A/N: So, this idea just popped into my head. It's a little out there. For the record, I'm a total Gansey/Blue shipper, but I love the Ronan/Blue friendship. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing from the Raven Cycle. Not even that glorious, orange Pig.
The Night That Didn't Happen
Why was it so easy to spot a bad idea in hindsight, when just moments before it had seemed thrilling?
Blue had asked herself this over and over in the last few weeks, often lying awake in bed with her thoughts traveling in circles. It had been Ronan's idea. He had been the one to come storming over to her house, demanding an explanation on the truth Adam had just confessed to him.
The truth that Gansey would die.
It was something that still caused nightmares, still had her terrified that each day could be the day. Every time the forecast called for rain she considered tying Gansey to his bed and not letting him out of her sight. If her reaction to this news was bad, Ronan's was cataclysmic.
"You really weren't going to say anything," he'd demanded, followed by a long string of curse words that had her seeing red. She'd tried to calmly explain her reasoning, how she planned to find a way to stop it. At that point, Ronan had begun pacing.
And then, he'd been struck with an idea. A dangerous idea. A horrible idea. So, why had they not been able to see that at the time?
Both barely holding in the hope that had threatened to consume them, they'd retreated to her room, lying down side by side on the small mattress. Holding hands and closing their eyes, sleep had consumed Ronan first and he'd somehow pulled her down with him. Most likely, if she hadn't been such a freak, this would never have worked, but as the power within her enhanced his own, she found herself standing in the tranquil woods of Cabeswater.
"This feels like we're really here," she noted, starting to move off towards the trees, but Ronan's hand had forcefully pulled her back.
"Will you be quiet?! It might not be happy that you're here. Just let me do the talking. Your only job is as a walking generator."
She'd felt an angry retort rise in her, but had quelled it, waiting for Ronan to speak.
But instead, the trees began first. Not whispering in Latin as they usually did, but shouting. She could tell from the look on Ronan's face that this didn't usually happen, and suddenly, the idea they'd had seemed like it would work. That they really would be able to question Cabeswater this way, from the safety of a dream.
"You know why we're here," Ronan began, then repeated in Latin. The tree's response was instant, but Ronan's face turned down in a frown. Issuing another plea in the language Blue couldn't understand, Ronan's face was pleading.
"What are they saying," Blue hissed, feeling left out.
"They said they can't do it. That saving him isn't in their power.
Blue huffed in frustration. "Then ask them how he dies. They could give us something that will save him. A dream something that we can bring back."
Ronan rolled his eyes, but asked anyway. From the look on his face, the answer was obvious. Once again, Glendower was still their only hope. With a curse, Ronan kicked the nearest tree, causing the sky to automatically turn dark. Blue had heard stories of his nightmares and was instantly sure she didn't want to be in one, but before she could voice her opinion, the scenery changed.
"Isn't this your bedroom," she'd asked, staring up at the hollow-eyed mask hanging above his bed.
"We're still in the dream. I guess my subconscious thought I'd want to be here." His voice was still dejected, his face a storm. Suddenly, Blue felt the intense drive to comfort him. After all, they couldn't save Gansey, not without that favor. If she could only erase that look of panic from Ronan's eyebrows, maybe she'd erase it from her too.
Hesitantly, she placed a hand on his shoulder, causing him to tense. Without warning, he whirled on her, his eyes staring her down and freezing her in place.
"What are you doing," he barked.
"I just thought… Look, I know you're upset. Every time I think about it, it kills me. But there is hope. If we find Glendower–"
"We find Glendower and Gansey asks him to help Noah. That's his plan. Can you honestly look at me and tell me you'd pick Gansey over Noah? Can you really choose between them?"
Her stomach was roiling at the thought. Picking between her two friends. But even as she thought it, she knew Gansey was more than that. As much as she loved Noah, it was Gansey's life she would mourn forever; his loss she would never recover from. But was it really her place to choose.
"Who would you pick," she asked, but instead of answering, Ronan put his fist through his bedroom door. Wood splintered and a sizable hole appeared through which Blue could see the corner of Gansey's bed.
"Let's just get out of the dream first. Then maybe we can talk about options," she started, but as a roll of thunder crackled outside, she was made aware that Ronan's mood had shifted from frustrated to homicidal.
"Planning options for something we can't prevent might make you feel better, but it won't help me. Gansey's my freaking brother and saving him is the only thing that…"
As he trailed off, his hands were suddenly on her shoulders, shoving her against the wall. A thrill of real fear coursed through her, and she steadily reminded herself that this was just a dream. It wasn't real, he couldn't hurt her.
"Ronan, just calm down."
"Calm down?! This was the only idea I had and it didn't work! Give me something else! Something else we can try!"
Blue's shoulders were beginning to hurt where his fingers were digging in and the thought of them helpless as Gansey died had the tears burning the backs of her eyes. "You think I haven't thought this through? I've been searching for a solution for months!"
"Then distract me, or I swear I'll burn this town to the ground when I wake up!"
His livid eyes were slowly shifting into something more considering and that was all the warning Blue got before his lips were on hers. Years of fear welled up in her and she shoved him off, bringing her hands slowly to her lips.
"Relax, maggot. We both know I'm not your true love. Besides, you can't hurt me in a dream," Ronan explained, his gaze as he eyed her lips predatory.
"What are you doing," she asked in a daze. In all her kissing fantasies, it had never been Ronan standing on the other side of her lips. Adam, Gansey, and even Noah, yes. But Ronan?
"I… I don't know," he began, and kicked his desk chair, sending it flying into the wall. "I'm just… In case you haven't noticed, I sometimes have trouble with my anger."
Blue rolled her eyes at the understatement. "Yeah, so do I, but I don't go around kissing random people."
Ronan's head jerked up then, and Blue heard a noise that had her heart racing in her chest. Tck-tck-tck-tck. A night horror. She'd only seen a live one once, on that fateful Fourth of July, but it had been enough.
"They're coming," Ronan hissed, his hand moving to find the crowbar by his desk.
"We have to wake up! Now!"
"I can't! Don't you think I'd have done it by now! Sometimes I can't and your freaking gift is making the dream stronger." The noise was closer now, just outside the door, and Blue began searching frantically for a weapon as Ronan cursed. "I thought if I could distract myself, I could keep it from turning into a nightmare."
Distraction. Blue was immediately sure she didn't want to be torn apart by bird creatures, even if it was merely a dream. Without another thought, she threw her arms around Ronan's neck and pressed her lips to his. At first, he froze in shock, but eventually his lips began moving against hers, igniting an odd sort of fire in her gut. It wasn't the way kissing Noah had been – like a beloved gift she'd never receive again. This was pure excitement. Like speeding down the road in the Pig. With no romantic ties to Ronan, it was more in the thrill of the kiss than the way they connected.
The crowbar fell to the floor and Ronan's arms were suddenly around her, lifting her up to his level. The sound of the night horrors faded away and in the silence, they briefly broke apart.
"Can you wake us up," Blue asked, breathless.
"Not yet. The dream's still too strong." With a look of disdain, Ronan dropped her to the floor. "That was… different. And for the record, you are seriously not my type."
"Ditto." Standing in Ronan's room now felt considerably more uncomfortable than before and she couldn't help but notice that the sky was still dark outside. "Will they come back?"
"Possibly. I can't make it stop. The anger. That's what usually brings them. I become so angry… so lost in my freaking head…"
Blue had to admit she could relate. It was becoming harder and harder to look at Gansey – at the boy she loved – and remember his fate without bursting into tears. She just wanted to shut the worry and fear out for a day, an hour, a second. As she stared back into Ronan's eyes, she realized they were both thinking the same thing.
Distraction.
As their lips had met again, Blue afforded herself one last look through the broken door to Gansey's bed, reminding herself this was a dream. It wasn't real.
That had been over a month ago. She and Gansey weren't technically dating. Fear over hurting Adam – or hurting Gansey with her cursed lips – had prevented that from happening, but the guilt was still there.
And now there was another problem.
She was at Monmouth Manufacturing without remembering a second of the walk and she felt the nausea rise in her throat as she knocked on the door. Normally, she was free to walk in whenever she wanted, but right now, she sort of hoped no one was home. Of course, she wouldn't be that lucky.
"Jane," Gansey greeted as he threw the door open. His face dropped as he noted the look in her eyes. "Are you… Is something wrong?"
She could feel the tears threatening now, heavy in her eyes, but she forced them back and prayed her lip didn't start to tremble. "Is Ronan here?"
Gansey's eyes widened in surprise. "Yes. Yes, of course he is. He's upstairs."
Moving to let her in, he followed her wordlessly up the stairs, his mind clearly running over every possibility that could have brought her to Ronan. She was certain he hadn't guessed the correct answer.
The sound of the pounding bass from Ronan's speakers was vibrating the floor beneath their feet and she took a quick deep breath as she stared at the door. Why, oh why couldn't the earth just swallow her whole? But before she could back down, Gansey was already knocking on the door which was opened by a shirtless Ronan. His eyes found hers instantly and she could see the storm already clouding his face.
"We need to talk," was all she said, mostly because if she opened her mouth anything farther, the tears would escape.
He didn't respond, merely motioned her inside the familiar room and slammed the door shut in the curious Gansey's face. More than anything, she wished Gansey could have stayed and held her hand… and at the same time, that would be a nightmare.
"Is this about Gansey or Glendower," Ronan asked, not bothering to turn the music down. Ever since he'd found out, this had been the majority of their conversations. She, Adam, and Ronan had formed a sort of rescue team for Gansey, which eventually included Noah, the keeper of all secrets. It was getting trickier now to keep Gansey out of the loop, and they were growing more desperate.
But, for once, this was not what Blue needed to discuss.
"It's about that night."
Ronan's eyes widened, his nostrils flaring. "That night never happened."
His tone was scathing and Blue tried to latch onto her anger, anything that would make this easier. But instead, she felt the tears finally cascade down her face.
"No," Ronan declared, horrified. "No, no, no. I don't do tears. Seriously, you need Noah. Noah! Where are you, you insubstantial little–"
"Ronan," Blue blubbered, hating herself for crying. This wasn't her. She didn't have emotional breakdowns. She was reasonable, logical. With great effort, she managed to regain control of her voice, swiping furiously at the drops cascading down her cheeks. "Ronan… I missed it."
Now Ronan's face went from livid to confused. "Huh?"
"My…" Why was this so hard? Why couldn't she just spit it out? "My period."
There, it was out. She waited for Ronan's horror or disbelief, but instead he merely stared at her as if she'd just spoken Russian.
"Noah," he called again, his face going suddenly red. "Look, Blue, I don't do girly issues. Why are you even… I'll get Gansey."
She jumped at him, gripping his arm and yanking him back from the door with every ounce of force she could muster. Her anger was finally making itself known. "Don't you even understand what I just told you?! How can you say you don't care?!"
Ronan's anger matched hers, his face nearly purple. "What made you think I was the person to talk to about your period? Do I look like a freaking gynecologist?"
Suddenly, she realized he truly had no idea what she was trying to tell him. "Ronan," she began, her hand trembling. "I'm pregnant."
The confusion was back, but only for a second. She could tell the minute realization hit him, his face draining of color and his mouth falling open, before he fell back into his desk chair, stunned.
Taking a deep breath to hold back more tears, she tried to explain. "I noticed I was late last week. I thought, you know, stress. But my mom… she sensed it. Or saw it, I don't know. And I took a test. It's positive."
"It was a dream," Ronan whispered, his eyes straying to her stomach.
"I know. Calla… she thinks that since I made the dream stronger… its like it really happened. It did really happen. I'm… I'm really…"
Ronan's head was suddenly in his hands, his face troubled. The last of her strength gone, Blue collapsed on the bed, her arms going around her stomach. It still felt normal to her, no bulge, nothing moving. But nothing about her body was normal anymore. It was growing a life; a person that would one day go to school and have friends and… and… vote. A person that would have achievements and failures that would look to her for nurture and care the same way she looked to her mom.
She wasn't ready for this. Was she?
"What…," Ronan began, his voice still muffled by his hands. "What are you going to do?"
"Go to the doctor. My mom made an appointment."
In an instant, faster that she could blink, Ronan was out of the chair and towering over her. "You are NOT going to hurt this baby! My baby! Don't you think I should have a say in this?!"
"I'm… What are you talking about?"
"You're not getting an abortion!"
As realization hit her, she allowed a small smile to creep onto her face. "I'm not going to the doctor for an abortion. I'm going for an ultrasound."
"An ultrasound?" It took him a moment to fully comprehend what she was saying, but finally, he sank down to the bed beside her. "We can see it this soon?"
"Yes. I did the math and I think I'm eight weeks. He'll be small, but we can still see–"
"He?"
Ronan's voice was so soft, she barely heard the question. "Calla says she's certain it's a boy. She's never been wrong. You know, being psychic and all."
Shakily, Ronan turned to face her, his eyes full of wonder now instead of fury and with a hesitant hand, he reached out and touched her stomach. The touch was so light, as though he feared she and the baby were made of glass. It was like the way he held Chainsaw, so gentle you couldn't believe it was the same Ronan.
"I have no idea how to do this," Blue finally admitted.
Ronan nodded, his arm coming around her shoulders and pulling her against him. "You won't be doing it alone."
A frantic knock came at the door, causing Blue to jump. "Are you both still alive in there," Gansey yelled, his voice nearly drowned out by the furious music still pumping out of the speakers.
"We have to tell him," Blue realized, her head falling on Ronan's shoulder. How did you tell the boy you loved that you were having his best friend's baby? How did her life even get to that question? "And Adam."
"And me." This last remark came from the direction of the desk chair and when Blue looked up, Noah was smiling back at her. "My only advice is that you pray he doesn't have Ronan's ears."
A furious snarl rippled up Ronan's throat and when Gansey finally kicked the door open, he was just in time to see Noah shoved forcefully out the window… again.