Title: Try Not to Be Wrong
Author: Arsahi
Rating: PG
Warnings: M/M SLASH DO NOT READ IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE
Disclaimer: "Ender Will Save Us All" (the lyrics used in this fic)
belong to Dashboard Confessionals. Ender's Game is property of Orson
Scott Card and all pertaining parties. I am not making money off of
this.
Dedication: Kaeda, Sun-chan, and Emily.
Notes: After listening to Dashboard Confessionals' "Ender Will Save
Us All" repeatedly, and reading Ender's Game, I decided to write
what is probably the only Ender/Alai fic out there. Quite frankly,
Alai is the only one who goes with Ender in my eyes. Flame me if
you want, but they'll only be brushed off and fed to my Flameater,
Pugsworth.
~*~ Try Not to Be Wrong ~*~
I sat in my room, staring at the ceiling after the way. I missed
Ender. He was...is...my best friend. It's hard to accept for most
people, but I knew after the moment when we were six years old and
something arrested me, possessed me to kiss Ender on the cheek, I
knew he was the only one for me. I still remember that kiss, that
small peck on the cheek, that moment I whispered "Shalaom" to him.
That moment has been freeze-framed in my mind. And now he's going
to leave. I know he will. He's going to leave me, he's going to
leave his team, all the people who care about him, love him.
He's had it so rough. I wish I could just erase all the bad things...
~!~
It's just like you to contest
You wear it like a label on your breast
Don't you see what this takes of me?
A certain callousness complies
With your charm and in your pride
A hopeful look draped in despise
~!~
I finally rose from my bed, staring at the door. I sat in the
middle of the floor, watching the door as if it would up and walk
away on its own.
Ender's room...I knew exactly where it was. I knew he would be doing
the same as I was right now, staring at the ceiling, the door, the
wall, trying to do anything but think of the massive genocide he just
commited. I know he's hurting. I know he needs someone, needs his
best friend, needs someone to soothe his pain, keep him from falling
off the brink of reasoning and into a pit of despair now that his
clear head was no longer needed. Should I get up? Should I get up
and walk down the hallway to his room, knock on the doorframe, ask
him if he wants to see me?
He'd never admit to wanting to see me. He always pulls inside of
himself.
~!~
I want to give you
Whatever you need
What is it you need?
Is it what I need?
I want to give you
Whatever you need
What is it you need?
Is it within me?
~!~
Ender Wiggin, boy wonder, Third...I didn't want him to leave. I didn't
want him to leave without knowing how I felt. How I would always feel.
He had to know. Maybe not right then, but sooner or later I would tell
him. Unless I could work up enough courage to tell him in my confident
voice how I felt. I couldn't tell him unless I could say the three or
four words to myself. I had to tell myself how deep my feelings went,
or how could I tell him?
Maybe I would write him a letter and drop it by his door. Or maybe I
would tell him face-to-face. I should leave Earth with him. I should
follow, discreetly, meet up with him face-to-face again.
I flopped on my back onto the floor, staring at the ceiling again.
Imagined cracks folded the ceiling into odd shapes, familiar shapes,
warped into the face of one Ender Wiggin. I had it bad. Very badly.
~!~
It's hard to explain how I am getting by
on so little from you
It's hard to believe I would let myself
get so wrapped up in you
There's gotta be something that would
be worthwhile for me to give to you
~!~
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I imagined the temperature in
the room dropped, the temperature in the whole place dropped. I imagined
Ender came, checked on me...cuddled next to me...
I hit my head on the floor a few times, trying to phsyically knock the images
from my mind. I wanted them so badly to be real. I wanted it so badly I
could taste it. I could feel his clothes on my skin, his skin on my hands,
his skin on my lips...
No. Alai, stop. Stop while you're ahead.
Oh, but I love him. I love Ender.
~!~
We need a connection but you
seem to push me far away from you
~!~
I rose from the floor, feeling a courage like no other I've felt.
Somehow, this seemed far more scarier than fighting the Buggers, than
fighting a war. So as I walked down the hall, trying not to piss in my
pants from fear, I consoled myself with the fact that at least Ender would
know, and since he probably wouldn't return my feelings, he was leaving
for a new planet. We would be literally light years apart.
My heart nearly jumped out of my chest at the thought and froze. But then
I saw Ender leave his room and turn around the corner, and my heart resumed
beating at a frantic pace.
He backed up and looked at me, an abnormally puzzled expression donning his
beautiful face. "Alai? What are you doing, standing in the hallway?"
"I..." my voice cracked and I felt my cheeks burn. I coughed and glanced
at the floor, regaining my composure, and I looked up at him again.
~!~
The harder I push the further I fall
Well you don't mind me being headstrong
But you don't want to sing along
Maybe it's trite but I can always be wrong
~!~
"Alai?" Ender asked quizzically, staring at me, his brow drawn together.
"Um...Ender..." I started, but my mind was buzzing so fast with things to
tell him that my mouth couldn't catch up. Had my mouth gone retarded?
Ender just stared at me.
So I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind.
"I love you."
~!~
Try not to be wrong
~!~
Author: Arsahi
Rating: PG
Warnings: M/M SLASH DO NOT READ IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE
Disclaimer: "Ender Will Save Us All" (the lyrics used in this fic)
belong to Dashboard Confessionals. Ender's Game is property of Orson
Scott Card and all pertaining parties. I am not making money off of
this.
Dedication: Kaeda, Sun-chan, and Emily.
Notes: After listening to Dashboard Confessionals' "Ender Will Save
Us All" repeatedly, and reading Ender's Game, I decided to write
what is probably the only Ender/Alai fic out there. Quite frankly,
Alai is the only one who goes with Ender in my eyes. Flame me if
you want, but they'll only be brushed off and fed to my Flameater,
Pugsworth.
~*~ Try Not to Be Wrong ~*~
I sat in my room, staring at the ceiling after the way. I missed
Ender. He was...is...my best friend. It's hard to accept for most
people, but I knew after the moment when we were six years old and
something arrested me, possessed me to kiss Ender on the cheek, I
knew he was the only one for me. I still remember that kiss, that
small peck on the cheek, that moment I whispered "Shalaom" to him.
That moment has been freeze-framed in my mind. And now he's going
to leave. I know he will. He's going to leave me, he's going to
leave his team, all the people who care about him, love him.
He's had it so rough. I wish I could just erase all the bad things...
~!~
It's just like you to contest
You wear it like a label on your breast
Don't you see what this takes of me?
A certain callousness complies
With your charm and in your pride
A hopeful look draped in despise
~!~
I finally rose from my bed, staring at the door. I sat in the
middle of the floor, watching the door as if it would up and walk
away on its own.
Ender's room...I knew exactly where it was. I knew he would be doing
the same as I was right now, staring at the ceiling, the door, the
wall, trying to do anything but think of the massive genocide he just
commited. I know he's hurting. I know he needs someone, needs his
best friend, needs someone to soothe his pain, keep him from falling
off the brink of reasoning and into a pit of despair now that his
clear head was no longer needed. Should I get up? Should I get up
and walk down the hallway to his room, knock on the doorframe, ask
him if he wants to see me?
He'd never admit to wanting to see me. He always pulls inside of
himself.
~!~
I want to give you
Whatever you need
What is it you need?
Is it what I need?
I want to give you
Whatever you need
What is it you need?
Is it within me?
~!~
Ender Wiggin, boy wonder, Third...I didn't want him to leave. I didn't
want him to leave without knowing how I felt. How I would always feel.
He had to know. Maybe not right then, but sooner or later I would tell
him. Unless I could work up enough courage to tell him in my confident
voice how I felt. I couldn't tell him unless I could say the three or
four words to myself. I had to tell myself how deep my feelings went,
or how could I tell him?
Maybe I would write him a letter and drop it by his door. Or maybe I
would tell him face-to-face. I should leave Earth with him. I should
follow, discreetly, meet up with him face-to-face again.
I flopped on my back onto the floor, staring at the ceiling again.
Imagined cracks folded the ceiling into odd shapes, familiar shapes,
warped into the face of one Ender Wiggin. I had it bad. Very badly.
~!~
It's hard to explain how I am getting by
on so little from you
It's hard to believe I would let myself
get so wrapped up in you
There's gotta be something that would
be worthwhile for me to give to you
~!~
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I imagined the temperature in
the room dropped, the temperature in the whole place dropped. I imagined
Ender came, checked on me...cuddled next to me...
I hit my head on the floor a few times, trying to phsyically knock the images
from my mind. I wanted them so badly to be real. I wanted it so badly I
could taste it. I could feel his clothes on my skin, his skin on my hands,
his skin on my lips...
No. Alai, stop. Stop while you're ahead.
Oh, but I love him. I love Ender.
~!~
We need a connection but you
seem to push me far away from you
~!~
I rose from the floor, feeling a courage like no other I've felt.
Somehow, this seemed far more scarier than fighting the Buggers, than
fighting a war. So as I walked down the hall, trying not to piss in my
pants from fear, I consoled myself with the fact that at least Ender would
know, and since he probably wouldn't return my feelings, he was leaving
for a new planet. We would be literally light years apart.
My heart nearly jumped out of my chest at the thought and froze. But then
I saw Ender leave his room and turn around the corner, and my heart resumed
beating at a frantic pace.
He backed up and looked at me, an abnormally puzzled expression donning his
beautiful face. "Alai? What are you doing, standing in the hallway?"
"I..." my voice cracked and I felt my cheeks burn. I coughed and glanced
at the floor, regaining my composure, and I looked up at him again.
~!~
The harder I push the further I fall
Well you don't mind me being headstrong
But you don't want to sing along
Maybe it's trite but I can always be wrong
~!~
"Alai?" Ender asked quizzically, staring at me, his brow drawn together.
"Um...Ender..." I started, but my mind was buzzing so fast with things to
tell him that my mouth couldn't catch up. Had my mouth gone retarded?
Ender just stared at me.
So I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind.
"I love you."
~!~
Try not to be wrong
~!~