See this never made it on to my plan of my life, in fact UCOS never made it into my life plan. Falling in love was earlier on in my life but as I realized love was a delusion it swiftly got crossed off the 'to do' list that is my life. But then there's you, and I've ended up liking you more than I'd planned too.
Everything in my life has fit into the plan one way oranother; I even coped with UCOS because it fit with the dream of having my own department, even if it didn't come the way I'd planned.
You, you defy everything I've ever learnt or thought and worryingly it doesn't phase me much. See I like you, and a lot more than I should, you make me want to throw all my plans away and rethink everything and make a new plan that involves you in a permanent way.
I shouldn't be feeling like this, it's like I've been reverted back to my teenage ways and for a woman the wrong side of 50 that shouldn't be possible. When sat down at home with a bottle of wine and some music on to accompany my thoughts, you should not be the first thought that pops into my head. It shouldn't be you and yet it is and it doesn't seem like there's anything I can do to change that, and to be honest I don't know if I'd want to.
One thing I do know is that I need to pull myself together and act my blooming age and get back to being able to concentrate on my job because right now every thought leads back to you, regardless of what it was originally. You shouldn't be able to affect me like this, you shouldn't have been able to impact on my life in such a way and yet here I am.