Nobody noticed me.
Ever.
And they weren't supposed to.
I was the resupply elf in Santa's workshop.
Hardly anyone thought of my existence.
Santa knew, of course, and so did a few of the maintenance people and the janitors, but no one pays attention to the little girl elf, hiding behind boxes of supplies. I would scuttle about, shorter than usual for an elf my age and refill the boxes of hair and wood and ribbon and whatever else they needed. Once in a while someone would look up, eyes following the tiny black haired, turquoise-eyed elf, thinking how odd it was for them never to have seen me before.
But I knew everyone.
I knew how Daren had a crush on Judy and how Elli was sending secret love notes to Roy and how he wanted it to be Chloe. I knew how Tina would clean up shop even though she worked overtime and had to go home to Bryan, her husband. I knew how Leo flirted with Sarah because he wanted to see if she would go out with his friend and he accidentally made her fall for him. I knew how Glen would feed the Reindeer a candy cane after training when Kyle was strict with them. I knew how Kyle would secretly watch Glen because he had a crush on her and he liked how she treated the reindeer.
I knew how people would smiled whenever they saw a fresh vase of ice roses, some whispering they wish they know who did it and girls giggling like they were thinking the flowers were for them.
It was on a morning like this. Where the snow fell heavily, the end of the real winter season and the lighter cold started. The end of January and the time where elves slacked off for Parties and dances, and the time when I started to really pay attention.
"All right everybody, announcement." came the call of the head elf, Bernard. He always wore a big poufy hat on his head and a baggy zigzag shirt. "I know Christmas is still very far away and Valentines Day is in a few weeks but I want everyone working as hard as they can. We don't want a single good child left without a present and working hard now means less work later in the week when you'll all want to be begging to go to the cupid dance." He gave a deliberate glance at two elves who started giggling incoherently. "So make sure to work your hardest today or else no one will be going to the Valentines Day dance cupids throw." They applauded, and so did I, but I couldn't stop staring at his happy smile. Despite all his angry tones and the way he would scold elves until they cried I could see he was really worried.
I'd always liked watching Bernard the most.
In the mornings, while only a few elves were here, I brought in all the supplies to keep stocking. I could see Bernard sneakily put a vase of ice roses in the middle of the room. He would go through the mail and place letters and little presents of encouragement supposedly from Santa. And if someone were sick he would make sure to pick up his or her slack and though he was cold and seemingly mean there was always a reason behind his anger. Like when Frank the candy cane maker was worried because his daughter was sick Bernard realized his worry and pretended that Frank couldn't work because he could contaminate the candy canes when really he wanted Frank to be with his family.
And Bernard never called in sick. He would come in looking like a blizzard destroyed his house and still work as hard as ever.
It was during this time I found him sick in his office.
Finding him during his break taking a nap on the couch in his office, dreadlocks in his face as he curled up under a thick blanket, the sign he barely used taped to his door telling elves he didn't want to be disturbed. I hadn't meant to barge in; Santa had caught me and asked me to take Bernard some of Judy's famous hot cocoa because he hadn't been feeling well. When I walked in he was mumbling to himself about needing to work.
That's when I decided to send him the cards.
When I found Bernard sick in his office I realized how under appreciated he was. I brushed his hair out of his face and forced him to wake up long enough out of his delusion to at least take a sip of the cocoa when he looked up at me.
"Don't waste time on me. Go back to work. We can't let a single good kid go without a present." When he tried to get up he immediately fell back on the couch.
"You can't get up. You're sick." I said and he looked at me with such anger it was scary.
"Being sick is hardly something worth losing time on." He said and looked me straight in the eye. "I can't waste any more time." He downed the rest of the hot cocoa and got up and started to work.
"You don't have to-" I started but I couldn't finish. He fell asleep again so I just left, closing the door softly behind me.
"He still in there?" asked one of the other elves.
"Um . . ." I glanced at the door then shook my head. Other elves never spoke to me. "I-"
"What's your name?" the elf asked me. Jerry. That was his name. He was currently dating Sonya and trying to date Marsha at the same time. One of the few elves who wasn't the Christmas type. I'm not even sure how he got hired.
"Me?" I asked pointing stupidly at myself.
"Yes you. Who are you? And what were you doing in Bernard's office?"
"Santa . . . Santa asked me to bring him some cocoa. He . . . he wasn't in. Making rounds probably." I said airily. He stared at me for a moment longer and I tried to look inconspicuous.
"What's your name?"
"Kira. My name is Kira." I said looking away.
"That's a cute name." He said and pushed my black hair out of my turquoise eyes.
"Excuse me, Jerry." Bernard said. He looked flushed but steady. "Did you need something?" he asked curtly and Jerry frowned.
"I thought you weren't in." he said coldly glancing at me. I avoided his gaze, ears flushed.
"I was getting something from the back room." He replied in just as harsh a tone. "Do you have something for me?"
"Yes." He handed over a file. "That's the quota for the toys made today. It's nearly double yesterday." Bernard nodded as he took the files and clutched the doorframe for dear life. "You okay there, Bernard?" Jerry asked and he glared.
"Don't waste time pretending to be sympathizing. Get back to work, both of you." He gave me a stern look and I scuttled off, looking back to see him disappear back into his office.
The next day I decided to do it.
I wanted to help him smile more. But I needed Santa's help.
So here I was.
Sitting outside of the big mans office with a card in my hand.
Is this really the right choice? I wondered when there was a cheerful creak as the door swung open.
"Ho-Ho-ho! Kira! Are you feeling well?" the big man asked and I nodded, mute. "Don't be nervous. Come on in! Sit down." I meandered into the room behind Santa to see Mrs. Claus smiling and holding a batch of cookies.
"Good . . . good morning sir." He looked at me curiously.
"Kira, I see you every day and you keep calling me sir. Couldn't you call me Santa like the other elves?" he said smiling and taking a bite of one of Mrs. Claus' cookies. She offered me one and I took it awkwardly.
"I'll-I'll try . . . Santa." I looked around nervously and started to shuffle my feet.
"What's this about, Kira?" he asked sinking into his big chair behind a huge desk.
"I-um . . . well . . . that is . . ."
"Don't be nervous dear." Mrs. Claus said smiling. She was really pretty, the kind of woman who radiated motherly warmth.
"I just . . . I-I wanted to send Ber-Bernard a c-card." I said shaking from my nervousness. I tried to hold up the card I wanted to give him but fumbled with it and it fell to the ground.
"Ho-ho?" Santa said and winked at Mrs. Claus, "Looks like Bernard will be getting a few cards this year." He said happily and started to laugh in his usual 'ho-ho-ho'.
"N-no! Not-not that kind of card!" I stuttered and he stopped laughing to look at me.
"There's another kind?" he asked curiously.
"Well . . . I just . . . I thought he looked down so . . . I wanted to send him these . . . secretly." I added and picked up the card, struggling to hand it to Santa.
"Oh? Encouragement letters?" he asked reading the message.
"Y-yes. I . . . um . . . He's under appreciated and gets so many nasty cards I thought he might like to get a good one." I mumbled and Santa smiled.
"And you want me to deliver them why?"
"I know we all think Bernard works hard, but we assume that . . . that he knows already. That he doesn't need to be told. So I want this not to be from any-elf. I was wondering if you would-would mind giving him these. I'll put them in other elves bins to give to you and that way it will always be a different elf giving you the cards. In case he gets curious." I explained my plan, getting more and more confidant as I spoke. Santa nodded, rubbing his beard.
"And you only want to send these to Bernard?" he asked looking at me with curiosity.
"I-I know it sounds silly, but Bernard gives cards to everyone else. He's the only one left out." I muttered and Santa started laughing loudly. It wasn't the degrading laughter that belittled you, it was the cheerful friendly laughter that was contagious.
"Tell me Kira. Do you ever get cards?" I blushed and stared.
"Are you going to help me?
"Of course I'll help you, Kira. Now run along before Bernard catches you and gives you a scolding." He smiled and I sighed relieved.
"Thanks . . . Santa." I smiled and went about my chores.
An hour later I took my break, a short ten-minute break, when I over heard Santa calling Bernard to his office. I really don't mean to spy on people. I just get curious really. So here I was, wasting my break to spy on Santa and the head elf. I peaked through the crack in the door, a few elves hurried past me but didn't spare me a second glance.
"Who sent it!" came the shout from inside. I peaked through the crack again and there was Bernard waving the card in Santa's face. He was flushed and his ear tips were pink. Santa pursed his lips, looking mildly disappointed at the head elf but simply shook his head.
"They asked me not to tell you, Berno." He said coldly. He was careful to avoid saying if it was a boy or girl.
"Why? Santa! This is ridiculous! Elves shouldn't waste their time writing . . . silly little cards!" he scoffed to which Santa proceeded to give a small slow smile.
"But the reason you got that card is because the elf that sent it to you saw how you send the same notes to others." Bernard's eyes widened and he looked away, ears pinker than before. "Or did you forget about that?" Santa smirked, wily.
"But Scott this is just-"
"Bernard!" he said coldly. "Try to find out if you must. But they're much to clever for you to really find them." Santa said, and I was a little stunned by Bernard's audacity to call him Scott.
"Scott!"
"Bernard!" Santa imitated and started working through his papers, "Perhaps you would best spend your time doing what you love to yell at others for: work. Especially with the Valentine's Day ball coming up. We don't want to fall behind." Santa started to shoe away Bernard when he stopped before the door. I was prepared to run but sensed there was more for me to hear.
"Calvin." Bernard said formally, "You know I wont fall for the same trick as last year."
"Don't worry Berno. I wont try that again." Calvin said then glanced at the door. "Kira! Would you come in here please?" Scott called and I jumped unsure of what to do. "It's okay, come on in." I opened the door slowly to see Bernard turn to look at me uneasily.
"How long-"
"Sorry, I just . . . I heard yelling." I muttered, trying to think of an excuse.
"It's fine. Bernard here is just investigating something." Bernard swung to glare at Santa but he nodded at Bernard. I pretended not to know what they were talking about to avoid from giving away my position.
"Santa . . ." Bernard glared and Scott.
"Oh hush Berno. You can trust Kira." Santa smiled again. "As I suspect you heard, Berno here has gotten a card. Now he's pretty confused about this and I think he plans on finding the person or persons who sent it to him."
"Um . . . Good luck, sir." I muttered. I ruffled my hair to hide my turquoise eyes and shifted uncomfortably.
"I want you to help him find whoever sent this card." Santa smiled and I looked up, probably looking like a reindeer caught in headlights.
"Wh-what? No! No I couldn't . . . that's none of my business. Please don't-"
"Well why not?" Bernard said unexpectedly and I turned to him, terrified. "Why would it be such a bad idea for you to help me? I have a lot of work to do and having second person working on this with me would help."
"Why does it even matter?" I tried desperately, "Does it really matter who sent you a card? " I asked, attempting to sound nonchalant. Bernard thought it over for a moment then looked at my face.
"Why do you ask?" he glared, sounding furious.
"I-I-I just . . . I'm sorry . . . what-what do you want me . . . to do?" I whispered and he grimaced.
"First you should get back to work. You're the restocking girl aren't you? I'll tell you tomorrow what I want you to do about the card." He started to leave and held the door open for me. "Aren't you coming?"
"Um . . . I had to talk with Santa about something." I whispered and he nodded.
"Make it quick, we don't want to fall behind." As he left I rounded on the big man.
"What in the Frostbite do you think you're doing?" I hissed and Scott shook his head.
"Kira, it's unlike you to swear."
"It's only a half swear word. What were you thinking? I can't help him hunt ME down!" I hissed.
"Come on, it'll be fun! You can always point him away from yourself."
"You mean lie?"
"No! You could tell him who gives me the notes each day, but not where they get them."
"So lie by omission." I glared and he laughed.
"You really can be full of fire when you get angry." He said cheerfully. "Don't worry."
"But you aren't going to be here for to long! After Valentines Day how will I get them to him? No one's going to risk giving him the cards directly!"
"You could hide them in his office leave them in special places. Hide them under the hot cocoa Judy brings him. Be creative." He smiled slowly again and shook his head. "Don't worry. This way you can see how close he's getting."
"But I'll be helping him find ME! That's utter nonsense."
"Now calm down." He sighed, "Look, Kira, I just thought it would be a good experience for both you and Bernard." I opened my mouth to say something more when he raised his hand.
"I think you should get back to work, Kira. Don't want to run out of supplies." And just like that I was assigned to help Bernard track down myself.
Why did he want so desperately to find out who I was? Or rather, who the person on the cards was. It wasn't as though the card had been an obsessive love poem . . . had it? The more I thought about it the more I understood how like a love note it was.
I appear to have gotten farther into this than I realized.