Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Warnings: bad mood.. very very very bad mood.. listening to crawling very loud. .. ansgt.. scary.. somewhat descriptive,.,. angry..
Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
Take the pen… write the word, darker, …darker. Take the pen. Write the next word. Darker… take the pen.. last word… darker.. darker… darker….. Darker… DARKER!!!
I think I was screaming…
I wouldn't know.
I looked at the pen. I clenched my teeth and threw it across the room.
Don't know why.. just felt like throwing that pen.
I looked at my arm. Black letters.. angry letter.. drawn on my arm. With that pen. Dark as could be…. The skin was red around the letters..
But the words were so true.. oh so preciously true.
' I H-A-T-E M-Y-S-E-L-F '
take the razor. Trace the words… deeper.. deeper.. deeper….
Get the towel, wipe the blood.
Deeper… deeper.. trace the scars.. deeper….
What is this?
More scars…
Nothing is real.
Not anymore.
Not even the pain…. not even the pain …. Nothing is real
The pain isn't real, the room isn't real, my arm isn't real, the razor isn't real.. the pen isn't real.. I'm not real.
"NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was standing.. screaming…. Shouting..
Nothing was real….
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling, I can't seem
I sat back down on the bed, blood running off my arm.
I didn't care.
Keep the monster in…
Pain to keep the monster in..
Pain to let the monster out..
Out.. in..
Overwhelming……
What is it? Out.. in…
Too much anger.. too much to handle…
No control..
NEVER CONTROL!!
Too much control…
It controls me.
Monster in, monster out.
Never in.. never out.
Always there.
I could feel it… crawling in me.. twisting my stomach.. squeezing my heart… holding my breath..
It wanted to kill me.
It would kill me.. I know it would..
Monster in.. monster out…
Take the razor….
Across my arm, through the flesh…
Too calm…
Too calm.. not yet….
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced
That it's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure
Who am I?
I know my name…
I know what I look like..
Don't I?
Yes.. I do..
I am duo Maxwell.
Long hair.. violet eyes.
I am shinigami.
Long hair.. violet eyes.
No.. no no no no no no NO!
I am not duo.
NO!
I AM NOT SHINIGAMI!
You like seeing me like this….
Don't you?
You make me this way… don't you.
You like this don't you!! You like this shinigami….
You like watching me..
This same fucking position!! How often can you watch me like this!!
You like seeing me look small don't you…
Helpless weak.. crying…
Screaming like a dying animal!!
Knees to chest.. hands clenches over my ears..
I won't look up, you don't want me too..
It's so small….
What's left is so small..
Getting smaller…
There's no room left for me is there??
You take up too much space.. lock me in this tiny fucking room.. make it smaller…
Smaller in my head…
I cant breath!!
You like seeing me like this.. you like me looking weak…
You like seeing me…
So…
Fucking….
INSECURE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
Don't you….
I hate you!!!!!!!!
"GET OUT!!!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!"
clawing at my skin..
digging..
I can't get you out! I can't reach you.. I cant fucking reach you!!
Blood on my face..
Skin in my nails…
Get out of my head……
Scream and shout..
Bash my head into the wall..
Punch the wall.. punch the floor.. punch my legs…punch my wrist.
No difference.. from the wall to my wrist.
Nothing is real.
Find the razor.
Cut you out..
Arms are bleeding.. legs are bleeding..
Angry words on my arm.
You're name everywhere…
Shinigami…
You scare me…
You drag me up and shove me down.
Falling..
Falling in my head…
Backwards inside of me…
You have control.
Nothing is real.
I am not real.
Pain is not real.
The pain .. isn't real.
You are real.
Nothing is real!!!!!!!
Drop the razor.. It's covered in blood.
My blood. Your blood.
Stand up… walk to the dresser. Don't look up… don't look up..
Focus on the drawers…
More razors in there,
Don't look up.
Look up. see the mirror.
Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem...
Staring. It isn't me.
The mere reflection disgusts me.
Turns my stomach more,
I feel you, crawling in me.
Pulling my skin in, twisting me inside.
I can't take you…
Reflection.
Distracting me from the razors… to a stronger pain.
From the inside.. you're ripping me apart….
I hate this.. I hate the mirror..
I hate you..
I hate myself.
I'm not in the mirror…
That cant be me…
Its you..
Open the drawer… reaches for the razors. Stare at you're reflection.
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced
That it's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure
I have to kill you…
Make it look different..
I'm not in the mirror.
I never was…
And I never will be…
Take the razor.
So sharp.. so so so sharp…
Move it to your braid.
One quick motion.
Stare at the reflection.
Different.
Short hair.. much shorter….
It isn't you….
Take your braid in my hand… clenching fist…
Stare at the mirror…
Braid.. mirror.. braid.. mirror.
Throw the braid across the floor.
I look down.. not at the mirror.. punch the top of the dresser.. punching again.
Stop punching.
Slowly look up, through bangs, head down, eyes up.
Glaring.. evil….
Darkness…
Blackness surrounds my vision..
Smaller.. tunnel…
You made me into this.
Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing, confusing what is real
YOU MADE ME INTO THIS!
I smash my fist into the mirror.. it doesn't break… again again.. again.. again…
AGAIN!
glass falls.. all around..
You made me into this…
You did this to me…
You did this to yourself!!!
YOU'RE A MONSTER!!!
I grab a handful of the mirror shards and throw them across the room. I rip out drawers of the dresser and throw them with all my might across the room. I scream.. I scream so loudly.. I kick the dresser.. scream.. push the dresser over.. some wood shatters. I pick up a chair from a computer desk that was next to the dresser and smash it int o the overturned dresser, breaking it. I pick up a broken leg of the chair. I'm crying.. breathing heavily.. tears between screams. I stare at the wood, there's shards of mirror embedded in my hands.. splinters in my hand… blood all over them…
I drop the wood and look at my hands. A few tears fall onto them… tears mix with your blood shinigami.
I look around my room. There's a computer.. posters on the wall.. bed.. stereo.. windows….
You made me into this shinigami.
Posters… band posters. Bands of angry singers.. never liked them much….
Never liked anything!
Never.. never.. NEVER!
I begin to tear all the posters off the wall, tearing them all in half..quarter, crumbling them up.. throwing them on the floor.
I pick up the broken leg of the chair again and with an almost inhuman force smash it into the computer monitor. Knocking it to the floor, shattering the screen, denting sides of it.
I throw the wood to a corner of the room and kick the monitor. I grab the PC and pull it up sharply, ripping the cords out of the wall. I throw it with brute force at the stereo, them both smashing into eachother, sparking slightly.
I grab a side of the computer desk and flip it over, sending papers all over the floor.
I continue to scream, continue to cry.
You made me like this.
I put my hands together and form a fist out fo the two. I smash my fist into the window, shattering it, glass digging itself into my hands.
You made me like this….
I unclench my hands and shake some glass off, splattering some blood on the floor and the walls.
I rip the sheets off of my bed, throwing them behind me, drag the mattress off and fling it with all my strength behind me too. I kick the base of the bed, then flip it over.
I kick it some more, screaming.. crying…
You made me like this.
I see razors shattered on the floor…Amongst the scattered papers, mirror shards, crumbled posers, broken computer parts… broken wood.
There lay the razors.. quite a few..
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing what is real
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling, confusing what is real
I pick up two razors. One in each hand.
Fall to the floor.
Staring at the razors.
You made me like this.
I'LL KILL YOU!!
Dig the razors in my arm, split the flesh. Cutting. Anywhere…
Dig the razors into my legs.. deeply…
I can see the white muscle of my legs.. soon turning red.. so deep.. so deep..
I cant stand..
Cut.. cut cut cut cut cut cut cut…..
Deeper…
Arms.. legs.. chest…….
Everywhere..
Angry red slashes, everywhere..
Cut you out.. pull you out
You pulled me…
You hurt me…
Only you exist…
I'll kill you!!!
Shinigami…..
Bleeding.. so much blood..
Can't hold the razors anymore..
Cant move..
Whimpering…
Blood everywhere…
Ironic….. death to the god of death…
Cold…
So much blood… everywhere…
Darkness….
You pulled me down..
You twisted me around.
You killed me..
I killed you shinigami…
Coldness…
Darkness…..
Blood.
Warnings: bad mood.. very very very bad mood.. listening to crawling very loud. .. ansgt.. scary.. somewhat descriptive,.,. angry..
Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
Take the pen… write the word, darker, …darker. Take the pen. Write the next word. Darker… take the pen.. last word… darker.. darker… darker….. Darker… DARKER!!!
I think I was screaming…
I wouldn't know.
I looked at the pen. I clenched my teeth and threw it across the room.
Don't know why.. just felt like throwing that pen.
I looked at my arm. Black letters.. angry letter.. drawn on my arm. With that pen. Dark as could be…. The skin was red around the letters..
But the words were so true.. oh so preciously true.
' I H-A-T-E M-Y-S-E-L-F '
take the razor. Trace the words… deeper.. deeper.. deeper….
Get the towel, wipe the blood.
Deeper… deeper.. trace the scars.. deeper….
What is this?
More scars…
Nothing is real.
Not anymore.
Not even the pain…. not even the pain …. Nothing is real
The pain isn't real, the room isn't real, my arm isn't real, the razor isn't real.. the pen isn't real.. I'm not real.
"NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was standing.. screaming…. Shouting..
Nothing was real….
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling, I can't seem
I sat back down on the bed, blood running off my arm.
I didn't care.
Keep the monster in…
Pain to keep the monster in..
Pain to let the monster out..
Out.. in..
Overwhelming……
What is it? Out.. in…
Too much anger.. too much to handle…
No control..
NEVER CONTROL!!
Too much control…
It controls me.
Monster in, monster out.
Never in.. never out.
Always there.
I could feel it… crawling in me.. twisting my stomach.. squeezing my heart… holding my breath..
It wanted to kill me.
It would kill me.. I know it would..
Monster in.. monster out…
Take the razor….
Across my arm, through the flesh…
Too calm…
Too calm.. not yet….
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced
That it's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure
Who am I?
I know my name…
I know what I look like..
Don't I?
Yes.. I do..
I am duo Maxwell.
Long hair.. violet eyes.
I am shinigami.
Long hair.. violet eyes.
No.. no no no no no no NO!
I am not duo.
NO!
I AM NOT SHINIGAMI!
You like seeing me like this….
Don't you?
You make me this way… don't you.
You like this don't you!! You like this shinigami….
You like watching me..
This same fucking position!! How often can you watch me like this!!
You like seeing me look small don't you…
Helpless weak.. crying…
Screaming like a dying animal!!
Knees to chest.. hands clenches over my ears..
I won't look up, you don't want me too..
It's so small….
What's left is so small..
Getting smaller…
There's no room left for me is there??
You take up too much space.. lock me in this tiny fucking room.. make it smaller…
Smaller in my head…
I cant breath!!
You like seeing me like this.. you like me looking weak…
You like seeing me…
So…
Fucking….
INSECURE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
Don't you….
I hate you!!!!!!!!
"GET OUT!!!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!"
clawing at my skin..
digging..
I can't get you out! I can't reach you.. I cant fucking reach you!!
Blood on my face..
Skin in my nails…
Get out of my head……
Scream and shout..
Bash my head into the wall..
Punch the wall.. punch the floor.. punch my legs…punch my wrist.
No difference.. from the wall to my wrist.
Nothing is real.
Find the razor.
Cut you out..
Arms are bleeding.. legs are bleeding..
Angry words on my arm.
You're name everywhere…
Shinigami…
You scare me…
You drag me up and shove me down.
Falling..
Falling in my head…
Backwards inside of me…
You have control.
Nothing is real.
I am not real.
Pain is not real.
The pain .. isn't real.
You are real.
Nothing is real!!!!!!!
Drop the razor.. It's covered in blood.
My blood. Your blood.
Stand up… walk to the dresser. Don't look up… don't look up..
Focus on the drawers…
More razors in there,
Don't look up.
Look up. see the mirror.
Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem...
Staring. It isn't me.
The mere reflection disgusts me.
Turns my stomach more,
I feel you, crawling in me.
Pulling my skin in, twisting me inside.
I can't take you…
Reflection.
Distracting me from the razors… to a stronger pain.
From the inside.. you're ripping me apart….
I hate this.. I hate the mirror..
I hate you..
I hate myself.
I'm not in the mirror…
That cant be me…
Its you..
Open the drawer… reaches for the razors. Stare at you're reflection.
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced
That it's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure
I have to kill you…
Make it look different..
I'm not in the mirror.
I never was…
And I never will be…
Take the razor.
So sharp.. so so so sharp…
Move it to your braid.
One quick motion.
Stare at the reflection.
Different.
Short hair.. much shorter….
It isn't you….
Take your braid in my hand… clenching fist…
Stare at the mirror…
Braid.. mirror.. braid.. mirror.
Throw the braid across the floor.
I look down.. not at the mirror.. punch the top of the dresser.. punching again.
Stop punching.
Slowly look up, through bangs, head down, eyes up.
Glaring.. evil….
Darkness…
Blackness surrounds my vision..
Smaller.. tunnel…
You made me into this.
Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing, confusing what is real
YOU MADE ME INTO THIS!
I smash my fist into the mirror.. it doesn't break… again again.. again.. again…
AGAIN!
glass falls.. all around..
You made me into this…
You did this to me…
You did this to yourself!!!
YOU'RE A MONSTER!!!
I grab a handful of the mirror shards and throw them across the room. I rip out drawers of the dresser and throw them with all my might across the room. I scream.. I scream so loudly.. I kick the dresser.. scream.. push the dresser over.. some wood shatters. I pick up a chair from a computer desk that was next to the dresser and smash it int o the overturned dresser, breaking it. I pick up a broken leg of the chair. I'm crying.. breathing heavily.. tears between screams. I stare at the wood, there's shards of mirror embedded in my hands.. splinters in my hand… blood all over them…
I drop the wood and look at my hands. A few tears fall onto them… tears mix with your blood shinigami.
I look around my room. There's a computer.. posters on the wall.. bed.. stereo.. windows….
You made me into this shinigami.
Posters… band posters. Bands of angry singers.. never liked them much….
Never liked anything!
Never.. never.. NEVER!
I begin to tear all the posters off the wall, tearing them all in half..quarter, crumbling them up.. throwing them on the floor.
I pick up the broken leg of the chair again and with an almost inhuman force smash it into the computer monitor. Knocking it to the floor, shattering the screen, denting sides of it.
I throw the wood to a corner of the room and kick the monitor. I grab the PC and pull it up sharply, ripping the cords out of the wall. I throw it with brute force at the stereo, them both smashing into eachother, sparking slightly.
I grab a side of the computer desk and flip it over, sending papers all over the floor.
I continue to scream, continue to cry.
You made me like this.
I put my hands together and form a fist out fo the two. I smash my fist into the window, shattering it, glass digging itself into my hands.
You made me like this….
I unclench my hands and shake some glass off, splattering some blood on the floor and the walls.
I rip the sheets off of my bed, throwing them behind me, drag the mattress off and fling it with all my strength behind me too. I kick the base of the bed, then flip it over.
I kick it some more, screaming.. crying…
You made me like this.
I see razors shattered on the floor…Amongst the scattered papers, mirror shards, crumbled posers, broken computer parts… broken wood.
There lay the razors.. quite a few..
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing what is real
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling, confusing what is real
I pick up two razors. One in each hand.
Fall to the floor.
Staring at the razors.
You made me like this.
I'LL KILL YOU!!
Dig the razors in my arm, split the flesh. Cutting. Anywhere…
Dig the razors into my legs.. deeply…
I can see the white muscle of my legs.. soon turning red.. so deep.. so deep..
I cant stand..
Cut.. cut cut cut cut cut cut cut…..
Deeper…
Arms.. legs.. chest…….
Everywhere..
Angry red slashes, everywhere..
Cut you out.. pull you out
You pulled me…
You hurt me…
Only you exist…
I'll kill you!!!
Shinigami…..
Bleeding.. so much blood..
Can't hold the razors anymore..
Cant move..
Whimpering…
Blood everywhere…
Ironic….. death to the god of death…
Cold…
So much blood… everywhere…
Darkness….
You pulled me down..
You twisted me around.
You killed me..
I killed you shinigami…
Coldness…
Darkness…..
Blood.