On the idea: I started writing this story a few months ago after reading the fantastic Harry Potter fanfic Reverse by Lady Moonglow ( www.[inset the name of this lovely site]/s/4025300/1/Reverse). And, so carried away in my adoration of it, I ended up writing a story with more or less the same premise (oops). But with her permission I'm posting it anyway. :) So, even if you think this story is horrendous, you should definitely give Reverse a shot; it's ridiculously and absolutely phenomenal.

On the rating: I've rated this story T because of some crude language, especially in the earlier chapters. That said, there are no actually curse words. There really should be, but I can't quite stomach it. Apologies to all the readers and writers out there more committed to realism than I am.

Disclaimer: All the lovely characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just the one that messed them up and made them do things they'd never in their right minds submit to doing. And the basic premise of a universe flip along with the idea of an intelligent girl waking up with a reputation for being a moron belongs to Lady Moonglow. But don't worry. I'm sure there's something original in there somewhere...

Prologue:

Slow breaths, deep inhales. Empty the lungs.

"Your eye is twitching."

I bit my lip. "Sorry." Exhale. Don't flinch.

"Mind your lip. My brother would never forgive me if you ruined it under my care." I blindly reached forward to swat her. "Then again, I suppose he does his fair share of biting your lip—"

"Stop. It." The image I'd been nursing of Edward and I somewhere low key, maybe a library, slipped away. I'd heard comments like these often enough that I came to expect the flush, and I found myself grateful for the thick goop Alice was layering on my face. Maybe it would be less obvious?

"Alright, alright," Alice laughed. "I'll behave myself if you will. Now open and let me check."

I obediently opened my eyes and sighed. The expression on her face was at once familiar and out of character for Alice: calculating, cutthroat. But then again, seeing as she monitored the future religiously, perhaps it was rarer to see her not analyzing the present for errors.

"Now shut," Alice commanded. I let them flutter shut, treasuring the feeling of my lashes against my cheek. Once Alice put on the mascara, that sensation would become nearly intolerable. "Oh, shush," Alice said to a complaint I hadn't voiced. "It's worth it. For him, you know."

I bit back a smile. I very much doubted Alice's effort could drastically alter Edward's feelings for me. But then, I didn't need them to alter.

Actually, strangely enough, I was perfectly happy as things were.

"Are you quite finished holding her hostage?" Edward paced the length of the room; it didn't escape me the way his pace stayed human, controlled. Inwardly I rolled my eyes. He may not be able to look at me, but he was definitely aware of my presence.

And how could he not? I must be burning his throat like a hot iron right now.

And in return, he pretends to be human, just for a few seconds more.

Silly, I thought with a smile. Then, I love him.

"Don't look!" Alice thundered as she nudged me to the top of the stairs. Edward sighed and obediently froze in his place with his back to her. "You're not peeking, are you?" I knew immediately she was referring to the fact that my boyfriend read minds, not that he was twisting and craning to catch a glimpse of me.

"I've complied with your terms in every way, I assure you," Edward said, running a hand through his hair. Unlike me, Edward rolled out of bed ready for formal events like this; he could get away with touching something as important as his hair without spending hours in a bathroom to fix it. "Can I look yet?"

Alice poked and prodded me, and I sighed again. How maddening to have him so close, and we couldn't even look at each other. Well, at least, he couldn't see me.

I wasn't quite sure what Alice expected Edward to do. He'd already seen me half dead and coated head to toe in dirt and blood, and the repercussions hadn't been too horrible. As far as I was concerned, we'd already addressed his opinion of my looks. Edward simply didn't care what I looked like.

"…Alright. You can look," Alice said, withdrawing from the stairwell entirely, leaving me at the top of the stairs, one hand on the rail like a princess, the other gathered at my skirts.

Edward turned slowly (probably for my benefit), and when his eyes met mine, a breathtaking smile spread over his lips. In seconds, he was at the top of the stairs, a finger tilting my chin up to look at him. Up close, he was absolutely, dizzyingly perfect.

"Divine," he murmured, lowering his lips to mine, and I stifled a giddy laugh. Right now it was important to focus on kissing, and I knew if I laughed now Alice might never let me get a second chance.

I was right. The moment Edward pulled away, Alice reappeared at my side, holding out a tube of lip gloss. "That was my gift to you," Alice said with a practical, businesslike tone of voice. "You got one kiss. Remember that."

My brows pulled down into a glare. "Alice, what's the point of doing all this if he can't even kiss me?"

"Oh, he can kiss you," Emmett called from somewhere else in the house, and immediately my jaw set as I braced myself. Emmett didn't disappoint (though he'd certainly said worse). "He'll just have to get more creative!"

"As always, Emmett, your commentary is appreciated," Edward murmured.

"...Oh!" Alice stepped back, very obviously adjusting her plans after what I could only suppose was a vision. "I'll let you two have your moment." With that she disappeared from sight.

Edward sighed long-sufferingly. "Subtly is one of her strong suits, as you can see."

I laughed at that, and then paused, suddenly paranoid that my new face would crack with a genuine expression. He must have read the apprehension in my eyes because he laughed. But this laugh was different than what he pulled out for his family. This was a private laugh, just for me. It was just one of the million ways he said I-love-you.

"Truly, though," Edward murmured as he pulled me closer by the waist as he leaned his forehead oh so carefully against mine. "You are beautiful."

"Thanks," I said. "The suit is nice too."

Edward scoffed at that, but then he exhaled slowly, cool air washing over my face. My eyes fluttered shut, and he leaned down and captured my lips in his own.

With me suitably distracted, he swept me up in his arms. A smart and an unfortunately necessary measure when I was introduced to stairs and long dresses. "It's almost worth it, isn't it?" He murmured in my ear before placing a kiss there. "This entire ordeal?"

"Almost," I breathed.

Prom.

Plastic balloons, metal folding chairs along the walls, and a nice banner announcing the occasion in case anyone missed the memo. Girls arrayed in dresses ranging from beautiful to gaudy and boys in rented tuxes filled the room. It was too early in the night for dancing, thankfully. I wasn't quite ready to subject myself to that.

"Breathtaking, isn't it?" Edward said dryly, his arm wound around my waist in an affectionate and/or restraining manner.

At that I smiled. "Is it everything you wished for?"

"Everything," Edward agreed. "Drinks for the human? Don't worry; it's not spiked yet."

"Yet?" I repeated wearily.

Edward offered me a mischievous grin. "Don't worry. We'll be gone long before then."

"You didn't tell me she would get food poisoning!" Edward exclaimed furiously. Despite his tone, his hands remained infuriatingly gentle as they stroked through my hair.

"Go away…" I groaned. "I'm fine."

"Goodness," Alice said. "I really should have gone with water proof."

When I groaned with my hands flying to my face, Edward snorted derisively. "Is that really all you can think about?"

"She's not dying, Edward," Alice said in what she must have meant to be soothing but instead came out rather callous. Unfortunately, Edward tended to think of worry as a communal practice. "She's going to be fine, she just needs rest. And I'm not the one stressing her out."

"I'm not stressed," I mumbled, trying not to wince when my stomach lurched.

Alice scoffed. "Trust me, Edward. She'll feel much better when you leave."

"…That is utter nonsense," Edward muttered. "I don't care what you look like when you're sick, Bella!"

"Or what you sound like," Alice supplied helpfully. My stomach flipped, and not with butterflies.

The night was a blur of nausea and pain, and as the night progressed, the fingers holding my own, stroking my cheek, faded in and out of my awareness. At times, I was frighteningly aware that I was alone. But then his voice wove its way into my consciousness. And then I would be soothed back into sleep…