Book, Staff, and Spirit Productions Presents
Sailor Moon: Tuxedo Captured!
What Will Happen if He Can't Save the Scouts?
Mamoru Chiba wearily opened his eyes, and after several moments realized several facts. The first thing was, he wasn't Mamoru Chiba. He was still Tuxedo Kamen. The second thing was that he was tied to a chair. The third thing was that his head felt like a dragon had stomped on it. The fourth thing was that Kunzite had *really* bad breath. Tuxedo winced, then launched into a cheesy speech.
"Kunzite, your evil actions are travesties against nature, and your halitosis could wipe out a city! Tokyo doesn't want the likes of you around!"
Kunzite glared at him. "Talk big now, Tuxedo Mask. You won't be so confident when I'm through with your precious Sailor Scouts."
Tuxedo Mask opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Kunzite cut him off. "No, I haven't done anything to them yet, but I will. I realized that what was foiling all my plots is you. Every time, when one of my creatures was about to destroy one of those meddlesome Sailor Scouts, you jump in and interfere. Now I have you, and all the Sailor Scouts have been separated. My minions will destroy them one by one!" He laughed a typical maniacal evil guy laugh.
Tuxedo Mask shook his head ruefully, and said, "You fail to understand, Kunzite. Evil can never triumph over good. All your evil schemes will be for naught."
Kunzite laughed again. "You are in denial, Cape boy. I shall show you the defeat of each Scout!" He turned, and a huge screen came to life.
~*~
"Shabon Spray FREEZING!"
The icy spheres flashed out and struck the creature. It was instantly covered with ice, but in moments the ice had melted off the evil magma creature, which threw a ball of magma back at Sailor Mercury. She ducked to the side, and gave a short scream when some splashed off the wall and hit her.
"Oh no!" she said. "My attacks aren't affecting it! What am I to do?" She quickly brought up her visor and started to look for weaknesses, a difficult thing to do when dodging spheres of molten rock.
Suddenly, there was the sound of loud, shrill, angry voices. Within seconds two women came down the street, arguing about something. They had clearly been shopping, each carrying a bag of purchases.
"I'm telling you," said the one with purple hair, "Lord Tenchi will be disgusted with your horrible gift! No man wants to see an old woman like you in a horrible frilly pink thing like that! And it's so immodest!" She was wearing conservative kimonos and robes, and a wooden tiara on her head.
"Old woman! Why you...!" said the cyan-haired woman who was floating- yes, floating- next to her. "You don't know what you're talking about! At least I have a figure! Tenchi'll be bored to tears with your stupid self-portrait. My gift he'll love," she finished with a predatory grin. She wore very immodest clothing that showed off her ample figure. Mercury realized both she and the magma man were simple staring at the two.
"My self-portrait is not stupid! I had to sit still for hours to get it done!" the purple-haired one.
"Hours?" cried the other. "I had time to get drunk, get a hangover, and get over it in the time you were in there!"
"You did not do that!"
"I wish I had!"
"Why, you whore! It took no where near that long!"
"Ooo, you should watch your tongue, your royal bitchiness. It could rot and fall out."
"That's it! I've had enough!" The woman with the purple hair dropped her packages and raised her hands.
Small logs appear around the cyan-haired woman. Except she wasn't there anymore. She had disappeared, and reappeared a distance away. Mercury noticed that the magma man was right in between them.
"Try to capture me with your stupid little logs, will you!" the teleporting woman cried. "I'll show you, you prissy little brat. She raised her hands, and orange light appeared around her, and quickly collected into a huge ball of energy. It then blasted at the other woman, but was simply absorbed by some sort of shield. Incidentally, it vaporized the magma man on the way.
Mercury wisely decided to hide, until finally the sounds of the battle faded into the distance and disappeared.
~*~
Kunzite stared at the screen. "Er, well, one surviving Sailor Scout makes little difference." He snapped his fingers and the screen changed scenes.
~*~
Sailor Venus was really, really scared. The thing grinning evilly at her this very instant was big, strong, ugly, and totally resistant to her Crescent Beam. When her attacks had failed to harm it, she had decided on a tactical retreat, which consisted of running as fast as she possibly could through downtown Tokyo. Unfortunately, it had kept up, because while she had to fight her way through crowds, they scattered before it. Now it was ten feet away from her, she was trapped against a wall, and there wasn't another person in sight now. The thing took a slow, heavy step towards her and made a very disturbing grunting noise. Sailor Venus opened her mouth to scream...
...and a giant purple foot appeared out of nowhere and squished it flat. Sailor Venus blinked. Eight feet over and it would have smashed her instead. Her eyes slowly traveled up the large purple leg, the larger purple body, and finally came to rest on the hideous giant purple, horned head of the robot.
Suddenly the robot knelt and put its head almost to the ground. A funny looking cylinder popped out of the back of the head and a slim boy with brown hair, wearing some sort of white and blue, technological looking body suit popped out. "Are, are you okay?" he gasped.
She blinked at him and nodded her head.
"Oh. Er, that's good. I... I was, well, I stepped on something and I looked down and saw you, and I thought I might have knocked something down and hit you..." He trailed off, staring at Venus.
She blinked and shook her head again.
"Okay. Well, I, um, you see, and, you know..." he trailed off again and scratched his head uncomfortably. Suddenly a phone of the leg of the robot rang, and without waiting for an answer, a hologram of a red haired girl who was wearing a suit similar to the boy's, only red, appeared. "Shinji, you dummkopf!" the girl shouted. The boy, presumably Shinji, jumped about a foot into the air.
"What are you doing?!" she continued. "The angel is getting away! Get your useless butt back in your Eva and get over here!"
Suddenly a girl with light blue hair and red eyes appeared next to the red-haired girl. This girl said in a quiet monotone, "Commander Ikari is getting upset, Ikari-kun. Please hurry."
Shinji looked back and forth between the holograms and Venus with increasing alarm, then sketched a quick bow and said, "ForgivemeI'mreallyreallysorry!" Then he fled back to the cylinder. It popped back into the head of the robot, which then stood up, took a step, and disappeared.
Venus blinked again, then murmured to herself, "He was kinda cute. Pretty spineless though."
~*~
Kunzite blinked twice, didn't say anything, and changed the view again.
~*~
The only thing keeping Sailor Moon from being ripped into extremely small pieces was the horrible, ear-piercing sound of her crying. The man-wolf creature that had been chasing her had finally cornered her, but she had started crying; understandably, she wasn't happy about her impending death. All the glass on the street had long ago shattered, and the man-wolf was in the street, curled up in a ball with its claws over its ears, desperately trying to keep the shrill noise from bursting its ear drums.
"WHERE'S MY TUXEDO KAMEN?!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
Even as the terrible keening sound went on and on, there could distantly be heard other sounds; some sort of crackling and the distant thrum of a motor. Suddenly, the crackling grew monumentally louder, as an angry looking boy with a receding hairline and a red cape flew around the corner, the asphalt beneath him shattering and sinking. He zoomed down the street, right over the head of the man-wolf, which was smashed into a thin layer of bloody pulp. The boy was out of sight within seconds.
A moment later, a boy on a motorcycle carrying some sort of large gun rushed past, yelling, "TETSUOOOOOOOO!"
~*~
Kunzite hit the mute button, then spun towards Tuxedo Kamen screaming, "WIPE THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE!"
Tuxedo blinked in confusion, since his ears were still ringing from his girlfriend's crying, he couldn't hear anything, and he wasn't smirking anyway.
Kunzite sighed, and changed the screen.
~*~
Mars was Pissed Off. None of her attacks were hurting this thing, and stupid Usagi was off somewhere crying no doubt, because Tuxedo Kamen wasn't coming to save her.
Of course, when Mars was pissed off, she was scary. Presently, she was chasing the poor serpent-person that had attacked her down the street while throwing everything that a fourteen year old girl could conceivably throw at it. The serpent-person was making a sort of whimpering sound that was very un-snakelike.
Suddenly, to Mars' surprise, something slammed into the serpent-person from above, almost faster than she could see, causing a huge explosion of dust and rock, as well as other, less savory things. Mars blinked in surprise, then walked over to the crater, which was strangely in the shape of a man, right down to a rather spiky looking head of hair.
"EEP!" was all she managed to say when a guy with spiky blond hair, wearing a beat up red martial arts outfit, popped out of the crater and glared upwards.
"Damn it, Vegeta, you knocked me into some poor creature!"
To Mars' continued shock, a voice came from up above them. "Quit whining, Kakarot! Get up here so we can finish our training." Mars looked up to find another man, very similar looked, except his hair was black and there was an air of arrogance around him.
"DAMN IT, VEGETA!" The blond man shouted, then suddenly he started glowing. A wave of force came off of him, stripping away concrete, knocking Mars back, and throwing off the serpent-person guts. Then he shot into the sky at the other man, and in moments, both were gone. Only the sound of distant aerial explosions remained to mark that they'd ever existed.
Mars quietly passed out from sensory overload.
~*~
Kunzite, on the other hand, tried to control the twitching in his eye. Surely, surely his creatures would be able to destroy at least one of the Sailor Scouts! He changed the view.
~*~
"PIKA-CHU!" BZZZZIIIITT!
"WHAT THE HELL? WHY DID YOUR LIGHTNING ATTACK WORK AND MINE DIDN'T? COME BACK HERE, YOU UGLY LITTLE RAT!!!"
"PIKAAAAAAA...!"
~*~
While Kunzite sobbed incoherently, Tuxedo rubbed a little circulation back into his arms and smiled at the small, spiky red haired robot next to him. "Tell Washu-chan thanks." The robot winked and disappeared.
Tuxedo Kamen proceeded to tie Kunzite up in the villain's own cape and punt him through a convenient portal to the Dark Kingdom. Then he left, stretching a little after being tied up so long. He sighs and laughs. "Poor Shinji..." he says to himself. Then he changes back to Mamoru and heads off to class.
Fin
Authors Notes: Please excuse any inconsistencies with canon. This was just meant for a laugh. Or two.
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this fic. The Sailor Scouts are owned by Pioneer and other people, Tenchi Muyo is owned by Pioneer and AIC, Dragonball Z is owned by FUNimation, Evangelion is owned by Gainex, I think Manga Entertainment has the rights to Akira right now (though I can't really remember) and Pokemon is owned by someone very evil. Excuse my laziness. If anyone who owns these shows finds this fic, please don't sue me, you won't make enough money to pay the lawyer's bills and I won't be able to buy your anime. Er, that's everything.
This story is Copyright 2002 by C-kun and Book, Staff, and Spirit Productions.