Background.

On his first day at a new school, Emmett falls for Rosalie Swan. However not only is she popular and beautiful but her father has forbidden her to date until her older sister does too. The problem is her sister, Bella, is negative, bad tempered and unfriendly and certainly undateable. Emmett seeks the services of school bad boy Edward who he arranges to be paid to date Bella and thus allow him to go out with Rosalie - but things never go smoothly when it comes to love.

Sound familiar? Well it should. It's my version of 10 Things I Hate About You but with everyone's favorite characters. I know it's not original but I thought I'd be something fun to do. Hopefully you guys like it.

DISCLAIMER: Twilight is in no way, shape, or form mine. It actually belongs to the goddess Stephenie Meyer. 10 Things I Hate About You isn't mine either. It was actually written by Karen McCullah Lutz and Kristen Smith.

AN- Just like the movie, my story jumps around a bit. I tried to stay as close to the movie as possible. If any of the dialogue doesn't make complete sense it's because that's how it was written in the script.

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10 Things I Hate About You

Parking her rundown car next to a couple of cookie-cutter-cute girls, Bella Swan glared at them and made a face. She hurried toward the front door of Padua High and approached another cookie-cutter-cute girl pasting an advertisement for prom on the wall. With a slight grin, in passing she proceeded to tear it down.

"Hey!" the girl cried as Bella marched down the hallway.

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Emmett McCarthy sat down in the office waiting for the guidance counselor to finish her work. Little does he know that Miss Perky is writing her pulp romance-novel-in-progress on her laptop.

"So, Emmett. Here you go," she said as she reviewed his transcript. "9 schools in 10 years, my, my…Army brat?"

"Yeah. My dad's a…"

"That's enough. I'm sure you won't find Padua any different than your old school. Same little asswipe shit-for-brains everywhere." Miss Perky stated cutting Emmett off.

"Excuse me. Did you just say…Am I in the right office?" Emmett said while looking at Miss Perky as if she had three heads.

"Not anymore you're not. I've got deviants to see and a novel to finish. Now scoot. Scoot!"

"Okay. Thanks," he said while standing to leave. As he exited the office, Emmet passed a smug looking boy on his way in.

Miss Perky glanced down at her file as Edward sat down with a knowing grin. "Edward Cullen. I see we're making our visits a weekly ritual." A disapproving glance left her face.

"Only so we can have these moments together. Should I, uh, get the lights?" A charming smile graced his features.

"Oh very clever, kangaroo boy," she said glancing down at the file. "Says here you exposed yourself in the cafeteria?" Miss Perky turned her head up to look up at him.

Chucking as he spoke, "I was joking with the lunch lady. It was a bratwurst."

"Bratwurst?" she questioned while looking at his loins suspiciously. "Aren't we the optimist?" Edward looked up at her shocked. "Next time keep it in your pouch, okay? Scoot!" She turned her head down back to the laptop signaling that he should leave. "Bratwurst," she whispered to her self adding it to the sentence she was working on.

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Jasper pushed through the crowd in search for the new student. Finding him, he walks over. "Jasper Hale," he said sticking his hand out. "I'm supposed to show you around."

"Oh hi." A look of relief shot through his face. "Thank God!" he said while grabbing his hand for the handshake. "You know, normally they send down one of those audio/video geeks.

A blush swept across Jasper's face. "You know, I do. I know what you mean, yeah." He rambled off. Moments later an audio/video geek pushing a cart full of film equipment rolls alongside them.

"Hey Jasper, where should I put those slides?" The audio/video geek called.

"Jasper?!" he exclaimed brushing off the A/V kid. "So, uh," he said glancing down at the paper. "…Emmett. Here's the breakdown:" Jasper signaled for them to being their tour. "Over there you've got your basic beautiful people." Signaling towards the group. "Now listen. Unless they talk to you first, don't bother."

Cutting him off, Emmett looked at Jasper as if he were mad. "But wait. Is that your rule or theirs?"

"Watch." Jasper strutted towards one of the jocks. "Hey there," he said in attempt to start a conversation.

"Geek," the jock stated without ever glancing Jasper's way.

"See that?" Jasper said in an 'I told you so' manner causing the jock and his friends to glare at them as if offended. Jasper and Emmett continued their tour. "To the left we have the coffee kids."

"Whoa!" A kid yelled while spilling his coffee.

"That was Costa Rican, butthead!" Another kid yelled while slapping the kid on the head.

Jasper and Emmett exchanged looks. "Very edgy." Jasper continued. "Don't make any sudden moves around them." The pair step down and pass a table full of white boys with dreadlocks and Jamaican berets. "And these delusionals are the White Rasta. Uh, they're big Marly fans. They think they're black. Semi-political, but mostly…"

"Smoke a lot of weed?" Emmett said finishing his sentence.

"Yeah." Jasper chuckled. Continuing the tour, they approached a few kids dressed as urban cowboys. "These guys…"

"Wait. Wait. Let me guess. Cowboys?" Emmett said with a little laugh.

"Yeah but, the closest they've come to a cow is McDonald's." Jasper laughed at his own lame joke before continuing. "Hah hah…McDonalds!" Jasper and Emmett approached a group of studious looking teens who are bent over textbooks at a table. "These are your future MBAs. We're all Ivy League accepted. Yuppie greed is back, my friend." Jasper turned towards the group. "Hey guys. How ya doin'?"

One of them looked annoyed. "Eric." Eric Yorkie, leader of the academic geeks muttered.

"Yesterday I was their god." Jasper said while nodding to the group as they walked away.

"What happened?" Emmett asked.

"Eric Yorkie started a rumor that I…that I buy my Izods at an outlet mall."

"So they kicked you out?" Emmett couldn't believe that something so stupid would cause him to get kicked out.

"Hostile Takeover." Jasper corrected. "But don't worry. They'll pay. Now over here…" he said in attempt to drop the subject.

"Oh my god!" Emmett gasped as he saw a cream puff of a blonde girl walk by in slow motion. "What group is she in?"

"The 'don't even think about it' group. That's Rosalie Swan. A sophomore." Jasper said as he tried to regain Emmett's attention.

"I burn! I pine! I perish!" Emmett exclaimed.

"Of course you do. You know, she's beautiful and deep. Pure." Jasper chuckled.

Rosalie and Jessica, her cute friend, continued on walking. "Yup, see, there's a difference between 'like' and 'love'. Because I like my Sketchers, but I love my Prada backpack.

"But I love my Sketchers." Jessica said.

"That's because you don't have a Prada backpack." Rosalie said all knowingly.

"Ohhh!" Jessica exclaimed enamored of Rosalie's wisdom.

"Listen. Forget her. Incredibly uptight father, and it's widely known fact that the Swan sister's aren't allowed to date." Jasper explained to his enamored friend.

"Uh huh…yeah." Emmett said dazed.

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Mr. Morgan stands before his senior English class. The bored seniors doodle and stare off into space. "Okay then. What did everyone think of The Sun Also Rises?" he asks. A girl raised her hand. He noded at her to speak.

"I loved it." The girl sighs before continuing. "It was sooo romantic."

"Romantic? Hemingway?! He was an abusive alcoholic misogynist who squandered half his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers." Bella Swan exclaimed as the other students rolled their eyes. From the back of the class, a slicked-back knock off of Slater from Saved by the Bell calls out.

"As opposed to a bitter self-righteous hag who has no friends?" Mike Newton said causing a few giggles to erupt from the class.

"Pipe down, Chachie." Mr. Morgan said while staring at Mike.

"I guess in this society being male and an asshole makes you worthy of our time. What about Sylvia Platt or Charlotte Bronte or Simone de Beauvoir?" Bella beings to rant once more.

Edward suddenly steps into the classroom, late. "What'd I miss?" he says as he stops just inside the doorway.

"The oppressive patriarchal values that dictate our education." Bella venomously spat out.

"Good." Edward said as he turned and left.

"Hey, hey!" Mr. Morgan shouted after Edward.

"Uh, Mr. Morgan. Is there any chance we could get Bella to take her Mydol before she comes to class?" Mike asked earning snickers from the class.

"Some day you're gonna get bitch-slapped and I'm not gonna do a thing to stop it." Mr. Morgan said causing Mike's smug look to be wiped off of his face. "And Bella. I want to thank you for your point of view." Bella smiles to her self as if her social indignation was justified. "I know how difficult it must be for you to overcome all those years of upper middle class suburban oppression. It must be tough." He said causing Bella to become bitter again. "But the next time you storm around the PTA crusading for better lunch meat, or whatever it is you white girls complain about, ask them why they can't buy a book written by a black man!" Mr. Morgan declared earning the cries from two of the White Rasta kids.

"That's right mon!" they chorused.

"Don't even get me started on you two!" The boys apologized and quickly shut up.

"Anything else?" Bella asked fuming.

"Yeah. Go to the office. You're pissing me off."

"What?! Mr. Morgan!" Bella exclaims.

"Later!" He raised his hand and waved at her. Bella got up in a tiff and stormed out of the classroom but not before hitting Mike in the face with her books.

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Sitting in front of her laptop, Miss Perky composed her sleezy novel. "Undulating with desire, Adrienne removes her crimson cape…" she whispered to herself. "…excitable, stiff and…" Frustrated, she called to her attendant. "Judith!" Judith suddenly appeared at the door. "What's another word for…engorged?"

"I'll look it up."

"Okay." She said as she returned to composing. Bella approached the office and overheard Miss Perky searching for the right word. "…swollen…turgid…"

"Tumescent?" Bella offered.

"Perfect!" she exclaimed. "So I hear you were terrorizing Mr. Morgan's class. Again." Miss Perky said taking her eyes off the laptop.

"Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action." Bella retorted.

"The way you expressed your opinion to Bobby Ridgeway?" she said eyebrows raised. "By the way, his testicle retrieval operation went quite well, in case you're interested."

"I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls." Bella said causing Miss Perky to smile for a brief moment.

"The point is Bella…" she began serious once again. "People perceive you as somewhat…" she left off looking for the right word.

"Tempestuous?" Bella offered.

" 'Heinous bitch' is the term used most often." She said. "You might want to work on that. Thank you."

Bella swiftly rose from her chair. "As always, thank you for you excellent guidance." Bella said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I'll let you get to Reginald's quivering member." She said leaving the office.

"Quivering member…I like that." Miss Perky said to herself before resuming her story.

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Well I hope you enjoyed the first chapter.

Reviews are always welcome. Bad and Good ones. Just no flames. If you are to criticize, do it constructively. Thanks.

-Been 17 For A While