a close friend of theirs, someone Ragnar never knew so he let them be. Only at the table were Pax and Rhel'ir, both keeping him company.

"Pax, may I check you?" Rhel'ir asked.

Pax didn't move save for taking a drink when he unfurled his bandages at his mouth.

"Pax?" Ragnar questioned.

"I'm fine, stop worrying over me," he said sternly.

It was a stiff silence between the three of them despite the loudness of the Guild. Ragnar drank sparingly, wondering what could go through Pax's mind. It was strange to see him not smile, let alone see his face. He pursed his lip and twitched his tail, he didn't like this. Pax was his self when he recovered back in the Shroud but for the pass few days, he had been quiet, brooding almost.

"...so, ah, Ragnar, weeks ago, you said you found a little creature while fishing back near Camp Drybone," Rhel'ir started,"one that flies and does not need water to survive. Is it real?"

Ragnar thought back to when he sat there with Valencia, fishing for hours on end until something strong latched onto his line. He smiled fondly at the creature that he found yet before his adventure through Bismark, he stowed it away to a retainer for safekeeping. He never knew if it could survive in the snow. Ragnar nodded and got up.

"Let me fetch it to show you," Ragnar said, it felt like it was a needed escape from the air Pax was emitting. He started to fear him from this morning, even while they rode he kept his distance.

He left the building and headed down the street to the marketplace, striding easily. Hopefully Rhel'ir could reach out to Pax.

Once he passed the arches, he managed to get through the crowds and found a summoning bell by a marketboard. He wrung it once, twice, and soon a young Midlander appeared, he was dressed in the usual attire as a retainer. "Do you need any services, sir?"

"Yes, that little creature I gave you, the black one like a sphere yet with a tail, may I have it back?"

"Certainly, in a moment." He went off into the crowd.

As Ragnar waited for him, he spotted Aisling, Disco, and Max at another marketboard, their eyes keen on the prices of their needed supplies.

"Fifty yalms of rope," Aisling said distantly,"and a harpoon, can you two fire it from your bows?"

"Depends on how large the harpoon is," Max replied.

"No larger than an arrow yet heavy enough to have enough weight."

"It's possible," Disco estimated, she turned and saw Ragnar, she waved at him. "We're almost done, just waiting on our orders and we should be good to leave once more!"

"I'm only here for one thing-"

"Sir!"

The retainer jogged up to him with a bag that seemed to be bustling with life. The lump moved around until it headed for the covering lap that was latched on. Ragnar smiled and rubbed his hands, saying proudly,"I think Aisling will be fond of this as well," as he opened the latch. A black sphere shot out, whirling about around Ragnar's face before settling beside him, dancing in circles and wriggling its small tale. "Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to present a Gigantpole."

"A Gigantpole?" Aisling asked, head craning in confusion. He got down to one knee and reached out to it. The little creature slapped its small tail on his wrist before honing in to nuzzle his face. "It's rather adorable and interesting. How does it fly?"

"I know not but I'm going to travel with it from now on. They're all the rage right now, half a million for just one of them-"

"It's disgusting," Disco deadpanned, her displeasure showed when she hopped away from it when it neared her. "How is that famous? It's a goddamn black sperm!"

"Could be worse than this," Max reasoned as he reached into his bag and produced a scroll. He read from it and out of the parchment came an miniature Atomos. "Now this is adorable."

"Both of these are disgusting!" Disco cringed as she stepped away, the retainer chuckled and left them to their own devices as she waved her hand. "As leader of this party, I demand those be put away!"

"What's wrong with them? They aren't hurting you," Max teased, he murmured some other words and the creature disappeared. "There, now one less freak to deal with."

"Worry not, it only stays with me," Ragnar ensured her, he grabbed his Gigantpole and held it with both arms. It seemed to relax in his embrace and ceased moving, appearing to have fallen into sleep rather quickly. "It's a mere baby, perhaps when it grows I'll have a Gigantoad."

Disco rolled her eyes, she told him,"Just take that away from me."

"Will do," he said, Aisling smiled and brought a finger to touch the small infant of a creature before Ragnar left. He went back down the street, Gigantpole in tow, as he felt at ease with his new little friend. He climbed up the steps to the Guild and opened the door with his shoulder, pushing it in. Instead of being greeted by the rancor of the adventurers, he heard weapons being unsheathed.

It was silent inside and when he turned around, he faced the center of the room to where the tension had suffocated the atmosphere.

His jaw dropped, his mouth opened, and his hands fell apart, letting loose the small creature to float around his feet. It sensed the danger and hid behind his thigh as he saw what he least expected to see.

Upon the table where he once sat was Rhel'ir's body sprawled out. He was on his back, his white robes stained with fresh crimson, a knife was in his chest and embedded to where his heart was. Above him was the last person he would ever believe to kill a comrade- it was Pax, yet it wasn't him, his eyes were blackened like the Void.

Ragnar refused to look at this yet his eyes couldn't tear away when Pax retracted the blade and then plunged it in once more into Rhel'ir.

"P...P..." That was all Rhel'ir could utter, his hand reached out to him as if trying to stop him but Pax had burrowed his dagger into him once again, silencing him all together and causing him to drop his hand to the table in a sickening thud.

"No," Ragnar murmured. "No...no!"

He was jolted left to right by two people, he realized they were Kagami and Wolfie; they charged to Pax with Kagami unleashing a spell of Fire at him, launching him off of Rhel'ir. Wolfie went in for the kill, yet she merely used her shield to bash him over the head, rendering him fazed. As the two restrained Pax, two other adventurers relieved him of his weapons, Pax roared, it was demonic and powerful, so much so that the walls trembled.

"No!" Ragnar rushed over to Rhel'ir, he leaped over the railings and then hopped onto the table, he held Rhel'ir's face and gently nudged him. "Stay with me, Rhel, stay with me!"

While Rhel'ir's eyes were opened, they were dull, no life left, Ragnar's hands shook as he gathered him up and held him tightly. He was long gone, his aether was missing and forever lost, there was nothing left of him.

Ragnar couldn't help but glare at Pax with a fury that would rival that of Halone, shouting back at him one question,"WHY!?"