She stared out over the lake at the devastation to her village. Normally the early evening would be filled with the sound of children playing happily by the lake, now the only sound she could hear was the water lapping gently at the shore. The smell of cooking would have filled the air, now the air was filled with the smell of charred wood and burnt flesh. She turned away, suddenly consumed by guilt. She should never have left them. She should have stayed and fought the battle she'd known had been coming. But the council had persuaded her to find help. She'd gone through the gate and found the Tok'ra but they'd been too late. She sighed and looked up at the man approaching her.

"You could not have known."

"But I did… and I left anyway."

"You believed you could find help. That you could save them."

"That doesn't change the fact that I abandoned them in their hour of need."

"You must not look at it like that."

"Then how must I look at it?"

"Life teaches us many lessons, not all of them are bearable."

"Well that's easy for you to say. You've got 100 years of experience and many lifetimes worth of memories to base your judgements on."

"That is hardly relevant. Even with the knowledge I have, I often have to call something as I see it."

"I doubt that very much."

"Kyia… this is not your fault."

"So whose fault is it then Lantash? Whose door would you like me to lay the blame at?"

She saw his head dip and shook her head slightly. "Kyia… Lantash is just trying to be practical here. He does not see any point in blaming yourself for this." Martouf smiled slightly. "To be honest… he's a bit put out that you can't see that."

"Oh really… well I'm a bit put out that he's pushing this so hard. Martouf – surely you understand that it will take time for me to accept what has happened and think things through. I can't just shrug this off and deny any involvement."

"I know. And Lantash knows it too. He just has a problem showing it."

"I don't know how you cope – having two sets of thoughts inside you. Two souls. It must get very confusing."

"Sometimes. But although our views may differ… our goals are the same."

"Not always Martouf…" She began to walk away and back towards the Stargate. "…not always."

-

It had taken her a long time to accept the symbiote that now resided inside of her. It had been a long, difficult healing process. She had been cared for by Alash during her recovery and had not seen Martouf or any of the other Tok'ra she knew. She remembered waking and instantly realising that the symbiote she had been given was Lantash's mate. It had also taken her a long time to fully understand their relationship and the feelings they held for one another. She knew she had to face him at some point. She knew that she would have to accept this love that was within her… a love both he and Martouf shared. She knew that he was worried about her.

She wandered slowly through the halls, nodding to those she knew and even those she didn't know, but Jolinar did. It was a strange experience. She knew the names and in-depth information about Tok'ra she'd never spoken to before. She stepped into the rings and once top-side, made her way to the tops of the sand dunes. She needed space and lots of it to figure things out.

"You know… it would be better to just face him. And why do you use the name Kyia, I much prefer Rosha."

"You are probably right. I just need time to explore the history of this love before I continue it."

"If it's more information you seek, and then let me show you…"

She spent a long time sat on the dunes, allowing Jolinar to show her the relationship she'd developed with Martouf and Lantash. She smiled at the beauty of what they had and her heart ached with love for them both. She didn't hear his approach from behind but she felt him sit beside her. She knew it was him even before he whispered her name softly.

She opened her eyes and turned, staring into his blue ones. "Martouf."

He nodded. "I know how difficult this must be for you. I felt the same when I took Lantash. I had to slip into a relationship he'd been having for 85 years. To know someone intimately without ever having touched them. To know the burning desire without ever having kissed them."

Kyia frowned slightly. "I fail to see how that can be the case. Surely each host is different in how they kiss… " She sighed softly. "…I feel very uncomfortable talking to you about this."

Martouf smiled lightly and his head dipped. "May I speak with Jolinar?"

Kyia looked at him and nodded as Jolinar came forward. "Lantash my love. I understand your impatience but we must give them time. Until Kyia gives her permission I will not kiss or touch you in any way that may make her uncomfortable."

Lantash looked at her sadly. "Whilst this makes me sad, I understand. Martouf has had time to get used to this idea, having been through it himself. I think that the best thing for us to do is maybe take a back seat for a while and let them form a bond."

"Agreed." Jolinar reached out and touched his cheek gently. "I love you."

Lantash smiled as Martouf took over. "Take all the time you need Kyia."

Kyia smiled softly. "Thank you." She watched him get up and walk away.

'Martouf is one of the sweetest men I have ever met. You could do a lot worse.'

'I know. But I want to be in love with the man I take as a mate.'

'Give it time. You will be.'

-

Several months later, Kyia was sitting in the bathing area, her legs dangling into the cool water, watching the reflections bounce of the crystal walls. She was thinking of Martouf. For weeks now she'd been having dreams about him as Jolinar showed her memories of their relationship. Kyia had of course agreed to this exchange but hadn't realised how intense it would be. Each morning she felt drained when she woke. Each night she looked forward to the next chapter. Jolinar had been right. Martouf was an incredible person and Lantash complimented him.

She slowly circled her legs in the water and smiled when another pair joined hers. "Couldn't wait any longer?"

Martouf chuckled slightly. "I'm afraid not. Being apart from you is driving Lantash crazy, which is turn is doing nothing of benefit for me."

Kyia shook her head gently and lowered herself fully into the pool. She watched Martouf do the same. She looked at him as she kept afloat and she could see the love and the internal struggle that was going on inside him. She silently told Jolinar to stay dormant and moved closer to him. "This is for you – not Lantash."

Martouf nodded an understanding as he too told Lantash to allow them time. His eyes closed as her hand gently touched his cheek and he felt her soft lips on his. 'She was right… it is different.'

Martouf broke the kiss and scolded Lantash. "Maybe we should just allow our symbiotes time and see what happens."

Kyia shook her head. "No. I already know how they feel. I need to now how I feel. We are going to be together for a very long time. We both need to know how we feel for each other, separate from our symbiotes feelings."

"In my case I do not think that is possible. We have loved as one for so long…"

"But that's my point. You both love Jolinar… but you don't know me."

Martouf sighed softly. "This is true."

"Maybe you both need to take time to get to know me."

Martouf looked into her eyes, sparkling in the refracted light that came from the waters surface. "I want to get to know you and not just because you are host to Jolinar. I want to spend more time with you." He softly allowed his hand to rest on her waist and noted that she didn't move away. "I want to know the woman who came to us for help all those months ago."

Kyia sighed. "That was one of the darkest days of my life Martouf. I lost everything that day. My home, my family, my tribe. And yet…" She ran her hand across his chest, his skin glistening from the water. "Amongst all that destruction, I found you."

Martouf closed his eyes as he felt her trace patterns over his skin. Even though his eyes were closed, he knew how she looked. Her long hair fell over her shoulders, her eyes glinted within the pools light and her skin was soft and shimmered. He smiled and opened his eyes to find her grinning at him. "What?"

"Oh nothing just wondering…." She reached out and tickled him.

He squirmed and backed away only to find her swimming after him. He allowed her to catch him and then pulled her under the water, bringing her into his arms and caressing her as he kicked his way to the surface. Once there he kissed her passionately and moaned softly as her legs encircled him and she returned his kiss.

Raskam smiled as he entered the communal pool area and saw them. "It seems as though the hosts have found a common ground." Raskam chuckled to himself. "Very observant." He whispered to Selmak. "Is this a private party or can anyone join in?"

Martouf heard Kyia giggle and smiled as Raskam approached the pool side. "Not at all Raskam. The water's good this evening."

Raskam laughed as he entered the pool. "So I see. It's done you two the world of good."

Kyia's head dipped as she allowed Jolinar control. "A change in hosts is always difficult when the symbiotes have been together for so long. Lantash and I have been allowing them time to find out if they can remain together and love each other as we do. It will be a long road but I think Kyia finds a soul mate in Martouf."

Raskam smiled. "I hope that the hosts can enjoy their time together. " He looked at Martouf. "Both of you have struggled these past few months. What does Lantash think?"

"I am happy that Jolinar is joined once again. But my love is forever there with her. Martouf is finding things in Kyia that he is not used to. Her independence. Her ability to shut out Jolinar's emotions and find her own. Her insistence that Martouf call her by her Tribe name instead of her real name 'Rosha'."

Kyia moved away from Martouf and allowed her feet to rest on the bottom of the pool. "I got to tell you that it's weird being talked about as if you aren't here!"

Raskam and Martouf laughed.

"You get used to it. When I first joined with Selmak, we did nothing but argue constantly for days. It was highly annoying." Raskam grimaced as Selmak scolded him. He sighed "Some things never change."

Kyia laughed and pulled herself out of the pool and wrapped herself in a shawl. "I shall leave you to it. Goodnight Raskam/Selmak. Goodnight Martouf/Lantash."

Martouf smiled softly. "Goodnight Kyia/Jolinar." He watched her walk from the pool area and then turned, leaning his back against the pool wall, a content smile on his face.

"You like this woman." Raskam smiled and rested next to Martouf. "You like this woman a lot."

"She is unique Raskam. When she smiles my heart wants to explode. I'm not afraid to open up around her. I can talk to her about anything. When I am with her, I almost forget that I am host to Lantash."

"I'm sure he's pleased about that!"

Martouf laughed. "He understands that it is important for me to feel like I have something of my own."

Raskam nodded in understanding. "Then what exactly are you waiting for? Go to her."

Martouf smiled softly. "You're right. Goodnight Raskam/Selmak." He climbed out of the pool and made his way down the tunnels. He frowned upon finding her room empty and made his way to his quarters to dry off and change.

"You know where she will be."

-

Kyia sat on the dunes and looked up into the sky as the last rays of sun reflected off the newly risen moons. She closed her eyes and smiled remembering the way Martouf pulled her under the water and then engulfed her with his arms drawing her close.

"I told you."

Kyia sighed "Yes you did, didn't you."

"You have fallen already although you will never admit that it has gone that far. He excites you and calms you at the same time. I can feel the warmth within you when you see him. The passion when he looks in your eyes. You now accept that we love as one yet whilst I call for Lantash, you call for Martouf."

Kyia frowned slightly. "I know. I fear that I will love Martouf more than Lantash. Then where will that leave us."

Jolinar gave her host a comforting hug. "That is how it must be to begin with. You will grow to love Lantash as much as I love both him and Martouf. But for now – you must accept the love you hold for Martouf. Lantash will understand. He and I went through the same when he was blended with Martouf. It takes time."

Kyia smiled softly as Jolinar left her alone with her thoughts. She remembered how she'd first met Martouf when she'd come crashing through the Stargate on this planet seeking help. His concern for her, even though she was a complete stranger and both his and Lantash's attempt to comfort her on their return to her home planet. But despite her feelings, she wondered if it would have been the same if she had not been blended with Jolinar. Had she been host to another symbiote she knew that Martouf would have been mated to whomever took Lantash's mate.

What would have become of them then? She knew that Safriah was next in line to receive Jolinar and she also knew that Safriah already had feelings for Martouf. She knew the probability of interference from her would be likely in the near future. How far she would go, Kyia was not sure. But she knew it was something she may have to face.

Kyia pulled her legs up towards her stomach and rested her head on her arms. Turning her head slightly to the left she saw the shadow of the Stargate on the horizon. So many worlds. So many people. So many different choices and paths to take. She stood up and lifted her head to the wind. She had survived against all the odds. The council must have known it was too late and they sent her for help. Why? Had this been her destiny? To join with Jolinar and become Tok'ra?

She pulled her shawl tighter against the cool chill of the impending night and returned her gaze to the stars.

Martouf stopped as he caught sight of her and memorised each detail. Her hair and shawl were blowing in the breeze. Her head was lifted to the wind and her attention was on the stars above.

"I wish to spend time with her."

Martouf sighed slightly. "You need to. I just ask that allow me to view and do not shut me out."

Lantash chuckled. "I only ever shut you out when you request it."

Martouf snorted and allowing Lantash control, made his way over to stand beside her. "It is a beautiful night."

Kyia jumped slightly upon hearing Lantash's voice but smiled softly. "Good evening Lantash. It is good to hear you." She turned and looked at him. "I have been neglecting you and for that I am truly sorry."

"No apology is needed. You have wanted time to get to know Martouf. This I understand. I am now requesting some time to get to know you also. Although I know a lot from Martouf, I wish to have my own memories."

Kyia laughed softly as they began their descent down the dune. "You are the feisty one Lantash, this I already know. Whilst Martouf is reserved and often quite shy, you are not afraid to speak your mind."

"Whilst this is true, I also have a deep desire to be with you on an intellectual level. I have many questions to ask about your culture, your home."

"Then ask away."

-

Kyia mumbled softly as his hand wrapped around her waist. They had spent hours on the dunes talking and once back within the coolness of the tunnels, Lantash had given control back to Martouf who had asked to spend the night talking and holding her. She had agreed and they had retreated back to her quarters and laid down, holding each other and talking quietly until they fell asleep.

She opened her eyes and seeing the fire in his eyes smiled. "Morning Lantash."

He sniggered softly. "You see how far you have come. You now do not need for us to speak before knowing who is in control."

"You wish for time with Jolinar?"

"No. We wish for time with both of you." Lantash lowered his head and kissed her mouth with open desire. Kyia moaned and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer to her as she allowed Jolinar control. She settled into the far recess of her mind and watched as they slowly and tenderly began to make love, feeling each sensation as if it were her own.

She smiled as she felt a soft nuzzle on her neck and knew that Martouf had taken back control. She sighed with contentment whilst allowing Jolinar to remain in control. "I have missed you."

"I have missed you to." She felt the difference in the love making between Martouf and Jolinar. Martouf was slightly more passionate than Lantash had been. Kyia mused that this was more than likely due to the length of Jolinar's relationship with Lantash. She knew that they would soon reach completion and smiled when Jolinar released her control.

Kyia bit his neck gently and whispered into his ear. "Martouf."

Martouf moaned. "My Kyia."

She kissed him deeply before she cried out and heard his cries join hers. She wrapped her arms around him as they fell into each others arms, their breathing erratic and their bodies fulfilled. She shuddered as he ran his hand over her back and nuzzled deeper into his embrace.

His voice was soft when he spoke. "We are mated."

She smiled softly against his chest. "I will be yours forever."

"Kyia?" It was a question. He was asking her to leave behind her past and begin a new future with him.

"No." She raised her head and looked deep into his eyes. "Rosha."